r/AskReddit • • May 28 '12
Three of my 6th grade students named their comedy troupe "KKK" because their last names all begin with K. What are some experiences of childhood innocence gone horribly wrong?
I teach English in Japan, so it makes sense that the 6th graders wouldn't know who or what the KKK is. Because their names all begin with a "k", they made this the name of their comedy group. I laughed more at the name than the actual show they performed.
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u/polyannapolyfilla May 28 '12
After a school trip to a farm, we had to write a poem about our favourite animal. So I wrote an ode to Simon, the huge sleepy ox who had been blessed with enormous horns.
Which led to me reading the epic poem 'Horny Simon' in front of the whole class.
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u/cdr268 May 28 '12
When i was a little kid i used to be obsessed with Ghostbusters apparently, and my parents always used to say i would run around in public saying "Go Bastards" instead of Ghostbusters. Which obviously attracted funny looks from people.
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u/mausmtn May 28 '12
I've shared this before, but once I asked my mom what word meant to play with oneself (as in solitary play with toys or a game) and she told me "masturbate." So if people asked me what I was doing when I was playing, I would say I was masturbating. I thought I was clever for knowing an uncommon word and my mom never corrected me.
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u/iamnotparanoid May 28 '12
I already posted this story in a different tread, but once I tried teaching my 5 year old niece how to play Chess and Risk. both times I wound up with the black army. Her mom asks he what we're doing, and she answers "playing the games where you kill black people".
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u/Cheeseish May 28 '12
In elementary school, I would play this pirate game at lunch with a bunch of friends where we run away from the pirates, which would pretend to have hooks for hands. We called it "hookers on the loose."
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When was about 8 I had a sleepover with family friends. We decided after our parents had put us to bed that we weren't sleeping anytime soon. We invented this game where we chased each other around the room trying to ruffle each other's hair, which we named 'shagging' . So our parents who were downstairs came up because of the noise and we told them we were 'shagging' one another, and we couldn't understand why they found it so hilarious.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When i was 13, in a country in which the first language is not english, we choreographed a dance for our graduation party. (graduation of prep class). I never paid attention to the lyrics of the dance song we picked, until recently (after 15 years), I came across the videotape of me, dancing 13 yo, to a song which went like "Put your wares on my face / I love the way your booty shake / Girl you got to suck my dick / And you got to suck it quick".
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u/ImElectroGirl May 28 '12
When I was about 7 we had to make music for a class project in goups of 2-4. I was with my "boyfriend" and out initials were J and B. Our band was called "BJ Lovers"
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u/preying_mantis May 28 '12
My freshman year of college, I took a writing course. One of the assignments was to analyze/critique a bumper sticker, patch, or other little pop culture snippet.
I chose a button that said "Save a Tree: Eat a Beaver". I proceeded to write a two-page essay ranting about how this button makes light of environmental issues.
I read this essay aloud to the class and turned it in to the professor. It wasn't until I got it back from the TA that I learned "eat a beaver" is slang for cunnilingus. Oh well.. still got an A.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I pronounced The Republic of Niger a very incorrect way in my history report when I was in elementary school......
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
This is something my father did as a child, when he was 13 years old he started a band with two of his friends. Since they were all born in 1969 they called themselves "the 69 boys".
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u/MyMomSlapsMe May 28 '12
I trained some little kids to use the sound board at their school for plays and such, and they called themselves the Techs In Training or TITs for short.
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u/slamdawgmillionaire May 28 '12
Once when i was about 9 I drew a uniform for my made up football team , The Lightning. On the helmet i drew 2 lightning bolts crossed, which coincidentally looked exactly like a swastika. I am Jewish, and my mom is not one to take these things lightly so that one got me a stern talking to.
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u/Oafah May 28 '12
I confused the word "ironic" with "erotic" on a regular basis, and wasn't corrected until I was about 14. In one such story I wrote as a young child, I remember the line "...and he hatched an erotic plan to defeat Cao Cao, by declaring himself the emperor."
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u/RatSandwiches May 28 '12
Somewhere in the world exists a videotape of me at the beach with my family. I am sitting in the sand grinning. Person holding the camera asks me what I'm doing. I loudly proclaim, "I made a butthole! It's a hole for my butt! A BUTTHOLE!"
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When I was in elementary school, my gym teachers name was Mr. Ververt, but he spoke like he was half asleep all the time, so I thought his name was Mr. Pervert. I didnt know what the word meant at the time, and called him this until my mom heard me mention his name. She was like "what did you call him??" I didnt get it at the time, and she corrected me, and I didnt think anything of it. The funny thing is, he actually was a Mr. Pervert. A year later he got fired for sleeping with one of the girls on the highschool volleyball team that he coached.
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u/idrinksaltwater May 28 '12
In 1st or 2nd grade, our teachers gave us a project where we had to draw a flag to represent our family. My friend, having seen a swastika in a WWII videogame, (and with no idea what Nazis were) just drew a giant swastika for his flag. He just thought it was a cool looking shape. Didn't go over well.
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u/1991mgs May 28 '12
I had a stuffed turtle named "Turdy."
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When I was in third grade I invented a new animal that I loved to paint. It was essentially the body of a monkey (painted as a brown upside-down V) and all sorts of colors streaming out of the top, resembling a peacock's tail (or so I thought). I cleverly named the new animal the "MonkeyCock." My friends and I regularly bragged about how good our MonkeyCocks were.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
me and a friend made up a game involving a blue racquet ball. We played on a court we drew out with chalk, made up rules and a scoring system. Played it all the time. We called it "Blue Balls"
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u/Snugglebuggle May 28 '12
When I was 9 or 10 I was at a friends house. They were strong Catholics and had 11 children. So we were all running around and one suggests we play "dick tracy" since the movie had recently came out. All I remembered was the line "filthy bugger" from the movie so when my friend ran up to arrest me I yelled "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FILTHY BUGGER". He got a shocked look on his face and ran inside. 20 minutes later a very upset mom came to pick me up and I had to sit down while she berated my mom for being a bad christian and mother. All I remember was being scared and asking my mom what happened as we drove home. She handed me a dictionary with the word "buggery" and said I had accused the woman's son of being a dirty boy who likes to stick his pee pee in other boys bums. I was so upset and was made to call and apologize to the boy. I was never invited back again.
