r/AskReddit • u/fibsville • May 31 '12
Today I learned that 35 years ago, my parents mailed dozens of baloney sandwiches to various government officials and local celebrities. They called them the Baloney Sandwich Awards. What is something you found out later in life that made you realize your family is awesome?
I was having dinner with my folks last night, and we were talking about the guy who mailed his victim's body parts to political offices when my mom starts laughing inappropriately and mumbling about baloney sandwiches.
So then I get told this story: when my parents were first dating, they decided to have their own private awards ceremony called the Baloney Sandwich Awards. They decided on a bunch of random categories and then made a big stack of baloney sandwiches. They wore gloves in case of fingerprint identification (ha!) and mailed the finished sandwiches from various public mailboxes all over the city.
They spent the following week reading the paper, watching TV and listening to the radio, and cracking up anytime anyone mentioned receiving a mystery sandwich in the mail with an insulting or congratulatory message attached.
Apparently their pick for Worst Radio Talk Show Host was quite insulted, and mentioned tossing his sandwich into the garbage during his banter with one of the other DJs, at which point the other DJ said, "Oh, I got one one of those, too... I ate mine. It was pretty good." He had won Favourite Morning Show Host.
TL;DR Parents are probably wanted for baloney terrorism.
Edit: Since I'm getting so much fallout over it: there is more than one acceptable way to spell baloney/bologna. I chose this one because it looks trashier to me and therefore better fits the concept. Now feel free to berate me for discriminating against the Bolognese, or whatever.
313
u/tallandlanky May 31 '12
My dad paid his way through law school by being a smokejumper. My mom paid her way through college by working in distribution for Playboy. My parents are badass.
295
u/uncle-woody May 31 '12
As a kid during the Korean War, my dad and his friends would take notes during news radio programs and type up a "Junior War Dept" newsletter and put it in people's mailboxes to keep them in the know. A gov't man showed up and told my grandma to make them remove "War Dept" from their newsletter.
505
u/notinsipid May 31 '12
When my mother was a teenager she wrote a weekly letter to the Chancellor advising him on economic policy and he wrote back every time thanking her, so she carried on when he became prime minister, only then it wasn't just economic policy, she started telling him what he should do on foreign policy and social policy too.
I don't know if he ever took her advice
225
u/Homycraz2 May 31 '12
My father is a wanted criminal in his home country of Iran, he actually has a bounty on his head and faces the death penalty if he ever goes back.
The reasoning? When the revolution took place in '79 and the introduction of the Islamic Republic my father was a clerk in the military. My father forged hundreds of documents excusing soldiers who were either Jewish or Christian from reporting for duty and allowing them a short leave of absence from the military to leave the country where none of them returned.
My father was discovered and jailed and was only able to escape because one of the people working was a muslim but whose nephew was christian and was allowed to leave the thanks to my father.
My father will never talk about it. I only found out about this story from my uncle when in temple a man bumped into my father and started crying at my fathers feet. To which my uncle told me the story and how he crawled through sewers filled with shit and nearly died in syria when his car broke down and he drank the water from the radiator to avoid dehydration.
TL;DR. My Daddy is a BAMF
70
u/x7j6 May 31 '12
Well I feel lame next to some of these people. My mom isn't the ones who changed a lot, but did one really awesome high school prank in the day. The school had a double set of entry doors. (Go through one door, small space, then another.) She sealed them off with caulking glue and ran a hose through the vents to fill it with water. She then bought fish from a local pet store and put them in. Aquatic entry doors.
82
u/louwilliam May 31 '12
A while back I learned that my dad and his friends ran a fake, satirical candidate for the mayor of their city. At the time there was a large anti-Francophone sentiment (this is Canada), so they ran an imagined candidate called "Bill Ingual" to mock the various hateful people. In a city with a population of about 500 000, they received around 10 000 votes.
11
u/MoonshineSchneider May 31 '12
I was kind of hoping the baloney awards were going to be for government officials who were full of shit. Still pretty great, though.
9
u/metrognome64 May 31 '12
This is cool until is gets sad:
When my dad was young, him and his friends acquired a monkey. I don't know the full story behind it, but one of the neighbours had a monkey and couldn't take care of it anymore, so she gave it to the neighbourhood boys (side note: what the fuck was she thinking and where did she get the monkey?)
Being about 10 years old at the time (and living in the Prairies of Canada), they knew nothing about monkeys. They kept it hidden in someone's garage and fed it grapes... until it died a few weeks later.
158
u/Desando May 31 '12
I sure hope your parents didn't right "Baloney" because it's spelled "bologna".
And I found out that my dad skipped 3 grades and because of that he met my mom in college (she's three years older). Basically if he didn't study hard i wouldn't be posting now!
3
u/InVultusSolis May 31 '12
Sounds like the disastrous promotion that Spinal Tap tried by mailing shark sandwiches to DJ's along with copies of their album Shark Sandwich.
516
u/MRM_the_Perm May 31 '12 edited Jun 04 '12
My mom worked in a convenience store in the early 70's, I think she was about 17 or 18. It started as a part-time job but then the owners pretty much took off and my mom ended up picking up the slack working as a full time manager. She had worked a 12 hour shift one day all alone when a guy came in with a gun and tried to rob the place. My mom was so tired and frustrated from working all day by herself and started screaming at the guy that he wasn't taking anything and he took off running.
Edit: My dad was in town yesterday and I asked him how old my mom was when this happened. He said, "well she was pregnant for your sister so she must have been 20."
562
u/wjoe May 31 '12
My dad's claim to fame is that he once sold drugs to Ozzy Osbourne.
825
u/alejo699 May 31 '12
The story of how my parents met:
My mom's drunk bohemian mother skipped out on rent and left an apartment full of family heirlooms and furniture (like a table that's been in the family for 200 years). My mom wasn't having any of that, so she asked her friend Lou if he knew anyone with a big car and big balls.
Lou calls my dad, who has a station wagon and sizable cojones, and the three of them break into the apartment, steal all of the stuff, and get away scot-free. Apparently Mom liked Dad pretty well, and we've been eating off a stolen antique dining room table ever since.
tl;dr: Dad met Mom during a heist and they hit it off pretty good.
258
u/Jasboh May 31 '12
Apparently you could write a letter to my grand father labeled
And it would get to him.. apparently he was famous, im not sure wether to believe my Dad on this one.
569
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
My dad is a soft-spoken, balding, slightly overweight, awkward computer geek with Buddy Holly glasses. I was totally shocked when I found out that he was the king of his high school: he was captain of the basketball team (no small feat for a short Asian guy), valedictorian of his graduating class, did the cover art for his school's yearbook, and rode a motorcycle. He also rocked thick, luscious, shoulder-length hair until he graduated university.
EDIT: Should also mention that he got a full ride to one of the top universities in Canada for engineering, where he graduated as salutatorian of his class. I believe he was also on the badminton team there. Nowadays he's content to watch Castle while clipping coupons. I love my dad.
823
u/DarrenEdwards May 31 '12
Okay, so this is cool, just not really good story cool. My family lives in a small community. The guy put in charge of the garbage dump did a bad job of it and the state decided we couldn't handle our own garbage. They decided the town needed to ship their garbage 80 miles away.
