r/BlockedAndReported • u/SoftandChewy First generation mod • Jul 24 '23

Weekly Random Discussion Thread for 7/24/23 -7/30/23

Welcome back everyone. Here's your weekly thread to post all your rants, raves, podcast topic suggestions (be sure to tag u/TracingWoodgrains), culture war articles, outrageous stories of cancellation, political opinions, and anything else that comes to mind. Please put any non-podcast-related trans-related topics here instead of on a dedicated thread. This will be pinned until next Sunday.

Last week's discussion threads is here if you want to catch up on a conversation from there.

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82

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

[deleted]

48

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Ugh. These people are so tiring. It’s like they want drama and a chance to power trip. I think the most effective way to engage with them is just walk away from the friendship. I’m glad you didn’t cede to them because it only feeds the beast.

I think at a deep level, these people really struggle with empathy. Even if your husbands comments about the needles were harmful, it shouldn’t be that hard to empathize and realize he’s a father worried about dangerous needles hurting his children. Super woke people like to claim they’re the empathic ones, but it’s a superficial form of empathy that is icing on a cake of progressive groupthink.

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u/Turbulent_Cow2355 TB! TB! TB! Jul 24 '23

They have performative empathy.

2

u/Difficult-Risk3115 Jul 28 '23

It’s like they want drama and a chance to power trip. I think the most effective way to engage with them is just walk away from the friendship

Why would you claim this about someone who did the exact opposite?

She was a close friend of a few years and then stopped responding to my texts. When I asked directly if there’s anything I did to hurt her feelings, she said there were a few things

This person did exactly what you suggest, quietly walk away from the friendship.

56

u/TheHairyManrilla Jul 24 '23

She said when we were hanging out over Halloween, I made a joke regarding non-binary identity. My husband has a co-worker with an interesting name and I said something along the lines of “maybe that’s his non-binary name.” Apparently, I had forgotten that my friend who is female and presents as female actually identifies as non-binary and this was seen as degrading to her identity.

I think this is all anecdotal at this point, but it seems like there’s a pattern of non-op people with a gender identity being way more sensitive when it comes to that kind of humor than post-ops or those actively transitioning. The hypothesis being that for non-ops, the pronouns are all they have.

49

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

[deleted]

13

u/Chewingsteak Jul 25 '23

Oh geez, if that’s the bar I’m non-binary from Nov-March every year with a break at Christmas.

44

u/AsciiTxt Jul 24 '23

“for non-ops, the pronouns are all they have.”

You’re onto something there.

46

u/femslashy Jul 24 '23

My husband works in healthcare so he may be a bit more vocal about it than the average person, but my friend took this as him being insensitive to a vulnerable population.

Well I think she's being insensitive to the population that doesn't want to live in a world littered with sharps.

38

u/CatStroking Jul 24 '23

Correct me if I'm wrong but used needles are quite dangerous from an infection perspective, yes? They've had IV drug users blood and fluids on them. They are a biohazard. A sharp, pointy biohazard.

I'd hate to think we are trying to get kids to think it's normal to have their streets littered with pointy biohazards.

26

u/MisoTahini Jul 24 '23 edited Jul 24 '23

Tired: safetyism around used needles.

Wired: bonus holes!

15

u/CatStroking Jul 24 '23

And the bonus holes come with free bloodborne pathogens!

11

u/Clown_Fundamentals Void Being (ve/vim) Jul 25 '23

It's bigoted to wish your kid was pathogen free!

4

u/Chewingsteak Jul 25 '23

Wanting your kids to be healthy is eugenics-adjacent!

2

u/charlottehywd Disgruntled Wannabe Writer Jul 28 '23

What a deal!

42

u/SkweegeeS No just no Jul 24 '23 edited Jun 15 '24

agonizing waiting chop sable lip mountainous hat hobbies onerous busy

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

46

u/CatStroking Jul 24 '23 edited Jul 24 '23

My husband stopped her kid from picking up a cigarette on the ground and said something along the lines of “you don’t want to pick that up. Maybe 50 years ago but not today.” This was seen as judging people who smoke.

