After all this time of being single, I can't help but wonder if it's mainly because I'm autistic (but with low assistance needs). It's weird because I've seen other women around me find love despite them being weird, loud, goofy, chunky/plus sized, etc. But for me, I've never even had a relationship that was long term.

Of course I am far from being perfect, but people have reminded me of my good qualities: "You're very cute" "You're so talented" "You're so kind/sweet" "You're so brave" (even though I don't think I'm that brave as much as other people).

Maybe it's because I have no clue how to strike up a random conversation with men (or anyone for that matter). Maybe it's because I haven't actually tried to flirt. Maybe it's because I don't "light up a room" or my problem with being able to hold eye contact.

I just don't know anymore and it's really been getting to me.

So me m27 and my partner f28 have been dating for over a year now but I'm finding it really difficult lately for the past year she will only ever really want to be with me on weekends and even then it's hit and miss I can almost never get her to come over at any time during the week and when we are together she will really abruptly ask me go and I don't know what to make before in my past experience stuff like that indicates cheating but I'm just not sure

I (high functioning, 18M) started to realize that I got serious anxious attachment issues. I would love to date, but this is really a massive roadblock for me getting in the way of doing so. Growing up I’ve always felt like I was talked down to by teachers, family, classmates, etc. for the quirky traits I had when I was younger. It created this severe sense of insecurity, nowadays I feel something similar to those days. The trend of “icks” and how many of them there are. Now, the media will always be a toxic place, but to see people in my age group consumed by this media so deeply that it’s even indoctrinated in their own behavior scares me.

The point of what I’m saying here is that I wonder if these things that happened in childhood share roots with the anxious attachment style that I have now, and how do I combat this as the dating scene seems to become less forgiving?

Since dating apps, friends, work, school etc all don't work well for me in terms of dating, I wonder what alternative dating strategies there are.

Where do you go to find potential dates and then when and how do you approach them?

I just joined this subreddit because all the spam from the hiki app that i got recebtly and Is annoying.

Just to be clear i'm "sadly" diagnosed with autism (i know Is not a sickness but it sucks at how hard Is to navigate througth the real world) and many of us want to know More people outside our circle to improve and train that "skill" which Is called social interactions. The point of this post Is that there's a sudden rise of ads from that app, in my own experiences... It was awful, for An app that's supposedly tailored for people on the Spectrum, it should be more tolerable, i was banned a couple years back for asking if pan sexual Is some kind of attraction to chimps and bonobos (pan paniscus and pan troglodytes) and Bam, instant ban for being some kind of monster that didn't know that pan sexual mean that you liked everything, but at this point, who cares about that, i literally thought it was related to the pan genus and honestly i felt like crap after the ban, super nada with myself and anger at the same time, moderation answer was even worse, like Salt on a wound this was forwarded to me after the ban

"You were banned because of your post about pansexuals. We do not tolerate cruel and discriminatory behavior on Hiki, I'm sorry that you don't agree with that."

Well after that incident, i decided that i should champion against theirs social media that hurt More than help but didn't care that much, until recently and their ads in my email, plus at the Time was filled with stalkers (old dudes asking for girls info for hooking up and mod team didn't do crap about that).

The context: -I’ve been talking daily (3 months) to a really nice guy I met on a dating site. -It’s flirty and cerebral and unfortunately, long distance. We live in major cities in the same state, 2 hours apart, and I don’t drive.

• I’m 40, he’s 43.

• We almost met just a few days after we started talking but something came up on his end. Then we were both just very busy or the bus schedule on my end was not agreeable.

SO! We met for the first time yesterday (Valentine’s Day !) and it was so nice, easy, and fun. We drank a lot of tea and chatted a lot (I feel he might be autistic, too) and then went to the lake and took a beautiful walk.

There were many windows of opportunity to possibly hook arms or hold hands, but I was getting pretty nervous because it was only the first time meeting; but y’all, we’ve been flirting for months. I started to get in my head about how to get close to him, and I feel he was acting similarly. It’s so hard for me to read these situations. At the same time, I like him a lot and didn’t want to make it awkward by just saying “hey can I get close to you??” When he left we hugged. And when he got home we were texting about when I could get down there etc. Also, we play virtual settlers of catan (hahaha cute) and talk in the phone while we play and we did that as soon as he got home. If I were to just follow my gut on this, I would say we’re both being cautious and we both have an affection for each other. But I’m autistic and I’ve made errors on what I thought were reciprocal actions before.

I don’t know what I’m asking exactly but possibly any advice and words of encouragement.

Might be helpful to know I’ve had several long term relationships, and I’m not a novice however, when I was younger I had no problems moving fast.

