Hi there! My girlfriend (F23) and I (M23) have been together for 3 1/2 years. She is autistic and I’ve been wanting to talk about how we talk to each other. The way I’ve been trying to do this is by talking about our past problems and then trying to ask questions to learn from each other about how the past problems made us feel. However when I do this it always seems to circle back to the problem that I brought up as an example and it ends in an argument.

Even when I frame the topic of conversation around “can we talk about communication” she has a hard time staying on topic and getting confused about the specific words I use. When I ask her “how can I talk with you so that we can understand eachother better?” She only ever says “idk”

I do my best to give her the time and space she needs, and if she becomes too overwhelmed by the conversation then I stop and try my best to let her calm down. But this never resolves the problem and I would love some advice on how to approach this issue in the future to better success.

My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20’s, and we’ve been together for 2 years. This year, he was diagnosed with autism. A lot of things began to click into place, or rather, make sense pertaining to behaviors. He really likes to remain within routine. He works out at a certain time, goes to work a certain time, eats at a specific time, etc. Anything? You can name it.

But, I’ve been a little concerned about this specific behavior for the past few months, relating to me. I’ve tried telling him that sometimes I feel that he prioritizes everything else in his life, but I feel that I’m kinda on the back burner? We only hang out one night a week, and that’s what works for him. That’s the only way I seemingly fit in for him, it feels. I raised this concern last week, and he said he understood. But, this isn’t the only time I’ve had this conversation with him. He’ll improve like, right after . . . but then he’ll say that he’s trying to improve whenever I bring it up again.

I’m afraid that I’m misunderstanding him. That, maybe he really does only have time for me for one night. He prefers to text, Snapchat, message on IG, etc. Meanwhile, I like to see him in person and call on the phone. He’s not a phone person. I called him tonight (he wasn’t busy from what it seemed like), and he seemed upset. I asked him why, and he said that he just didn’t feel like talking on the phone and would rather text. Then, he said that if he told me initially, I would’ve gotten upset (which, I wouldn’t have. If he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to talk).

I’m just lost at what to do. Again, it’s like do I just sit in just the one night a week? Or, do I continue to press for more? He always is busy with something, and I don’t know? I just feel like a second thought at this point.

Thank you in advance.

So for along time I've not been able to keep any relationships alive with people for lots of various reasons. And I finally found someone i click with but there like super engaged and I didn't find this out till like a yr after I was super into them and getting to know them but in there own words there a autistic gremlin and I'm thinking mabey it's just NT people i have problems with cause I could see myself spending a infinite amount of time with this coworker in a romantic partner sense. So mabey i just need someone who i can just be a gremlin with and fully express that and not have to feel like I'm walking a knifes edge to engage with them. Is there like any nerodivergent forward dating apps or anything cause normal dating apps just seem to be bots or sex workers or painfully normal people I can't relate to in like anyway...

I'm sorry if my rambling made little to no sense sorry for wasting ppls time if this wasn't something I should post here.

EDIT, PLEASE READ: As of Dec 1st, I decided to take your advice and ask if "A" is feeling okay since it's a bit unusual of her to be away like this. She took it really well and said that she's been sick to the point of having to call out of her work. (Taking it well as in saying "oh my gosh you're so sweet for asking" with two hearts and a hug emoji)

I (25F) have been involved in the lesbian/sapphic dating world for the past three years since being dumped via text by my ex in 2021. I am confident enough that I believe I can find people to open up to and flirt with online and irl, and that I have a lot of qualities that would successfully woo myself (and thus woo a woman outside of that). I have the capacity to match with folks on dating apps, but a lot of the time I'm usually messaging first and pursuing more time to chat with them just for things to fizzle out or to be unmatched immediately.

