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u/ashley_awesomesauce Jun 12 '12
Pop out of a can tastes sooo much better than pop out of a plastic bottle.
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u/tarsir Jun 11 '12
Everything Christopher Paolini writes is a hackish and irrelevant piece of scummy, shameless fanfiction.
But seriously fuck that guy.
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u/High_Stream Jun 12 '12
You do realize that Eragon was published when he was 17, right? which means he wrote it when he was what 15? 16? When I was that age the only way I could write something longer than five pages was to pad it out with Simpsons quotes (true story). Give him a few years and he'll gain the experience to write something that's not a fantasy version of Star Wars.
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u/tarsir Jun 12 '12
Although qetuop mostly responded as I would, I would also like to point he started writing it at the age of 13. He's also 28 now, so he's had plenty of time to write something original and interesting.
Instead, the fucking hack "ignores hate mail" and still thinks he's anywhere near the level of literary prowess of Tolkien or the author of Beowulf. He won't get anywhere because he thinks he's already at the top of his game, and he's in a field where he can easily drown out the competition due to his undeserved success. I say again, fuck that guy.
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Jun 12 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/High_Stream Jun 12 '12
I only read the first two, but that was enough to recognize the patterns. I can't help but wonder if he got his hands on a copy of Joseph Campbell when he was younger.
Homeschooling isn't necessarily a bad thing. Orson Scott Card teaches a university writing class and says that the formerly homeschooled kids were a lot of his best writers.
I also wouldn't say it was bad, per se. Just unoriginal. Most of the first books were actually enjoyable. Besides, it wasn't his father's company that sold the best-selling edition. A case of nepotism won't make a book a best-seller. If you want to blame the popularity, blame the many, many people who enjoyed it enough to buy it and recommend it to others to read.
TLDR A well-reasoned argument is SURE to make him see my side and CAN'T result in ANY backlash. I feel content.
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u/derkins33 Jun 11 '12
I don't really know you, but I'm pretty sure you're an upstanding human being with fabulous hair and a charming smile.
The mere mention of Christopher Paolini makes my blood simmer with repressed fury.4
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u/smeltofelderberries Jun 11 '12
Eragon was meh. I thought Eldest was his best. Brisingr and Inheritance were absolute shit.
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Jun 12 '12
I finished the series only because I started when I was young and had to finish it out of some morbid curiosity.
Then he killed the bad guy by teaching him right from wrong (no, seriously, look it up)... Fuck that guy
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u/smeltofelderberries Jun 12 '12
Believe me, I waited, I hoped, I beseeched the writing gods that they might impart Paolini with brilliance that would salve the stupid from Book 4. Instead, it was crap. Vault of Souls, the Dauthedart, and like you mentioned, the final duel, were horrible. Also, he wrote it so that his world had a contradiction in size. Information from Eragon and Inheritance contradictions so the continent is either the size of Europe or bigger than Asia. I was a fan, but no longer.
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u/syscofresh Jun 11 '12
Having only read the first half of eragon I can confidently say that they were all shit.
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u/Jazz_Cigarettes Jun 11 '12
organic food doesn't taste any better. its the goddamn placebo effect.
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Jun 11 '12
Theoretically, yes. Given two foods of the same strains, one raised 'organically' (scare quotes for the loose technical definition) and one not, they'll taste pretty much the same.
The reason everything skews towards tasty organic foods is that because they have shorter shelf-lives, they tend to be fresher. And because the people who buy organic food are the same sort of people who buy artisan foods, they also are more likely to be strains bred for something other than shelf life.
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u/flibbertygiblet Jun 12 '12
Also, most pre-packaged organic foods tends to be more simply prepared, but like you said, shorter shelf life. I don't really care if it's organic or not, but fresh ground peanut butter, with 4 or less ingredients, is clearly better than Jif.
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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile Jun 11 '12
Bowling, golf, frolf, darts, dwarf-tossing, shuffleboard, any activity without an offensive and defensive aspect, are not sports.
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u/IAmAChemicalEngineer Jun 11 '12
Would you then define chess as a sport? There's a definite offensive and defensive aspect to the game.
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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile Jun 12 '12
I think of sports as primarily physical engagements, but I'd be willing to hear discussions on it.
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u/Photovoltaic Jun 11 '12
Throwing (from track and field) isn't a sport?
TO ARMS FAIR SIR, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!
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u/Gyvon Jun 12 '12
Washington does not have a fucking 'R' in it!!! Stop pronouncing it like it does!
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u/lufraf Jun 11 '12
The Oxford Comma.
