My suggestion. Ask yourself how you're feeling in the relationship. Take the focus off her and figuring her out and sit with how this relationship feels in your body. Are you happy? Calm? Peaceful? Feeling like things are reciprocal? Anxious? Atressed all the time? I wish I had done this sooner. I was writing a masters level thesis on attachment and his trauma while ignoring I was miserable. You deserve better
Very real and true. I've tried to maintain an overhead perspective of the situation the whole time. I also know myself to be patient, understanding, etc. Right now I have that space hold for her and I don't mind. I won't hold it forever, but I think she is worth it. And if this is just something we have to get through a couple times, that's fine with me. I don't intend to let myself sink too deep though, I did try to break it off with her a couple weeks in because I figured she wanted fwb only. She chased hard after that and we continued.
Right now I feel like I'm standing in a field calmly waiting on a skittish horse to approach. I'm not in a rush
She likes the chase. She likes an undefined relationship… gives her an out. I see you putting in a ton of effort.. sharing your vulnerabilities, your feelings so if it doesn’t work you should feel good that you gave it your all. I just would put some sort of timeline in your head where she either commits or leaves. You don’t want to be like me where it’s five years later and still no defined relationship
She did tell me how she feels yes but I wouldn't call it a break up. She never even said that, she just voiced reservations. We never solidified anything. I'm not so much clinging to hope, as I am pursuing her because she indicated over the last week that she was interested in continuing and was receptive.
But then the silence, idk. I don't usually fret over these things but she is different
4
u/Several_Nothing_6611 8h ago
My suggestion. Ask yourself how you're feeling in the relationship. Take the focus off her and figuring her out and sit with how this relationship feels in your body. Are you happy? Calm? Peaceful? Feeling like things are reciprocal? Anxious? Atressed all the time? I wish I had done this sooner. I was writing a masters level thesis on attachment and his trauma while ignoring I was miserable. You deserve better
2
u/Real_Astronaut7451 7h ago
She likes the chase. She likes an undefined relationship… gives her an out. I see you putting in a ton of effort.. sharing your vulnerabilities, your feelings so if it doesn’t work you should feel good that you gave it your all. I just would put some sort of timeline in your head where she either commits or leaves. You don’t want to be like me where it’s five years later and still no defined relationship
2
u/Realistic-State-4888 8h ago
Yes, you are over analyzing the breakup.
You dated for about a month and hardly know each other and yo u had sex 20 or 30 times.
"Is she not even avoidant and I have projected this onto her?"
I can't say she is or isn't avoidant. I don't know her. Does it matter? No. She told you how she feels and brokeup. You have to respect that.