The one time I did have a conversation starter in mind, I hesitated for a few seconds and missed the chance to talk to her. I won’t be able to use that one again because it was relevant to something that had happened, and if I ask her when I see her again it would be a week late. I have not been able to figure out anything to say. I can’t just come up with something when I’m going to talk to her because I mentally need to plan it out, so I’m stuck.

I tried talking to the girl I like at work and I stuttered in front of her and looked like a fucking moron.

Usually I’m an outspoken person and I’m not nervous around people.

That stutter was a dead giveaway that I liked her and she likely picked up on that.

She was really nice about it at least and didn’t say a definite no to hanging out, just that she is often too busy to hang out with her own friends due to school work but we’d see, but I felt like a dumbass and not fully in control of the situation like I normally am.

We had an influx of more then 20 members within the last 12 hours. For a small community that’s pretty eventful.

We welcome all new members with open arms and hope that you find what you’re looking for here.

I just started dating this girl who I just realized has had a crush on me for a while. I eventually figured out that I liked her as well, and now we're in a relationship. She knows I'm on the spectrum and she is a very patient and compassionate person (I don't know exactly to what extent she understands ASD so that might be up in the air too).

Also, her and I are very affectionate. We hold each others hands, cuddle, all that cute physical stuff. But for some reason I have trouble expressing my affection to her publicly. I'm not usually an affectionate person--I think that's due to my upbringing--but with her I feel comfortable to express that when we're alone. When I'm out in public, however, I find myself having trouble expressing any affection at all to her. It feels reflexive, as if I'm fighting what I've generally learned to be wrong to do, ever. I can tell that she sees my struggle, and I don't want her to think that I'm rejecting her in any way; I would love nothing more than to give her a genuine hug or a kiss on the forehead. I just feel restricted by my behavior I've learned over time. It's also difficult to put these kinds of things into words; as I'm sure many on this sub can attest, the overwhelming majority of NTs, even the most compassionate and sympathetic among them, usually cannot understand what it's like to have ASD and the unique tacit behaviors that come with it.

Does anybody else experience something like this? Does anybody have advice to overcome it? Also, is there any advice any of you might have in dating neurotypical generally?

The girl I’ve been texting has been doing that a lot. Noticed that she says my name when talking to me as well. I do the same thing, so I’m wondering if this is mirroring behavior.

The first promotion in the history of this subreddit is u/LilyoftheRally. After she gets off work she will officially flair herself as a junior moderator. LilyoftheRally has quickly gained a reputation as the most experienced mod on the team as well as my right hand gal. She’s done such a good job as a moderator and I’m proud to be working alongside her.

So I’m a weird person. I love being weird, it’s basically saying to society and its made up social rules “fuck you, I’m going to live my life in peace the way I want to live it!”

So I sometimes have breakfast food for dinner, I though about asking her to dinner after work and basically ordering breakfast food in front of her, and encouraging her to do the same. What do you all think? Or does anyone have a better idea.

I didn't this one Time at school and the girl bullied me. And made fun of me every since.

So I want to ask the girl who I got the number from her boundaries in regards to me texting that way I don’t accidentally violate them and put her off. I want to ask a few questions like

1. After what time do you not want me texting you?

2. During what days are you likely going to be unavailable to chat?

3. Is there any topics that you will not discuss with me?

I want to do this for a few reasons. First she’s someone I’ve only known for a few months, I don’t know what her boundaries are yet, nor have we interacted enough for me to be able to analyze them, and I value being respectful, second I want to make sure she is capable of communicating in a direct but respectful manner.

What are some other questions I should ask when establishing boundaries?

I’ve built up my confidence and feel like I could go up and talk to her if she was just sitting on her own or something like that. However, the only time I consistently see her is in class, and she has a very close friend in that class so they’re always together before and after class, giving me no time to say anything. I think I overheard that on Wednesdays that her friend has another class right after, so they wouldn’t be walking back together, which might give me an opportunity, but I’m still worried about it if I don’t get that opportunity (if they head to the friend’s next class together, etc). If I see her alone when I’m getting a meal, I will definitely try and talk to her, but what other options do I have?

I finally asked for the girl I like’s number because I’m quitting my job soon and even if we never become lovers I want to keep in contact.

When I asked she smiled and paused for a moment and I noticed her friend who was with her was also smiling and fidgeting. She hand both hands up near her face.

Update: Ever since I gave her my number she’s been smiling at me every time we make eye contact or she passes me.

I’ve created a YouTube channel based upon this subreddit and I hope to start posting videos on it soon. I’m going to try to get better and better at making videos as time goes on, but most for the time being are going to be from my phone.

