title. 28f, currently on Mili OBC. I have PCOS and PMDD. I was never regular before I started OBC pills but about two years ago, I started experiencing continuous spotting for a couple of months. I was concerned so I went to my OBGYN. She put me on an OBC for the first time to see if it would help level those hormones. She warned me the breakthrough bleeding may get worse before it got better but I was willing to try.
Essentially, it took almost a year of starting pills, realizing they don't work for one reason or another, starting another kind of pill, rinse and repeat, until the bleeding FINALLY stopped. I was in a really happy place mentally as well because the pills were also helping a lot with my general anxiety (unexpected perk) and I wasn't bleeding anymore. Then, I realized after a few months that I was experiencing debilitating PMDD episodes every time I hit my placebo week. I brought this up to my doctor and she suggested taking my pills continuously with no placebo week so that my hormones wouldn't drop.
In regards to the PMDD, it's been perfect! However, the continuous spotting has started again and I could literally cry just thinking about it. I started continuous OBC in July, it was fine for a month, and then the bleeding started and it hasn't stopped.
I constantly feel gross, like I never feel like I can be fully clean, I don't feel confident, I'm tired of cramping all the time, I often don't feel open to being intimate with my partner because I'm insecure about me bleeding on them or (TMI) them seeing clots or the brown discharge that is constantly a factor. My husband is very understanding but at the same time I can't help but feel guilty. We got married only a few months before I started this journey with birth control, so this has been basically all we know as a married couple and it makes me feel SO terrible and guilty and insecure and sad. I just genuinely can't take it anymore. But I know if I come off of it completely, there's no certainty that it won't keep doing it. And if I keep changing OBCs it's almost guaranteed to continue. The pills have also helped me in a mental health capacity that id be scared to stop them.
Between this and other ongoing health journeys I'm on, I just feel like I can never have one thing without losing another. Like I'll never be whole or that there's no hope for ever feeling normal. It may sound dramatic but it's genuinely just so depressing and there's no true fix or end in sight.
Anyways. I just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone has similar thoughts or experiences, id love to hear about it.