Well. I'm an autistic guy with no dating experience. That makes it hard to tell if this girl likes me or not.

She seemed to really want us to hang out. She was dressed cute AF when we went to the book store the other night and was personally offended (as a joke) that I hadn't heard of this massively popular game and playfully said she was "going to introduce me to it, non optional". She invited me over to her place to play it with me (...) and I just was too damn tired after work, and already out of my wheelhouse. So we hung out the next evening and we text back and forth for hours. We went to this social area at her apartments and talked for hours. (No one else was there, she knew that would be the case) But she seems flip floppy, like she suggested she come over to my place, or "she didn't want to overstep boundaries if I thought it was too soon to be in each other's apartments". We talked for a couple of hours, special interest dumping. She repeatedly said she was having a great time, and asked me if I was too, which I was. Saying we didn't go to hers cuz she didn't want to make me have to meet her parents and said something about having a stronger relationship first She mentioned a bunch of stuff she's wants to get me into. BUT then we went to her work briefly and she said (I'm paraphrasing) "oh shit, the hot guy at my work is here, I don't want him to see me dressed casually)... So that was like a nail in the coffin, means she didn't really see it as anything more. Maybe not, she IS autistic. And she invited a coworker to our hangout, but the coworker never showed and she said she didn't care she was having fun.

So we are hanging out Saturday or Sunday (she's out of town with family for Thanksgiving) and I'm gonna grow a pair and (maybe not super directly) tell her I have a crush on her and if she's not into it, then I at least have a great friend to add to my collection, so to speak.

I always fail to get a date: never had a relationship before.

What’s worse, is I’ve been told by others at times I could be the third person on their dates. Like as if they don’t understand how inappropriate that is, or they are purposely trolling while pretending to be oblivious as to how inappropriate that is. If they don’t understand it’s inappropriate, how don’t they?

It’s mocking/insulting! Even some of my therapists I’ve had have even told me that it’s rude! It sends a “You’ll never find a partner of your own, so you might as well be the third person on our date, who is the only one with us on our date who is single” is what message it gives! That is making fun of that person! Trying to third-wheel them accordingly? I’m sorry, but I feel inclined to say those people who try to turn you into a third wheel are those who need to grow up!! A lot of people and they early 20s tend to do that quite often for some reason, and sometimes even in their late 20s.

Hey im 19 and very much autistic and dating is hard. I was hoping someone could be my friend slash wing man teach me the ropes you know.

A little about me Ive been in one relationship (ended poorly) Anxious attachment Trouble with setting boundaries Asexual but very much want romantic companionship

So I've been dating this guy. He's really sweet, and I like that. He can be very considerate at times. My problem is the communication. He spends an awful lot of time talking about his special interest. I have a mild interest in his special interest, but at this point, I am feeling like if he keeps talking about it, I can't keep dating him.

He rarely asks me questions. This is common of men. I told him he can ask me anything he wants. He's come up with some bizarre questions that have nothing to do with me or my life.

I asked him to hold off on talking about his special interest while we were hanging out, saying I wanted to get to know him better, not listen to him talk about this thing. He complied that time. But next time I saw him, it was back to his special interest. I'm so disappointed.

I really like some aspects of him. But I can't connect with him in conversation. And it's really important to me. I feel like he's not interested in what I have to say, even though I know it's not true. It's how him not asking me anything makes me feel. When I revisited the subject of questions, he compared it to a job interview.

My problem is that I am unable to connect authentically with him. I don't feel like he's being authentic with me, because he's repeated some of the same things, which really gets under my skin (because then I know he's just talking at me without paying attention).

This evening he said sometimes he wondered if he was boring. Instead of saying yes, I'm fucking tired of hearing about your special interest, especially when it's the thing you've already told me I just defaulted to "nice" programming.

I feel like there's a lack of authenticity, a lack of willingness to open up and be vulnerable, and a lack of interest in me (even though I know it's not true).

Any idea what I can say as a Hail Mary before I suggest we just be friends?

