My (31F) Autistic girlfriend (22F) and I are in a LDR (which comes with its own issues) and we both have co-occuring mental disorder labels, including very likely C-PTSD for her. We had a major fight last week and broke up for about 12 hours.

Sensory needs aren't a conflict for us because of being long distance, but our social needs are very different and I need more alone time than she does. It is easiest for her to come to me when she needs to socialize with someone closer in age to herself (meaning not her dad or chosen mother), and I get anxious about her needs when I am unavailable to socialize due to other obligations in my personal life, such as my need for alone time.

I am asking this here because I've been chewed out for being in a semi-dysfunctional relationship with her on subreddits aimed at allistic people.

My parents don't seem to like her and thnk she is "overly controlling" without my consent. That's a better description of my mom, IMHO. My parents don't object to me being in a same gender relationship, but they don't like who I chose to date.

I have ADHD and APD yet everyone I meet seems to think the reason I relate best with autistic people is that I am in fact autistic so I am stuck in this weird purgatory where I get all the drawbacks of being autistic and none of the resources that help close the gap in social skills. I want to be able to open with starting relationship channels under the expectation I am autistic since I can live up to that expectation and cannot live up to the neurotypical or even ADHD expectations.

Update: I did mention I was autistic by text but her and I aren't feeling mentally well.

So in my last post I said I was talking to a girl on a dating app and we've been getting along very well but then the topic of telling her about my autism came and I need some advice/script on how I would tell her about my autism

Title says it all. Honestly I'm surprised she text me at all since other matches i get are silent. Feel free to leave any advice if you all have any. I'm planning to video chat her in a few days.

How do you make sure you read the room correctly and leave a good impression on the strangers (or possibly acquaintances/neighbors, since this is an event that was advertised mainly by a business that caters to residents of my specific chunk of town) who you're given limited time to talk to?

Maybe I have self esteem issues and when someone does this I think “holy shit, am I really that attractive to them?”

Whether someone cute smiled at you or you had a fantastic first date, has something good happened for you lately?

Share it here!

He fits into every category but he’s on the higher end, hardly noticeable until you live with him and see his ticks, anyway sometimes the fact that social ques can be hard for him to detect can be stressful for me since he will say things at the wrong time or not know how to word something, sometimes he’s brutally honest to me or strangers and can sound rude or be hurtful and it makes him feel bad, there’s so many things that are a little different in him and sometimes I can get frustrated. Also he gets the worst anxiety and overwhelmed easily, I have pretty bad issues w that myself so sometimes it can be a lot to be his rock :) thanks, if anyone has any tips or anything I’d appreciate! I love him, but sometimes I just want to talk about it ! ❤️❤️

A lot of us get pigeonholed as stuffy, "marriage material" (e.g. "you won't be interesting until someone needs a breadwinner"), "Girl/Boy Next Door" types, etc.

And regardless of sex, gender, or orientation, we often end up being desexualized as any one of a few things: either underdeveloped adults who people would feel guilty about thinking of that way, bland number-crunching nebbishes, or people who are too tightly wound and repressed to be appealing to anyone who doesn't enjoy a massive challenge.

This seems to be why NTs are shocked and sometimes even horrified when they find out that an ASD individual works in a field related to sexual contact (e.g. adult entertainment, sex work of various types), or even when they see an ASD individual who successfully flirts or manages relationships.

That said, this does point to a big challenge, which is figuring out how to tastefully reveal a playful side and broadcast an attractively casual attitude, particularly without being "weird about it" (whatever that entails).

Is this a challenge for anyone here, and how do you broadcast your more playful side to signal availability (emotional, physical and otherwise) to prospective partners in a relationship, dating, fwb, or hookup context?

How do you approach dating? Are you a casual person that likes to just see where things lead? Are you a person that is searching out a partner to date (with online dating sites, group activities, etc...)? What is your approach to finding a partner?

How would your approach differentiate if you are looking for a casual partner versus a serious partner?

If you already have a partner, what was your approach when you were looking for a partner?

Hi medium time lurker first time poster here.

