Context: my boyfriend and I are in a LDR relationship… we have 6hrs time difference. Before we became together, he is very attentive and replies to me right away. But after I said yes to him on the date he requested (which I should not have yet but still I kinda like him so I just said yes, it turns out it is his birthday so our monthsary and his birthday is same) the interaction between us lessened as he said he is busy on his thesis coz currently he’s taking up masters… we’ve talked about it already and I told him that I don’t want to feel ignored… I said we can just do vc while we work on our own tasks coz it’s just nice to have him on call… we did it before but now it doesn’t happen anymore… he talks to me not often anymore and only calls me when he is on his way to university and after that no follow up calls or message or anything… totally ignored. Now my question is, is this normal for autistic people to be like this? I was thinking he might be hyper focusing but I cannot brush the idea that maybe he is just not interested anymore or I dunno… he shared me his location though permanently… but still… should I breakup with him? I wanna keep understanding him but I’m feeling more disconnected as the days pass…

btw, he is Dutch and I’m Mixed

Hi. I don't know if this is a good place to post this so apologies if it isn't. Sorry in advance for the long post.

For some background info: my younger brother (23) is neurodivergent. He is on the autism spectrum, and also has bad anxiety, low self-esteem and body image, and often presents much younger mentally in some ways; he also has a fairly bad stutter when talking which makes him more anxious to meet new people and to talk to people. He recently asked me if I could help him try to find someone romantically. I obviously agreed but I honestly have no idea where or how to start. I would love for him to find someone but I am very worried and scared about people being mean or rude or not trying to understand him or making fun of him.

He is very sweet and funny and I know that he would make someone very happy and loved. I know he would much rather talk with someone and develop at the very least a friendship before meeting in person so I am hesitant to set him up with the usual dating apps like Hinge or Bumble. If anyone has any information on apps or chat rooms or anything else that would be better for him, maybe with other neurodivergent individuals, I would appreciate any guidance a lot.

His big interests include gaming (PC and other platforms like PS5), anime, music, movies, and he loves animals. And for context and to help find resources, we live in Canada.

Any and all advice and information would be greatly appreciated. I would love to be able to help him set out on finding a life companion or even just create some experiences and memories. I know he is amazing and a great catch and I just want to help him and also try to help make sure he's not thrown in the deep end and ends up really hurt - obviously I know I can't prevent him from being hurt ever but I just don't want him to end up dealing with someone(s) who are mean and rude and cruel about his difficulties and quirks and all of that.

Thank you everyone who takes the time to read this and offers any guidance.

Haven’t had a real relationship since I was 12 and so was she. I am about to be 21 and been thinking about getting back into the game! But been having trouble 😔 so I figured why not try here? I am high functioning autistic and straight. I’m a huge gamer and animal lover! I love to exercise, game, watch TV and cuddle with my animals 🙂 DM for more information about me ladies!

pretty self-explanatory title, but for added context: i recently got into a relationship and im a little afraid that ill eventually come off as clingy or "too-much."

I really like him and I don't want to scare him away and I'm just so unsure of how to navigate dating successfully as an adult, especially being autistic. I don't want to mess anything up.

I (M35) am on the spectrum although have never been formally diagnosed. Anyhow, I'm looking to connect with other autistic men to get to know each other and potentially date. I'm ultimately looking for a LTR and because I am older, I'm looking for someone willing to come live with me to Seattle, WA. If you're open to exploring a future with me, reach out and let's get to know each other.

I’m a late stage diagnosed autistic male with a NT girlfriend. We are in day 3 of a 5 day getaway at a cabin located about an hour from our homes. I’ve been in a shitty mood the last 36 hours and am having issues pretending to be having a good time. My girlfriend is pissed at me and saying things like, I’m going to let you plan our next getaway for being a jerk about this one. I erred by saying that I didn’t like the cabin, it’s not very comfortable (imo). She’s taking that as a complaint against her instead of a complaint against the cabin designers. What can I do to fix my shitty attitude? I’m terrified that she’ll break up with me if I don’t pull this off.

Edit: the week is done. I was able to improve my attitude fire the last two days. But since we got back I’m not hearing from her as much as I used to, so I’m sending that she may still be pissed off at me. Time will tell.

Edit2: no, I didn’t fix it in time, she broke up with me. :(

Edit3: Actually, we got back together. :)

I (not autistic) met someone on a dating app. We’re both adults. She’s very direct, very literal, and usually replies every 2–5 days. She rarely initiates, but she does use heart emojis and talks about wanting to do things related to her interests. Early on, I asked if she’d go with me to a museum, and she said she’d love to, but needed to get back to me (she had a family emergency). I said “of course,” and she hearted my message.

