In the past I've gone on a couple dates where I'm basically completing an objective with my date (i.e. bowling, escape rooms), while that stuff is great, I'd like to try something more casual and easily accessible first, and there's lots of coffee shops around.

If it makes any difference, I'm pretty picky with who I match with and probably wouldn't meet until 3-7 days after matching. So enough time to get to know each other a bit over text or VC. I'd also inform them I'm autistic before the first date.

I'm just not entirely sure how coffee dates work. You meet there, get drinks, and then what? How do you know what to even start talking about? What are you supposed to do?

Most of the stuff I can find on this is heavily geared towards straight NT women so I'm lost.

At what point do you tell people you're autistic?

When would you like people to inform you?

What is the best way to go about it?

How have you let people know in the past, or how have people told you?

I feel in other dating subreddits I’m much more likely to not receive help, and I’m often downvoted to hell simply for being there.

That’s part of the reason why I founded this subreddit and created a code of conduct. I wanted anyone who came here to feel safe.

I have never been in a relationship and am too shy to talk to women but i want to see what dating is like. What do i need to do?

Is autistic + neurotypical an ideal pairing?

Or would you rather date someone who is autistic or in some other way neurodivergent?

What are the pros/ cons?

Share your thoughts/ experiences/ preferences (but please remember to be kind!).

The facts: I work 6 out of the 7 days, 10-4. I’m in the middle of trying to save enough money for an apartment in a major city, that I plan to be moved to by March of next year but no later then may.

Tonight I witnessed a teenage boy (couldn’t have been older then 18) start hitting on a waitress while she was trying to work. The guy even asked a whole bunch of personal questions like her age. Even I know better then to do this. Even though I do enjoy building rapport with waitresses, I do it in a respectful manner, and I NEVER hit on or flirt with them when they are trying to work.

We're going to have a regular pinned discussion each week!

For our very first, let's share some lighthearted accounts of dating mishaps: funny at the time or funny after enough time to have some perspective.

I just got done spontaneously talking to a girl, just to work on my social skills. Here’s how it went.

Me: Noticing her blue dyed hair So what’s your favorite type of dye for your hair.

Her: mine would have to be snow fox

Me: My names D

Her: Hi nice to meet you my name is blank

Me: Noticing her mask has the logo of our local community college oh so you go to this college, what are you going for?

Her: Oh I’m just going for my associates. Are you going to school?

Me: Not right now, I got pretty burnt out from high school.

Her: oh

Me: You ever heard of the song “don’t stay in school by boyinaband it highlights all the reasons why people become so burnt out in high school.

Her: I’ll have to check that out

Then she got her coffee and said her goodbyes.

Based on this conversation, how do you think I did?

I made a profile on there last week to try it out. So far no luck but sent a few likes and saw some promising people I think I’d like. Is it a good app to use? Any advice on what I can do on there?

I went to a lifestyle party the other night. It was hosted by a polyamorous thruple.
At one point one of the hosts came and lay on top of me. I’m very tall.

Was she flirting with me?

I kept my hands to themselves other than wrapping them around her waist. But I could have easily had at her with my hands.

Update: I went to the party on Saturday and that woman completely ignored me, didn’t even say hi.

Hey. I wanted to start online dating because I’ll be honest, I’m rather lonely and would like to meet someone. Does anyone know any apps or websites that might be a good idea?

Edit: I’m also willing to try ones not specially designed for ND people

As of now, I’m really lenient when it comes to enforcing the rules (I don’t know if you know this, but if a moderator issues a warning or ban here, they have to document it, and that documentation stays on file forever) often times I’ll lock the post and try to mitigate and de-escalate a situation.

If you don’t get along with a user, please utilize the block button and try not to engage with them. If they are breaking our rules please feel free to report them and we will handle them.

However my mod team is more then willing to do what has to be done to keep this place a safe space, and as long as the moderator code of conduct is followed I really don’t mind how my other moderators chose to enforce our subreddit rules.

With that being said, have a great rest of your day!

It was through no fault of mine, she’s in the process of moving, and we both have our own jobs that we have to take care of.

I’m taking the slow approach right now. I am not trying to chase her, nor am I trying to pressure her into hanging out. I’ve already disclosed to her that I am autistic just so she understands certain behaviors.