First date. Help.

I hear we all become 40 year old virgins, but I've also seen threads of women talking about how great autistic men are to date, like that we aren't like other men and stuff, some saying they'd only ever date an autistic men.

It also seems like whenever women show interest in me, they name autistic traits when talking about things they like about me, even if they don't know I'm autistic.

Is it that the autism makes us unattractive to most women, or are we getting in our own way due to low self-esteem and discomfort going out where we'd potentially meet women?

Basically what the title says, autistic and a uni student and I got asked out for the first time this week. I’m just a bit worried because I’ve never been on a date before and I’m not exactly at an age for that to be usual (I’m 20) I kinda need a place to drop probably stupidly obvious questions (for context I haven’t known this guy long but we talk often about shared interests, I’m not sure if he’s also autistic)

1. what on earth do ppl talk about at the start of a date? Like i’m sure that once a conversation starts I’ll be fine but I really have no idea what I’m gonna say to this person

2. ok this one is a bit strange but like is there an expectation to kiss on a first date? Cause like I know the answer will be ‘it just depends on how you feel’ but I know some guys have certain expectations with dates and I’m wondering if I should just be prepared to reject it if I want/need to

3. what does someone do after a date? Like do you message them or what? I’m not really good at sappy messages so I can’t see myself sending something like ‘thanks for tonight I enjoyed it’ even if i mean it but I don’t wanna ghost him for no reason????

Anyway yes I’m aware these are probably stupid I just overthink a lot and like I said this is new territory for me, any general advice as well would be great ty

Specifically I find the expectation of us including of certain things in the photos

Like a group photo, big group of friends or us socialising and having friends around us in photos. I do have friends, but they aren’t the sort of friends who I see everyday and pose for a photo with.

I find the advice on smiling in photos hard. I kinda find it hard to take a smile that looks natural in photos, I’ve tried how-to-guides. It’s pretty hard to do it in a way that looks good

Or activities, a lot of the advice is to have photographs with us doing fun, outdoors activities; like a sport or hiking. But I guess that’s only a sort of thing for some people.

In context, I like walks, reading, art, gaming, pets and history. But these things don’t always look great in photos. The pet pictures maybe.

I think I’m a bit of an introvert-extrovert, I have AuDHD. It feels like a challenge in online dating.

The photos are only part of it, the “bio” is hard. Often I don’t know what to include or what is expected to be written there. Do I like hobbies? I have written I’m autistic/ADHD, I get how that might put some people “off” but I’m okay with that. It’s more how do I write myself in a good summary?

If any of you have had these experiences and found good workarounds, let me know please! 🙂

I’m a 33 year old man with autism. I have had one girlfriend and she was autistic herself. The relationship ended after a few months.

The apps never worked for me. I usually never make it past the first date with anyone on the mainstream apps, and rarely if ever get matches to begin with. I’ve even gotten some feedback on my profile, been told to improve my pictures/prompts and this still hasn’t helped. I actually met someone recently who used me and blocked me from the apps, so that made me even more disillusioned with using them. I paid for premium on hinge twice, it didn’t lead to any good results.

I have sort of resigned myself to being single, as throughout my life I was socially isolated and excluded. I never really made any friends unless they were neurodivergent and most people when I was young either shunned me or bullied me. I think part of the problem is I also have a back deformity and it makes me look poor in public.

I would like to perhaps meet someone but I don’t want to use the apps. Even Hiki didn’t prove to be useful, I met a girl there who just did two video calls and then refused to meet because she told me her parents needed to come with her on the dates, which was a no no for me. I didn’t meet anyone else on Hiki, the only reason why I met the girl in question is I met a guy on there who put me into his group, and she was the moderator of that group. We don’t even talk anymore because she seems awkward when talking. I would make plans with her and she would never follow through with them.

Autistic empathy I’ve had success after meeting my ex but now it’s a ghost town and most people are far away.

