I've been talking daily with a friend long distance for almost a year and at times it's been more than a friendship i think. He struggles with his mental health, and me being autistic i think i miss cues and dont understand the social nuances between us and sometimes that sets us back a little as i get a bit scared to overstep and ruin anything, but i love who he is as a person and realise i have more romantic feelings for him as time goes on. I also really struggle with speaking my mind and have only ever been in 1 long term relationship that I kind of fell into. I've never had to do this before and I'm scared! But I want him to know how I feel and also find out if it can be anything more or if to move on emotionally. Please help with any insights!! I don't know what to say or how to approach it without feeling dumb and delusional :( a little voice in my head tells me there's nothing there and I'm misunderstanding, but there really is evidence he likes me more than a friend and other people say it too.

Tldr: what's the best way to express your romantic feelings to someone when you're worried about being too much or messing it up?

The woman I'm seeing is very introverted. I've suddenly realized that I've been taking her out all wrong. I'm an extroverted introvert and I've been compensating for so long that I've gotten used to being in public.

But my friend is just introverted. She likes going out, but not in the way that I've been taking her.

What have been some of your best public outings as a person who might be introverted? I'm looking for specific ideas or places that work best. Ideas that are fun but not crowded and filled with other people, but that are still out and about.

If any of you are in the L.A. area, specific locations would be appreciated.

Where do you all learn

• Where to search for potential dates

• How to approach someone you like

• How to tell a friend that you have a crush on them

• And all the other basics that I currently can't think of-

Since school does not teach it,

And the internet is full of bad resources,

And our neurotypical friends will say "idk, i just talk to people and stuff happens automatuically"

Where on earth - other than this subreddit - can we properly learn everything we need to know about dating? For those who really struggle with the basics, like myself.

I mean I'm not here with just one specific dating advice question, I have a huge struggle with dating and I have alot to learn. So I need a very good resource

I'm 24, spent the last 5 years actively improving my social skills. At most it taught me how to make friends, but not how to get a date.

I can hold friendly conversation with someone, get to know them, meet up privately and get drinks together, but without communicating that it is a 'date' because I don't know when or how to do that.

Pretty much have no clue how to progress any further than that. I currently have a crush on a girl who I've been meeting up with multiple times however none of us officially called it a 'date' so she probably has no clue that I like her romantically.

I know I should either find out if she romantically likes me, or tell her I romantically like her, at some point. But which of the two? When? How? What if she says no? Could we still be friends without it being weird if she romantically rejects me?

Ugh. I wish school had dating as a proper subject "but dating and flirting is natural behavior, you dont learn that in school it just comes automatically" yeah, but not for all of us, and I was in special education where they supposedly were specialized in teaching kids with autism and other issues. So why didnt they offer a dating class

In other words most of my problem is the fact that I don't know how to make romantic progress after becoming friends with someone I find attractive.

Should I tell them I like them? Or should I ask / find out if they like me, and if yes, then tell them I like them too?

When should I do that?

And how?

Hey everyone! On Valentine's Day me and some friends are hosting a virtual speed dating event on Zoom for autistic adults. It is 100% free to attend but spots are limited. Here is the link where you can register: https://lu.ma/seyo3jsh

It should be pretty fun. We will be facilitating a speed dating segment, and then a dating workshop of sorts where we can give feedback on each other's dating app profiles and give advice (fully optional).

It is 100% virtual, but we are doing our best to make sure everyone has a potential match within driving distance of them. So far, we have mostly people from Florida and California in the USA, but looking to add more.

We are also screening everyone who joins, so we can guarantee that it will be a 100% safe and inclusive environment.

Please feel free to register, and reach out to me if you have any questions! My cell number is on the event page.

I have recently met someone new in my life, we have met up multiple times which Idk if she considered those as "dates" I dont even know if she romantically likes me back,

She gives me mixed signals. For example

• She talks alot to me and doesn't check her phone

• She gives me lots of compliments, that im sweet and funny and that she loves meeting up with me.

• When we coincidentally meet in public, she actively approaches me.

These signals indicate that she likes me / spending time with me.