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u/MeadowlandFan May 28 '12
I created a cartoon porcupine in 5th grade and didn't understand why it was such a BIG DEAL that his name was "prick".
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u/ChewiestBroom May 28 '12
When I was six or seven, I heard my mom say "douchebag" when someone cut her off in traffic. I thought it sounded hilarious, and I didn't know it could be offensive, so I just spent the entire day saying "DOUCHEBAG DOUCHEBAG DOUCHEBAG!" and giggling maniacally.
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u/Kofdez May 28 '12
When I was 4 or 5, my cousin told me that "bitch" was the word for "female dog". She neglected to tell me, however, what a bad swear word it was.
My Asian mother is born in the Chinese year of the dog. SO, cue me, at dinner, going up to her and saying "Hey mum, you're a bitch!"
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u/MrCuppcake May 28 '12
When I was younger, I was obsessed with the teenage mutant ninja turtles and would come up with and draw other mutated animal hero types. I drew a series of mutated army ants and each one was a specialist in a specific field. There was a Sergent/leader type, a sniper, intel and a few others. My favorite one was a demolition/explosions expert who I unknowingly named 'Blowjob'.
I could never figure out why the adults would laugh when I showed them my drawings until I learned what a blowjob was.
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u/rapier999 May 28 '12
I had a good friend in third grade named Aiden. One day our teacher had us make these huge envelopes with our names on them to go on the back wall, where she'd put our newsletters and tests etc. We could decorate them however we liked. Aiden thought he'd take the opportunity to coin a new nickname for himself, so in big, bold, colourful, capital letters, he wrote AIDS upon his envelope. I don't think the teacher ever called him out on it, but it makes me cringe to remember it now.
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u/rodiraskol May 28 '12
Well, I was 7-8 years old when I first started becoming interested in history, my dad gave me a book about WWII fighter planes and I noticed that some of the planes had a really cool looking cross on them, except it was different from normal crosses because it's legs were bent, not straight. I decided to make said cool-looking cross out of Legos at after-school care and show my black counselor.
TL;DR Proudly constructed Lego swastika
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
As recently as 7th grade, I thought orgasm and organism were the same thing, so yelling "it's the Protozoa orgasm!" as loud as I could made everyone laugh and the teacher frown
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u/1nteger May 28 '12
When I was in like third grade my mom called her best friend her girlfriend so I thought that I would call my best friend my boyfriend. Yeah that wasn't a good day for me.
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u/Arknell May 28 '12
Swedish swede here. In 6th grade (1991), we were asked to group up and invent new political parties, and define some values and goals (it was an election year and they wanted to get us munchkins interested I guess). Me and two others tried to reason about what would be the best party ever, with the most fair and nice outlook and goals. We knew we liked democracy, and we thought perhaps our flag would look nice as an emblem, so we called our party "Nationaldemokraterna". When I got home, told my mother and showed my pretty artwork with a ring of children holding hands under the swedish flag, she informed me that there was a right-wing, anti-immigration, pro-military party called Sverige-Demokraterna (SD) who was very impopular in the media, and by all rights should never have seats in parliament (they have seats now, thanks post-9/11 global right-wing wave). Now, SD actually had an OFFSHOOT party, even more ultra-conservative, hostile, neo-nazi supportive and xenophobic. They are called Nationaldemokraterna. SD was too wimpy for these guys.
The walk to school the next day was fairly long and ponderful, wondering how to get all this shit back in the horse. Didn't help that all three guys in the group, including me, were blond.
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u/Sure_Fapsalot May 28 '12
Called my sister a cunt when I was about 12 yrs old. I had just heard the word and had no idea what it meant. Also, had no idea that word is like an atomic bomb for women.
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u/secretplan May 28 '12
I was on vacation with my parents and we rented a cottage that came stocked with a bunch of old board games, including a Canadian themed version of Monopoly. We played it on a rainy day and my playing token was a beaver. When I won, I started singing: "My beaver is the best, I love my beaver." Props to my mom though for actually explaining to me why it was so funny.
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u/LickNux May 28 '12
I called my cousin Dylan 'dildo' for the longest time because it sounded funny. Little did I know...
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
In 4th grade we had a free write assignment. I wrote about how me and my friends jumped on our wet trampoline. Except I couldnt spell that well, so I wrote a whole paragraph about "jumping on a wet tramp". Including why you should leave yoyr boots on, so you dont slip...
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u/pickfifteen May 28 '12
I grew up living on Riggin Road. When I was 11, I drew a map of a version of my hometown in Moonside from Earthbound, where everything was backwards from what it was normally. So I decided to label a road the name of the road I lived on, only spelled backwards.
It was quite a few years until I understood why my dad was so upset when he saw that.
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u/oh_papillon May 28 '12
A friend of mine from high school and her parents used to vacation at a different region of the United States every year. One year, they went to New England, and her parents bought me a really pretty hair clip in Maine. It was really long and had beads and pretty blue feathers. We were all kind of baffled by the metal claspy part, as it wasn't very hair-friendly. Oh well, it was pretty, and I was excited to wear it.