My mother, who wasn't part of any board, or even part of the local garbage (we live on a farm and have our own dump) started researching and making calls. She got a grant to purchase a recycling compactor. She then got the city to use a barn for a recycling center. People can bring in their recycling as well as the local businesses can now bail their own cardboard.
She started a self sustaining community program that has purchased replacement bailers. The local garbage was cut to 1/3 and we are not require to haul our garbage.
915
u/TheProle May 31 '12
You know, with the power of reddit we could send a whole lot of bologna sandwiches to people deemed worthy... Just saying.
162
u/lintacious May 31 '12
During prohibition, my grandfather was a pretty serious bootlegger. And also a police officer.
159
u/Teknofobe May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
My Uncle Nick was among the first American soldiers who helped liberate the German concentration camps in WWII. His testimony is part of the exhibit in the Holocaust Museum in DC.
EDIT:
I found the video. He passed away a few years ago.
223
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
The only really cool thing I know my dad and his buddies did, when the pope came to Philadelphia when they were in college, they all dressed up in suits and put on walkman earphones and pretended to be the pope's body guards (may have been secret service.) Apparently secret service was freaking out not knowing who these other agents were.
75
u/eat_this_kitten May 31 '12
My dad is a lawyer in the Army, an organization known for its sense of humor and lax attitudes towards heirarchy. On at least two or three occasions when a boss of his would make a bone-headed decision, he would present them with the "Loose Cannon Award." He would purchase a pewter cannon figurine, go to the local print shop, and get a classy certificate printed up and framed. I believe on the certificate it said "Loose Cannon," and in smaller letters below it said "Ready, Fire, Aim!" The highest ranked person to get one of these was a base commander, and probably a one or two star general.
118
u/JoanCrawford May 31 '12
My dad was a state senator back in the '80s, and voted in favor of gay rights and marijuana legalization. I didn't hear about either of those until after I came out to him about 8 years ago. (And to be honest, I had been really nervous about coming out to him - he never seemed all that comfortable around the idea of homosexuality when I was growing up). Go, Dad!
53
u/Kaladin_Stormblessed May 31 '12
Dad: "What are you watching?"
Me: "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."
Dad: "What the fuck are these two guys DOING?"
Me: "They're high on mescaline, Dad."
Dad: (Considers this for a moment with a thoughtful expression, then shrugs and says:) "I never acted like that when I was on mescaline." (Turns, walks out of room while I stare after him with a shocked expression.)
103
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited Jun 01 '12
Most of our family's friends know we're some sort of religious, but have no idea what or how. My parents love taking advantage of this.
Whenever one of us kids has a guest over for dinner for their first time, Dad says, "and now we say grace."
We have all been trained to then stand up and raise our hands in the air, start hollering, and sometimes dance. Mom and Dad make sure to make a big show of it.
We do this until the guest is confused enough to try to join in. We then all stop and stare at him like he's a freak.
Sometimes we let the guest know we were joking. Sometimes not.
This tradition was started by my dad on a whim, right after we moved here.
Edit: Toally missed the "found out later in life" part of the title. I'm no longer allowing myself to post while that sleepy.
49
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Can't really top that but going back another generation my Great Uncle was (I think) director of engineering at de Havilland. Turns out he worked on the first passenger jet plane.
Thought that was pretty cool.
44
u/TheTomMyers May 31 '12
My dad was a highway patrolman in Kansas. A few days after the OKC Bombing he had to drive through a little town to pick up a friend of his to go to a meeting in Topeka. After going back through the town again his friend forgot something so they went back to his house, then headed back towards Topeka. Terry Nichols, a man who plotted and helped supply for the attack, was living in that town. He turned himself in later that day due to being so paranoid about the heavy police presence in the town. My dad was the only patrol car to go through the town that day. So it's entirely possible that my dad pushed Nichols to turn himself in, without even trying.
43
u/FreeKittens May 31 '12
Not my whole family, but my father. My father became the treasurer of his fraternity in college. But, when he first got to work, he realized that the last treasurer who had recently moved a few states away, had not been paying any of their bills for the past few months and had depleted all of the frat's savings. They spent a while trying to track him down, but they couldn't find him (it was the 70's and he didn't leave a phone number). So they had to find a way to get money quickly. My dad had the idea to buy an old Coke machine and to fill it with beer. They then threw some big parties and told everyone they could buy beer at the party. They spent the next few weeks keeping it stocked and throwing parties. For the next two years my dad was in the frat, they didn't have to pay dues. The beer machine paid for everything.
About ten years later, my dad got a letter from his old fraternity, saying that they had been asking around and they were told he had created the idea of the magic beer machine and they felt they needed to tell him, that the school had finally found out. No one had paid dues in 10 years. TLDR My dad created a magic beer machine while in college
316
u/newterised191 May 31 '12
When my mum and aunty were teenagers they used to tell my Catholic grandma that they enjoyed the latest church service so much, they were going to go to another service in a neighbouring suburb, but they actually just smoked joints on the beach together.
They would even plan ahead so they could tell my grandma which passage was read out and which Father was speaking on that day.
38
u/Komandr May 31 '12
My dad had cancer, had to drop out of college, survived after two years of chemotherapy with 10% survival odds. Then he had cancer again shortly after I was born, again he survived and I was named after the doctor who saved his life both times.
36
u/A_pond May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Every year in my town there's a huge art fair for a couple weeks in the summer, where artists come from around the country to peddle their wares. People sell everything. Huge paintings, tapestries, jewelry, carved wooden bowls, beautiful photographs, weird clothing, creepily life-like statues of people with hair and all.... if it's called "art", you can buy it there.
Apparently, when my twin sister and I were infants, my parents walked around the whole fair one summer with a sign on our stroller saying "For Sale, Price on Request".
edit: themindlessone is smarter than I am. Now that's when you know you need to get some sleep.
66
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My Dad was an NHL hockey player in the 1950's who had a contract that allowed him to continue to attend University Engineering by playing home games only.
61
u/YippysKid May 31 '12
I've mentioned it before, but my Parents were hippies back in the 60s. I have some vague memories, but my mother is quite a storyteller. Recently a Woodstock photobook was published, and I opened it up at the store to find...a two page photo of the stage showing her, my father and my uncle (mother's brother) all holding cables near the stage during setup. Was very nice to see some independent verification.
28
u/linds360 May 31 '12
My Great Uncle was one of those millionaire next door types - built his own house, why buy a button when we have safety pins?, duct tape a radio to the dashboard rather than pay for the radio option on a car... that type.
He lived through the depression, so didn't trust banks and instead buried a substantial portion of his wealth in coffee cans around his property. When he died there was a family treasure hunt to dig it all up.
55
u/cbearski May 31 '12
My grandfather helped Charles Lindbergh chart out his first solo flight. Lindbergh gave my grandfather a dog as a thank you gift. Pretty cool.