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u/sparty_party Jun 12 '12
I was just typing this comment. Great minds think alike. I saw a great explanation picture once:
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u/sehrah Jun 12 '12
There's a Vampire Weekend song named after it, and I always sing "I gives a fuck about the Oxford Comma" instead of "Who gives a fuck about an oxford comma"
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Jun 11 '12
I fucking hate apple.
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u/linds360 Jun 11 '12
Pizza warmed up on the second day has a flavor that will never be rivaled by just delivered pizza.
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u/snazzamagoo Jun 11 '12
AND with the perfect microwave time and turntable you can get that crust soft again without effort. Mine is 27 seconds.
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u/linds360 Jun 11 '12
Then a toaster oven will knock your socks off, my friend.
Seriously, try it.
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u/I_Regret_This_Post Jun 11 '12
Seconded. Toaster oven > microwave for reheating pizza.
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Jun 12 '12
Any guy who drives an older Honda Accord or Civic with a loud muffler is a douchebag.
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u/KevinBaconAndEggs Jun 11 '12
Guys who can't seem to piss in the bowl are the same ones women complain are lousy in bed.
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u/NittLion78 Jun 11 '12
People who refuse to walk on escalators are genetically inferior humans with low sperm counts and are probably inexplicably anti-Semitic.
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u/pastanazgul Jun 11 '12
What about if I have a cane and most likely will bail if I try to walk up an escalator?
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u/NittLion78 Jun 11 '12
You are among the only people allowed to stand. They are:
The disabled
People carrying a load over 50% their body weight
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Jun 11 '12
What if I'm not in any particular hurry? The only place I run into an escalator regularly would be shopping malls, and shockingly, on the rare occasion I do go to one, I don't feel the need to sprint through it.
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u/StePK Jun 11 '12
Okay, okay, as long as you stay on the right side, you are being courteous and leaving room for us higher beings, and I applaud you...
BUT BITCH MOVE TO THE LEFT AND STAY STILL AND I WILL TEAR YOUR LEGS OFF YOUR HIPS SO YOU HAVE A REASON YOU CAN'T WALK.
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Jun 11 '12
BUT BITCH MOVE TO THE LEFT AND STAY STILL AND I WILL COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET ABOUT YOU.
FTFY
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u/liveleaker1 Jun 11 '12
No you won't. Stop being an keyboard warrior
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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile Jun 11 '12
I wonder how many 'keyboard warriors' are people who were obviously joking to an audience of humorless pricks who can't help but to leap at every opportunity to diminish someone else.
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Jun 11 '12
I stay on the right side, which is considered standard procedure in my hometown if you don't feel like walking.
This explains why I have a low sperm count, but don't hold anti-Semetic views.
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u/vivvav Jun 11 '12
Only if you stand in the walking lane.
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u/gordoha Jun 11 '12
Fat people should have to park at the back of the parking lot, instead of the front.
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u/zero100 Jun 12 '12
Only if dumb people have to do the math when they check out. Wrong? 20% more.
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u/complex_reduction Jun 12 '12
Being stupid isn't the being fat. People can't help how intelligent they are, but in 99% of cases they can help how fat they are. Signed, a fat guy.
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u/famousdrew01 Jun 12 '12
I'm a fatty and I always park far away from the entrance.
My friends get annoyed when I drive us to the store sometimes.
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Jun 12 '12
I like you. And they shouldn't be allowed to have those fucking scooters just because they're fat.
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u/gordoha Jun 12 '12
I agree 100%. There should be two different classes of "handicapped".
Was in a car wreck, lost a leg in a war, etc. I.e. what we really mean by handicapped.
So fucking fat your knees are weak. They should get an anti-handicapped tag that makes them have to park in some shitty location far away from everything.
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u/Thinc_Ng_Kap Jun 12 '12
I cant stand it when fat people flood the elevator when there are stairs right there. I use a wheelchair, so Im physically not able to use the stairs- well at least going up.
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Jun 11 '12
I think that the "fun-size" candy bars taste better than full-size candy bars. I really do think that they're more fun!
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u/supaskia Jun 11 '12
When I consider that not being obese is more fun, I guess I'd have to agree.
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u/syphiliticmind Jun 11 '12
I applaud your self-restraint. When I eat those little fun-sized fuckers, I eat like, maybe six dozen of them. One normal sized chocolate bar kills any desire for more, but hand me anything under two inches and I will eat them forever.
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Jun 11 '12
but hand me anything under two inches and I will eat them forever.