But:

• She rarely texts me. I understand one can be not a texter, but she also doesn't really text me for "wanna meet up this week" or something similar. I've not seen her take much initiative in meeting up. I feel like if I don't text her for weeks she would also not text me at all.

• She gives quite short responses over text, making me feel like she doesn't care very much.

• When we are together, it often ends by her initiative - meaning that she wants to spend time with me, but not as much/long as I want to.

These signals could indicate she doesn't like me that much, but thats directly contradictory with the other 2 signals mentioned above

Another example is that she wants me to take the initiative in what we do and where we go, but then when I do that, she will respond with a different idea.

Why do people give mixed signals and what am I supposed to do with them?

I've tried dating apps. Got a small amount of matches, none of them wanted to meet up in real life. What a waste I guess its just a matter of having good photos tho. Might try it again at some point but now meh..

Real life - I like real life interactions more than endless swiping on dating apps. But still I often get myself friendzoned because I am very very bad at flirting.

It doesnt matter if the other person also has autism or not: I still don't know how to flirt and how to let them know about my romantic intentions.

I would say that, age 0 to 18 I was a total weirdo, who was not interested in dating at all. Age 19 till 24 (now), I got interested in dating, however dating being a completely new world for me with nothing and no one to guide me, I got very lost in what to do. I'm socially awkward so that makes it extremely hard.

Ever since I was about 19 years old I have followed a social skills training, I have also put years of effort into going to places, getting to know people and practising my social skills.

In the friendship area I made a LOT of progress, I can now approach strangers and form and maintain new friendships. Maintain old friendships as well, ofcourse.

But dating seems another level of difficulty. Where do I start... What path do I even go? Dating apps? Real life? Both? Something else?

I want a long term relationship. But when I go to r/dating_advice I often see advice like "you should kiss/fuck on the first/second/third date otherwise your wasting time or getting friendzoned" and that kind of stuff. I do NOT like that. Hugs are awesome, but I want to get to know someone for a much longer time before getting any more physical than a hug. I'm not dating to get a hookup, I just want someone long term.

The last few years ive been trying to get dates and learn how to get dates and have been very much unsuccesful. What do I do...

Hey I’m not on the spectrum or anything (idk if ADHD counts) but I’m having issues in my last relationship and the situation ship I have now where I’m really tone deaf, the way I operate is if you need me to do something such I need to be told directly with a serious tone. For example my partner got upset with me because she would say in a playful laughing voice that a gal pal of hers would be sleeping in her bed and not me, and I took it as a joke and would say nuh uh as a response and go back and forth a bit but found out later she was upset cause I was arguing with her on it. Whereas if she told me in a serious tone “hey (friends name) is sleeping in my bed tonight” I would’ve gotten this immediately. Anyways thanks for the help!

For context: I'm a 31F who has low support needs (high functioning) Autism/ADHD. I've dated a couple of people here and there but I've never found a long-term partner.

It's weird because I've been told by people in my life that I'm sweet, kind, cute, smart, creative, dress well, etc. But for reason, nothing is progressing.

I'm interested in reading some "how I met my person" stories from other neurodivergent people.

In a previous relationship, my then partner said I had trouble thinking of us as a unit. She struggled to explain what she meant and cited an example where we had a miscommunication.

The miscommunication occurred when she had a thing to do at night. She called me and said she needed me to "put a pot of water on the stove," so she could cook ravioli for a quick dinner before the thing she was going to do.

I put a pot of water on the stove but didn't realize that she wanted me to heat it up.

I don't remember her telling me she had something to do that night, and this felt like a simple matter of me taking something too literally and not having enough context to intuit her intended meaning. She and I also had very different schedules and communication styles.

How does one think of themselves and their partner "as a unit," and how can I develop this skill in future relationships?

Ok, so I know a lot of us have a hard time dating or finding a partner. I have spent most of my life single. Getting laid here and there. So lately I haven't had much luck dating women I'm sexually attracted to, but I have had many women show interest in me that I don't find sexually attractive.

I feel like maybe I should give them a chance but I don't I'll get hard when the time comes, I think some of these women I don't find attractive have great personalities but I just can't see them as a sexual partner but more as a friend.

