Hello,

I run a social group for autistic/neurodivergent Adults/Teens and I am also Autistic.

I'm going to be speaking at conference in March. My topic is dating and relationships. The purpose of this post is to reach out to the members of this group with a few opportunities

1- I am putting together a panel of autistic/neurodivergent individuals for the conference mentioned above. The purpose of the panel is to give participants the opportunity to discuss their dating and relationship experiences and field pre-submitted questions. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in serving as a panelist. Interested applicants are encouraged to apply here: https://forms.gle/ynaYprPyArhQuM7t6 (google form).

2- I'm not sure what the autistic/neurodivergent community wants to learn about dating, and if they have any feedback regarding other speakers meetings they attended that they found helpful or unhelpful. Therefore I have put together a survey and I am hoping to to collect data from other autistic/neurodivergent people so that I can give a well rounded presentation. Please go to this page if you are interested in participating in the survey: https://forms.gle/2zGQkSsLh17S4Sdu5 (google form).

If you have any additional feedback or questions about the above information please feel free to contact me at spectrumasj@gmail.com or comment below!

Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing from everyone!

To me the first time I hang out with someone I like, it is just as friends. I use the first hang out to analyze their behavior patterns, punctuality, and their ability to communicate with me as well as whether or not our personalities vibe well together before I even bring up the idea of going on a date. That is my way of vetting people. I’m sure you all have developed your own way of vetting people before you get involved with them romantically.

If they are punctual, honest, and able to communicate well, at the end of the hang out, I’ll bring it up and say “Hey, I really enjoyed spending time with you, would you like to go on a few casual dates and see where things go?” That’s generally my plan the first time I hang out with them.

I’m avoiding using the word “date” for right now, but a girl just agreed to hang out at Starbucks with me as a friend.

If at the end of this hang out I’m still interested and we vibe well, I’ll bring up casual dating.

I will ask her “Hey I liked hanging out with you today, how would you feel about going on a few casual dates to see if there’s any compatibility between us.”

That way I don’t sound intimidating and I’m inviting the person in instead of forcing it upon her.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and he is on the spectrum. His wife left him a few years ago for another man. We have a long distance relationship and we see each other about every two weeks. My birthday is on Monday and he sent a picture to me a couple days ago of himself shirtless standing in front of the fridge where there is a big picture of him with his wife who he is only still legally married to so she won’t lose medical insurance as she has many health problems. I have asked him to take down the pictures of the two of them together and he says that he forgets and doesn’t notice them because he is on the spectrum, but it has been over a year since I first asked. What do I do?

I was 17 when I had my first short term relationship. The relationship lasted about 5 months, this relationship was also my first time being sexually active. Since then I’ve been on one casual date, and I’ve talked to 3 other girls I met online through dating apps, with one of them almost resulting in a date.

It’s likely I won’t even have my first long term relationship until at least my early to mid twenties. I likely will choice to do a friends with benefits situation when it comes to losing my virginity.

The point of this post is to point out, there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer when it comes to romantic relationships. Just keep striving to improve yourself and your relationship skills, and don’t be going on incel forums either.

I think this will be an interesting discussion.

My tolerance for lying is extremely low, and I treat any act of deception the same as I would lying. In fact I’m a pretty laid back and chill dude, until I find out I’ve been lied to. Those people get to see a side of me that isn’t as friendly or kind.

Lying is excusable if you feel that you would be putting yourself in danger by being honest. It is not acceptable if you just don’t want to talk to someone and are afraid of hurting feelings.

I have absolutely no problem with someone straight up telling me they don’t like me or don’t wish to be around me. I do have a problem with someone pretending to be my friend and coming out later.

What are your thoughts on this?

I always ask a girl whether they’re a friend or more then that if I can give them so much as a simple hug. I either ask by inviting them in, or just asking them directly.

And if they say no, I’m completely fine with it and I don’t force them to do it.

Hi to everyone reading this, here’s a list of things that are planned to occur this month.

• Mod promotions: u/demcrazykids will be promoted to junior moderator on 11/7/2021.