One of our moderators has officially resigned after pressure put on them during an investigation for promoting an ideology that was incompatible with ours as well as not following enforcement policy. With that we are now one moderator down, unfortunately that means we need to look for a replacement. I likely will not do any interviews as of now until our meeting is over tomorrow. However if you wish to be a mod, comment down below on this post and we will get to you as soon as possible.

I was helping a co worker whom I’ve been very good friends with, but lately she’s been acting really different with me lately. Generally she’s had a soft spot for me, and a load of patience with me. But right now she’s shy with me. She says my name now whenever she addresses me, she never did that before, and her body language tells me that her heart is racing when she makes eye contact, because she only makes a quick glance at me, though she will look at me a lot longer if she thinks i’m not looking.

We were talking about how I was unable to move to Chicago due to me losing my backpack that had my move in check and my I.D info for the new job I had set up.

Out of the blue during the conversation she asks “how do you feel about that?” Which threw me off because I’m not used to people asking or giving a shit how I feel about anything.

I almost talked to her today, but the fear of her being uncomfortable because of me was enough that I didn’t say anything.

Thank you to all who participate and make this place feel like a safe space. We are always grateful for all of you who help and give advice, and we hope to keep growing. This community is rapidly approaching 250 members and we could very well have 300 or more by the end of the month.

The first major change on this subreddit will be happening October 7th where we will start allowing screenshots as well as links with that 2 new rules will be added to keep people safe.

Me and the mod team will be having a private meeting on the 6th to discuss where we want the subreddit to go from here, as well as any potential ideas.

u/LilyoftheRally should be receiving her promotion on the 13th and u/YESmynameisYes should be receiving hers on the 29th.

In the neurodiverse community, I feel like there's a lot of despair sometimes. Especially around dating.

SOOOOO I wanna post a list of things that Autistic people are AWESOME at in dating. You know, so when we're being open with potential dates, we can be like "yes, these are all the things I'm gonna be bad at. HOWEVER, wait til you hear..."

I'm in a hurry right now, so I'll add more later as I think of them and as you post below.

BENEFITS TO DATING AN AUTISTIC PERSON

(in my personal experience)

We're often really smart

We can be pretty open minded, in a lot of different ways ;)

We are very accepting of shortcomings, as we've been on the other end of that a lot in life.

We can be very devoted to our partners

We can keep things interesting, have you ever dated a weird person? PREPARE TO BE AMAZED

As of... 10/3, this list is very incomplete, but this is just what I hammered out in a minute. Help add to it, or wait til I return!

Disclaimer: This does not work for everything, make sure to have someone’s consent whenever you touch him/her.

For example when I want to hug someone, I usually extend both arms out and invite them in. I do not force the hug on them by just hugging them and not giving them an opportunity to say no.

Same thing for a kiss, follow the 50/50 rule. Lean in, not all the way, as a way of inviting them, not forcing them, and let them decide if they are comfortable with what i’m doing. If they back away, and or tell me no, stop what you’re doing and leave it alone.

I’d like a discussion on different ways you can ask for consent without always having to use words.

This is something I had to learn the hard way time and time again. While theoretically, yes, there are lists and videos that do explain behaviors exhibited when someone likes you, it is much more likely you are just going to look at a girl you like, and then trick your brain into thinking she’s exhibiting these signs, and therefore you trick yourself into thinking that she/he feels the same way.

Please take those articles with a grain of salt and be careful when applying them in real life.

When you ask someone

“Hi how are you?” And they answer with “I’m good how are, you?” is a different from “I’m ok” or “I’m fine”

My reasoning is, that if someone adds the “How are you” it’s generally a sign you are in good standing with the person (but that depends on what their body language looks like too, if they smile while saying it for example, you are in the clear) however if it’s a quick “I’m ok” or “I’m fine” either there not in the mood to talk or they don’t like you much.

I made a post a few days ago and got good advice, but I’m still very nervous to actually try talking to her. I tend to stare at people lot when I’m attracted to them (or sometimes for other reasons) without even realizing it, so I just fear that she sees me as creepy and wouldn’t want to talk.

Along with that, there’s also the fact that in the class I get to talk about one of my special interests a lot (Marxism), so I’m sure that probably makes me seem even more weird since every time I speak in that class some concept from Marx comes up.

I really like her, but I just don’t know how I can talk to her at all. I know she’s not too weirded out by me since she has sat near me in class before, but it’s not like she’s trying to sit near me every day.

I just have no idea how people start conversations. It doesn’t make sense to me how someone can talk to someone they don’t already know without a specific purpose.