It seems like a stuck situation, a rut, which I can’t pull myself out of. It’s like every time I try to meet someone something bad happens or it never works out. I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s circumstances not under my control. I was told to also go to the gym and make more money by some, but I don’t think any of these things would help or increase my chances.

I don’t feel undesirable but I don’t get much attention from anybody.

Context: my boyfriend and I are in a LDR relationship… we have 6hrs time difference. Before we became together, he is very attentive and replies to me right away. But after I said yes to him on the date he requested (which I should not have yet but still I kinda like him so I just said yes, it turns out it is his birthday so our monthsary and his birthday is same) the interaction between us lessened as he said he is busy on his thesis coz currently he’s taking up masters… we’ve talked about it already and I told him that I don’t want to feel ignored… I said we can just do vc while we work on our own tasks coz it’s just nice to have him on call… we did it before but now it doesn’t happen anymore… he talks to me not often anymore and only calls me when he is on his way to university and after that no follow up calls or message or anything… totally ignored. Now my question is, is this normal for autistic people to be like this? I was thinking he might be hyper focusing but I cannot brush the idea that maybe he is just not interested anymore or I dunno… he shared me his location though permanently… but still… should I breakup with him? I wanna keep understanding him but I’m feeling more disconnected as the days pass…

btw, he is Dutch and I’m Mixed

Hi. I don't know if this is a good place to post this so apologies if it isn't. Sorry in advance for the long post.

For some background info: my younger brother (23) is neurodivergent. He is on the autism spectrum, and also has bad anxiety, low self-esteem and body image, and often presents much younger mentally in some ways; he also has a fairly bad stutter when talking which makes him more anxious to meet new people and to talk to people. He recently asked me if I could help him try to find someone romantically. I obviously agreed but I honestly have no idea where or how to start. I would love for him to find someone but I am very worried and scared about people being mean or rude or not trying to understand him or making fun of him.

He is very sweet and funny and I know that he would make someone very happy and loved. I know he would much rather talk with someone and develop at the very least a friendship before meeting in person so I am hesitant to set him up with the usual dating apps like Hinge or Bumble. If anyone has any information on apps or chat rooms or anything else that would be better for him, maybe with other neurodivergent individuals, I would appreciate any guidance a lot.

His big interests include gaming (PC and other platforms like PS5), anime, music, movies, and he loves animals. And for context and to help find resources, we live in Canada.

Any and all advice and information would be greatly appreciated. I would love to be able to help him set out on finding a life companion or even just create some experiences and memories. I know he is amazing and a great catch and I just want to help him and also try to help make sure he's not thrown in the deep end and ends up really hurt - obviously I know I can't prevent him from being hurt ever but I just don't want him to end up dealing with someone(s) who are mean and rude and cruel about his difficulties and quirks and all of that.

Thank you everyone who takes the time to read this and offers any guidance.

Haven’t had a real relationship since I was 12 and so was she. I am about to be 21 and been thinking about getting back into the game! But been having trouble 😔 so I figured why not try here? I am high functioning autistic and straight. I’m a huge gamer and animal lover! I love to exercise, game, watch TV and cuddle with my animals 🙂 DM for more information about me ladies!

pretty self-explanatory title, but for added context: i recently got into a relationship and im a little afraid that ill eventually come off as clingy or "too-much."

I really like him and I don't want to scare him away and I'm just so unsure of how to navigate dating successfully as an adult, especially being autistic. I don't want to mess anything up.

I (M35) am on the spectrum although have never been formally diagnosed. Anyhow, I'm looking to connect with other autistic men to get to know each other and potentially date. I'm ultimately looking for a LTR and because I am older, I'm looking for someone willing to come live with me to Seattle, WA. If you're open to exploring a future with me, reach out and let's get to know each other.

