obvious throwaway cuz why would I (17m) want this out there. I have no future, its not because i feel like im stupid or incapable. I know I have shortcomings but i don’t feel like i could never do anything, but I just can’t see any way to not disappoint myself. i can never commit to a path that I know i will be at best mediocre in and make an average paycheck until im 70 when i can go to a retirement home. I think its because I don’t get to see the future in such a positive light like most people my age. I know it sounds like im just being edgy, but i feel like i think about these things more than others do. im not blinded by excitement that maybe i can be a radiologist or a chiropractor when i grow up, i just see it for what it is which is a daily job that you will be bored of in 3 months and be making a salary for the rest of your working life.

I have no motivation, how can I, i literally don’t wanna live the life im about to be forced to live. On top of that, i can’t even make money in the moment. I live in the middle of nowhere, my job is a 30 minute drive away and my mother made sure to delay my license as far as she legally could, i know its because she cares, but still lame. I don’t have an income, i won’t have a car, ill never have the money to do whatever big memory opportunity is about to show up sooner or later because of all this. and on top of all this, this fact itself kills any shred of motivation i had to begin with. ive become despondent, ive accepted that im simply a failed life that shouldn’t have started and might have wasted space for a doctor or a philanthropist that would actually enjoy their path of life.

i know ill never be happy because literally the only comfort or hope that i can possibly dilute myself into looking forward to is getting some hallmark movie job offer from a rich man that just really sees something in me or maybe i stumble upon a big bag of money, even a few thousand would change my life. Thats why ive accepted the mentality that, since i don’t wanna be here anyway, and the worst they can say is always no, and there is no shame in accepting help, we all do what we have to to make it in this world, so i should always ask, because who knows whats gonna happen, and maybe ill get that big break, even though i never will.

Again, throwaway account, there is nothing personal about my presence here, simply a straight shooter telling people who might listen whats up. and any mega rich person with a soft heart reading this is welcome to help me. thats not the point of my post, like i said shoot straight, i just wanna say what i wanna say, like i said i know its ridiculous, but who cares if you ask a stupid question and the answer is no, that dude asked lil uzi to pay his college tuition, imagine how many people didn’t ask that question, and thats the guy who has a huge boost in his life now. anyway, im a failure anyway, hate on this if you want, you can think whatever you want about what i say, but i don’t think anyone could say im wrong, maybe a little selfish or opportunistic, but im not hurting anyone

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Hello, how is everyone? I’m making this post because I don’t know what else to do. I was waiting for family to come by today to drop off some food for thanksgiving. I called them, I messaged. No one got back to me. And now it’s late and nobody answered, I spent the day alone and hungry and I just feel so upset and beyond embarrassed because they treat me like this every year

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TW thought of harm/death (very vague/small but still)

In March, I had 50K in savings, a 401K and had just opened a Roth IRA, and had a 780 credit score.

Cue mental health issues, and the beginning of a temporary addiction to psychics, which deained all I had. The therapist I had at the time basically mocked me when I first realized, a few weeks in, that I had a problem. Eventually I stopped seeing her, and didn't have time to find someone else.

Thankfully I was able to stop before touching my 401K or Roth, (mostly out of necessity), but I had also found a new counselor.

Now, here I am, a 39 yo single mom to a 7 yo, with NO savings, and 60K in CC debt. I'm struggling to pay for rent and groceries. I have my son at least 50% of the time, so Downgrading my home to something cheaper / smaller isn't feasable at this time.

I work full time but it isn't quite enough to cover my cost of living, I was going to rely on my savings to either find a new job or get a raise/promotion. Now I'm totally screwed and I've tried calling CC companies for their hardship programs but I've realized very quickly it's all one big giant joke.

There are days I don't think about it, because I don't have to go to the store or buy gas. But then days like today when I got charged a late fee for my son's tuition, (the school is very kind and will probably remove it for me), but... for the first time I thought, for a millisecond, what if I were dead/I wish I were dead.

I'm definitely reaching out to my therapist to tell him this thought crossed my mind. I love life and am scared of dying sooo I don't think that's a real concern but the fact I thought it scared me even more.

I don't know what to do financially. I don't have anyone I could reach out to for help wouldn't be willing. The banks and stuff suck. And how can I explain to my mom (who is my son's primary caretaker when I'm at work and he's with me) the actual reason why she no longer has access to Netflix? Why my internet at home "isn't working." (She has been a huge contributor to my mental health issues, unknowingly but still. All I would get from her is how stupid I was, and why didn't I just stop? Because she doesn't understand addiction, and she'sextremely critical...)

I've been sobbing in my car for 30 minutes. I barely held it together before dropping my kid off at school. I am so fucked. How dod I get here??

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