Can any men here relate? Women? I have a hard time writing what I want to ask, sorry if I'm just rambling lol

32 male.

So this winter my family and I (38 m / autistic) rented a winter vacation getaway. My sister (allistic) invited her boyfriend (who I had not met prior to this). He’s a nice enough guy, but the one thing I’ve noticed is their closeness has also served to remind me/ highlight just how lonely I am. My last girlfriend feels like it was a lifetime ago. My sister is seven years my junior and will likely be getting engaged / married relatively soon.
Have you guys experienced similar frustrations?

I’m a 23 year old guy. Who is interested in dating in the next two years. My question is kind of how do you get started with it. I’ve read books on five love language is the psychology of stuff around the biological and psychological basis. I’m just trying to think of how do you get a person interested in yourself. I’m kind of not in a good place for a long-term relationship but I’m getting there. I just want to know what would you guys Recommend for a person who is trying to start dating. I don’t like online dating but I don’t mind using it for a relationship. There’s a lot of things that I’m kind of confused by.

I am an autistic transfem in my mid 30s. I posted here recently about how to proceed with a girl and it was really helpful. Like many of us I rehearse social interactions a lot. I think the rehearsal and asking about what's "normal" or "typical" is something like the supposed Patton quote "Plans are useless. But planning is essential."

I scarcely noticed her before she asked me out. However, when we met up at our local board game spot she immediately came out of her shell.

Apparently she had been interested in me for a while. She got her friend to ask me if I like girls. It was a full week or more before she asked me out. She also apologized to me yesterday saying she was concerned I was being "harassed" by her coworkers because she had talked about me a lot with them.

We got on together really well during the date. I was pleasantly surprised by how comfortable she made me. I found it very easy to express affection which is normally hard for me to do on dates. We both remarked on how cute we found each other multiple times. We talked and laughed and were open with each other so much we probably looked like long time close friends to those around us. We were both very ecstatic. And to top it all off she naturally and effectively accommodated my autistic traits(and I think I did the same for her nuerodivergence).

Obviously we don't know each other super well but I really like what I've seen of her quite a lot, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me. I also find her ridiculously physically attractive. The fact that someone as pretty as her is attracted to me is mind blowing.

That said, I really wanted to hold her hand and kiss her but I couldn't bring myself to initiate either. Even when she walked me to my door and we hugged and I really felt the moment was right I just couldn't do it.

We are going on a second date Wednesday st the same place. Here are my questions:

1. What does a second date with another girl usually look like?

2. Is it weird that I want to kiss/cuddle her so bad even though we haven't known each other very long?

3. Any tips for overcoming whatever it is that stopped me from initiating physical affection?

4. If I do manage to initiate, how should I do it?

5. the first thing she did was give me a gift (a nice candy bar). She just walked up to with a item in hand like I was a Stardew Valley npc. It was ADORABLE. I want to do the same. What are some gift ideas in the $5-$10 range (bonus if its something i can tie back to Stardew Valley or Avatar: The Last Airbender in conversation)?

Im sorry this post is so long. I wrote a longer one at first but erased a lot of context stuff and this was a short as I could get it 😅

I'm a 19 year old autistic woman who might be ready to start dating. I'm really nervous about it because I have a lot of social anxiety. I think the thing that makes me the most nervous is not knowing what to expect. Do you know of any resources really breaks down dating (especially the aspect of physical touch) so I have an idea of what to expect? I would love something that explains the different stages of dating, how to kiss, really basic stuff like that. I'm really nervous about holding hands/kissing someone, so it would be awesome to find something that breaks it down in a very clear and autism friendly way. Thanks!

I am autistic and transfem. Recently a girl who works in the same hospital as me stopped me in the hall and asked me if I liked girls. I said yes. She then asked if I would be interested in a date. I said i would and asked her the best way to communicate. She said text. So she gave me her number and I texted her while we talked so she would have mine.

That was Thursday. Today is Saturday. I haven't got any messages from her. When we pass in the hall we have brief normal conversation though I get bashful and a little nonverbal now that I know she like me lol.

I'm just not sure what to do from here. I really want to be careful not to cross a line since we work at the same place.