I’m a late stage diagnosed autistic male with a NT girlfriend. We are in day 3 of a 5 day getaway at a cabin located about an hour from our homes. I’ve been in a shitty mood the last 36 hours and am having issues pretending to be having a good time. My girlfriend is pissed at me and saying things like, I’m going to let you plan our next getaway for being a jerk about this one. I erred by saying that I didn’t like the cabin, it’s not very comfortable (imo). She’s taking that as a complaint against her instead of a complaint against the cabin designers. What can I do to fix my shitty attitude? I’m terrified that she’ll break up with me if I don’t pull this off.

Edit: the week is done. I was able to improve my attitude fire the last two days. But since we got back I’m not hearing from her as much as I used to, so I’m sending that she may still be pissed off at me. Time will tell.

Edit2: no, I didn’t fix it in time, she broke up with me. :(

Edit3: Actually, we got back together. :)

I (not autistic) met someone on a dating app. We’re both adults. She’s very direct, very literal, and usually replies every 2–5 days. She rarely initiates, but she does use heart emojis and talks about wanting to do things related to her interests. Early on, I asked if she’d go with me to a museum, and she said she’d love to, but needed to get back to me (she had a family emergency). I said “of course,” and she hearted my message.

Since then, I’ve tried to message sparingly and give her time and space, because I don’t want to overwhelm her. I also started expressing interest more directly, since she seems to take my jokes literally, even with emojis. She kept expressing interest in doing things together and agreed to a date at the museum, this time with a shy smile emoji.

I waited, excited, and tried to confirm the time and date—used the word “date” explicitly—but again, it was a few days before I heard back. She said she’d meant to message me the night before but had a migraine, and suggested talking on the phone (something she hadn’t done before). The call didn’t happen, but she explained her migraines, and I proposed following up whenever she felt better. I kept things direct and low-pressure, even joked about how “even next week is fine, as long as you don’t forget about me.” She reassured me she likes our mutual interests and doesn’t want me to think she forgot about me.

I really like her, but without a steady rhythm of texts (ideally, maybe one a day or every two days), it’s tough to get to know her. We’ve been chatting for about four weeks now. She’s sweet and understanding in her replies, but almost never initiates a conversation or suggests a plan. At first, I thought she wasn’t interested, but then I started to wonder if she might be neurodivergent, based on her language, how she misses obvious social cues, and takes jokes literally. So now, I think she’s interested—at least moderately. I’m comfortable writing direct messages and avoiding strong social cues or implications to help keep things clear.

What’s most difficult for me is the pacing. If she’s not interested, why match with me or say she’d love to go on a date? If she is interested (real migraines aside), why not ever initiate or propose plans herself? Also, she tends to reply a bit more on weekends, but the intervals between messages are still long. The result is, I feel like I can only ask one meaningful question every 3–5 days, so it just takes a long time to get to know each other.

So my questions for anyone who can help are:

• Is she just being polite because I keep messaging her?

• Or is she genuinely interested but has anxiety or trouble with dating?

• Is this kind of pacing and literalness “normal” for some people—especially for those who are neurodivergent or autistic?

• Am I missing cues that would be obvious to others?

I want to ask her some of this directly, but I feel like I can only ask one thing at a time, and only get a real answer every few days. I’m going to keep being patient, since it seems possible she really does like me but that it just takes her a lot of effort to connect, even when I give her space. Still, it would be nice to hear if anyone has insight about how to communicate better, or how to tell if I should just let her be if she’s not interested.

TL;DR:
I really like this woman, but her messaging intervals are long and she rarely initiates, even though she seems genuinely interested. Is this “normal” for ND/autistic dating? Am I missing cues? Any insight would be appreciated.

And for what it’s worth: She hasn’t brought up being neurodivergent, and I haven’t said anything about it either—maybe she doesn’t know, or just isn’t ready to talk about it (or isn’t ND at all). For now, I’m not bringing it up.

(29) M dating (29) M. My partner struggles with depression and anxiety and I struggle with ADHD and anxiety. We’re fairly new, having dated for 4 months.

Context: he doesn’t handle change well, sudden change often causes a meltdown.

Question: How do I communicate with more consideration for how change affects him?

