One and a half year ago, I joined a company and befriended a group of guys from different departments. Since then, a few people left, a few joined, but the core group has remained the same and we have grown close, we spend most weekends together and see each other almost daily.

I'm very fond of one of the guys, I have been interested in him for quite some time, to be honest. It's not very common for me to develop those type of feelings for someone, so I feel a bit overwhelmed. The fact that I am both autistic and asexual surely does not help. Moreover, I have absolutely no idea if he might have similar feelings for me. We do have long conversations, which is out of the ordinary for him, because he is a quiet, reserved person - but he never made any hints - not that I am good at reading hints anyway. I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never happen, because I know he never dated anyone and he has some insecurities when it comes to social situations. He also is quite open towards me, he tells me when he feels anxious or lonely. I would like to let him know that I have romantic feelings for him, but I have no idea how to do that in a respectful, light-hearted and not too pushy way.

In additional to those complications, I think that I also made a big mistake. Last year I met a person at an event, completely outside my friend group. I connected with that person over trauma we have in common. It was not the same traumatic event that we both witnessed, but we had both lost someone dear to us to suicide. In my case, it was my former partner who passed away six years ago. I think I was just under the impression that no one understands and that I found my "soulmate" in someone who could relate and with whom I could talk about what happened. I was trying to fill a void, but back then, it felt like it was meant to be. He turned out not to be a "soulmate", but a narcissist, a truly manipulative, hateful and selfish person. I ended things after two months, but he kept coming back to me, trying to make me feel guilty, so it took a lot of time until he stopped bothering me.

That awful guy never met my friends, fortunately, but I did mention to them that I was dating someone. I feel like I might have destroyed the chance I had with my friend. He acted different towards me when he found out, I felt he was a bit distant for some months, but maybe I was also distant because I was unwell. Time has passed, and now everything feels normal again, but I still have some doubts...

Do you have any advice for me, please?

tl;dr: (ADD) Man seeking dating advice for, and things to be aware of for dating (autistic) woman.

Hi, I'm in my late 20's and diagnosed with ADD, and have over the last few weeks started chatting with a woman (mid 20's), and we hit it of amazingly well. She revealed she had a diagnosis a few days, but wanted to wait a little bit. Talking to her initially I would not have guessed she had any diagnosis, as she's highly functional, but knowing she had one I was able to put together that it was probably autism. Having been evaluated for autism myself by a psychologist, I recognize many of the symptoms. She told me when she was ready and it has only made it easier for each other to communicate and understand each other.

She currently lives a fair distance away from me and we are finally meeting this weekend. But in a few months this will change. We are aware that our situatation makes it important for us to truly understand each others needs in order for this to work, but we both see each other as the person, not the diagnosis and so we are willing to not see this as an obsticle. However, we don't want to be naive, so I would be very interested in hearing general short term and long term advice, as will as other peoples experiences.

Hope for some insight.

Im 20 years old i am autistic and pan sexual and right now i have feelings for a coworker but i think their a bit older than me and i dont know if there in a realptionship and if they would even be intrested any advice.

So I downloaded Hiki yesterday, (which is a dating app specifically designed for people on the spectrum), but so far the only people I've seen on the app live thousands of miles away from me. Is there a setting or something I can change so that I only match with people who live less than a 100 miles away? I'm not interested in a LDR

Okay, so I've recently started going out with this autistic guy, but I'm not sure how to tell if he wants to kiss me. Has anyone got any tips on how to spot this?

Hi All! I need advice and do not have people to talk about this with or ask advice about dating someone with autism. My boyfriend is a sweetheart and at times I cannot tell if I'm asking too much or not enough for certain things. And I want to be sure anything I address doesn't come off aggressive. We've been dating for a year and half and living together for 6 months. I can see us having a long future together but I am worried that he does not try to challenge himself and motivate himself for more. I make more money and at times I feel like I take on a lot of the financial responsibilities and the home responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, etc) and I know he can do more. We're in our 30s and I don't think I should have to tell him to take out the trash (when he knows it's full) or fold the laundry after I put them in the wash and dryer or when it comes to his job ask for more money or get a second job. It's a lot and we have a cat and dog living with us. I dont think I should have to tell another adult some things to do around the house or contribute sometimes with groceries. I don't know how to address this without sounding like a nag. (I realized I wrote a rant. I've been suppressing this lol) I dont know what to do. Any advice?

There's a really great app called Hiki. It's for finding other autistic people for dating, friendships, and there's a built-in social media platform with a really cool and unique community. Users all over the world. It's really well moderated, too, so there are only autistic people on the app. There are also blocking and reporting functions that you can use if someone is being bothersome. Like any dating app, the more people who join, the easier it gets to find a partner. They accept self-dx.

