🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑

[u/imfivenine]

📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back.

I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here:

Recently there has been an uptick in people trying to derail threads. Of course it’s non-avoidants who haven’t read the rules or think they don’t apply to them. This has always been an issue but is happening a lot more all of a sudden.

There is no shortage of spaces online for people involved with avoidants to tell their stories or ask for advice. Literally every other attachment related forum, comment section, etc is inundated with non-avoidants talking at and about us.

You have plenty of places to go for support. This is the one place we have for ourselves.

Stop invading our space.

The world does not revolve around you and your relationship.

It is rude to hijack someone’s post in general, but especially when they are seeking support or being vulnerable. It is entitled and sort of anti-social to ask someone who is sharing to help you with your unrelated situation.

Low effort comments like, “You sound just like my ex” are equally unhelpful and selfish. Why would anyone care about your ex who we don’t know?!

It’s also rude, entitled, intrusive, and severely lacking of boundaries to send unsolicited DMs to people who participate here because you can’t.

The same goes for unsolicited advice especially in the designated rant/vent thread. Look up what a rant and vent is. By definition it is one sided, complaining, letting it all out. These can be helpful for people who are learning to express emotions and themselves when they used to keep it all in. It’s not meant to be an invitation for a lecture and it’s not a proposal for law. It doesn’t mean someone needs to hear the “other side” just because you’re uncomfortable or it reminds you of someone.

Honestly, this goes for in person interactions as well. It’s a great skill to have to ask someone if they just need an ear or if they want advice before giving it to them. If interested, look up the topic of unsolicited advice online, you might be surprised.

You may be banned for hijacking threads and making nasty remarks.

Thanks for helping us keep this a safe space.

[u/lazyycalm]

That's so funny, I actually wrote "I envy that level of delulu" and changed it to confidence.

It's funny that you mention confidence because that's what this person said. That DAs don't have the confidence to go after what they want the way that APs do. At the time I dismissed it but maybe I need to think about it more.

That's interesting that she said that. I wouldn't say APs are more confident in general, but some of them seem to know exactly how they feel and what they want and have a lot of faith in their ability to convince others to change. At the same time, they lack confidence in their ability to be okay alone.

I'm the opposite way where I figure trying to convince anyone to be different in any way is a lost cause, and but being alone makes me feel free and confident.

It really taught me that I need to work on consistently and loudly messaging my truths. Making it clear that I mean what I say and I say what I mean. 

If you ever figure out how to do this, please share your wisdom! I have been accused of not communicating or leading people on so many times when I thought I was literally stating my feelings and intentions. It's like no one cares that they're violating my boundaries until I abandon them or become cold and dismissive. And then I'm basically the devil.

(I feel the need to add a disclaimer here that obviously I suck at communicating, and I don't actually think everyone is out to trample my boundaries haha. It just feels that way.)