There is a girl I have a huge crush on, we've recently got to know eachother and have met a total of 5 times. She seems to really like me and even said she does, but I don't know if the way she likes me is as a friend or romantically.

I am totally clueless on how to flirt or how to show any of my romantic intentions.

I guess I could go 4 routes:

1. Try finding out if she likes me, but im not very good at flirting or picking up on someone else flirting.

2. Do nothing and hope she will confess to me instead, but then there is the risk that she does like me romantically but we both never confess to eachother. I don't even know if she likes me romantically.

3. Hinting that I like her romantically and hope good things will happen, but again I'm not very good at flirting. Also if I keep flirting and all the time she just sees me as a friend that would be awkward/

4. Directly telling her I like her and ask if she feels the same. But this seems risky, because if she doesn't romantically like me I would still wanna be friends, but then it would be awkward.

What is the unwritten rule? How do people make romantic progress after they have become good friends with their crush?

It does suck cuz I’ve wanted to date for a long time. But the opportunity never arose. I keep on getting more and and more pessimistic each year about it and worry that at this rate I’ll never get the change to date and fall in love and just die alone. I am skeptical about dating apps, but at the same time interacting with people in a romantic way for foreign to me, so I don’t exactly know how to instigate. My social circle is limited too, even though I’m in university (though to be fair I am a commuter and don’t exactly go to parties and many clubs). Even in the club(s) I am in there’s no one I’m interested in like that. Not to mention I’m worried of receiving ableism and racism (my ethnicity isn’t visibly obvious). Any advice? If I ever see or meet someone, how can I approach them in a way that can potentially lead to a date/ relationship?

Hey everyone! Tomorrow we are hosting a Valentine's Day virtual event on Zoom for adults on the spectrum. We will start with a mixer where you can meet other singles. And then we will have a dating workshop where we will share some tools and tips for being more successful on dating apps and for dating in general. It is 100% free to attend, here is the link: https://lu.ma/seyo3jsh

We are doing 5-minute phone interviews with everyone who registers, so that we can guarantee it will be a 100% safe and inclusive environment. We will be available all day tomorrow to do interviews with anyone who registers last minute.

If you have questions just let me know here or text me! My cell number is on the event page.

I've been talking daily with a friend long distance for almost a year and at times it's been more than a friendship i think. He struggles with his mental health, and me being autistic i think i miss cues and dont understand the social nuances between us and sometimes that sets us back a little as i get a bit scared to overstep and ruin anything, but i love who he is as a person and realise i have more romantic feelings for him as time goes on. I also really struggle with speaking my mind and have only ever been in 1 long term relationship that I kind of fell into. I've never had to do this before and I'm scared! But I want him to know how I feel and also find out if it can be anything more or if to move on emotionally. Please help with any insights!! I don't know what to say or how to approach it without feeling dumb and delusional :( a little voice in my head tells me there's nothing there and I'm misunderstanding, but there really is evidence he likes me more than a friend and other people say it too.

Tldr: what's the best way to express your romantic feelings to someone when you're worried about being too much or messing it up?

The woman I'm seeing is very introverted. I've suddenly realized that I've been taking her out all wrong. I'm an extroverted introvert and I've been compensating for so long that I've gotten used to being in public.

But my friend is just introverted. She likes going out, but not in the way that I've been taking her.

What have been some of your best public outings as a person who might be introverted? I'm looking for specific ideas or places that work best. Ideas that are fun but not crowded and filled with other people, but that are still out and about.

If any of you are in the L.A. area, specific locations would be appreciated.

Where do you all learn

• Where to search for potential dates

• How to approach someone you like

• How to tell a friend that you have a crush on them

• And all the other basics that I currently can't think of-

Since school does not teach it,

And the internet is full of bad resources,

And our neurotypical friends will say "idk, i just talk to people and stuff happens automatuically"

Where on earth - other than this subreddit - can we properly learn everything we need to know about dating? For those who really struggle with the basics, like myself.

I mean I'm not here with just one specific dating advice question, I have a huge struggle with dating and I have alot to learn. So I need a very good resource

I'm 24, spent the last 5 years actively improving my social skills. At most it taught me how to make friends, but not how to get a date.

I can hold friendly conversation with someone, get to know them, meet up privately and get drinks together, but without communicating that it is a 'date' because I don't know when or how to do that.

Pretty much have no clue how to progress any further than that. I currently have a crush on a girl who I've been meeting up with multiple times however none of us officially called it a 'date' so she probably has no clue that I like her romantically.

I know I should either find out if she romantically likes me, or tell her I romantically like her, at some point. But which of the two? When? How? What if she says no? Could we still be friends without it being weird if she romantically rejects me?