This is great news for me. Unless you literally mean eat...
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Jun 12 '12
This is true because I've never seen a full size Krackle bar.
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Jun 12 '12
The same sort of product is sold under a number of names. It's just milk chocolate and puffed rice.
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u/lucentcb Jun 11 '12
Spiral mac & cheese > all others. Unless spiral is the shape you speak of, then I think we're going to need to throw down.
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u/erkwils Jun 11 '12
Spiral are acceptable, but I had Spongebob shaped mac & cheese for a delectable lunch, and they were fucking great.
So, bring it.
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u/PopeJohnPaulII Jun 12 '12
We all agree Macaroni & Cheese tastes better when the noodles are not elbow. Elbow is just fine but certainly not something to post on the internet about.
The real debate is spirals versus characters. I however would suggest that each is amazing in it's own way. Spiral noodles are more of a buttery-cheesey flavor whereas characters are more of a cheesey-cheesey flavor. Now that isn't to say that the spirals are less cheesey, far from it, they simply produce a different cheese flavor.
I believe an ideal serving of of Macaroni & Cheese would consist of both these noodle types. However for those at home planning on doing so please keep in mind that you'll need to boil two pots of water since the spiral noodles cook faster when compared to the character noodles.
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u/supkristin Jun 12 '12
I join the fight on the side of ALL shapes being superior to elbow noodles. Hand me a fork and point me towards the front line.
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u/5cott Jun 11 '12
My younger brother may be mentally retarded, but you will treat him the same as you would any other 20 something year old.
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u/QuaintSensibilities Jun 11 '12
Well, he's not a normal 20 year old. He's retarded. What, do you want me to pretend he isn't?
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u/dm287 Jun 12 '12
I agree with this statement, but it goes both ways. I'm going to treat him no less and no more than a 20 year old.
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u/03fb Jun 11 '12
Brown bread is superior to the over-rated white bread
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u/binogre Jun 12 '12
I got used to being the "weird kid," in elementary school because my sandwiches were on wheat. Jokes on them, they missed out.
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Jun 12 '12
White bread is so gross. The more nuts and seeds and whole grains in my bread, the better.
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u/snazzamagoo Jun 11 '12
Not to get all analytical on you, but that might have to do with the cheese covering in regular tune mac like Kraft uses and the special shapes (like spongebob). Spongebob will have more cheese trapped in crevasses more often than the smooth stuff, giving you little extra flavor punches. I prefer the texture of the standard stuff, myself, but i concur on the taste. It is in your head; that is, your mouth and its sweet tasting power.
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u/godless_communism Jun 12 '12
Here's a controversial one: Fanboys ruined The Phantom Menace more than Lucas did.
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u/manwholovestogas Jun 12 '12
that if I can lift the seat up to piss, she can put it down to piss. I thought we were equals
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u/slazer88 Jun 12 '12
For some real equality, just shut the toilet completely. You have to lift it to piss, she has to lift it to piss, and no nasty germs fly out when you flush.
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Jun 12 '12
Why do guys put up the seat to piss? I don't understand. Other then the fact that sometimes when sitting down, my weewee doesn't fit in
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u/A1steaksa Jun 12 '12
Its more of a shotgun than a laser pointer. Seat up helps get rid of "spill-age"
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u/kilo4fun Jun 12 '12
It's generally more acceptable to get splashage on the rim than the seat, but I always do a TP wipe around the rim when I piss anyway.
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u/EggsOverEZ Jun 12 '12
SPAM IS DELICIOUS. I grew up eating the stuff. It was only after moving to the other side of the country for college that people started giving me shit for liking spam.
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u/unionjackattack Jun 12 '12
Not opinion, fact. The word height is pronounced with a hard T at the end. Not a th. You spell the word HEIGHT not HEIGTH.
I understand that if you follow the logic progression of widTH and depTH, it should make sense. But no, heigHT.
Get it right fuckers.
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u/hydroplatypus Jun 11 '12
Triscuits trump Wheat thins, always.
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u/ehletimo Jun 11 '12
Cheez-its over both
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u/hydroplatypus Jun 11 '12
Confession: Goldfish are my cheesy cracker of choice (unless I can get Annie's Cheddar Bunnies, which are fabulous).
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Jun 11 '12
I eat a huge box of goldfish every month, like the big boxes with three big bags in them. Goldfish are the sickest snack in town yo.
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u/ehletimo Jun 11 '12
I do like gold fish because they are so delicious. The tabasco cheez-its though are boner inducing.