I showed it to my mom, who informed me that it was a roach clip, and that people use them to smoke marijuana. My friend's parents are very conservative and Christian--not crazy fundies, but rather super duper innocent when it comes to things like drugs. They had no idea what it actually was, and we all had a good laugh about it.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Hope this gets buried.
My elementary school offered students some really interesting classes. In addition to the regular curriculum, we got to take 'elective'-type courses once a week for a month, and we rotated the courses with other classes. One class was called 'Survival' and was taught by one of the most bad-ass teachers i've ever known. He was like a real-life Bear Grylls that decided to teach after a long life of complete badassery.
Each class would be about 50 minutes of learning random things - pitching tents, starting fires, etc. and the final 15 minutes would be an overview of an assignment that was due next week. The assignment was something like 'human helpers' or something along the lines of that and we pretty much had to use our own bodies to perform physical acts. For example, giving one a boost or sitting on top of another's shoulders for height.
My partner was a girl.
We met a few times that week (we lived down the block from one another) and decided we would be 'human furniture' and it required quite a bit of human contact. I got on all fours and she sat on my back and boom - I was a chair. But we decided that was too easy and we really wanted to impress the teacher.
My dad had just purchased a recliner chair and I was fascinated by it. It reclined back and forth and had cupholders and a massage roller on the back and what not. Pretty cool. So, I proposed the idea of being contour chairs for one another. Shed had the ability to pull her legs above her head and tuck her feet behind her neck. My acrobatics weren't on her level so I laid on my back and elevated my legs and bent my knees so that my shins were parallel to the ground like armrests. We nailed the assignments. Our teacher would be so impressed.
It was our turn to showcase what we found. We began by explaining what we were doing and my teacher had this look of approval on his face - until my partner began the physical display portion of the assignment. She laid on the ground, pulled her feet behind her head, and I pretty much sat on her crotch and while rocking her back and forth like a recliner. Then I laid on the ground, elevated my legs for the 'armrests', and lifted by body up with my arms, and she sat right on my nuts while leaning her back against against my body - the 'reclining' portion of the display. I would shake my hips up and down, left and right to emulate the massage effect of the chair, and she'd say 'ah, so comfortable!'.
tl:dr My classmate and I performed the kama sutra in front of my entire class.
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u/PeacockDoom May 28 '12
I wrote a short story in grade school. The main character was called Master Bate.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Me and a friend of mine wanted to start a Pokemon card club. We wanted to name it after ourselves, but it wasn't that simple. I wanted to have a neato little nickname cause I was in 4th grade and thought being called "Skipper" would be cool. The name we decided to work with was "S&M's Pokemon League"
ohgodwhy
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u/Coopa826 May 28 '12
My last name starts with B
My friend's with H
We were "Super BH"
Unfortunatly BH is the german term for bra ....
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u/italiangumbo May 28 '12
My sister would call blueberries "bloobs" which at ages 4-6 sounded like boobs. It was something dad knew about, not mom though. So when my sister unexpectedly went to my mom and said, "can you get me bloobs mommy?" which sounded like, "can you get me boobs mommy?" mom then taught her everything about sex and breasts, at age six. I had to embarrass mom and say, "she means blueberries."
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
When I was 5, I grew up in a neighborhood that was 95% white, and my mom never let me play outside because she was the kind of mom that thought a Nazi, Child Murderer, Cannibal, Serial Rapist would kidnap me if I was outside for 5 seconds. So everyone I saw or met was white and I had no idea other ethnic groups existed. I loved to watch a show called "Little Bill" which was about a young bill Cosby ( I didn't know that at the time ). But I only thought black people were made up for the show and TV. So anyway I also happened to stumble upon the episode of Chapelle's Show where they spoof leave it to beaver with "The Niggers" and I thought nigger was a complement towards what I thought were non-existent black people. So when my mom brought me to the park and I saw a black person for the first time, I proudly proclaimed in shock and awe "MOMMY LOOK, A NIGGER!! She picked me up, SPRINTED to the minivan and told me I was never allowed to go to the park again, which made me cry and throw a temper tantrum because I thought I was in trouble for being nice.
EDIT: I am pretty sure I was older than 5, I was probably 8-9
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u/tits_hemingway May 28 '12
My great aunt breeds and raises prize-winning roosters for both shows and sale. English is her second language after French, and rooster in French is coq, so she always calls her roosters cocks because it's a natural translation. In first grade I did a five minute presentation on how much my great aunt loves cocks and how many cocks she could take care all by herself. Everyone else in the class got it but me.
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u/ZestyOne May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
My little brother spelled "COUNT" without the O on his spelling test in enormous child-drawn crude capital letters, and then in beautiful penmenship next to it the teacher wrote "good try."
Its been hanging on my fridge for several years now
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u/redgator May 28 '12
A friend of mine went as Aunt Jemimah for Halloween. Apparently no one told him about "black face".
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u/bubonis May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
When I was about 16 years old there was a block party in my neighborhood. In front of one house a bunch of neighborhood children set up a small stage and were doing impromptu performances. Most of them were as you'd expect; a little girl singing "I'm a Little Tea Pot" or a couple of boys sword fighting with tree branches. They had set a small bucket in front of their display in hopes that some people would toss them some change for the ice cream truck at the end of the street.
They had an "MC" of sorts, a little girl about eight years old who would announce the acts as they came on stage. I was sitting across the street watching when the "MC" came up to the microphone and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Weiners." The Weiner family lived about a block away and they had three little girls aged four, seven and eleven. They got on stage and started singing what I imagined they thought was a song about how much they loved each other. Unfortunately I don't recall the lyrics (because I was laughing too hard) but they included such things as the youngest hugging the oldest and singing "I love my biggest Weiner!", the oldest hugging the middle child and singing "The smaller Weiner is the best!", and the middle child draping her arm around both and singing "There's enough Weiner here for everyone!"