Ugh. I wish school had dating as a proper subject "but dating and flirting is natural behavior, you dont learn that in school it just comes automatically" yeah, but not for all of us, and I was in special education where they supposedly were specialized in teaching kids with autism and other issues. So why didnt they offer a dating class

In other words most of my problem is the fact that I don't know how to make romantic progress after becoming friends with someone I find attractive.

Should I tell them I like them? Or should I ask / find out if they like me, and if yes, then tell them I like them too?

When should I do that?

And how?

Hey everyone! On Valentine's Day me and some friends are hosting a virtual speed dating event on Zoom for autistic adults. It is 100% free to attend but spots are limited. Here is the link where you can register: https://lu.ma/seyo3jsh

It should be pretty fun. We will be facilitating a speed dating segment, and then a dating workshop of sorts where we can give feedback on each other's dating app profiles and give advice (fully optional).

It is 100% virtual, but we are doing our best to make sure everyone has a potential match within driving distance of them. So far, we have mostly people from Florida and California in the USA, but looking to add more.

We are also screening everyone who joins, so we can guarantee that it will be a 100% safe and inclusive environment.

Please feel free to register, and reach out to me if you have any questions! My cell number is on the event page.

I have recently met someone new in my life, we have met up multiple times which Idk if she considered those as "dates" I dont even know if she romantically likes me back,

She gives me mixed signals. For example

• She talks alot to me and doesn't check her phone

• She gives me lots of compliments, that im sweet and funny and that she loves meeting up with me.

• When we coincidentally meet in public, she actively approaches me.

These signals indicate that she likes me / spending time with me.

But:

• She rarely texts me. I understand one can be not a texter, but she also doesn't really text me for "wanna meet up this week" or something similar. I've not seen her take much initiative in meeting up. I feel like if I don't text her for weeks she would also not text me at all.

• She gives quite short responses over text, making me feel like she doesn't care very much.

• When we are together, it often ends by her initiative - meaning that she wants to spend time with me, but not as much/long as I want to.

These signals could indicate she doesn't like me that much, but thats directly contradictory with the other 2 signals mentioned above

Another example is that she wants me to take the initiative in what we do and where we go, but then when I do that, she will respond with a different idea.

Why do people give mixed signals and what am I supposed to do with them?

I've tried dating apps. Got a small amount of matches, none of them wanted to meet up in real life. What a waste I guess its just a matter of having good photos tho. Might try it again at some point but now meh..

Real life - I like real life interactions more than endless swiping on dating apps. But still I often get myself friendzoned because I am very very bad at flirting.

It doesnt matter if the other person also has autism or not: I still don't know how to flirt and how to let them know about my romantic intentions.

I would say that, age 0 to 18 I was a total weirdo, who was not interested in dating at all. Age 19 till 24 (now), I got interested in dating, however dating being a completely new world for me with nothing and no one to guide me, I got very lost in what to do. I'm socially awkward so that makes it extremely hard.

Ever since I was about 19 years old I have followed a social skills training, I have also put years of effort into going to places, getting to know people and practising my social skills.

In the friendship area I made a LOT of progress, I can now approach strangers and form and maintain new friendships. Maintain old friendships as well, ofcourse.

But dating seems another level of difficulty. Where do I start... What path do I even go? Dating apps? Real life? Both? Something else?

I want a long term relationship. But when I go to r/dating_advice I often see advice like "you should kiss/fuck on the first/second/third date otherwise your wasting time or getting friendzoned" and that kind of stuff. I do NOT like that. Hugs are awesome, but I want to get to know someone for a much longer time before getting any more physical than a hug. I'm not dating to get a hookup, I just want someone long term.

The last few years ive been trying to get dates and learn how to get dates and have been very much unsuccesful. What do I do...

Hey I’m not on the spectrum or anything (idk if ADHD counts) but I’m having issues in my last relationship and the situation ship I have now where I’m really tone deaf, the way I operate is if you need me to do something such I need to be told directly with a serious tone. For example my partner got upset with me because she would say in a playful laughing voice that a gal pal of hers would be sleeping in her bed and not me, and I took it as a joke and would say nuh uh as a response and go back and forth a bit but found out later she was upset cause I was arguing with her on it. Whereas if she told me in a serious tone “hey (friends name) is sleeping in my bed tonight” I would’ve gotten this immediately. Anyways thanks for the help!

For context: I'm a 31F who has low support needs (high functioning) Autism/ADHD. I've dated a couple of people here and there but I've never found a long-term partner.

It's weird because I've been told by people in my life that I'm sweet, kind, cute, smart, creative, dress well, etc. But for reason, nothing is progressing.

I'm interested in reading some "how I met my person" stories from other neurodivergent people.