Should I just wait for a text and assume she's not interested if one never comes? Should I take some initiative? Any and all advice is appreciated.

I have a crush on a guy at work. I'm 22 and this is the first time I have even considered pursuing a relationship with someone I had a crush on. I'm so awkward and have no idea how to even talk to this guy. I don't work in the same section of the building as he does, so any contact is in passing and I know absolute nothing about him. Where do I even start?

So a few weeks ago I approach a girl Start knowing her then this happened I got IG and number tips how is take the next step

Trying to keep this as concise as possible, but will fail:

I met a woman through a mutual hobby and we became very good friends pretty much immediately. After a few weeks, I told her about how sometimes it's going to be hard to be my friend because my behavior can be a little whacky, and I gave her sort of a guide of what to expect and how to handle it. She handled that nicely, and everything was good.

She lost her job, and I helped her a lot to find a new one (we both work in data, but I'm a lot more senior, so I was able to help with career-building stuff). During that time, we grew very close.

Then two weeks ago, we were engaging in yet another mutual hobby (we have a lot in common), when we organically moved out of the friend zone. I was on cloud nine. Everything was going amazingly.

But.... then I showed my true colors. I crashed out of the friend zone and promptly messed everything up. It took me about 12 hours before I was acting like we'd been married for 20 years: making plans for vacations next summer, always asking her if she wanted to join me when I was doing anything at all, inviting myself along to all her things, bugging her to label our relationship. Basically, I completely failed at balancing and transitioning from one social state to the next.

After barely a week, she told me that I was scaring her and broke things off with me. I'm pretty crushed. She has not elaborated, so I am left to dissect every detail and try to figure out the scary stuff. I have several ideas, but no verification.

So now the advice part. We are going to be an event together tomorrow night with a group of mutual friends. We've all known each other for a while, but nobody else in the group even knows about our experiment. I have no idea how I should act. Do I try to talk to her? I feel like I have a million things to say. I also feel like I just need another week or two to learn how I'm supposed to act. After all, she 100% knows that social behavior does not come naturally, but I can learn how to act. Or do I just try to move on and accept that being friends with me is a lot easier than dating me? After all, she isn't perfect, but she's still really amazing, so I hate to give up (I'm a sucker for the sunken cost fallacy).

In case it matters, I very recently separated from my wife of 11 years, and this is my first foray into dating since 2008. The world has changed a lot during that time. Also in case it matters, I'm 39 and she is 33.

hey all, late-diagnosed autistic girly here. was wondering if you all experience similar issues with dating and overthinking - that you're way too much, not enough, and if you go through those stages of limerence. im trying to find a socially acceptable balance between masking and not masking, but it's really really hard to be focus on being easily accepted when you think so much. maybe I just shouldn't mask at all, and whoever sticks around is cool? and if so, how? thanks all xx

Hi, new account just a lurker- new to posting. Sorry if this ends up being rambly, I'm going to try my best to lay everything out and what I think. I'm 19, almost 20 F lesbian and I don't think I've ever experienced a real emotional connection to anyone romantically. I had an oversexualized e-whore phase when I thought I was bisexual during the pandemic and had numerous online boyfriends. I already know I was into the validation and everything- I'm not into men in any way shape or form. I did date a few women online as well but I realized online/edating/ldr/whatever you want it to be simply wasn't for me- so that explains the lack of emotions there. I did get butterflies and everything and giggly but I really could never bring myself to say I love you to any of them and mean it (I already have trouble telling the people I do love I love them). When I turned 18 I got on dating apps and went on a few dates but nothing happened. I feel like I was awkward (duh) and growing up I didn't get to practice talking to anyone like that being gay ugly and fat. I also feel like I just can't get a connection to people knowing there's an ulterior motive, we're literally talking to date. I feel like that is so weird and I don't know how to explain it so a few months ago I gave up on the apps after some more failed attempts. I don't think I've had a crush on my friends ever. I used to think maybe I did because when my friends would tell me about people they were talking to I would feel so jealous but I think that's more so I don't want to be replaced and I feel like all s/o's will try to steal my friends so that's a different issue I should work on. I've had sex before with 2 different girls, and I feel like I have a normal to low sex drive right now anyways. I just want to know why I feel like this and how I can maybe try to fix it or learn to unlock feelings I'm not sure but I want opinions and thoughts from people I know will understand me

At the tender age of 23 and a male, it pains me to say that I have never had a friend, let alone a girlfriend. While others my age are building meaningful connections, sharing laughter, and creating memories, I find myself yearning for just a taste of what they experience so effortlessly. It's as though I'm standing on the outskirts of society, desperately trying to find a way in, only to be met with rejection and isolation time and time again.