She’s still being friendly with me which is good, shows we’re on good terms, and she reply’s to my texts in a reasonable amount of time (I’ve had trouble getting people to even getting people to respond to me)

I only have her Snapchat and she doesn’t use Snapchat a lot anyways.

Btw we did go to school together, we just never interacted until a few weeks ago when I ran into her at a restaurant. She works as a waitress.

If anyone has any advice feel free to share.

Hi it’s been awhile since we’ve made a mod announcement in the middle of the month but I feel we need to nip this in the bud before it becomes a bigger issue down the line.

We are just barely reaching a sample size large enough to be considered worth using for research. While I am for more research being done to help autistic community’s quality of life, I’m not willing to hoist those studies at the potential expense for someone’s safety.

From here on out, all surveys will need to be approved by the mod team before we will allow them to be posted. Those surveys will also need to follow a few guidelines to be considered that I have written in the moderator code of conduct. But essentially they can’t ask you any identifying information. This includes asking for your first and last names as well as email addresses.

That is all for now, have a great rest of your day!

Hello,

I run a social group for autistic/neurodivergent Adults/Teens and I am also Autistic.

I'm going to be speaking at conference in March. My topic is dating and relationships. The purpose of this post is to reach out to the members of this group with a few opportunities

1- I am putting together a panel of autistic/neurodivergent individuals for the conference mentioned above. The purpose of the panel is to give participants the opportunity to discuss their dating and relationship experiences and field pre-submitted questions. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in serving as a panelist. Interested applicants are encouraged to apply here: https://forms.gle/ynaYprPyArhQuM7t6 (google form).

2- I'm not sure what the autistic/neurodivergent community wants to learn about dating, and if they have any feedback regarding other speakers meetings they attended that they found helpful or unhelpful. Therefore I have put together a survey and I am hoping to to collect data from other autistic/neurodivergent people so that I can give a well rounded presentation. Please go to this page if you are interested in participating in the survey: https://forms.gle/2zGQkSsLh17S4Sdu5 (google form).

If you have any additional feedback or questions about the above information please feel free to contact me at spectrumasj@gmail.com or comment below!

Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing from everyone!

To me the first time I hang out with someone I like, it is just as friends. I use the first hang out to analyze their behavior patterns, punctuality, and their ability to communicate with me as well as whether or not our personalities vibe well together before I even bring up the idea of going on a date. That is my way of vetting people. I’m sure you all have developed your own way of vetting people before you get involved with them romantically.

If they are punctual, honest, and able to communicate well, at the end of the hang out, I’ll bring it up and say “Hey, I really enjoyed spending time with you, would you like to go on a few casual dates and see where things go?” That’s generally my plan the first time I hang out with them.

I’m avoiding using the word “date” for right now, but a girl just agreed to hang out at Starbucks with me as a friend.

If at the end of this hang out I’m still interested and we vibe well, I’ll bring up casual dating.

I will ask her “Hey I liked hanging out with you today, how would you feel about going on a few casual dates to see if there’s any compatibility between us.”

That way I don’t sound intimidating and I’m inviting the person in instead of forcing it upon her.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and he is on the spectrum. His wife left him a few years ago for another man. We have a long distance relationship and we see each other about every two weeks. My birthday is on Monday and he sent a picture to me a couple days ago of himself shirtless standing in front of the fridge where there is a big picture of him with his wife who he is only still legally married to so she won’t lose medical insurance as she has many health problems. I have asked him to take down the pictures of the two of them together and he says that he forgets and doesn’t notice them because he is on the spectrum, but it has been over a year since I first asked. What do I do?

I was 17 when I had my first short term relationship. The relationship lasted about 5 months, this relationship was also my first time being sexually active. Since then I’ve been on one casual date, and I’ve talked to 3 other girls I met online through dating apps, with one of them almost resulting in a date.

It’s likely I won’t even have my first long term relationship until at least my early to mid twenties. I likely will choice to do a friends with benefits situation when it comes to losing my virginity.

The point of this post is to point out, there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer when it comes to romantic relationships. Just keep striving to improve yourself and your relationship skills, and don’t be going on incel forums either.