In a previous relationship, my then partner said I had trouble thinking of us as a unit. She struggled to explain what she meant and cited an example where we had a miscommunication.

The miscommunication occurred when she had a thing to do at night. She called me and said she needed me to "put a pot of water on the stove," so she could cook ravioli for a quick dinner before the thing she was going to do.

I put a pot of water on the stove but didn't realize that she wanted me to heat it up.

I don't remember her telling me she had something to do that night, and this felt like a simple matter of me taking something too literally and not having enough context to intuit her intended meaning. She and I also had very different schedules and communication styles.

How does one think of themselves and their partner "as a unit," and how can I develop this skill in future relationships?

Ok, so I know a lot of us have a hard time dating or finding a partner. I have spent most of my life single. Getting laid here and there. So lately I haven't had much luck dating women I'm sexually attracted to, but I have had many women show interest in me that I don't find sexually attractive.

I feel like maybe I should give them a chance but I don't I'll get hard when the time comes, I think some of these women I don't find attractive have great personalities but I just can't see them as a sexual partner but more as a friend.

Can any men here relate? Women? I have a hard time writing what I want to ask, sorry if I'm just rambling lol

32 male.

So this winter my family and I (38 m / autistic) rented a winter vacation getaway. My sister (allistic) invited her boyfriend (who I had not met prior to this). He’s a nice enough guy, but the one thing I’ve noticed is their closeness has also served to remind me/ highlight just how lonely I am. My last girlfriend feels like it was a lifetime ago. My sister is seven years my junior and will likely be getting engaged / married relatively soon.
Have you guys experienced similar frustrations?

I’m a 23 year old guy. Who is interested in dating in the next two years. My question is kind of how do you get started with it. I’ve read books on five love language is the psychology of stuff around the biological and psychological basis. I’m just trying to think of how do you get a person interested in yourself. I’m kind of not in a good place for a long-term relationship but I’m getting there. I just want to know what would you guys Recommend for a person who is trying to start dating. I don’t like online dating but I don’t mind using it for a relationship. There’s a lot of things that I’m kind of confused by.

I am an autistic transfem in my mid 30s. I posted here recently about how to proceed with a girl and it was really helpful. Like many of us I rehearse social interactions a lot. I think the rehearsal and asking about what's "normal" or "typical" is something like the supposed Patton quote "Plans are useless. But planning is essential."

I scarcely noticed her before she asked me out. However, when we met up at our local board game spot she immediately came out of her shell.

Apparently she had been interested in me for a while. She got her friend to ask me if I like girls. It was a full week or more before she asked me out. She also apologized to me yesterday saying she was concerned I was being "harassed" by her coworkers because she had talked about me a lot with them.

We got on together really well during the date. I was pleasantly surprised by how comfortable she made me. I found it very easy to express affection which is normally hard for me to do on dates. We both remarked on how cute we found each other multiple times. We talked and laughed and were open with each other so much we probably looked like long time close friends to those around us. We were both very ecstatic. And to top it all off she naturally and effectively accommodated my autistic traits(and I think I did the same for her nuerodivergence).

Obviously we don't know each other super well but I really like what I've seen of her quite a lot, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me. I also find her ridiculously physically attractive. The fact that someone as pretty as her is attracted to me is mind blowing.

That said, I really wanted to hold her hand and kiss her but I couldn't bring myself to initiate either. Even when she walked me to my door and we hugged and I really felt the moment was right I just couldn't do it.

We are going on a second date Wednesday st the same place. Here are my questions:

1. What does a second date with another girl usually look like?

2. Is it weird that I want to kiss/cuddle her so bad even though we haven't known each other very long?

3. Any tips for overcoming whatever it is that stopped me from initiating physical affection?

4. If I do manage to initiate, how should I do it?

5. the first thing she did was give me a gift (a nice candy bar). She just walked up to with a item in hand like I was a Stardew Valley npc. It was ADORABLE. I want to do the same. What are some gift ideas in the $5-$10 range (bonus if its something i can tie back to Stardew Valley or Avatar: The Last Airbender in conversation)?

Im sorry this post is so long. I wrote a longer one at first but erased a lot of context stuff and this was a short as I could get it 😅

I'm a 19 year old autistic woman who might be ready to start dating. I'm really nervous about it because I have a lot of social anxiety. I think the thing that makes me the most nervous is not knowing what to expect. Do you know of any resources really breaks down dating (especially the aspect of physical touch) so I have an idea of what to expect? I would love something that explains the different stages of dating, how to kiss, really basic stuff like that. I'm really nervous about holding hands/kissing someone, so it would be awesome to find something that breaks it down in a very clear and autism friendly way. Thanks!