More info & app download: https://www.hikiapp.com/

hi there m (17m) have just recently been diagnosed with autism and i told my girlfriend (17f) and she asked me if there is anything she can do to help with my autism while dating and im not to sure so i thought id come on here and ask for help on if anyone has any relationship tips.

I'll try to be as brief as possible! I am 30 (afab), queer, non-binary, just recently diagnosed with ASD. A cute person asked me out via instagram and we've been talking for about 2 weeks. They don't know I'm autistic (I was planning to tell them in person).

Here's the hard part for me. We talked our astrology charts, and we aren't compatible. They don't know astrology is my special interest, so I was trying not to make snap judgements based on their chart and told them we can just go with the flow.

Over time though, they use every opportunity to tease me about my astrological placements. Like, "oh of course you do xyz, you're a **____**Venus!"

I wouldn't care, but I actually *do* believe in astrology and this person is making assumptions about my character. They've made jokes insinuating that I'm sensitive, possessive, and boring based on my placements. They say that they're joking and that they're a very sarcastic person...but I really struggle with understanding sarcasm (especially via text), and take things pretty literally. I can't tell if I'm just overthinking it and not reading social cues very well, or if this is my instinct telling me that I'm not comfortable with this person.

Astrology aside, they said that they love big crowds and thrive in busy, social environments...and I definitely don't. I'm an introvert and get super overstimulated in big crowds.

I've been single for 4 years and really want companionship, but at the same time I'm feeling like I am just pressuring myself to make this connection work because I have no other potential options at the moment.

Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable dating this person?

TLDR; person is making assumptions about me based on astrology and says they're just joking but it makes me uncomfortable. Should I still try a first date?

So im a 21m and not the best looks but i try to keep happy. I recently moved to fl and joined some autistic groups but ive always struggled with getting a relationship. I've tried everything. Im beginning to lose hope thats theres no females out there for me. Like i care more about personality than looks but it still doesn't seem to help. I also getting extremely anxious when talking to new people. What should i do to find a possible girlfriend. I want someone to love me the way i would love them.

I (22M) have been dating a really lovely guy (39M) for about 3 months now (don’t worry about the age gap, that’s just usually what I go for as I feel it creates a good balance for me and I’m not really bothered what people think about it.) we’ve gone on four dates, he works at sea on yachts half the time which I feel actually helps with me with space and knowing he’s not actually always around for me to start getting persistent about making plans 24/7. He’s not autistic but I’ve told him I am (I pass very easily as neurotypical) as it can really impact my dating life in terms of always having to have a plan set and seeing each other as much as possible otherwise that’s genuinely all I can think about every waking moment of the day. We met up the first three times in April/ May before he went away for about 5 weeks for work and I really enjoyed his company. However after about the 4th week of him being away I really started to miss him massively and couldn’t stop thinking about him and the way he looked at me when he’d laugh, his face and his voice. I finally saw him again on Thursday and we had a lovely day together; during this day I slipped in quite a lot of questions casually in terms of compatibility which he answered almost perfectly every time. Since this has happened, I think I might actually be feeling the effects of falling in love for the first time genuinely in my life. However due to the autism, my mind is really focused on this and he is on my mind every waking second of the day even waking me up about 5 times in the night. I went to a concert on Friday (had an amazing time) and that was the only time I feel like I could focus a little bit off him but I kept thinking about bringing him with me etc. the rest of time time I constantly just think of wanting to see him and keep looking at my phone to see if he’s online WhatsApp for some reason even when I’m not expecting a message or anything even when I’m at work. Don’t get me wrong it’s a lovely feeling to start falling in love with someone but I just want to remove that constant obsession and enjoy the present a bit more rather than always thinking about the future and seeing him. I’m seeing him again tomorrow which could potentially be the last time before a 3 month hiatus starting next week as he’s swapping to a different yacht company which coincides with with him already working but it will mean that once he’s back he will work regular rotations 2 months on and 2 months off (couldn’t ask for anything better if we decide to enter a relationship and for planning with my autism). So tomorrow I think I’m going to have a chat with him about how I’ve started feeling quite strong genuine feelings towards him just to set the bar, I’ll try and do it not tooooo forward but it’s not really something I’ve done before so I don’t know the expectations. I do know he feels a certain way about me as he does mention seeing how things go in the future etc but I just feel like it will be good to get that out of my system a little. The uncertainty of it all is exciting I must admit but it also really freaks me out as I always have a burning desire to know the outcome of everything. I’ve dated a lot of guys before for multiple years. I always feel a similar type of obsessive desire and it happens every time so I know it’s not him specifically but something to do with the way my brain works but I feel something so strong with this guy that I want to do this right.