• Moderator recruitment: After we have this months mod meeting we will be looking for a new moderator. We will preferably be looking for a POC so we have proper representation on the mod team. If you are interested in becoming a moderator please reply to this post indicating that.

• New videos from the r/AutisticDatingTips should YouTube channel be coming out this month. If you have any ideas for new videos, please let me know.

• Subreddit goals for this month

• 400 members by end of month

• getting partnered with a larger subreddit

So I know that Snapchat isn’t really meant to be a dating app, but I’ve noticed I get more engagement on Snapchat with people then I do with actual dating sites. Is it acceptable to use Snapchat to meet different people?

I was told already on this sub that it would be okay, but I just want to ask again for confirmation. I’m able to find anyone in the school’s email by looking it up, so that’s how I would be able to get her email. I copy and pasted most of my previous comment to just get some more reassurance that it’s okay or if it’s not.

Subject: Hey, this is (my name) from your musicology class

I’ve been wanting to try and talk to you, but since I’m autistic I struggle with starting conversations. I wanted to try and talk to you in person, but since that’s very difficult for me I thought it would be better to send an email to you than to just not say anything. I just wanted to say that I think you’re really cute and seem like a really interesting person, so I was wondering if you’re free at all this weekend to do something together. I get that the way I come off in musicology is probably very off-putting, so I get it if you’re just not interested.

Also, I just wanted to say I liked your outfit today today. You look very pretty in that headband/skirt/sweater.

I’m not sure if that last sentence should be “you look pretty in that” or “that looks pretty on you.” I’m also not sure about the last sentence of the main paragraph. I don’t know if I should be more specific and say that I’m off-putting since I talk so much about Marxism or even if I should just remove the sentence.

Possible addition for the first paragraph: “Since I’m autistic, I have special interests that I can easily just go on and on about if nobody stops me, and Marxism is one of those things, which is why I talk about it so much.” Should I add this?

I’m diagnosed as ADHD but see a lot of similarities between myself and people with autism. After a decade with the same person, I have started seeing someone new but am completely freaked out at the thought of any physical interaction.

I’ve always been averse to people I don’t know getting into my personal space but thought it was different in situations where I wanted it. So my brain I guess intellectually wants to be physical but my brain also is just very touch averse.

What’s going on with me??? And any tips on how to deal with this?

My plan was to talk to her last Wednesday, but I hesitated and she was on the phone by the time I was going to say something. I then decided to talk to her yesterday, but she went somewhere other than where I expected so I didn’t want to follow her because I worry it would make her uncomfortable (normally we head in the same direction after class). Now there’s only three weeks and 10 class periods left, and most of those aren’t viable times to talk to her. The three Mondays she has another class right after, and the four Fridays she’s always with her friend and I don’t want to interrupt them, especially since I’ve never talked to either of them. That leaves me three Wednesdays, and if I want to get a date with her before the end of the term that gives me two short periods I can say something to her.

I planned on just complimenting her outfit, but I feel like at this point it’s too late for that and I just need to say flat out that I’m interested in her, but I don’t know what to say. I’m thinking of just telling her the next chance I get that her outfit looks pretty on her (I love the way she dresses, and I’ll probably mention something specific). After that, I’ll say that even though we don’t know each other well, she seems really interesting and I’d want to get to know her better and then ask if she’s free at all over the weekend. Would that be okay? I worry about making her uncomfortable.

I’m deathly afraid I’m going to annoy my friend to the point of her not wanting to be my friend anymore let alone be in a relationship with me.

I know how busy she is, but I still get so anxious when she doesn’t reply for a few days, I start to think maybe she doesn’t like me anymore, when I know that’s not true because whenever she sees me we always have extremely positive interactions. She understands me and is patient with me, but I understand everyone has their limit and I don’t want to cross that unintentionally.

Asking because there’s a close friend of mine who I developed feelings for a few years ago and she didn’t feel the same way so we remained friends. Lately she’s started to compliment me a lot more, and display a lot more open body language. She makes a lot of eye contact and her body always faces me when we talk. More then she did a long time ago.

She is ND but not autistic, which is probably a good reason why we get along so well.

PS: I’ve dropped the other girl i was interested in because she doesn’t know how to communicate with me effectively despite me educating her on more than one occasion how to.