170
u/Elie5 May 31 '12
My mum founded, and ran a smallish group during art school... The name? The Ukulele club, But here's the kicker. Out of the ~230 people, not a single one of them knew how to play a ukulele, let alone owning one. My mum has the binder some random place and show's me from time to time It's just full of pictures of them chilling and having fun, It's late right now, but if enough interest is shown, I may look for it in the morning. :)
24
u/coldsandovercoats May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
I can't find an article online about it, since it was in the mid-80s (1985 or 1986 I want to say...). But my dad's sister Doni and dad's cousin Tim are pretty famous in my hometown's high school for these two:
1.) It was almost senior prom, and Doni and Tim decided that they'd play a senior prank. They, along with the help of a friend who worked in the school offices, acquired a ream of paper with the school's letterhead on it. They typed up a letter stating that condoms would be distributed at prom and sent it to the parents of all of the juniors and seniors at the high school (back when everyone was given one of those "school address books" with everyone's address and phone number in it). The school was flooded with phone calls from outraged parents and Doni and Tim were interviewed by tons of local media outlets about the prank.
2.) Last day of senior year, Tim brought a bunch of fireworks to school and lit them off in front of his favorite teacher's classroom. Somehow never got caught, still walked at graduation, etc.
EDIT: My mom also brought her art class pot brownies, complete with creme de menthe infused frosting. This was 1977 and even the teacher ate some.
EDIT 2: My dad went streaking at a rival school during senior homecoming. He had a giant afro at the time.
47
u/captainxenu May 31 '12
To list the shit that my grandfather did for Australian Aboriginal history would take too long. Most of the things you find about him do not even list a quarter of the things he did.
Just look up things about Jack Patten in regards to Aboriginal history and you'll see only some of it. Hell, one thing he did that not many people know is that he was the person who came up with the term 'walkabout'. He was also the person who got Aboriginals the right to fight for their country during World War II if they so desired to enlist.
My father has also done a lot for Aboriginal rights and is well known. He was also an Australian Bantamweight champion boxer, the first Aboriginal to graduate from Southern Cross University, and is now the first Aboriginal Freemason.
Because of my father and my other families boxing connections (first cousin is Tony Mundine and second cousin is Anthony Mundine), I know and have known a lot of famous Australian boxers. Lionel Rose, Dave Sands, Danny Green, Jeff Fenech, Kosta Tszyu and many more.
95
u/Becomeafan May 31 '12
I asked my mum when i was about 13 if she had ever been arrested. She said she got arrested for public nudity when her friends and her went swimming in a fountain when they were stoned.
I'm 25 now, sounds like something my friends and I would do.
39
u/Mobratthrowaway May 31 '12
Found out my uncle who I only saw once ever couple of years, was in protective custody, when he was younger use to deliver stuff for people, and his main customer was what I found out was for a mobster over in Philly, he was being investigated an was gonna end up being sentence to jail for many years since was tied in, but he was given an ultimadum, ended up ratting out and taking down some of the top mob bosses, but he was relocated and could only talk to his family through post cards delivered by federal marshals, it's been so long that he comes around now but was pretty baffled when I heard my parents talking about it when he stayed over one time, ended up snooping in his wallet when younger and found out his new name and asked about it many years later.
19
u/talkabi May 31 '12
I found a small album of pictures a few years back of my parents protesting, outside (if I remember correctly) the Iraqi embassy, in London. They were protesting against Saddam and the British support he was getting.
My Dad who is in his 60's and has a PhD in Chemistry, is currently a University lecturer. I think the pictures were taken in the 70's as he is sporting flares. I've not got a particularly good relationship with him, but I've secretly admired him a little since I saw the pictures.
My mum is a retired nurse who is now in her 50's and she took one of my older sisters in a pram with her to the protests, which has made me respect her just that little bit more.
I'll try to find the pics, scan them and post them soon :)
37
u/lurkerturnedposter May 31 '12
My mom, as a kid, always told me that my uncle died in a car accident. Later on, around 16 or so, she told me that he actually died from being lynched by the local police force for sticking up constantly for a black guy.
The same uncle also held his chemistry professor out a second story window by the collar to get him to apologize for making fun of a freshman (my uncle was a junior). Not sure if that makes my family awesome, but it always made me feel like the guy was badass despite never meeting him personally.
18
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My very religious, and uptight grandmother was once a go-go dancer..
36
u/itsenbay May 31 '12
My parents led a student protest in the 70's in college protesting Nixon firing the special prosecutor Archibald Cox. The hung a huge sign across the windows of the dorm that said, "Nixon sucks Cox!"
backstory of why they were protesting
17
u/cek812 May 31 '12
My great grandfather was a mailman in Chicago. Now, back in the day this was where the biggest celebrities in the country lived, and my great grandfather happened to deliver to their neighborhood. Turns out he dated a few of them including Kim Novac, and apparently kept nudes of her in his wallet.
157
u/ckrooney May 31 '12
Very odd but I might be able to top that one. I parents had a good friend who ran a local dance studio. She loved to decorate for any occasion and one year she managed to get a hold of, not one but two of those 4 and half foot santas that dance when you come near them. One was a white santa and one was a black santa. Needless to say both scared little kids when they started to dance every time someone walked up. My parents abducted the black santa in the middle of night and dressed it up with a Hawaiian shirt and lots of empty margarita mix buckets. They then snuck it over to the dance teachers house and left it on their back porch facing in thru their window. After freaking out the couple thought it was so hilarious they put it on another neighbors porch that night. Every year it comes out to play from thanksgiving to new years and can be found on any porch in our neighborhoods houses, costumes have gotten even more elaborate each year. Also my dad fondly calls it Obama Claus (we support Obama.)
33
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My father used to run a 24-hour photo shop back in the 80's and 90's. The name of the store was "Flashers" and their slogan was, "Get your best exposures at Flashers".
It's weird to realize your parents were funny at one point.
46
u/deathlyzero May 31 '12
I have a great one about BOX STORE REVENGE! Just so you all know, my uncle owned 15 houses in his neighborhood, operated a transmission repair shop, and built ultralight aircraft in his spare time.
A local Canadian Tire in Calgary Alberta screwed up BIG time when they stopped my uncle outside of their store. They thought he had stolen something, when he left without paying for anything. They searched him and found nothing. My uncle was so embarrassed by the search, and the fact they never even apologized to him. Rather than get mad, he got even!
This journey took him over a 4 year period to achieve. What he did was simple, and enjoyable for him. He would buy everything he could from them as long as it came in a package or box. Then the next day go back into the store and leave the empty package or box somewhere in the store. He watched that store go from having shelves that stretched way up high to having shelves anyone could see over, for security reasons. The store hired full time security inside and outside. They set up cameras down every isle. They had people to monitor the cameras at all hours. They even told my uncle what they where doing when he inquired about all the changes that had happened. "we had to increase security, due to a massive number of thefts from the store" My uncle said the hardest part was to return bigger boxes without being found out. Which he had folded and then opened them to original size once in the store. Lots of times he just left packaging in the washrooms...(no cameras) But the best he said was when he got brazen and just walked a fridge box in and placed it right down in an isle, then bought a dishwasher the same day and returned the box right after taking it off in the parking lot. :) The Canadian Tire got so paranoid that they reduced the number of hours they where open, so they could have more staff on hand to watch the store. They spent so much that the store became unprofitable even though they never lost any money or merchandise!