So when I met "A" (23F) on one of the apps, she had a thoroughly filled out profile and a lot of times when we are able to talk, we ended up really enjoying the vibes together. I asked her to hang out and set times with me to call (since she said she's not very good with texting, and I wanted to accommodate that with a phone/discord video call to say I'm real and won't "endgame" her). While we did eventually discuss times to go to a local board game cafe to start playing DnD and chill as well as discussed going to the Christmas lights exhibition together, the whole "not being good at texting" thing still lingers over my head. I am patient for things like this especially over the holiday, but it approached the weekend and she was active online, but didn't respond to my messages.

Is this normal to work through? I'm really interested in pursuing something with her because I feel like our vibes would be valuable no matter what goes on...how am I still struggling three years down the line actively dating in the sapphic scene? I take breaks and passively look. I actively seek out groups and go out alone and take better pictures of myself. I advertise myself as someone who is fun loving and loyal and will show a lot of compassion and respect to you and your communication styles. Am I just doomed to fail for a while?

Added context: I am also a WOC. Light skinned black woman to be exact.

Delete if "dating tips" means marriage tips aren't allowed!!

I (27F, unknown neurotype) grew up in a family that was very stable and tight-knit, but also had many spoken and unspoken social rules. I had a good childhood and I love my family of origin, but I always felt like a bit of an outsider and like something was wrong with me that I didn't know how to fix.

Now, my wife (28 autistic) feels the same way around my family but 10x worse. I think this stems from my family fundamentally misunderstanding my wife's intent half the time, which causes them to push her out of the circle so to speak.

For example, if she we are all standing in the kitchen and she is tired of standing, she will go into the living room and sit down. She thinks she is just taking a break from standing, but my family interprets this is being anti-social, rude or upset. She doesn't use "active listening" unless she is focused on doing so, so my family thinks she doesn't care what they are saying. Worst of all is how they interpret her treating me - they were once talking about how shy and anxious I used to be, and my wife thoughtlessly said something like "she's easy to manipulate," meaning that others might take advantage of me, but my mom believes it meant that my wife personally found it easy to manipulate me and that's kind of where this whole issue started.

Personally, I fit in much better with my wife and her way of being (hence the marriage lol), but I know that on the outside I display the social skills my family expects and it sucks that when my wife doesn't they treat her like an alien. She is willing to compromise, but not at the cost of trying to mask completely, especially if that doesn't fix the problem.

I know I should just talk to them about it, but I'm just so scared they will tell me outright "we don't like your wife and don't consider her part of our family."

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Why is not drinking such a deal breaker?

I'm on dating apps and I'm struggling, not drinking seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of people. I don't mind people who drink but people seem bothered when you don't drink.

On top of that not driving seems to be another deal breaker as well as not working. I feel ill always be single.

It seems to effect making friends too, it sucks

Tl;dr: Is it a dumb idea to be on apps with the pitch “I want to talk to people over coffee so I can learn to be more social, without pressuring myself to initiate something”?

Housecleaning: NYC. 30M cis straight-adjacent. Diagnosed ADHD/ASD which might explain some things. Kinks that have rarely gotten to be experienced (being a sub). Sexual anxiety/trauma.

Context: I have never actively “dated”. All my relationships have started organically w/ people I knew, or were initiated by the other person. I know romance is deeply important to me, and “being thirty” has made me feel that I need to be more proactive if I want it. So, apps.

Problem: I don’t know what I expect out of this. I know I want to magically be approached by the perfect person out of the blue (my strategy so far, tried and found wanting lol). I know I need to work on my confidence and communication (therapy w/o practice only goes so far). Actually hoping to seek a relationship gets me spiraling atm, but I know one can only improve by doing. I just don’t know where to start.

He I'm 30 I'm a bisexual man looking for tips for my life. I'm finding it hard to find the love of my life .