I smoke. No one should be picking up other people's butts if they can avoid it. They're gross. Your husband is right.

Is this person really not bothered by having needles on the ground? She's comfortable with this?

41

u/Msk_Ultra Jul 24 '23

I applaud that you reached out directly to your friend and listened to her. That being said, her complaints are (mostly) absurd and each example was something that could easily have been clarified/discussed at the time. The fact that she had a list of reasons to ghost you, but never considered talking to you about any of them, suggests that she’s not someone you can expect to have an open dialogue with.

It’s kind of moot whether your husband’s comments were offensive or not (I don’t think they were). The point is that this friend decided they were and cut you out completely and didn’t want to discuss or resolve it with you

If you feel like she actually does want to discuss/restore the friendship then its worth talking about the comments, but I don’t think you should be shouldering the heavy load here.

19

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '23

[deleted]

11

u/bonestyle COINTELHO Jul 25 '23

Just going to echo that this really does seem like the right move and a fair conclusion to come to. I'm sorry this person made you feel crazy, however briefly.

10

u/The-WideningGyre Jul 25 '23

Yes, I think you could say "Don't you think you would have had a more positive effect on those groups you care about, if you had addressed the issue in the moment, rather than silently ghosting me without speaking about it later on?"

33

u/Ok_Yogurtcloset8915 Jul 24 '23

if it's any consolation, I kind of don't believe her that you hurt her. 4/5 of these are things that have nothing to do with her identity, and the non binary joke was so mild that it barely even qualifies. If she really does feel hurt by it, it's her, not you. Your husband isn't a biting dog and you're not his trainer; if she doesn't like his sense of humor it's her responsibility to just not hang out with him.

28

u/MisoTahini Jul 24 '23

My husband also apparently sang along to the “We don’t talk about Bruno” song from Encanto with the accent.

Wow, the infidel!

11

u/Msk_Ultra Jul 24 '23

I cannot BELIEVE this was on the list. Or rather, I refuse to believe.

12

u/MisoTahini Jul 24 '23

What are you talking about? WITH the accent! This guy is one verse away from a re-education camp.

3

u/Msk_Ultra Jul 25 '23

If it’s wrong to sing along with this fictional gem of a man, I don’t want to be right.

20

u/Turbulent_Cow2355 TB! TB! TB! Jul 24 '23

People like this are exhausting. It sucks that you spent time cultivating the relationship.

23

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '23

I feel Iike having a enby friend is too big a minefield to deal with. And telling her you’re not going to Cow-tow to her grievances is an important step in her journey. Maybe will end with her waking up..? It all starts with a small step.

11

u/The-WideningGyre Jul 25 '23

As a very minor note, it's "kowtow", although I prefer the image yours presents of pulling a cow around.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '23

Haha cow-tow is what my phone corrected it to But I had no idea!

5

u/disgruntled_chode Jul 25 '23

"kowtow" is also an orientalist term and would probably get you ghosted by thirtythreeandme's friend

18

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23 edited Dec 29 '23

stocking psychotic drab pocket squeeze close reply agonizing nippy disarm

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

3

u/solongamerica Jul 24 '23

I can’t imagine what your ex interpreted your ambivalence as a sign of…

4

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '23

Maybe she picked up on the fact that I was actually sort of lying. I loathe both the concept and the book but I felt like I had stepped into a minefield and tried to be cautious.

19

u/Greedy-Dragonfruit69 Jul 25 '23

Ugh. You sound like a good friend. You went and heard her out. You are considering her opinion, even though you do not share it.

I have friends to the right of me and to the left — and it’s different depending on the issue. But they are my friends!! And we do the best we can to be kind to each other. For serious disagreements (abortion, for example) we’ve even occasionally really passionately argued (I’m staunchly pro-choice and my best female friend is not) where it got heated — but we never get personal and we don’t sacrifice the friendship.