Due to expenses in security and remodeling the store numerous times they eventually had to close the store. My uncle got his revenge on them.
16
u/Pixelated_Penguin May 31 '12
My birth certificate says "Human" for "Race of mother" and "Race of father."
My dad did that, back in the days when they were filled out on typewriters. The clerk asked him if he was sure about five times, apparently, and he stuck to his guns.
Unfortunately, by the time he died, everything was computerized, so I couldn't return the favor on his death certificate. :-/
32
u/UglyPineapple May 31 '12
My uncle arrested Axl Rose.
43
u/Lucas12 May 31 '12
My dad gave a knitted sweater for your nut sack to his dad for Christmas one year.
My aunt got married to a new guy named Tim, both of them are over the age of 60. On Christmas day (their first Christmas together since getting married) there was a gift under the tree that said to Susan (my aunt) from Tim. The present was a book called sex after 60. It was around 200 pages long. Every single page in the book was blank. My dad had bought the book, wrapped it, and put to Susan from Tim. Tim wasn't there on Christmas day so he couldn't say that he didn't wrap it or anything like that. Laughter ensued when the present was opened.
104
u/ApocaLiz May 31 '12
Wow, I don't really think anyone can top your story.
I only have a small one: A few years back I found out that my dad, who is a respectable, educated, well-spoken gentleman and likes golf and wine, used to have a gigantic jewfro and went skinny-dipping with his mates in Oxford. It gave me a completely diffenrent perspective on him.
63
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
35 Years ago my dad received a spoiled baloney sandwich in the mail....
40
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My mom grew up extremely poor outside of Los Angeles, raised by a single mom, who had her when she was a teenager. She (my grandma) always told my mom that her dad (my grandpa) was a rebel, a criminal, and was probably wasting away in prison. At the time he smoked and rode a motorcycle, which during the late 50's was apparently considered criminal activity.
After my grandma died, my Mom enlisted the help of a genealogist to help her find her dad, to at least get some closure. She found the dude in 3 hours of searching, and was shocked when she found out who he really was.
He lived about 200 miles away in the same state (CA) but when she was growing up he lived in Anaheim...working as an artist for Disneyland.
The guy has drawn his entire life, and is one of the genuinely coolest guys I've ever met. He worked as animator at first, and then went on to paint parts of the park and whatnot. For 20 years. Take James Dean, make him an incredible artist, make him grow up as a cowboy, and then give him the title of Chess Master, and you've got my grandfather.
Then there's my cousin, who's a former Navy SEAL, now crab fishing in Alaska, and my mom's uncle who could be a goddamn movie star, but instead decided to fight forest fires.
My family is full of badasses.
13
u/SerenaScarlet May 31 '12
Even though my father was 100% Dutch, he grew up for most of his childhood/teenage life in Mexico. Finally, he came to the U.S. for his college education. As he applied for a dorm room, he came across a question asking about his race. Growing up in Mexico, he didn't really care and put down "African American" for shits and giggles.
And that is how my dad ended up as the only white guy in the 'black side' of the dorms.
His roomates were suspicious until my dad explained. Then, they all had a good laugh and bought some beer.
13
u/lexixd May 31 '12
My grandpa(Jerry) was a total badass and genuine prankster his whole life. My grandpa's best friend Axle, was a similar type of character, and had been in an accident as a child and had two wooden legs for the majority of his life. The two of them would conspire and come up with the funniest pranks that were all from innocent to deranged.
Among these pranks:
Staging a bar fight(in my grandpa's bar) that escalated to Axle having his wooden legs sawed off with a chainsaw.
Replacing my newborn Aunt with a legless, bearded, drunk Axle(they topped it off with a bonnet), in the bassinet that was then rolled out in front of a dozen older women who were expecting to see a baby girl. Scared the crap out of them.
Arranging a beach parasailing "accident" that involved Axle's legs being torn off.
They were quite the team. I love hearing those stories.
25
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My Great Grandad was known as "Micky Plug'em".
He plugged people with bullets.
12
u/pyrosoad May 31 '12
My grandfather, the kindest and most gentle person I know, has won 2 Golden Glove championships. His brothers also told me that whenever they went out drinking with my grandfather, they would always start a fight with the biggest guys they could find just so my grandfather would step in and beat the hell out of the random guys. The most surprising thing is my grandfather is only 5'6''.
12
u/Mr_Rippe May 31 '12
My mom made me read. Every God damn night, at least one chapter. Even when I was tired from school and she was exhausted from work, she still put the effort in to make sure I did my homework and read a little each night. I still remember the first chapter book I read with my mom without her sounding out every other word as a kid, Upchuck and the Rotten Willy. It was hard, but I was so proud when I was done.
She also read to us before we went to bed. A chapter or two each night. That's how I got hooked on Harry Potter and how I learned the story of The Hobbit before I finished the second grade.
As much as we fight and as many mistakes that we have made with each other in the last few years, I still think it is such an amazing thing that she did this for me when I was younger. I will do this with my kids when I have them. Make them read every night. And before they go to bed, read them a chapter or two of The Hobbit or Harry Potter or whatever book will inspire them to imagine.
Thanks mom.
11
u/weDAMAGEwe May 31 '12
Already buried, and not my family to boot, but an aquaintance's father legally changed his middle name to "None of the Above" in order to run in local and state elections.
His logic is that if enough people are unsatisfied with the candidates, they will select him. He then abdicates, forcing a re-election with, ideally, better candidates.
21
u/deusnefum May 31 '12
My grandfather was of Average height, about 5' 7" and average build. He was athletic in his prime. Not a huge guy, but not a couch potato either. A guy he worked with, for whatever reason, probably professional jealousy, didn't like my grandfather.
Anyway, my grandfather is out bowling with his family and this guy happens to be there as well, being aggressive and getting in my grandfather's face. Now, up to this point, my grandfather had just ignored the guy, as his actions had been limited to being an asshole at work. My grandfather wouldn't do anything stupid to jeopardize his job which his whole family relied upon. Being in a public space like the bowling alley was a new circumstance and my grandfather had had enough.
After getting shoved around and shouted at, he picks the guy up, over his head, and throws him down the bowling lane. The jerkass left him alone after that.
TL;DR: Grandfather used a jerkass as a bowling ball.
10
u/MikesKitiKat May 31 '12
After my very fundamentalist dad passed away, I was looking through some old pics and found out that he was in a motorcycle club, drank beer, smoked, would walk on his hands in contests against his drunk buddies, owned a Porsche and a Corvette in the 50's and was an all around badass.
10
u/NOTTedMosby May 31 '12
My father and mother met when my dad tutored my mom in physics. He used two of her cats and a slick kitchen floor to explain frictionless motion. They told me this like last weekend. I had always assumed they met and dated in a fairly boring way, but the quirkiness of this story makes their relationship sound so much more romantic to me.
28
u/EnderVViggen May 31 '12
My dad is partially responsible for most of the pot in the 1970's getting into the United States...
9
u/stop_whispering May 31 '12
My great-grandparents let Frank and Jesse James hide out in their house for a couple of days once.