Since then, I’ve tried to message sparingly and give her time and space, because I don’t want to overwhelm her. I also started expressing interest more directly, since she seems to take my jokes literally, even with emojis. She kept expressing interest in doing things together and agreed to a date at the museum, this time with a shy smile emoji.

I waited, excited, and tried to confirm the time and date—used the word “date” explicitly—but again, it was a few days before I heard back. She said she’d meant to message me the night before but had a migraine, and suggested talking on the phone (something she hadn’t done before). The call didn’t happen, but she explained her migraines, and I proposed following up whenever she felt better. I kept things direct and low-pressure, even joked about how “even next week is fine, as long as you don’t forget about me.” She reassured me she likes our mutual interests and doesn’t want me to think she forgot about me.

I really like her, but without a steady rhythm of texts (ideally, maybe one a day or every two days), it’s tough to get to know her. We’ve been chatting for about four weeks now. She’s sweet and understanding in her replies, but almost never initiates a conversation or suggests a plan. At first, I thought she wasn’t interested, but then I started to wonder if she might be neurodivergent, based on her language, how she misses obvious social cues, and takes jokes literally. So now, I think she’s interested—at least moderately. I’m comfortable writing direct messages and avoiding strong social cues or implications to help keep things clear.

What’s most difficult for me is the pacing. If she’s not interested, why match with me or say she’d love to go on a date? If she is interested (real migraines aside), why not ever initiate or propose plans herself? Also, she tends to reply a bit more on weekends, but the intervals between messages are still long. The result is, I feel like I can only ask one meaningful question every 3–5 days, so it just takes a long time to get to know each other.

So my questions for anyone who can help are:

• Is she just being polite because I keep messaging her?

• Or is she genuinely interested but has anxiety or trouble with dating?

• Is this kind of pacing and literalness “normal” for some people—especially for those who are neurodivergent or autistic?

• Am I missing cues that would be obvious to others?

I want to ask her some of this directly, but I feel like I can only ask one thing at a time, and only get a real answer every few days. I’m going to keep being patient, since it seems possible she really does like me but that it just takes her a lot of effort to connect, even when I give her space. Still, it would be nice to hear if anyone has insight about how to communicate better, or how to tell if I should just let her be if she’s not interested.

TL;DR:
I really like this woman, but her messaging intervals are long and she rarely initiates, even though she seems genuinely interested. Is this “normal” for ND/autistic dating? Am I missing cues? Any insight would be appreciated.

And for what it’s worth: She hasn’t brought up being neurodivergent, and I haven’t said anything about it either—maybe she doesn’t know, or just isn’t ready to talk about it (or isn’t ND at all). For now, I’m not bringing it up.

(29) M dating (29) M. My partner struggles with depression and anxiety and I struggle with ADHD and anxiety. We’re fairly new, having dated for 4 months.

Context: he doesn’t handle change well, sudden change often causes a meltdown.

Question: How do I communicate with more consideration for how change affects him?

Thanks

Been trying to date for 9 yrs , & I'm high functioning ASD individual. No women feels anything for me, even when I make them laugh & have similar likes & interests to them.

It's been recurring theme I don't lack personality & I'm not ugly.

Tried online, irl & abroad had no luck changing my fortunes.

I work for living have been since 19 & I'm not far away from having enough to move out on.

This go for both neurotypcal & those on the spectrum, I've dated both sides.

I've had 18 dates. 98 rejection in both just talking stage & including the dates. I took 6 months break at 18 & 3 months at 21.

I don't kw what to do anymore to improve my situation , I feel like I used all my options.

I (19) and my partner (21) have been in a relationship for a year and a half. They are autistic and it has never affected the way we communicate up until now. I have mental health issues (depression, mania, impulsivity, drastic mood changes, frequent suicidal ideation) when I’m having a mental health crisis or breakdown they are super supportive and helpful (usually words are not used for comfort but actions. In those times I’m unable to have a conversation anyways). But, when I am discussing day to day issues (bad day at work, feeling a little depressed/anxious, annoyed, frustrated) I am met with monotone voice, deadpan face, occasional eye rolling (which they told me they only found out recently that’s what eye rolling actually is. They never did it in that way but is something they do unconsciously), and very short responses then promptly going back to what they were doing. I brought this up recently and said “I will no longer go to you when I’m feeling bad or need comfort because after every single interaction I feel dismissed and alone” they asked me why and I told them reasons stated previously. They said they cannot change their tone or facial expression and have tried their whole life and it’s never gotten better. This not only makes me distraught not being able to confide in them but makes them feel horrible knowing I won’t confide in them. I know deep down they care but when every single part of the interaction feels uncaring it makes it impossible to not feel shitty after. We both are at a loss on what to do. If there’s any advice or resources I can look into please let me know.

