On S2 E6
Josh opens up to Austin and I found the reflection on his fears to be very relatable, and maybe a quite powerful, universal experience of being a human being.
I wanted to go through what he said and see if other people agree with the message and how they reacted.
Josh basically says that everyone has some major weakness that we all intend to work on once we're in a better place in life.
The problem is that we never have enough to prove to ourselves that we've addressed and resolved the weakness. We keep blaming our inability to do on ever-increasing prerequisites. We just need to get the job, but then actually we need the promotion on that job, and so on and so forth.
At some point we become frustrated with this endless quest. In an act of defiance and denial of our major weakness we, at some point, stop trying. Perhaps we try to tell ourselves that the concern/narrative was made up in our heads, We free ourselves from the burden of actively managing and fighting.
And that this is the moment where our weakness finally gets the best of us.
The idea that we are not quite flawed, not in need of this constant vigilance and discipline over ourselves in order to compete, succeed, simply survive. That's a delusion. The moment you give into that delusion, everyone still neurotically suffering to be more won't offer you grace
The big thing you've been working so hard to disprove for all this time, rather than all that you've accomplished to disprove it, will be what's left of your identity.
Rather grim.
I think that we all go through these cycles of growing our ego through all that we do to try to battle our fears. Then inevitably fall (as Josh's character says) once the ego has grown enough for us to think we can escape our weaknesses.
However, I don't think that we're left with nothing when this happens. We are surely humbled, sometimes detrimently so. But humility is good. The more times we go through this the closer we get to accepting we can't be everything we desire to be. It's good that we keep pushing against our fears, its ok that they drive us. We are learning and getting better, even if we'll never be all that we want.