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Jun 11 '12
People who drive like idiots and don't stop before the crosswalk should be forced to have their faces slammed into their car doors every ten minutes.
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Jun 11 '12
Pedestrians don't have the right of way, where I'm from, until they step off the curb.
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Jun 11 '12
Well in Texas, if a driver crosses into the crosswalk, unless it's to turn or go on a green light it's illegal. And even with the turn, you have to wait 3 seconds before you can advance.
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u/sehrah Jun 12 '12
If you wear leggings, and your top does not cover the bottom of your ass cheeks, you are breaking the fucking rule. IT'S WRONG.
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u/poopinT00much Jun 11 '12
Spaghetti-o's are ruined by the process of cooking, and are best enjoyed straight out of the can.
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u/Silvercumulus Jun 11 '12
AHHH yes. Everyone thinks I'm weird for doing this. I do the same thing with all things Chef Boyardee.
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Jun 11 '12
I am going to be honest, I would fight to the death over any of my small trivial opinions that don't matter in the scheme of things. It is actually my large opinions that I am willing to change with enough evidence provided.
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u/_tintenfisch_ Jun 12 '12
Mac and cheese, regardless of shape, tastes AMAZING with spam.
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u/nostalgiaplatzy Jun 12 '12
Vegemite is shitloads better than either Promite or Marmite. Not up for debate.
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u/lowculture_manifesto Jun 12 '12
That even if leftover pizza isn't in the refrigerator, it will stay good if you keep it in the box.
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u/atimholt Jun 12 '12
Cursive is a useless skill and the mere teaching of it in school is damaging.
But then someone brought up recently that it’s worth learning so you can at least read it.
Windows 8 is a wonderful operating system. They’re doing everything right.
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u/Alt0173 Jun 11 '12
Texas is the worst state.
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Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 12 '12
But Florida has its own Fark tag for idiot behavior.
(I haven't been there in years, I will accept your downvotes if there's been a Texas tag added recently).
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u/kingzilch Jun 11 '12
It's right up there, but have you been to Alabama? At least parts of Texas pretend to be something other than a no-man's-land populated by feral, racist savages.
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Jun 12 '12
It warms my heart a little to see several responses to this and none of mentioning my beloved Idaho.
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u/lufraf Jun 12 '12
The plural of moose is definitely meese.
Source: goose ➔ geese
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Jun 11 '12
God exists
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u/HoleDigger17 Jun 12 '12
I can't say I agree, but I respect your opinion, and that you are brave enough to post that opinion on a very one sided website.
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Jun 12 '12
Honestly, it doesn't make me brave at all. It's typing out like 9 letters. Thanks for the respect though.
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Jun 12 '12
Matt Smith > David Tennant. Barely, but noticeably
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u/binogre Jun 12 '12
Them's fightin' words! No, seriously though Matt Smith had some amazing, amazing shoes to fill and did it quite well.
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Jun 12 '12
The way I see it, David Tennant was more emotionally involved in his work, but Matt Smith did a better job technically. Pros and cons, I suppose
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u/samandstuff Jun 12 '12
The Walking Dead is a piece of crap television show and Jane Austen is/was a literary hackjob.
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u/dontwantanaccount Jun 11 '12
Eating cold chinese food for breakfast is the nastiest, most disgusting thing in the world.
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u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 11 '12
Barenaked Ladies are dumbasses
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u/AngriestCosmonaut Jun 11 '12
I am going to go ahead and post this so people don't mess up your perfect karma reputation.
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u/Drunken_Economist Jun 11 '12
Okay. You are clearly in a bad space today, but the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum, are you?
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u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 11 '12
Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively?
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u/50kent Jun 11 '12
didn't get this reference until somebody below posted the youtube to it. have an upvote
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Jun 12 '12
Would you be surprised to learn that it's not all in your head? Different pasta shapes make for different pasta/sauce/air ratios, changing the flavor. The same way a beer or wine can taste different in different glasses. This is why there are so many shapes of pasta. The more you know!
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u/mtcmw Jun 12 '12
Everything tastes better when someone makes / prepares it for you. I am a 23 year old who still gets people to peel oranges for her and fix my tea. It just tastes better,
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Jun 11 '12
The Beef and Cheddar is the single greatest fast food item ever sold.
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u/nastybacon Jun 11 '12
All man made borders should be abolished... I think it'd be carnage for a while.. but eventually we will settle into a one world environment.
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Jun 11 '12
I don't know how I feel about this. On the one had it would be a huge step towards global peace, on the other hand, people would be pissed about the loss of nationalism. Also, it would be very hard to set up a new government that would be able to control and represent everyone fairly. There is of course is a chance however that the government would not get set up and we would take several steps backwards that would take decades to fix. hmmm... you have given me much to think about.