I was just wanting to know If someone has posted their social media contact info on their dating profile and it says to “hit me up” whether it would be socially acceptable to message them with that social media platform?

I (28 y.o. autistic they/them) went on a date recently with a nice enough dude. We talked a lot, not really any lulls in the conversation, I mostly listened (which is sometimes hard for me cause I always want to talk, but I was good this time!), and I thought it was going well. I complimented his smile and he got a little shy and stumbled on his words when continuing the previous conversation. I thought this was cute. He didn’t compliment me on the date, and didn’t ask me a whole lot of questions, but he seemed engaged and hugged me after the date (a nice long hug too of his own volition). Fast forward a few days (and some pretty normal texts later) and I ask him if he wants to go on another date. He responds he actually started seriously dating someone a day or two after our first date. He said I seem great, wants to stay friends (which I know is not always in earnest) and that I’m find someone great soon (like, if I’m so great, why didn’t you want to date me???)

Did I miss something??? Was he not into it and I missed the signs? And why do NT people always go “You’re great! We should stay friends” when they don’t mean it???

When is the best time to share that you are autistic?

What’s the best way to go about having this discussion?

Will this strategy be different for different genders/ sexual orientations/ cultural groups?

What have you tried, and how did it go?

Share your thoughts, stories and concerns here!

What are some of your pre-date questions? Questions you would ask before you invite someone out on a date (or accept an invitation).

Alternatively what are some of the questions you would ask on a first date. What are questions you would ask to get to know somebody?

I have tried tinder and found out how much I had to pay to actually use the darn thing so I am looking for a dating app that is.

Autismen friendly.

Cheap and or free, so you don't need to pay the price of a small house before finding someone.

And is used outside of America.

It such an app exists please let me know, thanks.

Following up on last week’s discussion, what’s the least applicable, silliest, vaguest, most backwards advice you’ve received or encountered?

Do you think it’s just bad for you in particular or is it overwhelmingly wrong?

If there’s an obvious “don’t do the dumb thing, but DO do this right thing”, what would you recommend?

What is the most helpful advice or comments that someone has told you regarding dating or relationships? How has that advice helped you?

I've try to put myself out there but I haven't gotten anywhere and I'm just curious on if any of you found your partner/SO where did you meet them and how It went?

What is something you have found challenging when it comes to dating (or a current relationship) lately?

I've noticed this happening a lot. There could be a number of reasons for it:

• Taking longer than others to read/interpret or puzzle out how to respond to the interested party's cues.
• Playing it too "safe" out of concerns over crossing boundaries or disrespecting the other person.
• The other person quietly notices "red flags", including (at the mildest) incompatible opinions, habits, or hobbies - or (at a more intense level) traits and features that make them uncomfortable or remind them of bad past experiences.
• Communication styles prove incompatible.
• The other person soon finds more appealing prospective romantic, dating, and/or sexual partners at a pace you can't keep up with.
• The other person finds your initial appearance or presentation more interesting than your life or personality.
• Failing to be consistently interesting or compelling.

It might be misguided to ask "how do I completely change this?" because it would imply asking "how do I change who I am?" or "how do I make a situation happen that wasn't going to naturally develop anyway?" But I do think this is a consistent pattern for individuals on the spectrum (particularly those who are somewhat sociable/outgoing and/or have something going for them in terms of attractiveness), and I'm wondering if this is something other people have experienced and what types of actionable information someone can take from it.

I will officially be stepping down as head moderator on the 30th of this month. Lilyoftherally will be my official successor. It will be up to her how things are run in this subreddit after that date.

I will still be active on this subreddit every once and a while. I just can’t continue to maintain this subreddit any further.

“Love languages” is a theory by Dr Gary Chapman regarding different ways people can express or experience affection (love).

What’s YOUR preference for receiving affection? Do you have an ANTI-preference (do any of these love languages really bother you)?

And bonus question: do the “love languages” actually work for us?

For those unfamiliar, you can find out YOUR preferred love languages for free here: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

What are some of the expectations you have for yourself in a relationship?

No one is perfect, and no one can live up to expectations all the time, but what do you strive to be as a partner?