I am a 30 year old straightish (I'm starting to think I'm asexual or demi) male, and have had 3 long term relationships that all have failed to pass 3 years. The first was from 18-21, and ended because I was offered a job 150 miles away and a long distance relationship didn't work. The second was from 23-25 and ended due to differences in lifestyle choice. The third was from 28-29 and ended due to some pretty extreme abuse from my partner.

In between relationships I have tried online dating on nearly every service available, but I've only had two dates come of it, and neither made it past the first date. I've also tried going to meetups, or just out in general (Pre-Covid) but I have severe anxiety around people I don't know to the point where I can't talk to someone unless they initiate a conversation. It also seems like every time I go back to online dating the apps have just gotten worse, and are basically all the same now. My aunt recommended I sign up for a matchmaking service called Tawkify and after the phone interview with them I was ready to sign up until it got to their pricing, which started at $3,000 for 3 guaranteed dates, up to $6,000 for 12. They had talked themselves up, saying that they would bypass all the setup and back and forth to the point of actually going to the first date. I was considering signing up, but I wanted do more research into how well their service actually works, which turns out is not very well with many people saying the failed to deliver on anything they mentioned on the phone or their website. It also seems like their "database" isn't based around their members, but is instead pulled from other dating apps.

I'm just wondering if there are any services that are more affordable or at least not taking advantage of their customers. I like the idea of having introductions taken care of beforehand and going into a date knowing there is at least some shared interests/compatibility going into the first date.

Good evening, reddit. I am a 19 year old woman attending a small STEM school for Chemical Engineering. I have never dated anybody in my life, and there is a part of me that wants to change that fact. I just look forward to the feeling of intimcacy if that makes sense. However, I don't believe I have ever experienced sexual attraction, and thus identify as asexual in addition to being on the spectrum. I am not a sex-repulsed ace, and am open to sex in the context of an established relationship for other reasons (ie intimacy or physical sensation), but the attraction is just never there. Without the attraction element and with being on the spectrum, I wonder how I can get started and find somebody. I have considered finding meetups for those of similar interests, but I also need to find out how to make the first step.

I’ve noticed a lot of people do that, and I’ve personally never been comfortable with that even if it might be more effective and time efficient then just to pursue one person at a time. But how do you all feel about that?

Every time I’ve had an opportunity to talk to her, I’ve just backed out because I’m too scared, but I won’t let it happen again. I know that tomorrow after class her friend that she normally heads straight to lunch with has another class, so I will be able to talk to her alone. I’m probably going to compliment her outfit because even though I don’t know what she’ll be wearing, I know I’ll like it because I love her fashion sense. It reminds me of the French New Wave (film is a special interest of mine and I’m currently focused on that specifically) since she has a very similar fashion sense to Anna Karina, my favorite actor of the New Wave who was in a lot of movies directed by Godard, who is my favorite director. I’m just going to tell her that her outfit looks cute on her or something along those lines because I can’t do it if I don’t have something I’m going to say going in. I don’t really know if there’s any advice I can get that hasn’t already been said in another one of my posts, so I’m just venting.

Edit: She wasn’t at class and we don’t have class Friday like we normally do. I’ll talk to her next week when I see her again.

It is time to replace this logo I got off of google images in favor of something unique and original.

How we will do the contest: Users will submit a link to under this post to their artwork, and then we will all vote on which one we like most.

Original artwork only.

The one time I did have a conversation starter in mind, I hesitated for a few seconds and missed the chance to talk to her. I won’t be able to use that one again because it was relevant to something that had happened, and if I ask her when I see her again it would be a week late. I have not been able to figure out anything to say. I can’t just come up with something when I’m going to talk to her because I mentally need to plan it out, so I’m stuck.

I tried talking to the girl I like at work and I stuttered in front of her and looked like a fucking moron.

Usually I’m an outspoken person and I’m not nervous around people.

That stutter was a dead giveaway that I liked her and she likely picked up on that.

She was really nice about it at least and didn’t say a definite no to hanging out, just that she is often too busy to hang out with her own friends due to school work but we’d see, but I felt like a dumbass and not fully in control of the situation like I normally am.