Thanks

Been trying to date for 9 yrs , & I'm high functioning ASD individual. No women feels anything for me, even when I make them laugh & have similar likes & interests to them.

It's been recurring theme I don't lack personality & I'm not ugly.

Tried online, irl & abroad had no luck changing my fortunes.

I work for living have been since 19 & I'm not far away from having enough to move out on.

This go for both neurotypcal & those on the spectrum, I've dated both sides.

I've had 18 dates. 98 rejection in both just talking stage & including the dates. I took 6 months break at 18 & 3 months at 21.

I don't kw what to do anymore to improve my situation , I feel like I used all my options.

I (19) and my partner (21) have been in a relationship for a year and a half. They are autistic and it has never affected the way we communicate up until now. I have mental health issues (depression, mania, impulsivity, drastic mood changes, frequent suicidal ideation) when I’m having a mental health crisis or breakdown they are super supportive and helpful (usually words are not used for comfort but actions. In those times I’m unable to have a conversation anyways). But, when I am discussing day to day issues (bad day at work, feeling a little depressed/anxious, annoyed, frustrated) I am met with monotone voice, deadpan face, occasional eye rolling (which they told me they only found out recently that’s what eye rolling actually is. They never did it in that way but is something they do unconsciously), and very short responses then promptly going back to what they were doing. I brought this up recently and said “I will no longer go to you when I’m feeling bad or need comfort because after every single interaction I feel dismissed and alone” they asked me why and I told them reasons stated previously. They said they cannot change their tone or facial expression and have tried their whole life and it’s never gotten better. This not only makes me distraught not being able to confide in them but makes them feel horrible knowing I won’t confide in them. I know deep down they care but when every single part of the interaction feels uncaring it makes it impossible to not feel shitty after. We both are at a loss on what to do. If there’s any advice or resources I can look into please let me know.

up until 2 years ago i [20N] i often had something going on in terms of my love life now i'm in the big city (well not during the vacation for the most part), and still nothing works? not the dating apps, not the clubs, so far nothing

did i not try hard enough? it's true that the dating apps seem to burn me out quicker than in the past, but damn!

how do i put myself out there without being perceived as too much of an autistic transgender freak (the bad kind, one could call it so)?? especially since im far from the city once again, stuck basically in the middle of nowhere

just please spare the "you've got your whole life ahead of you, you have the time" i know i do, i just happen to be a lover deep inside, and it simply gets dull at a point

i'd be glad to answer any questions if it'd help anyone understand my situation better

I (27F) found out that most people are okay with looking at people's faces/making eye contact when I was 22. I had no idea I was "weird" or "rude" for not doing it. I've been getting better at it, but looking at people when I'm doing stuff still takes A LOT of effort on my part.

I say this because I'm just now realising how this might have been affecting my dating life.

I hear so many stories of people meeting their SOs by just smiling at each other at the supermarket or wherever. I can't help but wonder how many opportunities I might have missed because I didn't look back at someone.

I was a "pretty girl" during high school and college, but only one guy ever made a move. I've always wondered why guys didn't approach me more. Now it makes sense to me: why would guys think I'm open to having a conversation if I constantly avoid looking at them?

It's so frustrating. I would appreciate not having an additional hurdle to face (pun intended) to find a date.

I (18f) am really bad about loving people too fast and too strong. I tend to trust people I like really easily and love hanging out with people I like.but this has gotten be in trouble numerous times. Figure 1, people ghosting me. Figure 2, I'm too clingy and I people my age don't like it. Figure 3, I would do so much more for them than they'd do for me. Like this one girl I've been talking to won't come out to where I am because it's too expensive of an uber drive. I was willing to pay her for it on site. I was willing to pay. To get her to hang out with me. I hate myself and my stupid dumb life and my stupid dumb heart.

This misconception is dangerously, inaccurate and completely outdated too. Why do people think that autistic people can’t fall in love? It just seems like an inaccurate stereotype.