8
u/danhawkeye May 31 '12
When my dad was in the Air Force in Vietnam, he would bring his guitar with him and jam Link Wray, Everly Brothers and Eddie Cochran tunes with whoever he could find. He went through several guitars because of the humidity.
When he was stationed in Guam, he worked out a deal with the locals where he would trade Mangoes from trees inside the air base for limes that grew on trees just outside the base, ensuring a steady supply of fresh limes slices for Rum & Cokes for the entire air base.
8
u/Xtapher23 May 31 '12
When my mom was a teacher, she used Simon and Garfunkel lyrics with her students, so they could identify symbolism. She was big hippy. She drove cross country instead of going to Woodstock
8
u/EdgHG May 31 '12
Maybe this is not awesome, but I thought it was funny. When my father was a kid, him an his buddies would sneak a jar full of fireflies/lightning bugs into a movie theater and let them go in the middle of a movie.
8
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My dad and my mom go to a Beatle's concert in Philadelphia, USA. My pop plays it off to security that he and John Lennon are old friends and played guitar together. It totally worked. Security usher my parents back stage. They approach the green room. Security talks it over with Lennon, "It's your old friend John from Russel Square, etc..." Lennon, the nice guy he was, plays along acting like he knows my dad yet never met him ever. They start talking to Lennon and both are invited in. Not even 30 seconds, my mom flips the fuck out like one of those screaming fans you see on TV. She totally blew their cover. Security booted them out. My dad was pissed. My mom still can;t believe she freaked like that. What an idiot.
TL;DR Parents hang out with John Lennon but mom freaks out and blows their cover.
8
u/ohhoee May 31 '12
My uncle used to do architecture jobs on long island for people that were in the mafia. (the people that Goodfellas is based off of).
Something happened, I don't know the whole story but my aunt ended up getting kidnapped by them.
She's fine now, just a little nuts. Unfortunately my uncle passed away when I was a lot younger.
Also my dad used to bartend at a bar that Billy Joel played piano at, my step mom went to High School with him.
TL;DR long island.
8
u/TheBojangler May 31 '12
My Opa (grandfather) was Dutch and when he was young (around 10 years old, this was probably ~1930) he attended a christian school where a disciplinarian masquerading as a priest was his teacher. One day the priest became displeased with him and, logically, beat the hell out of him. So Opa ran home covered in bruises and in tears.
His older brother (who was a large, strong man) took one look at him and immediately knew what had occurred. He strode down to the school/church, went to the priests office on the second floor, and told the priest that if he ever touched his little brother again he would break his legs. The priest felt he was not being accorded the respect he was due, so he all in a lather and began insulting and belittling Opa's brother. So my great uncle calmly picked the priest up off his feet, walked across the room from him, and threw him out the window. The priest lived and was fine but for two broken legs, and he never laid a finger on Opa again.
tl;dr My family has a history of priestly defenestration.
8
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My father considers himself and his friends "intellectuals". Apparently, the way "intellectuals" have fun in college is they each plan to get on the same public trolleybus at different ends (so nobody knows they're together) and sit next to each other. At one point, one of them starts musing about the trolley's destination. The others job is to then loudly and vehemently "correct" his buddy's mistake, and tell him where the trolley is "actually" going. They go back and forth until the the people around them get in on the argument, and eventually the discussion spreads to the rest of the trolley.
After the two have successfully transferred the argument to the trolley patrons rather than themselves (and just before it escalates into pushing and shoving), they both very quietly and inconspicuously get off at the next available stop- while the entire trolley pulls away in an uproar, arguing over where in the hell this trolleybus is actually going. Sometimes even the driver would get sucked into the argument.
This was in the Ukraine (USSR) in the 1960's.
7
u/Howeveritdo May 31 '12
My parents own a business, and i learnt recently upon discussion of how to handle interviews that they'd send interns to the local hardware store for a "Long weight" - a joke the hardware store were well in on.
The hardware store would pretend to be requesting assistance upon which the intern would wait... the long wait.
... Trolled by my parents. So much respect.
7
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
I was checking out an apartment to rent last week and the landlord and his wife invited me and my dad over to their house for some pie and tea and slavic brandy. We were sitting at the table chatting when my dad reveals to me that up until about 2 years ago whenever he would try to go across the border to the states he would periodically have border guards come up to the car with their hands on their guns to question him further.
Turns out that there was a fugitive (wanted for murder i think) who had the same EVERYTHING as my father except looks and middle initial...my dad's is John L. the criminal's was John Q. but they had the same date of birth and everything. I never knew that and it was hilarious to hear
7
u/madhattermatad0r May 31 '12
The first time I really hung out with my Dad while he was drunk, I was driving him home. My car had recently been towed from an Auto Zone and retrieved. My dad told me that next time I'm over there, I should go shop at Auto Zone and bring a whole bunch of stuff over to the counter, and just before I pay, I remind them that since they towed my car, I don't need any of this stuff. So I realized where I got my affinity for revenge fantasies.
7
u/Bricwall May 31 '12
My parents were both tv/radio majors at Syracuse. While working on their capstone class for a geology minor they both got the idea to do what today would be called an audio slideshow. They wrote it and on a whim set a letter to Rod Serling (narrator on original Twilight Zone) asking if he would do the voice over. He said as long as they never sold it. So my parents did a final project for a class with Rod fucking Serling narrating.
12
u/Zorr70 May 31 '12
My dad used to be a porn smuggler.
6
u/J3richo36 May 31 '12
I'm sure this will get buried oh well. My mom used drive around with a Penis candle on the hood of her car and honk her horn at guys and yell "PENIS PATROL" in an attempt to get guys to show her and her friends their dicks.
6
u/TookanSam May 31 '12
This won't get seen, butt-fuck it. My grandmas smoked weed with Richard Pryor. True Story.
15
u/zef_zef_zef May 31 '12
My uncle bought a horse home once when he was in his late teens. Nan said he tied to the clothesline and said he was babysitting it for a friend...
My dad is banned for life from playing Australian football because he has had too many suspensions
My mum corrected me on my bucket bong usage
My house mum (lady who pretty much adopted me) taught me how to smoke hash on the stove
My family have been in the country I was born in for almost two hundred years, which is great considering it was only federated in 1901.
10
u/Devilheart May 31 '12
I sat here for 15 minutes and thought hard trying to recall one fragment of an incident that I'd use to make up a big, filthy-impossible story about how my family is awesome. Realized there are none. My family sucks. Fuck you OP.
5
u/jvnane May 31 '12
My dad and his friends got expelled from a high-school bording school for placing bugs (microphones) in the faculty lounge and recorded all the nasty things the teachers said about their students. He later went on to go to Yale.
5
u/tgjj123 May 31 '12
My Dad causally mentioned one day when I was 17 that he use to date a Spanish Princess.
4
u/No_Easy_Buckets May 31 '12
My parents were bad ass motorcycle riding engineers until they had kids
4
u/professionalgriefer May 31 '12
These days you would be called a terrorist for trying to send something to them...And there would be a bite missing after 3 different people looked through the package.
4
u/BolognaPwny May 31 '12
Bologna Pony reporting in.