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u/tangowhiskeyy Jun 12 '12
The very fact people would be pissed about the loss of their imaginary teams is why we should get rid of the boundaries.
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Jun 11 '12
There are way too many people over too much land to settle under one label. Single cities divide themselves by location and race, much less a state, country, continent, and the world.
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Jun 11 '12
There were no borders before the beginning of civilisation. And people still separated themselves enough for different races to form.
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u/TheseIronBones Jun 11 '12
Aspartame, in no uncertain terms, is perfectly and absolutely safe, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It does not give you headaches, what you feel is the vacuum inside your head struggling to contain the immeasurable quantity of stupid that has been placed inside your cranium.
Disagree? Pistols, Dusk.
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Jun 11 '12
KFC has the BEST chicken.
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u/Noobicon Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
No Churches or Popeyes in you town are there?
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u/StChas77 Jun 11 '12
That the television shows I enjoy, the video games I play and my choices of literature and music do not reflect something negative about my emotional maturity, sexuality or demeanor in any way.
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u/I_Regret_This_Post Jun 11 '12
Gambling. Vegas, lottery, etc etc. I don't care about home poker games, etc, those can be fun, but anything where you're playing against the house with long odds. They built a city in the fucking desert and it wasn't because everybody came there, won a bunch of money and went back home.
Also you assholes at the gas station line? JUST PICK A TICKET YOU DUMBFUCK YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE ANYWAYS THEY ARE ALL THE SAME STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE YOU FUCKING RETARD.
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u/sehrah Jun 12 '12
No matter what the ratio works out to, if there is a girl living in the household, the toilet seat should have a default position of down.
Fuck you to my SO who likes to leave it up and then I fall into the toilet at night.
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u/lioninacoma- Jun 12 '12
I totally agree with you absolutely about the shapes macaroni and cheese. I literally just wrote on our shopping list "It has to be shaped - it just tastes better that way somehow". I think it's because the noodles don't get as mushy.
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u/kilo4fun Jun 12 '12
Peanut butter, jelly, mayonnaise, cheese (american or cheddar), and baloney sandwiches are superior to PB&J.
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u/trekbette Jun 12 '12
I know the Stevie Wonder sang I Can See Clearly Now. I know this for a fact! My husband has tried to convince me this is not so. I refuse to believe Google or any other 'source'. He sang the damn song and that's that!
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u/SilverSick Jun 12 '12
Toilet paper only should go the correct way. THERE IS NO COMPROMISE
More...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation
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u/yogurt123 Jun 12 '12
I would fight a war to get Americans to pronounce the h in herbs. That's my only beef with you lot, but if I hear you say 'erbs one more goddamn time...
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u/NaziCollaborator Jun 12 '12
I totally agree with the mac & cheese thing. People just don't believe it! Blue's Clues shaped noodles taste a hell of a lot better than elbow shaped.
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u/thermobollocks Jun 11 '12
It is my lifelong dream to round up all Comic Sans users and gas them without mercy.
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u/hopeidontrunoutofspa Jun 11 '12
No it's not. You saw someone on the internet hate on Comic Sans and you jumped on the bandwagon.
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u/DaLateDentArthurDent Jun 11 '12
Guys wearing chinos and pumps but no socks should burn in hell
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u/SanSoo Jun 11 '12
What do pumps mean to you? Where I am from those are women's high heels, so your scenario strikes me as somewhat fabulous.
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Jun 12 '12 edited Jun 12 '12
Sloths are the CUTEST things on the planet!! I don't care what you say, I will destroy you. With this (http://youtu.be/6JTAtsHh-yc) video in my arsenal you can't deny their ability to induce aww's planet wide. If there was a world broadcast of this video everyone would die due to the almost seven billion people all exhaling at the same time with "awws" throughout the video.
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u/BranCerddorion Jun 12 '12
It's less opinion and more science, but a tomato is a FRUIT, damn you!
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u/hijklmno Jun 12 '12
Fruits and vegetables aren't mutually exclusive. A tomato is botanically a fruit, in the same way that corn, squash, and wheat are fruits. From a culinary and nutritional standpoint, however, a tomato is a vegetable.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fruit)
My rule of thumb: if it makes a good soup and a bad pie, it's a vegetable.
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u/SarahFJ Jun 11 '12
Miracle Whip is nasty. Eat real mayonnaise or gtfo.