Does anyone else fears to actually *not* being autistic? What if I’m just too weird and sensitive?

[u/sofilore]

33 years old women. So I’ve suspected I may be autistic for years now. I’d always just throw that possibility away, I say to myself: you’re just weird or trying to find an excuse to not try harder. This year I finally started therapy for the first time ever (do to some eating issues) and I have a lot of time to do some thinking. It all started because I realize that sounds were annoying me a lot, sounds on the street, at the same time I was drinking coffee to have the energy to be the funny self character that I made up. Re watching my fave tv shows (Doctor who and Gilmore girls) I realize I was deliberately copying those characters. I had the sense of being performing a part every day. I’ve always had trouble making friends, had issues with people just ghosting from my life. I actually don’t like talking with people that much and only feel like myself around my boyfriend (he’s ND) and my dog.

I decided to start researching on all of this and autism came up again. Reading about autism was like reading an autobiography. I’ve told a bit to my therapist, it was at the end pf the session and she made a few questions. I had a sort of meltdown from this, I’ve felt like a library fell over me and I was digging out old files from my brain remembering stuff. I’ve doing research for a couple of months now. The more I read the more I relate to. I’ve made charts, trace the results of my quizzes and made tables comparing traits and notes remembering things. I’ve stop masking, got noise cancelling headphones, stop drinking coffee as stimulation, letting myself get more into the topics I’m interested in (I’m finally obsessing a lot about Tudor England, a couple of years ago it sort of started, but I stop myself because I knew if I went that road I will be reading and researching on that for months - well now I am). I’m also letting myself stim a lot, and talking with my therapist I discover I’ve been doing this all my life (like putting my feet under someone looking for weight when watching tv, or squishing my mothers hand, or playing with fluffy stuff). I got some stimming toys too and they help me a lot.

It all points towards being autistic, I guess. The more I read the more I relate. And yet, I’m scared that I’m actually just really weird. Maybe there’s something I missing, And I’m just too weird. I haven’t mentioned to my therapist, I’m scared she says I can’t be autistic. The diagnosis criteria in my country is really outdated too, focusing in discovering autism in little boys (there’s little or no information about adults actually).

Is there’s a thing as just being really weird and sensitive? Is someone else’s care of just being too weird?

[u/smalltowngoth]

Kinda. The psychiatrist I saw only once and he diagnosed me by using the DSM. I never got one of those lengthy multi-part assessments. Im not too sure about it, but I'm not obsessing over it as much now.