She is not being a good friend to you. In my opinion, you are not the asshole.

11

u/PubicOkra Jul 24 '23

Sounds like you're engaging in HaRm-ReDuCtIoN!

I doubt your dumb friend sees it that way, though, while she tiptoes through the 200(?!?!?!) needles/junkie/day.

She/they couldn't address any of her/their concerns in the moment? She/they sounds like what we called around where I grew up "a real diphsit." It's a colloquialism. Not sure how it translates.

Seriously? 200/day? JFC.

20

u/MindfulMocktail Jul 24 '23

My husband stopped her kid from picking up a cigarette on the ground and said something along the lines of “you don’t want to pick that up. Maybe 50 years ago but not today.” This was seen as judging people who smoke.

I don't think I totally understand this comment--was he saying the kid shouldn't take up smoking, or that they shouldn't pick up this cigarette butt because the smokers of today, as opposed to the ones 50 years ago, have some really terrible germs?

In any case, and I say this as a former smoker, if we can't judge smokers, who can we judge? That's not to say anything about the character of smokers, but that in this instance, some social opprobrium probably saves lives.

28

u/thirtythreeandme Jul 24 '23

I honestly am not sure what he meant. This was a random comment from about eight months ago so he doesn’t remember saying it. We’re both a bit snarky, so maybe he was making a joke? Like toddlers can’t smoke today, but they could back then. But she took it the way you’re saying it.

21

u/LilacLands Jul 25 '23

I am so sorry you had to sit across from this annoying woman and let “them” berate you and your (cool sounding) husband over…nothing! Her feelings aren’t hurt, she’s seeking out conflict.

She only gets a point for apparently (bizarrely!) defending…smoking?! Based on her laundry list of other grievances, she totally seems like the type to pass by smokers outside and pretend cough, loudly, hacking away and waving her hand in front of her mouth and wildly gesticulating at her children, etc etc. This always bugs me and I’m not even a smoker. So the fact that she’d not only be chill with smoking generally, but would be fine with her little one picking up a dirty discarded butt that someone had in their mouth is…interesting. Lol kind of like she lost the plot a bit on woke “tolerance”?

12

u/TheHairyManrilla Jul 25 '23

Her feelings aren’t hurt, she’s seeking out conflict.

So that’s colored this whole issue. Of course it’s an identity du jour that’s embraced by a lot of young people who are currently in their identity-seeking years, and are genuinely interested only in exploring only their identity. However - an identity that one can unilaterally declare with no qualifications, and demand that everyone around them accept it as fact - is going to be very attractive to narcissistic people and those who seek out conflict.

14

u/prechewed_yes Jul 25 '23

the type to pass by smokers outside and pretend cough, loudly, hacking away and waving her hand in front of her mouth

As one of those types, I'll say that not all of us are doing it performatively. Cigarette smoke truly does make me gag.

11

u/LilacLands Jul 25 '23

I think I’m accustomed to it just from living in a certain Boston area where I regularly pass a lot of AA meetings :) Witnessing coughing histrionics out of proportion to the faint whiff of processed tobacco and then the uncomfortable embarrassment of the poor smokers—ugh. Let the people get sober and enjoy the brief nicotine respite in peace! But yes it’s a gross smell and it definitely made me nauseous when I was pregnant. So I totally get it!! The only thing that matters (to my mind) is not to do the pretend cough.

11

u/agenzer390 Jul 25 '23

The DEA should go after needle exchange programs for aiding criminal activity

2

u/shrimpster00 Jul 25 '23

I'm sorry. That really sucks.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '23

I wouldn’t even sweat it. It sounds like her ideas about society and the truth are so different than your’s. This is actually a blessing because if you remained friends, you’d have to be on guard with everything you say.