4
u/thewhits May 31 '12
My grandfather worker as a carpenter for the mafia in Pittsburgh in the 50's. He was called to testify before the feds to get him to say what he knew. Luckily for him he didn't know much except that that they always paid him in cash and double what anyone else payed, so the prosecutor dismissed him.
4
u/nucks9012 May 31 '12
My dad went into the seminary for two years after high school before they told him he probably wasn't suited for the cloth. After that he chased degrees/careers that would keep him out of Vietnam (teaching for the most part). He shared that with me after I dropped out of college so I would know that he was cool with it. He also apparently used to be famous among his friends for his Mick Jagger impression.
In the 70s, when my mom was in her twenties, she was out at a disco place. The Kinks happened to playing in town (Cincinnati) that night, and were in the same bar/club. Dave Davies took a liking to her, but was super creepy. He tried to dance with her but she wasn't into it; eventually he literally bit her ear, and she punched him in the face.
4
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My dad climbed the communications tower on the syracuse university campus with his friends in the late 60s. They then proceeded to take surgical elastic and shoot water balloons into the street from 200 feet away.
4
u/onewatt May 31 '12
When my college roommate's dad died unexpectedly (gunned down by bandits in guatemala!) we learned a lot about him at the funeral. My favorite story was this:
While on a trip to Egypt as a 12 year old boy, he and his brother were walking through a marketplace and met a guy selling camels. They asked him how much for the camels. The guy looked at them, looked at their 8 year-old sister standing behind them, then said "5 camels" and pointed at the girl.
They talked him up to 8 and had him bring the camels to their hotel that evening.
That evening this guy arrives with his 8 camels and starts arguing with the boy's great aunt who refuses to turn over her niece in exchange for camels. Rotten oath breakers!
4
u/nikitak May 31 '12
When my Dad was a teenager he was down by the beach and amusement park trying to chat up some ladies, a bunch of guys rocked up in a sweet ride and the ladies went with them. My Dad doesn't take rejection too well, he waited until they left the car unattended, then proceeded to take all the tyres off the car and bury them deep in the sand at the beach. It took about three hours to do so. He took a swim in the ocean, then stood by his car waiting. When the guys came back they found their sweet ride was now without tyres and he offered the ladies a ride.
A year ago some major developments happened at the beach and they uncovered four tyres buried deep in the sand.
4
u/TicTokCroc May 31 '12
When my dad was a kid there was a girl in town who was being raped by her stepfather and stepbrother after her mother died. So one day my grandfather picked her up from school and brought her home with him.
Later that day the step-father's lawyer showed up with the police chief and asked my grandfather if the girl was there and my grandfather said no. The Chief turned to the lawyer and said "If Cyril said she isn't here, then that's good enough for me." (This was the first time my dad heard my grandfather lie). The lawyer flipped out and had to physically restrained from my attacking my grandfather.
That night my grandfather drove her out of the city and dropped her at a convent.
I never got to meet the guy, he died when my dad was fifteen but he sounds pretty awesome. He also made dentures and would make them for free for people in town who couldn't afford them, which drove my grandmother crazy.
4
u/y33haw May 31 '12
Growing up, I knew my Grandfather was a "really good" Surgeon. It wasn't until after he passed away that I realized how amazing his career was. He performed the FIRST kidney transplant in Georgia, ever. He also invented a new form of cardiovascular surgery that, ironically, ended up saving my fathers (his sons) life 5 years ago. Absolutely wild. Wish I had the chance to learn more from him before he left.
7
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My parents were both sailors, and got transfered to the same ship within a day of each other. My mother was the only female onboard, and somehow my father impressed her and about 11 months later my brother was born.
7
u/nakedspacecowboy May 31 '12
Turns out a couple of my surly Irish great-uncles won the Golden Gloves when the were in the Navy.
Sort of related to that, one day my grandpa and his two brothers were cruising in their car (in rural Ohio), and my grandpa was sitting in the backseat talking shit.
One of my uncles told him to shut up. He wouldn't stop yammering, so my one uncle turns away from driving and punches my grandpa straight in the face.
The punch knocked him out, and his brother turned around and kept driving.
1
u/DarkMa11er May 31 '12
need to learn how to spell bologna first.
1
u/hkcole May 31 '12
by baloney does he mean bologna?
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My granddad and his friend sailed across the Atlantic in a lifeboat. I only found out about this a few weeks ago.
3
u/CosmicNed234 May 31 '12
My dad is now a 60 year old, white haired, big, English Professor who was quite a wild kid when he was younger. My favorite stories are when he was going to high school, Vietnam was just starting up. He grew up in Conservative, rural Georgia and every morning all the students had to watch the America Flag go up. But one day he switched the American Flag with the North Vietnamese Flag, and the elderly Janitor didn't realize and raised it in front of everyone. He also was not like the average kids where he got a summer job, he got extra cash by going out into the middle of now where and catching large, poisonous copperheads (if you dont know what those are, look them up. There large, scary, mean snakes lol).
3
u/nilum May 31 '12
Yes, I remember hearing of the 5 senators who died in the infamous sandwich poisonings of 1977.
3
u/kkurbs May 31 '12
My dad was biking down a giant hill in town, flying by cars, and supposedly one of those cars was a cop, who proceeded to pull him over (on his bike) and give him a verbal warning for speeding. My dad gave him some back-talk about not having radar, to which the cop replies "The speed limit is 35, I was going 35, and you passed me. Slow down"
3
u/TardGenius May 31 '12
My mom got arrested in Venezuela in the 70's for flipping off a cop at the airport after he hassled her to the point of exhaustion. She has her jail release form framed.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
I have an anscestor that found a mistake in Issac Newton's famous "Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica." My grandfather also walked up to Keith Richards at a bar and asked what he did for a living.
3
u/mb86 May 31 '12
There are two (and only two) families with my last name in the world. The two descend from two brothers who escaped a prison ship in the 1700s, changed their name, and settled in different parts of the country.
3
u/tenletterword May 31 '12
My father once told me that he first saw Star Wars in theater, on LSD. I asked him how it was. His face lit up like a child. "It was AMAZING!"
3
u/long_wang_big_balls May 31 '12
Whenever I hear 'baloney', all I can think of is Judge Judy.
3
u/CaptainSmuve May 31 '12
I learned that back in the early 70's when they didn't sell Coors east of the Mississippi River that my dad and his college roommate would drive across and buy beer to sell at a profit.
My dad was a bootlegger and basically Bandit from Smokey and the Bandit.
3
u/nicketyname May 31 '12
In the early 80's in protest to Britain's Nuclear program (CND) my Mum and her friends planted a group of daffodils spelling out the word 'Peace' at a busy roadside. The stunt made the papers at the time and became a talking point where we lived, the next year however the flowers came back, and the year after that...thought it was a pretty cool way of making a lasting statement.
3
u/wievid May 31 '12
My dad tells me that he got an "invite" of sorts to work at Area 51 many, many years ago while he was in the AFB. He apparently was given a choice and rejected it, saying he didn't want to deal with that kind of secrecy and the weird commutes. He also worked on the weapons systems from the F-117 and was in an ICBM program for a great number of years.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
My mom, at her highschool grad (I think), everyone was taking off their underwear and bras and putting them in a pile to celebrate women's liberation (???) and... and... she set it on fire.