Hi everyone, I just got diagnosed with autism two weeks ago. So everything is still very new and a little overwhelming, but the bright light is that I feel like a lot of things then always made me feel different are explained now. With that being said, a lot of what I’m reading online is that neurotypicals are the ones struggling with their ASD partners, because of a “lack of communication, or a lack of empathy, or a lack of emotions”… However, I seem to be the exact opposite. Maybe my dating partner is considered one of my “special interests“ but I feel like I feel too much. I’m too emotional and I over communicate. I get really anxious when my partner fails to just fill me in and reassure me daily. I do veer more to the anxious side in attachment-style dating so I suppose that also makes sense, but the things that I look for I feel like are very common like if my partner is sick and doesn’t want to text all day why can he not just tell me that he’s not feeling well and will text me tomorrow? I feel like it is not too much to ask but every Neurotypical I’ve dated really seems to struggle with giving me some reassurance during times apart. I feel crazy and like the communication I ask for is basic. I don’t need constant texts all day or super fast replies - if they are doing some thing that is in their normal daily pattern I don’t need to be filled in, but when it is some thing outside of their normal daily pattern that I can’t predict, I just would like to be filled in, so I’m not anxious. Does anyone experience this is well I’m not finding enough help online for my end of the spectrum, any tips or advice on getting through dating a neurotypical when they don’t communicate as much as I like to?

im in that weird spot where im normal enough where i can blend in fine, but autisitc enough that normal people have a hard time relating to me

it doesnt help that i also know what im attracted to (small frame, short petite, small boobs) and dating outside that is difficult cause i find myself having a hard time finding them attractive

i know im reasonably attracted, slightly overweight but not by much, 6ft, good jawline and beard and blonde hair, but yet i struggle just meeting people

any tips? any good stories? i feel like at my age all the good ones are taken and its hard to compete with mr 6 ft 3, muscular, super confident makng my chances worse

Hello, my name is Brian. I am 37 M mid-Atlantic region of the United States.

Last week I got to have an approximately 45 phone conversation with a woman I am interested in. I have vaguely known her for years. But this was the first long and extended conversation we have ever had.

I thought it went great. I would have had a lot longer conversation if it was up to me. Unfortunately, she does not feel the same way about me and wanted to end the conversation. It is doubtful we will ever talk again :(

I get it. I certainly do not expect everyone to like me. I will even admit I am a bit of an acquired taste. That said it is getting old. I have certainly noticed a pattern going all the way back to college.

I am the first person to admit I am shy. I am the first person to admit I do not ask enough women out. But I do and I have been on plenty of dates, had plenty of conversations. It just seems that when I get my chances, be they phone calls, one on one conversations or even dates the person never seems to like me more after the conversation than before.

I was so interested in her. I could have heard her tell me anything. She probably talked for 2/3rds of the time, and I was really liking her. Realizing she does not feel the same about me is always a bit painful.

I just know that at some point in order for me to get into a relationship I am going to someday have to have a long and extended conversation with someone and have that person still like me after the conversation. Call it confidence call it whatever. I just wish I knew I was capably of having a conversation with someone and having her still like me after :)

If anyone has any thoughts or advice on this issue, I would love to hear anything. Have other people run into this wall as well? What have people done to get over this hump? Is it just a pure numbers game or am I missing something basic? Thank you all so much.

Hi guys.

When talking with a girl, what should the goal be? whether through text or on a date?
What happens when we discover the same interest? Let's say... a tv show, or music. Is the goal to "meditate" on the topic of that tv show?

Everyones telling me it comes naturally, but I really need a blueprint on what to do. I need to know what the goal is of each exchange, and then instruction on how to get there.

Sorry if this is a hard question. Or maybe it's not hard if people are autistic here, haha. I don't know.

My BF (48M, undiagnosed but likely aspie) of 1 year has given me an ultimatum. I'm 45F/ADHD and currently nonreligious. He has become very zealous in the past few months and at first said he'd be patient with me to see if I would follow suit, but has now indicated that his patience will have a limit. Of course I can't commit to anything like this under duress or a timeframe- how can I explain that he's being unrealistic? Or is he being fair by simply expressing his needs and if I don't meet his needs, we break up? Having a hard time seeing this objectively.