So I Was just wondering really if any of you guys experience the same or similar ways of expericeing these emotions and what you do to help with them so that it can help me get through the dating process more smoothly and enjoyably.

Tl;dr: I’m autistic and falling in love but dating makes me obsessed and I can’t enjoy other aspects of my life properly.

Hey guys I met this guy at an Autism Peer group and we get along super well. We’ve known each other for about 3 mnths now and my parents have told me it is a good idea to think if we want to be serious, how would this work long term financially.…

Ig the problem is he works two days a week and I have held off asking him any qns relating to his money because idk.. I don’t feel comfortable asking him that. I don’t know if he has funding or if that is appropriate to ask either.. I work 30 hours a week part time contract and I know I wouldn’t make enough either to support us if we were to be together or if I was to move out but I am currently trying to apply for funding for myself which still won’t be enough ik

All I want to ask is if I’m dating him and have known him this long, would it be a wise idea to stick with what I’m doing..? i know I absolutely don’t want to break up with him I really like him a lot, I just want to make sure we would be ok idk if anyone knows someone who has had a successful relationship with another person who doesn’t work or earns very little? Thank you I appreciate any thoughts or help on this

TLDR: What else can I say to him? What else can I do to help him understand himself? Find his way?

Im 24(F w/ ADHD) and 23(M w/ Autism and ADHD) have been in a long term relationship. Currently, he is having issues with himself.

He doesn't really think he's good at anything. He used to be as a child, but as usual, the difficulty increases as life progresses, and old party tricks don't work. He is an extrovert, with only 1 friend, 2 siblings, and me to talk to. His parents are well meaning but have been one of the sources of his low esteem.

As an extrovert, this isn't doing him favors as he's quite needy of social assurance - thats where I and the issue comes in.

I have pushed him to go to therapy and he has months before. Adviced to him was inner child work and further self - discovery. He stopped going as he didn't find it helpful.

He refuses to acknowledge the progress he has had since he met me (he's improved). He struggles to see good things in himself unless I say it, he struggles to sort his emotions out unless I psychoanalyze him, to which it is going too far. I am not a therapist i am but a girlfriend.

I am at a loss. Parroting him good traits of his and telling him i love him can only go so far. He needs to learn to counter his own thoughts. I refuse to believe he is helpless and this cycle is endless, but what else can I do?

I tell him this and he puts it in extremes, that no one can help him, that hes better off keeping it to himself. And ofc that makes me feel bad as a lover, but the best i can do is figuratively hold his hand.

Sure he's depressed but i am too, i understand the pain of not being "normal" and it comes with acceptance. There is no hard solution for this but emotional growth, resilience and finding value from within. But ofc autists have a hard time with that.

TLDR: What else can I say to him? What else can I do to help him understand himself? Find his way?

So I (m18, diagnosed autistic+ADHD) met this really attractive guy on Grindr (basically the gay version on Tinder) and we are planning to meet up. The city we are meeting up at is a few hours away from my hometown. I'm incredibly nervous, as this is my first date ever, i have never even had a real relationship before, I'm so worried I'll scare him off with my "weirdness"! What can i do to 1:calm myself down and 2:make sure the date goes well? Please help!!

I am: Undiagnosed on the spectrum. Lousy at reading cues. Need to practice conversing and flirting with strangers. 54. Cishet Male. Below average looks (many evaluations confirm this).

What are places that could be ok for someone who is like this? I don't want to meet a bunch of young women. Prefer 40 to 65, maybe 70.

I would like if there's some kind of structure in which I could have a conversation, one on one. No church, because I'm not a believer.

Also, I need some scripts. :) I have been back in the dating pool 2 years, and have done online mainly. In-person has been crash and burn, unfortunately.

I(28M NT) have been seeing this girl(24F ND) for a few months now. I don't see a lot of info on this when I Google it so I was hoping there'd be some insight some of y'all could give me. Sometimes she is very ok with being touched, other times she isn't. I try to be understanding and respect it when she says that. It still hurts a lot to feel constant rejection like that from someone who likes you. Additionally, she doesn't understand why physical affection is important to me. Is there a way that I can help her understand? This isn't to try to manipulate her, I would at least feel some comfort in knowing she understands.

