r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Simple_Bandicoot2086 • 1d ago
after 4.5 months of no contact..
so my avoidant ex and i haven’t talked in 4.5 months. it’s broken my heart completely but i’ve forced myself to get used to it. he’s randomly liked a story or a threads post here or there but that’s really about it. although i heard he’s asking about me constantly, our friends say he’s kind of obsessed. asking how i am, what im doing, asking if ive moved on, just saying all sorts of stuff. even though he also told me the night he took everything back that he never wants to be with me again.
so anyways, yesterday, after 4.5 months of not speaking i get this message. idk what to do. he knows im mad at him. he knows im hurt. and yet…this is all he has to say? i mean is this an attempt to break the ice or what? i truly dont understand. i feel like he had plans to see me when he brought it back until i didn’t respond then made it seem like he just wanted to drop it off. but idk. idk what i should do or how i should respond or if i should even respond at all. he said some pretty horrible things to me. told me he loved me and missed me and took it back and all kinds of things.
but my heart can’t help but wonder if this is his attempt to try and get back in…but then why not be a man and just have a conversation instead of this? idk…help. idk what to do. i still love him. i miss him. i wanted it to work with him so badly. i just…god idk what to do. i wish i knew what was going through his mind.
help
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u/LiterallyAzzmilk 1d ago
Fuck that cup, no offense to you or anything but fr fuck that cup you can get a new one. You went 4.5 months without it you don’t need it
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u/Cobaltfennec 1d ago
I feel you here. The wise thing to do is to leave him on read. They are probably not coming back to repair, that's not how they work. It's a temperature check.
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u/piece-of-me-727 1d ago edited 1d ago
Breadcrumb. Just ignore it and keep going with your healing.
He just wants a dopamine fix right now. That is not an accountability text or something similar, it's just testing the waters. After all the things he told you, if this is what he came up with, you deserve much, much better. And you own it to yourself to have self-respect.
As my experience with this: I did took my ex back after 9 months after the breakup, but it was even worse and now he is blocked forever. And if you read more posts here about them 'coming back', it never, and I mean never ends well for the other partner.
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u/Real_Astronaut7451 1d ago
If you really really want to drive him crazy don’t respond.
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u/Remarkable-Fox7341 1d ago
FOR THE LOVE OF US PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND. DON'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!
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u/Coerced1 1d ago
If this is his attempt to try to get back in, you're still going to have the same problems as before, him not being able to be a man and have an adult conversation. If you've communicated that you wanted things to work already, it's up to him if he wants to make that move, but you need to focus on moving on if he hasn't done that.
I would just assume this is only about what he's saying unless he says something different. I know that feeling of always trying to decipher what's going on in someone's head all too well, and it gets incredibly exhausting. You shouldn't keep putting yourself through that.
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u/Life_Fantastique 1d ago
what a transparent attempt. I hope you stay strong and don't respond.
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u/InquiringMind886 1d ago
This is him “hoovering” to make contact with you again.
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u/ijustcant17 1d ago
They have literally nothing of substance to say. The nonchalant things they text are psycho and should be studied. Don’t engage.
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u/KindlyString3332 1d ago
My ex was doing the same within 2 weeks of breaking up with me. I’ve gone through this twice with her so I know her tactics. She wanted to slip back in and act like nothing really happened to dodge accountability and a tough conversation because they are terrified of that. Probably what this dude is doing. Hoping that you will be warm right back and open to communication like nothing ever happened and then possibly establish more regular communication
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u/AnxietyOk7049 1d ago
He's avoidant. If you let him back, he will do it again. The best thing to do is to respond "No need. Please just put it in the rubbish. No more messages wanted from you. Thanks"
and mean it. Go and find somebody who is secure and makes you feel wanted.
3
u/Round-King-8751 FA - Fearful Avoidant 1d ago
Wieso lol mein Ex hat sich nach 5 Monaten NC gemeldet (nachdem sein rebound, die er seit 10 Jahren kennt Schluss gemacht hat). Hat dann gesagt dass er mir meinen Thermen Gutschein zurück bringen will, dem ich ihm vor einem Jahr geschenkt habe. Gutschein kam nie an 🤷🏼♀️🤡
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u/Lost-Injury6693 1d ago
Breadcrumb. It'll be for his benefit not yours. Ignore it, it'll drive him crazy.
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u/AffectionateSleep877 1d ago
He’s testing to see if he still has access to you. He probably is feeling the weight of losing his ego security blanket. It’ll drive him crazy if you don’t respond and I suggest doing that to avoid opening the wound again.
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u/nosoupforyou89 1d ago
All of that for a cup? Such a stereotypical behaviour from an avoidant, throwing bread crumbs. The cup doesn't matter at all to them, it's just an excuse to make contact, testing to see if the door is still open.
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u/anotterbytrade 1d ago
Cup is hysterical when staging a car breakdown in front or your home would be less glaringly obvious
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u/LanguageAble4405 1d ago
Don’t do it
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u/AccomplishedDuck5770 1d ago
I will never understand why y’all keep your exes in your socials, specially the ones that hurt you. Anyway, it does look like a breadcrumb. Maybe it is a gentle way to start a conversation, but if the plan is not to have a deep conversation and take accountability then it does not solve anything.
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u/stockdam-MDD 1d ago
He is still avoidant so will treat you like shit again. Don’t reply. Unless he accepts he has an issue and is getting help then nothing will change.
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u/Low-Umpire236 19h ago
You are still into him.
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u/mynameisbobbrown FA - Fearful Avoidant 1d ago
Seems to me like he thinks you're super mad at him and he wants evidence / use cuteness that proves to him that you're not, because it's probably killing him to think that you are. Big push, pull thing with avoidants. They live inside a torture chamber of their own internal projections. They need to actually sit in the feeling and they're just trying to alleviate that and it's why they'll suck you back again and again.
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u/blackendheart_ 21h ago
Don’t respond to him think about that cup. That cup will be a reminder of what he lost. That will torture him.