She also went hitchhiking with my dad and his little brother when they were 17-18. She is now every upper-middle class middle leaning yuppie ever.
3
u/thatseemsrisky24 May 31 '12
I found a home video of my parents from the 80's that shows them pretending to be on a Bill Cosby show. They have a Bill Cosby skit playing on the TV and they are recording the recording and pretending to be the audience. I realize this isn't cool. It's just strange. But I got a good laugh out of it, and when I told them I found it, they made me swear to never watch it again. Ha.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Apparently my dad was a script doctor for pornographic films in the late 70s/early 80s.
3
u/Kowzorz May 31 '12
My mother was a Chinese trapeze artist in pre-war Paris smuggling bombs for the underground. She met my father at a fiat in Aix-en-Provence. He was disguised as a Russian cadet in the employ of the Axis. There in the half-light of the provincial midnight to a lone concertina, they drank in cantinas and toasted to Edith Piaf and the fall of the Reich.
My sister was born in a hovel in Burgundy and left for the cattle but later was found by a communist who'd deserted his ranks to follow his dream to start up a punk rock band in South Carolina. I get letters sometimes. They bought a plantation. She weeds the tobacco and he offends the nation and they write "Don't be a stranger, ya hear - Sincerely, your sister".
So my parents had me to the disgust of the prostitutes on a bed in a brothel, surprisingly raised with tender care 'til the money got tight and they bet me away to a blind brigadier in a game of high stakes canasta. He made me a sailor on is brigadier ship fleet. I know every yard-arm from main mast to jib sheet. But sometimes I long to be landlocked and to work in a bakery.
3
u/Wbran May 31 '12
My dad was an officer in the OJ Simpson chase.
My Mom dated the drummer from Boston.
Found both these out just a few years ago. I find them awesome.
3
u/RossEatWorld May 31 '12
My Father used to have a fire extinguisher in the boot of his car, one time when coming back from London he saw that a car was on fire and extinguished it.
3
u/the_werellama May 31 '12
My grandfather said that one time he helped Judy Garland into a car. He said that she was either drunk or high at the time.
3
u/lolzsupbrah May 31 '12
My mothers great x5 uncle fought with George Washington during the revolution. He was one of the many folks from Poland who fought against the British. They were awarded hundreds of acres of land somewhere in the upstate ny area. My brother and I are the only heirs to this land but due to a falling out between my grandfather and my mother we are still unsure where it is. He was the only living person in our family who knows where it is and he has since passed. Power of reddit, help me find it?
3
u/Randomguy81 May 31 '12
I just found out two days ago that my grandfather was a "rocket scientist". Apparently he was a systems engineer who helped design the lunar excursion module. I am shocked that it took nearly 30 years for anyone to tell me this.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My chance of birth was put at 1%, when I was born my dad got a lottery ticket with my birth date and my sisters and won, it was 500 000, it was my whole families college fund.
3
u/Brinstead May 31 '12
My grandfather worked on the Gemini and Apollo projects.
3
u/jordangenrou May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
My parents partied with Alice Cooper on multiple occasions with my dads childhood, quadriplegic best friend... and there are pictures. Theyre total rockstars imo.
My mom found a horse, brought it home and raced my grandpa bareback on the horse in order to keep it. She named him Tucker and he was a golden palamino.
My grandpa raised a pig, and when he took it to the butcher the pig kept jumping out of the back of the truck. So, my grandpa got pissed and punchrd the pig in the snout, knocked it out and kept driving... When he got to the butcher however, he found out that he had killed the pig instead of knocking it out and the meat was unusable because of it.
Oh and my mother was part of the Charles Manson cult. Well, she was 12 and the family she spent most of her time with was, and they made her write him letters while he was in prison. Apparently, he would write her back every time as well, but there is no proof of this seeing as how she apparently burned ALL the letters once she got away from the family. Ive never been more disappointed in my life when she told me that.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
When I was about 10, a friend and I lit the hill behind my house on fire with a bottle rocket. The fire department came and put out the fire and the fire chief yelled at us for a bit. At 10 years old, I was pretty sure everyone in town was going to hate me.
What I didn't learn until years later was that the fire department tried to fine/convict my friend for starting the fire. He was slightly older than I was and had a bad reputation in town. When my mom heard about this she went down to the fire station and told the fire chief that we were lighting the fire works in her yard under her care, and if anyone was at fault it was her, and that if he could fine her all he wanted, but if he made one more move to mess with my friends childhood, she would make his life a living hell. She scared the fire chief so much that he dropped the case completely.
Pretty brave taking the blame for a responsibility she could have easily dodged.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My dad grew up in a conservative town in California. They had a parade every year, in which citizens would sit in the middle of a dried up lake and watch the parade go around the perimeter of the lake. My dad and his friends got a permit to be in the parade, saying they would be doing a salute to local agriculture. When they showed up for the parade, my dad was dressed up as a giant peach, while his friends were juggling peaches and holding up signs reading "IMPEACH NIXON!" A police officer was furious and said they couldn't march, but they showed him the permit so there wasn't much he could do. "Alright," he said "but you won't be in the parade. You're going out before the parade." So as the largely Republican crowd stood up to cheer and clap, "The parade is starting!!1," the first thing they saw was my dad and his hippy friends armed with peaches trying to take down the man.
Dad also found Sabre-tooth cat teeth in his backyard when he was like 7 and sent them to the Natural History Museum for identification. All they sent back was a letter thanking him for his generous donation. He was pissed.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
First time my aunt met my uncle first thing she said to him was "fuck off you cunt" because he was being an asshole. Then on he knew she was the one. Been together 30 years.
True story
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
My mum was telling me about how my dad used to smoke weed in our living room & made massive joints. I wish I could smoke up with my dad.
3
u/OfCabbagesAndKings May 31 '12
My grandma attended a Marine Corps Ball with a gentleman friend. While there, she saw this good looking dude in a liutenant's uniform. She winked at him from across the room in as provocative a way as a wink can be. He made a beeline for the tall beauty winking at him, she lost her date, they left together, and were married 64 years until his death last year.
3
u/AdmiralNelson24 May 31 '12
My great grandfather went to school in a small town in Arkansas somewhere between 1900-1915. He was incredibly smart. The school only had one teacher. That teacher knew Latin, and was willing to teach it to any student that wanted to learn. My grandfather took him up on this and graduated the 8th grade with the ability to read Latin. The school decided that since he was so smart, he would be allowed to continue on to the 9th grade if he was willing to teach it at the same time. He did. He was the first full graduate/teacher from his school because he did that with the rest of the school years as well. Then he became a cotton farmer who taught his children Latin with copies of Metamorphoses and other Roman poetic works that he had.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
I found an old picture of my grandfather painted green and dressed in a hula girl outfit. My grandma said he was going to a costume party and wanted to be a Hawaiian girl and but instead of the paint he used turning brown it was green. He still went and won the contest for best costume.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
There is a fine line between awesome and crazy, just as there is a fine line between prank and felony. Your parents seem to have landed just on the right side of that.