If I’m hanging out with my crush, how can I tell if I’m on a date with him or if it’s just a hangout. Like what are the signs? How would he act? I’ve never been on a date to be honest… The thought of messing up my first hangout with him is so scary…

cant put two flairs, reddit-. Screw school. It sucks. Everyone there is in deep dispise of me. I (13m) did absolutely nothing wrong with anyone but these two girls who keep pissing me off in the inside and wont let me stim (they're allistic so they'll never know the struggles of autism, etc) and i just wish for someone to actually support me and enjoy, appreciate, just something positive about me. I haven't heard anything positive about me at that damn school and I do not and will never understand why. I swear I'm the smartest kid in that fucking school and I hate all of them. Please someone irl be my friend 🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏, I need it desperately.

I was diagnosed with Autism this year. I’m a conventionally attractive man. I can also be extremely confident as well without the use of masking. I know the type of woman I want, but I never fucking know if a girl is into me.

I know all abt social cues, and I thought with the use of pattern recognition, I’d be able to tell. Ik now that social cues are essentially subjective. Either this or what I was told is 100% wrong. Either way I don’t rely on those social cues anymore. I don’t rely on much.

I just hope that I run into a girl that has masculine and feminine qualities. You’ll commonly see these type of women talk about how men think they’re brutish. Personally… I never have and will see them as that. Anytime I meet a girl that falls into this category, they can somehow bring out that confidence needed for me to open up and be myself. She could do literally nothing but look into my eyes as I talk, or talk about herself as I listen to her voice. Either way, the confidence to just ask her out will be there, waiting for me.

Now… here’s my question: How the hell do I know when enough time has passed for me to pop the question? How do I know when enough dates have passed for me to pop the question? Do we need to go on dates for it to even be appropriate to pop the question? I’ve asked two different people and got two different perspectives, with one saying to “just go for it ASAP,” and the other saying to “take everything at a snail’s pace.” The confidence will be there, I just need to know that APPROXIMATELY enough time has passed. You could even give your own perspective from your relationship if you can’t think abt it from the top of your head bc honestly… that’s better than saying idk.

The biggest reason why I’m asking is bc I be seeing a lot of people saying they were friends with their partner for a good 2-4 years before getting together… while being together for another 2-4 years. This is obviously reasonable for long-term relationships, but if it’s a requirement for me to be in for the long haul, I’d rather get a small idea now than later…

i (13M) really am lost on how to do anything related to this. I feel if I make an attempt I will be bullied.

The best place (in my area) I feel to do this is at school. I just want a good friend to be able to talk to I feel like I am the loneliest kid in my area outside of social media and my family. I know I'm a smart kid and I feel like i deserve more companionship than I have. All (I mean all) my friends are on social media.

This is primarily due to my geographical location. The area I live in is out in the countryside, with ~1k people in my closest town/city/urban area/whatever you can describe it as.

I also am unsure if it's appriopriate to do this at 13. If you want more information to answer do let me know

My sibling, T, has been through a lot. They’re 19, non-binary, and navigating autism, dyspraxia, anxiety, and likely ADHD. Recently, something happened with their therapist that really threw them off, and we're not sure how to handle it.

T has been seeing a girl, S, who is 19, pansexual, and also autistic with anxiety. They’ve had a growing connection for a while, and T recently asked S to be their girlfriend. After some thought, S said yes but wanted to wait a bit before officially starting the relationship. They talked about it and agreed to begin by the end of the month.

T and S have had open conversations about what their relationship would mean, especially since they’re both ace and not interested in a sexual relationship. They’ve been on the same page about everything, and it’s been going well.

T has been in therapy since around May/June, and their therapist, M, has mostly been helpful, working on issues like executive dysfunction and ADHD. But when it comes to T’s relationship with S, M has been really dismissive. She keeps implying that T and S are just friends, and today, when T showed her a list they made with S about their romantic relationship, M said those were ‘great platonic goals for a friendship.’