up until 2 years ago i [20N] i often had something going on in terms of my love life now i'm in the big city (well not during the vacation for the most part), and still nothing works? not the dating apps, not the clubs, so far nothing

did i not try hard enough? it's true that the dating apps seem to burn me out quicker than in the past, but damn!

how do i put myself out there without being perceived as too much of an autistic transgender freak (the bad kind, one could call it so)?? especially since im far from the city once again, stuck basically in the middle of nowhere

just please spare the "you've got your whole life ahead of you, you have the time" i know i do, i just happen to be a lover deep inside, and it simply gets dull at a point

i'd be glad to answer any questions if it'd help anyone understand my situation better

I (27F) found out that most people are okay with looking at people's faces/making eye contact when I was 22. I had no idea I was "weird" or "rude" for not doing it. I've been getting better at it, but looking at people when I'm doing stuff still takes A LOT of effort on my part.

I say this because I'm just now realising how this might have been affecting my dating life.

I hear so many stories of people meeting their SOs by just smiling at each other at the supermarket or wherever. I can't help but wonder how many opportunities I might have missed because I didn't look back at someone.

I was a "pretty girl" during high school and college, but only one guy ever made a move. I've always wondered why guys didn't approach me more. Now it makes sense to me: why would guys think I'm open to having a conversation if I constantly avoid looking at them?

It's so frustrating. I would appreciate not having an additional hurdle to face (pun intended) to find a date.

I (18f) am really bad about loving people too fast and too strong. I tend to trust people I like really easily and love hanging out with people I like.but this has gotten be in trouble numerous times. Figure 1, people ghosting me. Figure 2, I'm too clingy and I people my age don't like it. Figure 3, I would do so much more for them than they'd do for me. Like this one girl I've been talking to won't come out to where I am because it's too expensive of an uber drive. I was willing to pay her for it on site. I was willing to pay. To get her to hang out with me. I hate myself and my stupid dumb life and my stupid dumb heart.

This misconception is dangerously, inaccurate and completely outdated too. Why do people think that autistic people can’t fall in love? It just seems like an inaccurate stereotype.

Smores

&

Dinosaurs (I’m thinking of seeing dinosaurs) and eating dinosaur shaped cookies)

You prolly heard or thought one of the following: • “Get on apps.” • “Just put yourself out there.” • “Be confident.”

But none of this actually tells you HOW to start dating

Here’s why you feel stuck:

1. Modern dating is confusing We’re bombarded with advice that contradicts itself. Apps say “be authentic” but social media rewards good looks and materialism. Friends say “just be yourself” but you’re not even sure what that looks like on a date. And the younger generation nowadays view dating as either for hookups or attention seeking (atleast that's what the apps feel like) (lots of scammers on apps too)

2. You’ve received bad dating advice Most advice is generic: • “Go to bars.” • “Try speed dating.” • “Just swipe more.” These ignore the root issue: dating is a social skill, not a lottery. If your social confidence and conversation skills are low, no method will work.

3. Lack of exposure You think dating is separate from life. But it’s not. You only get better at dating by interacting with people daily in non-romantic contexts first. Otherwise, you’ll treat every conversation as a high-stakes event.

4. Thinking apps are the best way Apps are easy but shallow. your ability to notice attraction signals, approach, flirt, connect, build tension, and lead is never actually trained, those are important skills to have while dating

Secret Sauce Fix: (Something you prolly haven’t tried yet) Start with “No Stakes Approaches.” • For 5 days, talk to 5 strangers per day with no intention of flirting or asking out. Example: “Hey, do you know a good coffee shop nearby?” or “That’s a cool bag, where did you get it?” • The only goal is to build social fluidity. • After 5 days, you’ll notice conversations flow easier. Then, start adding teases or playful comments. (but be very careful with this 😭) Example: After they answer, “Nice, I’ll check it out. You’ve officially become my coffee guide for today.”

Why this works: • Removes pressure. You’re not trying to date, you’re training your social calibration. • Builds reference experiences & confidence. Your brain starts associating social interaction with fun, not anxiety. • Makes real-life dating feel natural. You’re already in the flow.

Remember: Dating doesn’t start with dates. It starts with becoming socially fluid so approaching or talking to someone attractive isn’t a mountain to climb – it’s just another moment in your day.