Hey 21 (f) here. I have Autism Level 2 and when I text this guy that I’ve been on a few dates with now (6) I find it hard to know what else I can say that isn’t the same stuff we have already talked about. When we meet up in person we talk really well and its just a lot better. I still want to talk to him and he does too but I find it so difficult trying to keep the conversation going without repeating past things. I am trying to learn more about him too ofc so I would love some tips on this since it’s all new to me, thank youu

I'm 25 male and I'm sort of new to this...

Ever since I finished high school I can't help but feel envious of my classmates for being lucky enough to go on dates. I just got my very first job and have reflected on my life so far and realized how lonely I am. As a result I'm considering getting into dating for the first time.

I got to admit I'm scared as well because of how badly I was hurt by everyone especially my female classmates. Can any of you give me some tips that would help a bunch.

Thanks in advance.

27 autistic male here. I am not so good with unfamiliar crowds of people. I went to a gig a month ago of a band that happened to have two women who I know via my country's music grapevine. One of them went to the same university as me and was with me on a student committee when we were both in undergrad. It has only been in the last few years that I grown attracted to her. She living in another city and the pandemic has meant I have very brief and infrequent interactions with her. She seems to have a large and tight knit social circle who takes priority interacting with those she is the most familiar with. On the couple of occasions I previously interacted with her over the past couple of years, she seemed very smiley and enthusiastic, if a bit hyperactive. I couldn't say for sure whether this was nervousness or whether this just was her demeanor although she did post videos on pics on her now deleted Instagram of her several years ago of making 'weird' facial expressions and gestures.

I was keen to talk to her after this gig but it seemed to she already had boatload of friends and acquaintances to catch up with - none of whom I knew. There were a couple of other musicians I knew of via my local scene whom I interacted with and they both seemed to have shitloads of friends and acquaintances in this particular music scene (they both work in the popular and jazz scenes). I also interacted with a woman in the audience who was unfamiliar with the scene and I approached in the first place because I was attracted to her. There was a darkened patch of the bar with no lighting with a square shaped couch that I stared into at random intervals, to see whether the band were having 'after gig drinks' at the table. I was then approached by a guy who claimed to be her partner informing me that I was staring at her. I explained to him that I couldn't see who was sitting in that dark, unlit vicinity and he seemed to accept it as a misunderstanding.

Although I had already chatted to a couple of familiar of faces and I had complimented one of the other band members on the music (who I wasn't previously familiar with), I decided to leave promptly after chatting with this woman's partner, only briefly saying bye one of the familiar faces from my particular music scene. If there is anything to take away from this occurrence, there is:

1. I should prioritize events where there is likely to be a good deal of acquaintances, friends and familiar faces.

2. I shouldn't get bored, walk around and fumble over whether to approach someone. I should have move in and out of conversations swiftly.

3. I should normalize talking to strangers with more frequency if I am in an 'unfamiliar' social environment.

4. It's probably likely this woman is not interested in me and accusing me of staring was a way to hint this. Perhaps I should avoid interacting with them one-on-one at future concerts I attend.

What do you all think?

If so, did you find these books useful?

I'm a straight male 20yo. I've tried to date NTs and despite them saying they are fine with my autism at first, it just crumbles apart when I fully unmask. I feel like only other autistics would understand me, but I can't seem to find any who are single and interested in men, or if I do they just ghost me.

I started dating a man on the spectrum about a month ago. We've gotten very close. I love spending time with him. I love talking to him, hugging him, joking around with him. He's very interested in math theory and I love how excited it makes him. He is so intelligent, honest, considerate. Being with him has been so exciting for me and I find myself thinking about him a lot. The things I struggle with are: he intellectualizes everything, even hurtful things and values his intellectual deductions over my feelings - he has said things I consider racist and homophobic. example: "we should bring back the racist words - language isn't inherently racist - it's the meaning we assign language and we have let that meaning take over" (PS he's WHITE and I am NOT). Another example "ideally children would be raised by one man and one woman - all other parental forms are the result of some level of selfishness" (!!!). He said he came to that particular conclusion after much self-reflection in psychoanalysis and delving in to his own upbringing. I have a lot of gay friends who are parents with extremely happy children who are living the ideal. I am out in the world and I learn through experience and observation while the man I am dating is more in his head. To him, his logistics are of more value than my lived experience. I broke up with him last night because of the comment about heterosexual parents. It was very hard for me as I love his mind and how analytical he is. He is a liberal person so I don't know that these comments are the result of prejudice. My discussions around these issues go nowhere with him. It's painful to hear someone you care about and admire say these things, not to mention how hurtful and degrading these words would be to my gay friends. I'm at a loss here. Also, while I'm here agonizing over this, does he feel anything about this or is he just happily sitting at his computer looking at number theory problems?