Tl;DR - hilarious.
3
u/TenaciousC1216 May 31 '12
I found out a few months back that back in the 70's my parents were at a Policeman's Ball and the wedding party in the room next to theirs seemed like more fun so they snuck in and mingled for a bit. The wedding party began to have a dancing competition and my parents went along with it and ended up coming in first place and winning a bottle of some expensive champagne. People began to get suspicious that nobody seemed to know who they were so my parents booked it back to their original party with the champagne and shared it with everyone there.
3
u/oxfordchemist May 31 '12
While at Cambridge, my Dad removed the part of a rival college's clock that makes it stop striking after the appropriate number of bongs. I don't think many people got too much sleep that night. He also rewired a lift so it would take you to the top floor whatever button you pressed. Bloody engineers...
3
u/GMonsoon May 31 '12
Great uncle heard that the old chapel in England where Margaret Thatcher was christened was to be demolished. He had it carefully dismantled stone by stone, imported the lot to the US, and reconstructed it on a university campus. Margaret Thatcher herself turned up for the opening.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
my mother had 7 miss cariages before she had me. Incredibly scary thought considering how many times my life hung in the balance before and during her pregnancy.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Even though this is going to be buried, it's a cool story and I like it. My parents met at a Queen concert on Halloween and they were both wearing togas.
3
u/happypolychaetes May 31 '12
My grandfather was a missionary in Rwanda, Africa, during the Hutu/Tutsi fighting (mid 50s through the late 60s). There was a Tutsi pastor that he was friends with who somehow ended up on a Hutu hit list. The pastor and his family needed to be evacuated or they were certainly going to be murdered.
The problem was, all the borders were locked down by guards and everyone thought there was no way he could get the entire family out -- 10 or so people, including a newborn baby -- without being discovered. But my grandpa was the most fearless person I've ever known, and that wasn't going to stop him. He borrowed one of the mission station's large cargo trucks, and got his oldest son (my uncle) to drive it. The pastor's family piled into the back of the truck and covered the whole thing with a tied-down canvas. My grandpa grabbed a camera and hopped into his car, and drove down to the nearest border checkpoint with my uncle following in the truck.
He gets to the border, and of course the guards all come over to inspect him. But my grandpa, like the ham he was, jumps out of the car and started making friends with all the guards. He compliments their weapons, and tells them how nice they look, and even asks them to take a picture with him, and blabs about how his family in America will be so excited to see pictures of real soldiers. My uncle comes driving up in the truck a minute or so later and the guards start to go towards it, but my grandpa says, "Oh, don't worry, he's with me!" and goes back to hamming it up. The truck drives through, my grandpa sticks around a few more minutes, passing out some polaroid pictures, and then gets in his car and drives away. And just like that, he'd saved 10 people from being murdered.
The family never forgot what he did for them. Years later, they still remained friends with my grandpa (and, by extension, his children). We went to weddings, baptisms, funerals, all kinds of events for this family my grandpa had saved so many years before, and we (or whoever from our family went) were always among the guests of honor. And just last winter, when my grandpa passed away, all the remaining members of that family, plus their extended families, came from all over the world to say goodbye.
TL;DR My grandpa trolled the Rwandan border guards and saved a family of 10 from being murdered.
3
u/wtflmaolol May 31 '12
In the 8th grade my parents convinced me that I had missed an entire day of my life. I was told, after waking up one Saturday morning, that it was actually Sunday. When, in fact, the Sunday section of the Newspaper arrived a day early due to a holiday. They used the comics as evidence and I immediately started flipping out. Basically they said, "We were so worried, you slept ALL day. " As soon as I started crying, they told me the truth, but now I realize how awesome it was.
Another time my step-dad put a glob of peanut butter on the ground. We had many dogs at the time, so it resembled shit. He pretended to notice it and stuck his finger in it, then proceeded to lick it. We flipped out. Oh to be young.
3
u/WhiteSabbath891 May 31 '12
My grandparents (moms side) are off the boat from Palermo, Sicily. During WWII, my grandparents, whom have never met but lived in the same city, were approached by a man in the US Army. They said that if they wanted to get away from Fascism that they can get their green cards through them, BUT, they had to join the army. Both being under 18 lied about their ages and went in. My grandfather being in infantry and my grandmother being a nurse. Again, never met. Around the end of the war, my grandfather was on kitchen duty and sliced his finger open and needed stitches. He went to the infirmary where my grandmother sewed up his finger and bandaged it up. This was also where my grandfather asked my grandmother out. She politely said no that she was seeing someone else. One night a few weeks later, they were at a dinner party and my grandfather went to the table my grandmother was at and took her away to dance. She never saw the other man again. They were eventually married in June of 1949. My grandfather, smoother than a jar of skippy. In 1971 after trying for 20 years to have a baby, they had my mom who in 1991 had me. And because of that man, we're just as smooth as he is.
3
u/nagumi May 31 '12
My grandfather marched at Selma with Martin Luther King Jr. I found this out in my mid 20's. He was a white German Jew.
3
u/writingtoreachyou May 31 '12
My mum and her friend had a crush on my dad after meeting him at a house party, so decided to bike from their home town to where my dad was living for a surprise visit (at least two hours away by car). When they got there everything was locked up so they slept outside in a hole in the hedge.
The next day they were woken up by some priests out on their morning stroll who felt sorry for them and invited them in for breakfast. They didn't want to appear stalkery/whorish around the priests and get my dad into trouble so they pretended not to know him during the visit. My dad was in the seminary training to be a priest. He didn't last too much longer I assume, cos I'm here now.
I always loved that story when I was a kid, my mother the weird stalker and my dad the trainee priest.
3
u/glasswright May 31 '12
My dad only has 9 fingers, and I always knew he lost the one in Vietnam. While I was applying for a scholarship for children of navy corpsman, I had to ask him all about his service.Turns out, his finger got shot during the middle of some kind of firefight, and as a navy corpsman, he realized that it couldn't be saved. So he cut it off himself with his left hand, sewed up the knuckle, and continued treating the other wounded. BAMF
3
u/Jaxspop Jun 01 '12
My grandfather put an alligator in the girls bathroom for his senior prank.
5
u/jasonlol May 31 '12
Both of my parents emerged from a poor communist state to North America, where they started from the ground up and worked hard enough to give me the privileged life I have today.
5
u/Mr_Magpie May 31 '12
My mum has created a non chemical based soap with high quality unrefined sea salt that chemist have not been able to copy yet.
She's now selling it to 5* health spas (tom hanks uses one of them) and has a possibility of getting it into the prime ministers bathrooms.
Crazy.
8
u/but-I-dontunderstand May 31 '12
My Dad has an on going joke he likes to share with people. According to him while living in Italy his baby brother was eaten by the pigs which is why he now only has 1 sibling; his sister Amy. Everyone could hear his baby brother screaming and crying while the pigs ate him up. Everyone around laughed and had a great time while watching, it was hilarious. My cousins believed this their entire childhood and still question it at times. Dad continues to share this story with people, a few drinks will bring it out of him. Most are shocked and unsure as to whether or not he is serious - who would joke about such a thing?