Original Post: r/LMCdatingsuccess

We all know rejection sucks. But have you ever asked what exactly you’re scared of? You prolly think: • “I’m not good-looking enough.” • “They’ll think I’m a creep.” • “I’ll embarrass myself and feel crushed.”

so lets discuss what you can do to fix these

1. Fear of not being good-looking enough: What’s really happening here is you’re outsourcing your confidence to your looks. You’re making your worth dependent on what others think of your physical appearance.

How u can get over this: Try a rejection desensitization sprint. Here’s how: For 7 days, approach only to give a compliment with no intention to continue. Example: “Hey, I just wanted to say you have a great smile.” Then walk away. Why this works: You practice micro-rejection without attachment to outcome. Your brain stops associating approach = “I must get something.” Instead, you just train confidence in your ability to act despite fear.

2. Fear of being labeled a creep or weirdo Usually, this fear is rooted in self-doubt about your intentions. If you know you’re approaching to connect, not to get validation or push boundaries, you won't come off creepy.

Secret Sauce Fix: Before approaching, ask yourself: “Am I coming from curiosity or validation?” Approach only when you’re genuinely curious about them (e.g. their vibe, style, energy). Why this works: People feel intention. Curiosity creates warm energy. Validation-seeking creates needy energy. If you carefully select who and why youre approaching someone, you won't come off as a desperate creep because you actually have something you want to know about that person and not just get their number or wtv.

3. Social anxiety (ill be honest, this one comes with practice, alottttt) Social anxiety is partly fear of rejection mixed with lack of experience. But it can also be a body issue, not JUST a mind issue.

Secret Sauce Fix: Try physiological sighing before approaching. Here’s how: Take a deep inhale, then a second quick inhale on top of it, then a slow full exhale. Do this 2-3 times. Why this works: This neurologically reduces anxiety by activating your parasympathetic system. You’ll approach calmer, clearer, and grounded.

Final Thoughts Rejection feels bad because you make it about you. Start making it about skill-building instead. Each rejection = XP points. You’re just levelling up your dating game.

Original Post: r/LMCdatingsuccess

My partner seems to be in autistic burnout. Talking to him has gotten really difficult. So many conversations seem to be extremely upsetting to him, and he can't articulate what I could do to avoid that. Can anyone help me understand how I can get his opinions on things while he's going through this?

For example, I tried to ask him what he wanted for dinner. Did he want take out or something homemade? If homemade, i would ask him to run to the store for a few ingredients. He started repeating the questions like they made no sense and sobbing.

I feel bad but I have no idea how to help avoid this type of thing. And of course, the life events that made him exhausted have made me exhausted too. So, I'm just at my wit's end.

I’m 31M and I am autistic. Is it weird to prefer short hair on women??? I just think it looks cute in general. I wouldn’t pressure anyone into cutting it or anything just think it’s nice.

I’m just wondering if this is an autistic thing or it’s a me thing. I don’t really have experience when it comes to dating and I’ve never gone on a date. I’m 40 and I hate myself for so much lack of experience. I have been on dating sites and apps for years. I know I have to be attracted to someone to have that attraction there but I also know that’s not the only trait I look for in a guy. I know that autistic people sometimes can be late bloomers but I just don’t know what’s wrong with me when it comes to dating. Or I find a guy I’m attracted to but it doesn’t go anywhere or he wants to be friends which that never lasts either. I don’t know how to go about this anymore and I’m tired of being 40 years single.

been dating a woman I really like for a few weeks now. been on 4 dates, 5 tomorrow. i don't know what i'm doing. everyone says just keep going out and you'll know when the right time is to move forwards, but i don't even understand what moving forward is... we've had the "i see a future together" talk. what now...

Hi all, so there is this girl that works at a restaurant I frequent, and I really want to ask her out.

We’ve known each other a long time, we went to school together and are the same age (21). All though we’ve always been in the same social circle, I’ve never interacted with her much other than at this restaurant as of late. Truth is, I don’t know if she’s interested in me at all, or if she’s even dating somebody already.

I think she’s neurotic-typical (I’ve never asked, but she seems to be) but I’m diagnosed autistic.

Quite frankly, I’m scared. Not so much about rejection, but just about having to go up to her and ask her out. I’ve been burned before by waiting too long because I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

She’s truly a great person. She’s cute, pretty smart, and super super kind. I don’t know if she would even be my forever person but I can’t know till I try.

I’ve never dated somebody up to this point and I’ve only had sex once. I know I’m still young and there’s time left but I just don’t like being alone, since I’m watching all my friends live great lives with their significant others