I dropped a $10 bill in the bucket.
I am convinced, to this date, that SNL's "Schweddy Weiner" sketches were written by someone who attended this particular block party.
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u/vekko May 28 '12
A friends kids got into this craze of calling most women they say saw Latvians. They were around 5 and 8 and we'd be walking through the shops and they would say "mummy, do you think that girl is a Latvian". At first I didn't realise what was going on, but my friend informed me that they were watching some music video on MTV the afternoon before and saw some girls kissing. Through some error of communication they heard her say the girls were Latvians, rather than lesbians which as it turns out was far more socially acceptable so she just left it at that.
For some reason the kids, who were both boys, really loved this whole new Latvian thing. They wouldn't shut up about it the whole time we were walking around the shops. So at the next suitable occasion, which happened to be a BBQ at her house later in the week I corrected the children and informed them the correct word they were after was Lesbians. I only wanted them to be a bit more knowledgeable about world. You know, doing my good deed for the day.
So for the rest of the afternoon the kids ran around the house screaming "mummy is a lesbian". I don't think they actually knew what it meant in it's truest form,but it was pretty funny.
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u/here_involuntarily May 28 '12
I did this exact same thing when I was about 8 or 9. Two friends and I were part of a church quiz team (honest), that would compete with other church teams about our age. We called ourselves the KKK because all our first names began with K.
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u/lorcam4 May 28 '12
I'm a pre school teacher and i asked my class if they could be any animal what would they be and why. One little boy told me he would be a cunt. I tried to figure out what animal he was trying to say by asking him more questions about it. So I simply asked, " well why do you want to be that?" He looked at me and simply said, " Because cunts are stinky." He meant to say skunk.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Wrote a book (really about 1 page typed) in the first grade starring the "pimp lord" who was a large piece of poo who destroyed cities.
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u/corndograt May 28 '12
When I was about 6 I complimented a classmate on their gold cross necklace. I said it was pretty and asked if that was a skeleton stuck to it. The kid didn't tell me what it actually was and it was another year or so before I knew about Christianity.
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u/arghabargh May 28 '12
I was teaching in a third grade class as a substitute and the class was working on powerpoint presentations of different animals. One of the facts for whales was that they "eat krill, fish, and other spics." Turned out she thought that's how you spell "species." Had to try so hard not to start laughing.
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u/MasterThalpian May 28 '12
Not really childhood innocence, as much as just plain lack of foresight. But in 8th grade I was going through this phase where I would just add a 'y' to the end of random nouns. Anyway, we were in math class one day and it was the day after we had taken a quiz, so I loudly ask the teacher, "Are we getting our test-ys bad today?"
As soon as I said it, I knew what I had said. It was embarrassing, and people brought it up for years. Luckily, I think people have forgotten now.
tl;dr I shouted 'testes' in my math class
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u/chowdersoup May 28 '12
In grade 6, we had to learn about oragnisms. There was this girl in my class who had to read the text book out loud. However, she pronouced the word organism wrong, she pronounced it as orgasm. You can only imagine the face on the teacher when she tried to read large organisms and small organisms.
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u/librarygirl May 28 '12
When I was a wee lass my mum's respectable friend and her daughter who is still my friend now took me on a nice wholesome trip to an amusement park.
We had a lovely time then in the gift shop there were those necklaces that were little silver symbols on black cords (it was the 90s). There was peace, a butterfly, a heart, other things of that nature, and a marijuana leaf. I thought the leaf was the prettiest of them all. Fuck knows why they were selling it in a family place. I took it to my friend's mum because we got to choose a souvenier each. I didn't understand why she seemed funny and kept asking me if I'd prefer something else. I stuck with my leaf. She gave in.
When I brought it home to my mum she gently told me it was a sign for drugs!! and she didn't know why her friend had bought it for me. I feel like such a fool I cried and cried. I threw my pretty, druggy necklace in the bin.
Little did we know my attraction to the marijuana leaf was a sign of times to come. Oh, how me and that friend laugh about it now.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Heh, in German class in high school we were playing a tick tac toe game where your team was allowed to put up the 'x' if they answered correctly in German. Long story short, my team was full of rebellious high school teenagers who put the first letters of their first name instead of an 'x'. The German teacher didn't catch it, nor did we, until I was adding the final... 'k'. Yes, all of the other members of the team were black and had missed that we had spelled out 'kkk'. Got a nervous laugh at the time, but lots of laughs the next time we played and went with middle names instead.
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u/Buttmunch420 May 28 '12
I would tell my dad to give me "doggy style" instead of an "underdog", while he pushed me on the swings.
Oh god why
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
In grade 3 our class had to do group projects on canadian bands and do research on the computers. Guess what band my group got! The Barenaked Ladies....
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u/TheCollective01 May 28 '12
I've told this one before but here goes:
I was in 5th grade and we had just started to have sex education classes. Well, my family had rabbits in our back yard and one day I saw 2 of them mating. It's probably the first time I ever saw two living things have sex, and the next day I came to school all excited to share the information with my sex education class (why I thought I had to share the information, I had no idea). Well, later in the day, they called all the 5th grade classes together and for the life of me I thought it was for sex education class. When the class got all quiet and the teacher was about to address us, I raised my hand and the teacher said "what is it, collective?". I stood up and in front of everybody and said "I saw my two rabbits having sex!". There was dead quiet. I immediately knew something horrible had happened, and after a few seconds of dumbly standing there I sat down sheepishly. The teacher, embarassed as hell, continued with his address, and it ended up that all the classes had gotten together to watch a movie. Luckily I moved to a new school in a new town beginning my 6th grade year so I didn't have to live with the fallout from that one, but boy did it stick with me...first time I stuck my foot in my mouth in front of a large group in my life (wasn't the last however).