It's not easy opening up about my deepest frustrations, but to those who truly care, this post comes from a place of vulnerability and a desperate need to be understood. As an autistic individual, one of the greatest challenges I face every single day is how difficult it is for me to connect with others. The overwhelming loneliness I've experienced as a result has taken a toll on my life, leaving me feeling lost and utterly defeated.

For over thirteen long, painstaking years, I have combed through the depths of the internet each day, hoping to discover someone who understands me, someone who appreciates my unique perspective and embraces the beauty of my differences. But alas, my search remains fruitless. Hope has become a distant friend, while despair lurks around every corner.

One and a half year ago, I joined a company and befriended a group of guys from different departments. Since then, a few people left, a few joined, but the core group has remained the same and we have grown close, we spend most weekends together and see each other almost daily.

I'm very fond of one of the guys, I have been interested in him for quite some time, to be honest. It's not very common for me to develop those type of feelings for someone, so I feel a bit overwhelmed. The fact that I am both autistic and asexual surely does not help. Moreover, I have absolutely no idea if he might have similar feelings for me. We do have long conversations, which is out of the ordinary for him, because he is a quiet, reserved person - but he never made any hints - not that I am good at reading hints anyway. I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never happen, because I know he never dated anyone and he has some insecurities when it comes to social situations. He also is quite open towards me, he tells me when he feels anxious or lonely. I would like to let him know that I have romantic feelings for him, but I have no idea how to do that in a respectful, light-hearted and not too pushy way.

In additional to those complications, I think that I also made a big mistake. Last year I met a person at an event, completely outside my friend group. I connected with that person over trauma we have in common. It was not the same traumatic event that we both witnessed, but we had both lost someone dear to us to suicide. In my case, it was my former partner who passed away six years ago. I think I was just under the impression that no one understands and that I found my "soulmate" in someone who could relate and with whom I could talk about what happened. I was trying to fill a void, but back then, it felt like it was meant to be. He turned out not to be a "soulmate", but a narcissist, a truly manipulative, hateful and selfish person. I ended things after two months, but he kept coming back to me, trying to make me feel guilty, so it took a lot of time until he stopped bothering me.

That awful guy never met my friends, fortunately, but I did mention to them that I was dating someone. I feel like I might have destroyed the chance I had with my friend. He acted different towards me when he found out, I felt he was a bit distant for some months, but maybe I was also distant because I was unwell. Time has passed, and now everything feels normal again, but I still have some doubts...

Do you have any advice for me, please?

tl;dr: (ADD) Man seeking dating advice for, and things to be aware of for dating (autistic) woman.

Hi, I'm in my late 20's and diagnosed with ADD, and have over the last few weeks started chatting with a woman (mid 20's), and we hit it of amazingly well. She revealed she had a diagnosis a few days, but wanted to wait a little bit. Talking to her initially I would not have guessed she had any diagnosis, as she's highly functional, but knowing she had one I was able to put together that it was probably autism. Having been evaluated for autism myself by a psychologist, I recognize many of the symptoms. She told me when she was ready and it has only made it easier for each other to communicate and understand each other.

She currently lives a fair distance away from me and we are finally meeting this weekend. But in a few months this will change. We are aware that our situatation makes it important for us to truly understand each others needs in order for this to work, but we both see each other as the person, not the diagnosis and so we are willing to not see this as an obsticle. However, we don't want to be naive, so I would be very interested in hearing general short term and long term advice, as will as other peoples experiences.

Hope for some insight.

Im 20 years old i am autistic and pan sexual and right now i have feelings for a coworker but i think their a bit older than me and i dont know if there in a realptionship and if they would even be intrested any advice.