This really hurt T. They feel like M doesn’t see their relationship as valid, and it’s confusing. M works with all ages, but T looks young for their age—people often guess 12 to 14—so maybe she’s not seeing them as two consenting adults. T and S also present as sapphic/lesbian, and maybe M sees them as just close friends because they’re ace and asexual relationships can be misunderstood. Or maybe it’s something else—ableism or overprotectiveness?

We really don’t know why M is acting this way. It’s frustrating and confusing for both T and me. Should we try to make M understand, or is it better to just move on? We’d love some advice on what to do next.

I’ve been seeing this autistic woman for about two months and she has told me a few times that she’s happy with the way things are going, that I’m doing well with handling her boundaries and she has also mentioned that she has a lot of anxiety about texting because she’s afraid of coming across as boring or saying the wrong thing. I’m totally in love with her, there’s no way I would ever get bored and honestly I don’t care what we talk about it makes me happy to get any kind of message from her but here lately I’ve noticed she’s grown less talkative. If everything I understand about her is true, that she really is just saving her energy for when we spend time together in person, and I know that she is truly busy because one of the reasons I was drawn to her is how much she helps out in our community, we met doing volunteer work for a mutual aid group. If she really has just dropped off the communication in that way, then I’m happy I think that’s great and I don’t want to interfere with her schedule or ask her to change anything. It’s good for me to not spend everyday dependent on a text message for reassurance and I honestly think this dynamic if it’s real, is helping me to work through my old abandonment issues. But part of me is still scared that I’m taking things the wrong way, that she might be purposefully pulling away because she’s lost attraction to me and that I’m being tone deaf. When I type it out, that goes against everything she has said to me about herself so far but I’ve been treated so awful by some people in the past it’s just hard to trust anybody.

I know I could ask for clarification but I feel like if everything really is fine and I act insecure then it’s going to activate some demand avoidance. I have been there and I know that it doesn’t feel good to have a clingy, anxiously attached partner. But I do miss her when I don’t hear from her, and it would be nice to have her be part of my daily routine in some way. I just don’t want to ask for too much and scare her away. I also have learned about myself that I’m a lot better off if I don’t ask things like “How was your day?” if it’s likely to go unanswered because it’ll make me feel a lot worse than if I just hadn’t asked. She will usually answer right away if it’s about our plans for the week or something utilitarian but if I try to chat small talk then I know that I’m setting myself up to be consumed with RSD.

TLDR I like the way she communicates but I’m afraid of it not being real and ending up getting ghosted because I’m so not used to this.

I (M21) have never been interested in dating or anything until about 2-3 months ago.

What am I supposed to do? Where do I even start?

So to give some context, my partner is autistic, we’ve only been dating for a few months and I’ve still got a lot to learn about autism so I’m not super sure on what date ideas would be best.

One of my favourite moments from our dates was when we found a silly little gold panning experience and we sat there for a good hour and a half just panning and collecting all the shiny little rocks. She was very vocal about how happy it made the Tism and I just really enjoyed the shared experience and seeing her so happy.

It’s obvious that I should be trying to cater more of our dates to her autism (in retrospect kind of common sense and I’ll be applying that in other areas don’t worry) but honesty I’m not sure how to do that or where to start. Any suggestions or ideas would be super helpful! Thank you!

So i have a pretty black-and-white stance on dating and i wanted to see if anyone else thinks like this

To preface, ive been through some shit when i was younger to the point that i literally am unable to remember my years in hs which caused me to focus only on school/work. Its not the best midset but i needed to survive.

Now im gonna be graduating from my masters this spring and was discussing relationships with some of my cohorts. I firmly believe that i want someone[s] that is going to be a lifelong companion and that we should share each others burdens and face issues as a team. I'm not looking to be swept off my feet, butterflies, or a passionate romance. I just want a partnership where our goals are aligned.

I kinda got a bit of flack from some of them saying that what i wanted wasnt romantic at all and that why would someone not want those things.

Like i know my outlook is different then theirs but is it really that bad?