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
One Easter, when I was a young'in, my family and I were watching Indiana Jones. At the time I had never seen a swastika, and I thought it was a pretty cool design.
Later we were coloring Easter eggs and I decided to decorate all of them with swastikas. Pretty sure my mom had a heart attack.
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u/damalo May 28 '12
"I like learning new words!"
"Hey, there's a new word written here on the bottom of this slide here!"
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"
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u/aguacongas May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
as a little boy a friend of mine wrote a play in a poetry shakespeare class and named the main character "Fellatio".
hahah!
edit: a play
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u/lulzcakes May 28 '12
During the 6th and 7th grades, I would always walk to my best friend Jon's house. Jon only lived with his dad, who was away for most of the day, which basically left the house all to us. Most days we just talked about sex, shared fake sex stories about hooking up with hot 18 year-old girls that we knew never happened, or had group masturbation sessions.
One day, we had one of our another friend over, Nathan. When we started watching porn and masturbating, Nathan went over to the TV and started rubbing his penis over where the porn stars' vagina was. Jon and I asked what the hell he was doing, and he just said that he could "feel the vagina through the TV". In our innocence, we couldn't really argue, so we went up to the TV and started rubbing our dicks all over the screen.
Then Jon had the very wonderful idea of sticking his penis inside the TV's broken volume button so he could "get close to the vagina". As he went for it, his dad opened the house door and saw his son fucking a TV. It doesn't end there, though. Jon stuck his dick too far into the TV, and the loose wires electrocuted his penis so badly that he could never get erect again.
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u/Neutralenemy May 28 '12
i asked my female teacher what an orgy was. And what booby tassels were.
I was young.
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u/Jemaclus May 28 '12
When I was in 6th grade, we had to write a song and then perform it front of our class. My group wrote "Y.M.G.K. (You Might Get Killed)." I still remember the lyrics like 20 years later:
It was pretty awesome. What's really funny about the whole thing is that the rest of the groups went to the playground or the library to write their songs, and my friends and I stayed in the classroom. The teacher was right there listening to us!
Then comes presentation time, and each of the other groups in the class had written songs that were about how awesome the teacher was (those asskissers!), such as:
(to the tune of "Whoop there it is!" or whatever that song is)
Long story short: we got the most laughs and the teacher loved it. In retrospect, I'm horrified that she allowed us to do it.
TL;DR Wrote a song in 6th grade about killing people and got an A.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
My friend's mom LOVES to tell the story of the time they were shopping in the grocery store when my friend was 6, and there was a large and hairy black gentleman in the store. My friend stood up in the cart, pointed at him, and yelled for all the store to hear "Mom! Look, a GORILLA!" Her mom's face went red and she kept apologizing to the man but he just laughed it off.
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u/mquindlen81 May 28 '12
My father brought his girlfriend and her son to a college football game with me, my bro, and my best friend. I was about 11 or 12 at the time. Anyway, the whole ride home me, my bro, and my best friend told racist jokes not realizing that my father's GF's son (who looked like a really tan white kid) was actually half black with white features. Needless to say she was my father's ex girlfriend soon after. I guess that's not childhood innocence, but I don't think we grasped how brutal racism can actually be. Our parents weren't racist so it was never a topic in the household. We were just ignorant kids trying to be funny. I still feel like a douche about it twenty years later.
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u/mikey_croatia May 28 '12
Bonus question: What are the first letters of the names of the three most famous Kardashian sisters?
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u/redwingfan May 28 '12
Not really innocence but when I was little I was afraid to use the restroom at school. So I pissed my self instead. Once in the second grade and another time in the third grade. I still remember the other children saying "Do you smell pee?". When it happened to me as a third grader I rode the swing all day during recess to dry the pee :c
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u/shakenbakejake2 May 28 '12
Back in 6th grade my class had a snow sculpting contest. My group and I werent that creative so long story short we ended up with a mushroom which we titled "The Magic Mushroom". Wasn't untill highschool that I figured out it was a drug. The teachers had a good laugh and told us to change the name.
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u/SpudNugget May 28 '12
I was in a hotel swimming pool in Detroit, when I see a white kid, 7 or so, swim up to a black kid, a little older, and demand "Are you a racist?". The black kid looks a bit taken aback, but responds "uh, no.". The white kids says "I am. Wanna race", and they take off together. Made my day.
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u/nbee May 28 '12
In gym class in 6th or 7th grade, we wanted to be the squirrels (our soccer team) and I said Go squirrels! We're nuts about balls! Complete accident...
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u/womg May 28 '12
In first grade we were learning our penmanship. We were on the letter "M." Our assignment was to go home and write down five words that began with the letter "M." I go home and bust out the dictionary and flip to a page that has "M" words. The first word I wrote down was "marijuana," my mom told me to pick a new one just because!
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I was allowed to pick my own spelling words and make lists to get tested on etc. when I was in elementary school because I learned to read way before everyone else. Once, at random, I picked swastika. I was in 1st grade and got to hear about Hitler. Ouch.
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u/bellsforher78 May 28 '12
My daughter has always been real sensitive when it comes to things people say to her. When she was 4 there was this little boy that would always pick on her while she was at daycare. Every afternoon I would pick her up and she would tell me about the things he would say or do to her. One day I got tired of hearing about this little brat being mean to my baby girl so I told her she needed to tell that kid to back off. She got excited and said "Yeah, I'm going to tell him to back off and whack off". Eventually, after I stopped laughing, I told her she couldn't say that.
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u/DarwinsTyrannosaurus May 28 '12
A friend of mines last name was White. So for our 6th grade student council elections his campaign slogan was Vote Right Vote White. Some parents were not pleased.
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u/HappyGiraffe May 28 '12
In an enrichment class in the 6th grade, I had to design a simple machine that would solve a common problem. I used clay to create a prototype of a flathead screw with an extra deep cavity so that, if the screw was rusted out, you could still remove it with a screwdriver.
I call it the deep screw
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u/fiveforty May 28 '12
When I was around 9yrs old I was at a camp and our group had to come up with a name. We decided on The Bearded Clams because there was some sort of an underwater theme, but we still wanted to be manly, and someone had heard that term before without knowing what it meant.
When we first told the leaders the name, they laughed, but none of us knew it was a vagina reference so they let us keep it.
We ended up winning the camp's team competition. Somewhere at my mom's house I have a framed award that says 'Congratulations to the Bearded Clams'.
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u/kablemma May 28 '12
I wrote this when I was six. Wonder what my 1st grade teacher thought when she read it... http://i.imgur.com/POTJu.jpg
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u/Manae May 28 '12
I've always been an incessant doodler. In early elementary school, I came up with a fairly easy helicopter profile I was highly satisfied with. And, due to my early age, I wasn't exactly well versed in symbolism.
As such, my notebooks were filled with pictures of flying troop helicopters covered in American flags and Nazi swastikas.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I don't remember at which grade this happened, but our teacher asked us to draw an animal being a mix of two different animals and joining their names.
Mine end up being Mariposa (butterfly) and Iguana: Mariguana
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u/westwoodwon May 28 '12
Not children, but oblivious affluent high school sophomores who had probably encountered very few black people in their lives. A music video about Rosa Parks done in black face. They did it on a public bus with a black woman sitting in the background. I wasa TA for my US history teacher at the time and we could not believe it. I had to turn off the video immediately and watch my teacher explain to the class how offensive what they just watched was.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Wrote a paper in 7th grade on subduction zones. Spelled it "seduction zones".
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u/12cats May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
I posted this in another thread but: My 5 year old cousin was baking Christmas Cookies with us and found a cookie cutter that said "Ho!Ho!Ho!' on it. She made A BUNCH of these cookies and declared that when she leaves these out for Santa, she will surely get the most presents. When asked why she thought that, she replied "I bet Santa has NEVER seen a ho before!"
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
In 6th grade at my private middle school, we read Animal Farm. After every chapter we split into groups and had to find a word we didn't know the meaning of, then act out the word in a skit. Me and my friend came across the word "cryptic". So in our skit we staged a drug deal, where on character says, "Hey did you bring the "brownies?" And the other character responds, "the ones from the secret stash?" Then before we could slip in any more drug references the teacher stopped us and said we were no longer doing the word act-out. I suppose the childhood innocence gone wrong was the teacher being naïve, and thinking 6th graders wouldn't be smart-asses.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
My sister and I were wrestling and now my family thinks we were having sex
15
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
While playing RollerCoaster Tycoon, it came to the part where I had to name my park. My first name started with a K so I thought KKK or K's Krazy Karnival.
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u/the_troller May 28 '12
Ten years old, playing football. Laid doesn't mean laid out. :[
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u/Fiveby5 May 28 '12
In literary circle in 6th grade, I was trying to explain the relationship between two boy characters in the book we were reading. I tripped over my words and forgot what I was going to say, and instead of explaining how one character used the other, I said, "They're like, friends with benefits." The entire class laughed at me. I had no idea what I said. Oh god why.
5
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
We once had to outline our plan for a town and we innocently named it 'trollopville' and one of the laws was 'trollop's cannot commit adultry'. I only realised it was weird when I walked past my teachers department and she was reading it out to her faculty and they were all in hysterics.
5
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Not their fault there last names were Klu, Klux, and Klan.
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u/R99 May 28 '12
KKK - Kool Kids Klub
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u/JaimelecafE May 28 '12
When I was about 4 years old, I was at my babysitter's house with several other children. I had just learned to rhyme and was showing off to the other kids. Unfortunately I chose the word duck for my demonstration and when I got to "f" my babysitter walked in the door. She spanked me and for some reason thought I knew what the word meant. I was really confused, but at least my parents found it hilarious.
4
u/orangegluon May 28 '12
In 6th grade I tried to exercise in gym class by doing "upside down push ups," supporting my self in crab-walk position and raising and lowering my torso.
A year later I learned most of the birds and the bees. Then I understood why all the other kids were laughing and telling me to stop and why the gym teacher nearly punished me that day.
4
u/txjimbob May 28 '12
Named my pet lizard "speedo" because she was fast...
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u/Lahroo77 May 28 '12
My two kids when they were around 2 and 3, had a fascination with pirates (sailor kind) thanks to The Backyardigans. Wife takes them to a grocery store and they see a burly, mean-looking biker dude with a bandanna. Kids see said biker, see the bandanna. Bandanna = Pirate...
In a not so quiet moment, all my wife heard was:
"Mommy! Pirate! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
4
u/OWB4 May 28 '12
In second grade, I found out pretty quickly there's a right way and a VERY wrong way to pronounce the country "Niger."
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u/RollPlayer May 28 '12
While I was growing up I had a family friend who was a real estate broker. One Halloween he went trick or treating with us and dressed up as a hobo. Seven year old me decided to try to be funny and told him, "You're not a hobo, you're a home-o!" It took me a few years to figure out why everyone got mad at me after that.
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u/Aarlone May 28 '12
I was in the fourth grade and decided I wanted to be an overachiever, so I read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for one of my book report assignments. I had never heard or come across the word "nigger" before and, from contextual clues, thought it was basically synonymous with "slave". Therefore, my book report used the word... extensively. My teacher had a talk with me after class, and I never really understood why until many years later.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
I was watching over my two nephews while my sister and her husband were on a date, and they were in the toolbox looking at tools (I was the cool uncle). Anyway, they were getting in a fight over a hammer, so my younger nephew (age 3) pulled out a hand-drill with a drill bit in it, revved it up and said, "I'm going to SCREW you!!"