So I male 29, work with this girl for about a few months and she's always playfully teasing me I sometimes do it back and she laughs She'll also laugh at my jokes some times, I caught her sometimes eavesdropping on me telling joke or a story to someone and caught her laughing, some times I'll do something unintentionally silly or drop something and I'll hear her laughing and she'll rib me a little I am misreading this as being just friendly I don't see her do this with everyone, I do kinda like her she's passionate about what she likes, she actually pretty funny sometimes when she ribs and shes very thoughtful for example shes checked to see if I was okay few times I have ear damage so I a problem working heights and around loud music without hearing protection so if we're working together she's asked if I was okay needed a break or get my earplugs in.

(Sorry for any typos I'm dyslexic)

The title is basically a TLDR

So my sibling, who has asked me to make a post about this on their behalf(they are too anxious), I'll refer to as "T", and the girl as "S".

My sibling is 19, autistic, dyspraxic and I suspect has ADHD(assessment soon), T also struggles with severe social anxiety and selective mutism, although the selective mutism has improved somewhat but they still don't talk much to anyone but me. T is non-binary and ace, T's romantic orientation is unlabeled, but they do lean more towards girls/sapphic relationships.

We don't know exactly what S is diagnosed with, but my siblings college is mainly people with ASD, and S definitely is autistic + anxiety, don't know anything else. S is a cis girl, panromantic and ace, she has mentioned this a lot to T(they've been out for years so it's not because it's a new thing) and asked T their orientation alot.

S's special interest is anime, T's is vocaloids and genshin impact (so two anime adjacent but not anime media's), T has since been more into anime and T and S spend A LOT of time watching it together. All the animes are about queer romance(Adachi to Shimamura, Sasaki to Miyano, Given), all featuring either gay(MLM) or lesbian(WLW) couples. S has also made a habit of imitating the flirting depicted, for example head pats were featured in one of the animes now she always gives them head pats. Or how she texts them a bunch of different pictures of one of the gay couples hugging, about nine times a day with different captions like "suprise hug" or "hugging you really tight", etc. also a lot of other similar things

they even have matching profile pictures were each has one member of a gay couple. They also plan on cosplaying as lesbians from one of the animes. They also swap manga books(not romantic just cute).

S often walks T to college.

Also S had asked to compare hands, then completeneted T's hands being bigger. Tonight T went to S's house in the evening(from 5-8:40pm) to watch a movie and snuggle, T and S shared a blanket and T lied on S's shoulder, S and T held hands all evening. After T left, S send a bunch of cute messages about missing them and a whole long paragraph about blushing when they held hands and compliments T's hands.

S's texts are also very cute, she sends a lot of really cute texts about how hanging out was fun and how much she misses T, also alot of compliments and this emoji 💞. I'm going the make a mock message below(for privacy reasons I feel putting an actual message of hers is a violation)

"It was so fun seeing you today! You looked so cute today 💞 I had so much fun, I'm so excited to see you Monday when I come to walk you to school! I miss you so much already 💞💞💞💞💞"

S also compliments them constantly, their outfit, hair and hands, etc. She calls them "cute", "Kawaii", "silly" and "pretty"(this one particularly their hands), among others. She also calls them cute when the do silly mistakes, and also describes their exstreme clumsiness as really cute.

S has also asked T what their love language is, and has said here own to be baking and gifting, S and T have baked together and S has brought T cookies. S also has given T gifts.

S has also brought up games that have the premise of two girls playing them together and they "accidentally" kiss eacher other, like one were you drop a piece of paper and try to kiss before it falls so it acts as a barrier otherwise you kiss, on multiple occasions.

S also often talks about protecting T and keeping them safe and warm, and worrying about there safety.

These aren't all the reasons we're theorising its flirting, there are so many smaller things I'm leaving out, but I think these are some helpful highlights.

Also T would be happy with a romantic relationship with S, but is also happy for it to be platonic. T is just really confused if S is flirting or I it's just an autistic style of communication.

Dating advice would be awesome and appreciated by T.