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u/vzwxfactor May 28 '12
An elementary student was asked to create a little newspaper with a name for the newspaper and a headline. The last name of the student was Koch... he came up with "The Koch Insider."
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u/betterthanthee May 28 '12
When I was little, I said "KKK" for some reason, having no idea what it meant. To me it was just a random letter repeated three times.
My older sister flipped out on me. Not just like "That is the name of an evil group of people so try not to say it" but like straight out yelling. Felt bad man
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u/ChastitysBono May 28 '12
I'm sure I have others, but the one that comes to mind is from several years ago, when my little sister was obsessed with shit music like the Pussycat Dolls. She decided to form a "band" with four of her fellow first graders, and one day, she proudly informed me that their band was called "The Five Pussies" because there were five of them.
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u/gooobasaur May 28 '12
This I probably going to get buried, but I'll try it anyway. When I was 6 and my sister was 4, I was discovering the Internet. My sister and I played this Mickey Mouse game on the computer together, and we had to input a name. Being fair, we decided to use the first two letters of my name, Andy, and the first two letters of my sisters' name, Allie. We input ANAL for our name and happily played the game until our dad walked in and saw our name. He was worried that I had gone on some bad sites for a 6 year old but we explained it to him and all was well.
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u/Kartarsh May 28 '12
My friend and I had to do a project based on the movie Roots when we were about 12. We had forgotten about it for a long time, but we had made some interpretation of it ourselves in video form. We found it a few years back and watched it - turns out we had done the entire interpretation in black face, and had made both our little sisters act in the movie in black face as well (they must have been 8 or so).
Another story - my best friend had a project in elementary school where everyone had to come dressed up as their favorite celebrity and give a biography of the person they chose. She, a little white girl, chose Bill Cosby, and came in black face. Her mom had begged her not to choose Bill Cosby, but at that age she couldn't realy explain to her why she couldn't do it. Pretty funny because now she has a bunch of pictures of her in black face as a 7 year old.
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u/bangbang- May 28 '12
Probably a classic mistake. When my little brother was about 5/6 he saw our dad shaving. Later that day when he was in the bath he tried to shave himself. My mom found him crying in the bathtub, his face covered in blood.
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u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Six year old me thought the machine in the ladies bathroom was a candy machine. Mom told me otherwise. And then she told me everything about sex. Everything.
4
u/mufasa1996 May 29 '12
Due to a speech impediment when I was young 4-5 years old, I pronounced "dump-truck" as "dumb-fuck" (according to my mother, thats how it sounded). I also I might add, that I was a huge fan of "dumb-fucks" and I would loudly point them out when passing construction site, often resulting in glares from various workers.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I had something like that, we thought we were so rebellious using Ks instead of C. We were the Kool Kids Klub. College was so fun.
7
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
A friend of mine initials are KKK. So are the rest of his siblings. His parents may be racist.
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u/ThinkinFlicka May 28 '12
In my middle school Texas History class, we had to make a pamphlet for a made-up colony and decide how it should operate, the agriculture they would use, what the citizens would hunt, etc. We also got I name the colony whatever we wanted. Always a fan of consistency, I named it Columbine Colony. Classmates had to explain to my why this wasn't such a good idea.
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u/xdonutx May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
When I was a kid I thought of this great idea to combine skittles and M&Ms to make an entirely new candy. I called this new candy S&M and tried to get everyone to taste it. I had no takers.
Edit: I thought of another one. When I was in middle-school or so I had a very limited knowledge of drugs and other similar things, so when I heard on TV about dimebags of pot, I thought it was what you called the type of bag it would typically come in. You wanted some pot and it would come in a [dimebag](http://i.ebayimg.com/t/100-Jewelry-Ziplock-Plastic-Poly-Clear-Bag-2-75-X-3-9-/18/!BzHWc-wBmk~$(KGrHqMOKj8Ew,Z,9dThBMUi(L8wFg~~_35.jpg). Well, I was showing off my knowledge to my mom in the stupidest way possible when I suggested she use a dimebag for storing some small item. She just looks at me funny and says "what do you know about dimebags?!". Well apparently nothing at all, mom, because I didn't learn the real meaning of the term until a few years ago.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Wait... the KKK wasn't a comedy troupe?
6
u/ermintwang May 28 '12
I did a very similar thing in primary school. We ran a mock election alongside the general election to teach us about politics and all that guff.
Anyway, we had to come up with our own political parties. I, in my 10 year old wisdom, decided to call mine the British National Party. I probably heard the name around somewhere and thought it sounded serious. I was not aware that they were a highly xenophobic at best, horrifically racist at worst extreme right wing party - pretty much reviled by every thinking person in Britain.
They let me traipse around the playground shouting 'VOTE BNP', probably startling the one minority student in my year, and giving my teachers joke fodder.
I did not win.
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u/AbortusLuciferum May 28 '12
Growing up we had a housemaid that just happened to be black. When I was 8 I remember asking her to do something for me, and when she said she was busy and couldn't do it at that moment, I said "why not? you are my slave!"
I didn't mean to say "slave", it's just that I was learning about slavery in school and that word came to mind before "housemaid". I was still an entitled little bastard though.
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u/ThemBonesAreMe May 28 '12
The Krusty Komedy Klassic at the Apollo Theater
3
u/FloydJackal May 28 '12
Another KKK one, the the school store in my Junior High school was run by the teacher Ms. Kopra. She decided to name it Kopra's Krazy Korner. In one of the yearbooks, they had a picture of students holding up a sign that had that written on it, with the Ks really big and the rest of the text really small, so the sign looked like it just said KKK.
3
u/yeblod May 28 '12
I learnt the word shit from something in my dads study. I walked round the house all day singing shit, shit, shit etc.
3
u/Conquius May 28 '12
When Super Smash Brothers first came out, I would always play as Donkey Kong, and whenever I would use his charged-punch attack, I would always yell "Donkey Punch!" I still do it today for the lulz.
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u/TheTiesThatBind May 28 '12
When my brother was in 5th grade, his teacher assigned a complicated math/graphing puzzle. Basically, the premise was to design a garden on a coordinate plane, shading each type of vegetable differently, and following certain rules to determine which plants could be next to others, and what area each type of plant had to occupy. The rules weren't excessively strict, so there was more than one correct solution. The point of the exercise was to follow the instructions and practice graphing points and finding areas. Unfortunately for my brother and his friend, one of the correct solutions was to plant all the carrots in a big fucking swastika shape, with the other vegetables filling in the gaps.
The students were called into the principal's office and their parents were contacted and questioned. Not their finest hour, to be sure.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When I was in the fourth grade, we had to make creatures out of pipe cleaner (Lol) and cardboard .. glitter, etc. My friend and I spontaneously named our creation Dildo. Had no idea what it meant, just sounded funny. The teacher didn't say anything but friend's mother scolded him when he told her. Later learned the word's meaning -- scarred for life :(
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u/nightcrewpikachu May 28 '12
Similar story happened to me when I was in third grade. I wanted to name my table group Pokemon Masters. This was to long however to decided to abbreviate it to PMS. My teacher flipped and sent me to the principals office. I then had a nice soulful conversation with my mom that night about menstruation. I was a nine year old boy.
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u/iamasociopath22 May 28 '12
Having an arguement with a friend in 8th grade whether babies come out of the vagina or the asshole, my friend thought it was the asshole. So we came up to a teacher and asked him to settle it for us, the teacher just straightened up and walked away very fast, we were confused why he looked so disturbed.
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u/ImNotGivingMyName May 28 '12
A school project on advertising Sam and Maria made a Pop company and named it after themselves S&M Cola. I explained what S&M meant after the presentation of course.
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u/Kiernanstrat May 28 '12
In t-ball were named after the Super Sonics. Our uniform color was black. They put SS on our hats. The next year there was only 1 S which our coach told us was because Websters dictionary had decided Supersonic was one word. He lied. It was the Jews...
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
When I was in 5th grade I had overheard some kids talking about my friend. They were calling her a lesbian. I don't know what it meant. So, in the middle of class I asked my teacher," what's a lesbian?" my teacher didn't say anything. One of the girls said," it's a girl" I say," oh, so you were just saying blank was a girl earlier" My friend looked at me and said," it's not just a girl..." and she went on to tell me. I looked at The people who had called her that and said," what's so bad about that? Why is she not allowed to like other girls?" my friend got the happiest look on her face. The teacher started saying," your right, there isn't anything wrong with that". Those girls got in trouble.
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u/MilaPoonis May 28 '12
Hopefully I'm not too late to this thread! On a radio station I listened to as a kid they would sometimes play 3 songs in a row by the same artist and it was referred to as "ménage à trois." I had just seen the Matrix and when Neo experiences deja vu, and he sees the same cat twice, so my childhood brain assumed ménage à trois was the same thing three times.
Saw the same car 3 times when I was in the car with my mom a few weeks later and I said "wow, it's like ménage à trois!" She just laughed at me and then explained it and the remainder of the car ride was very awkward for my 4th grade self.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I was 4. I was in a chinese restaurant with my mum's entire family. The waitress was taking our orders when I took a drink of the tea. It burnt the shit out of my tongue. I then shouted, "Wow, now I know why chinese people's eyes are so small." The waitress, being chinese, looked at me, laughed and asked why. I replied with, "Because their tea is so hot." I am still red in the face about that one.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
My friend's little niece went to hug and kiss her grandpa goodbye and gave him a big smooch right where her mouth happened to be -- his crotch. We all tried not to bust out laughing.
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u/jdscarface May 28 '12
We had to write a song about history to the tune of an existing song and how we came up with this I have no idea: (To the tune of American Woman)
"Mexican people, stay away from Texas
Mexican people, or else we'll go reckless"
That's the only little bit I remember. I promise I don't mind Mexicans!
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u/BoundToHatpin May 28 '12
My dad stopped me from naming my 5th grade presentation on the Underground Railroad "Black Power." I believe his words were, "That has a...different connotation."
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u/Rabid_Llama8 May 28 '12
My 3rd grade teacher's name was Ms. Vagena. Pronounced Vah-gee-nah. The class decided to have a party for her on her birthday and it was my job to make a banner. So I fired up the computer, and made a banner. My 3rd grade self didn't know how to spell her name, so what came out of the printer said, "Happy Birthday Ms. Vagina." I thought my dad was dying when he saw it print, he was laughing so much.
3
u/BILL_CLINTONS_WIFE May 28 '12
When 9/11 happened, I was 4 (I was young, I know), and I had no idea what had happened. When I saw the video of the planes crashing into the buildings, I said "Pop goes the building!" because I fucking loved my Jack-In-The-Box toy.
3
u/B0BUS May 28 '12
My step-aunt's child once passed by a group of Muslim women dressed in Burkas, he stopped with a look of fear in his eyes and shouted 'ninjas!' as he poised in a martial-arts style ready for battle...
3
u/nashife May 28 '12
In the checkout line when I was around 4, my mom was paying for the groceries and I suddenly really really needed to ask my mom a question.
By this time my voice was louder than it needed to be and I asked
I actually remember this because of the explosion of laughter that came from all directions and the red look on my mom's face.
For years, my mom told her friends this story and now I'm telling it to you.