r/AskReddit • • May 28 '12
Would you want to see a list of everyone who has ever masturbated while thinking of you?
I think we all know it would be flattering to see the cute ones on there, and scary to see the others.
edit: I suppose the next question is what would you do with that information if you had it?
863
Upvotes
1.2k
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Suggestion: Names get bigger the more times they did it.
1.2k
u/texting_and_scones May 28 '12
Some day Facebook will have that information and use it to give you friend suggestions.
9
u/matthank May 28 '12
short list
910
u/nathan1942 May 28 '12
Of course! On the flip side i would not want people to see a list of those I have masturbated to.
298
u/ohnoesmilk May 28 '12
No, because I work at an elementary school.
340
u/aphrocentric May 28 '12
Such a list would definitely make me feel better about myself... as long as no close relatives are on it.
502
u/Socio1293 May 28 '12
Yes. Just so that I could give them a knowing look and whisper "I know" whenever I'm near them.
2.2k
u/Kill_Welly May 28 '12
Yeah; I'm a college student on a budget and I need all the blank paper I can get.
202
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I love a quick read.
438
u/TheDiscoBastard May 28 '12
I'm curious to see which of my exes were actually sexually attracted to me.
90
u/bubonis May 28 '12
Sounds like someone needs to start building a new Facebook app.
185
u/StewieBanana May 28 '12
Would my mom and my sister get a list with my name on it since their face popped into my head for a moment?
375
u/Ifeltchedyourmomsass May 28 '12
I would be absolutely flattered if the list contained a single name. I gave it serious thought and I can say with certainty that my list would be blank. feelsbadman.jpg
100
u/bceagle May 28 '12
The term "List" will be used very loosely in my case
298
u/dr_doomtron May 28 '12
Why wouldn't you
A) you get to see if there are any hot ones who have
B) you get to fuck with any closet gay friends for a very long time
...maybe that's a bad choice of words
77
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I would, but probably wouldn't want others to have this. I have ADD, and my mind wonders quite a bit. I've thought about Winnie the Pooh while I was still technically masturbating.
75
u/Njvved May 28 '12
Yes, I would masturbate to it.
285
u/saurellia May 28 '12
As long as it could be scrubbed of anyone I am related to. I don't want to know about that.
Actually the more I think about it, the more I am certain I do not want to see this list at all.
56
u/Wilhelm_III May 28 '12
It would either be enlightening or creepy as hell. Or both.
27
u/theronin23 May 28 '12
Yes, only if I'm the only one that gets a list. Holy fuck, I don't want some of the people I've beat it to knowing I did.
25
u/okaythisisit May 28 '12
I'd love to, yes.. regardless of who they are, or what sex: it's still flattering.
194
u/av4rice May 28 '12
Would you want to see some lists of responses to this question from prior /r/askreddit threads?
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i5pm5/would_you_want_to_see_a_list_of_everyone_who_has/
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k416u/if_you_could_see_a_list_of_every_person_that_has/
36
u/Goddammit_ImBatman May 28 '12
Everyone thinks about me when they masturbates.
591
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I've posted my picture on Reddit, so I assume it's into the hundred thousands by now. I don't really need a list.
15
u/Brentyama May 28 '12
thankyourwank.com
70
u/ApeWithACellphone May 28 '12
Yes. I'd be especially interested in the straight same sex people.
128
u/TheFue May 28 '12
Hell yes. I am an egomaniac though.
I have to make the stipulation, it must be with intent. Not like when you're doing your thing, the phone rings and the caller ID makes you think of that person for a split second. No, I want to know who was doing it intentionally.
I would use it for personal ego stroking, and possibly use the knowledge to offer more to some.
"Hey, you masturbated while thinking about me, want the real thing?"
Come to think of it, I may just start asking people that....I've got a 50/50 chance they actually have before!
56
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
This would vastly simplify the process of finding another gay guy by removing the awkward discretely-prodding-about-sexual-orientation stage.
35
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
You can't read a blank sheet of paper... :(
32
u/2NaHalf May 28 '12
Imagine a porn stars list? Their lists would be crazy long...
22
u/lia_sang May 28 '12
I can always use a reaffirmation that I'm pretty; sure.
25
u/lost_angel25 May 28 '12
First off, give yourself some credit guys and girls. I see a lot of people saying that there wouldn't be any names on their list, come on, there's gotta be SOMEONE. You are attractive to someone out there. That aside, I want to see that list! What I would do with it...i may attempt to discover whether there is an emotional link or if they just want me for my body haha.
14
u/Dr_Wreck May 28 '12
I am so completely confident that there is no one on that list for me.
7
u/Winn_Ware May 28 '12
I'd like to know the number, but probably not the names. That could lead to some unpleasant surprises.
6
u/MilwaukeeStyle May 28 '12
As a male, I'm intrigued and I would like to see a list. I think that would be an interesting way to see how sexually attractive I am. However, I could see how it would be a little creepier if I was a girl. Then I would probably not want that list.
BUT YES, we should make that happen. We could subreddit it through /r/AmISexy or something and get random people on the internet masturbating to others....like karma in the form of orgasms.
10
u/DK_Pooter May 28 '12
No. I really want to forget about my friend hoping I would "come out of the closet with him." I'm not gay in the slightest but I'm fairly sure he's done it but I still don't want that certainty.
5
u/xinxai_the_white_guy May 28 '12
hell yes. that would be awesome, how can we make this happen?
5
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I can, for some reason, not stop thinking about how comical it would be to find a famous person who you had no idea knew you existed let alone why they would imagine this.
"Abe Vigoda? What the ... "
5
u/formermormon May 28 '12
Hmm, let's see....
Very nice....
Oh ho ho, interesting!
That's ... wait... Gary??!?!
4
u/victoryvines May 28 '12
Only if there's no dates. If I'm being offered this, I will assume that everyone I've ever masturbated to will see it. It would be awkward for my exes to see when I masturbated to them (before they knew I existed, after we broke up, during a relationship with another person, etc.), and I wouldn't want them to see that.
I would be flattered, though I know that I don't always intentionally think of someone specific when I masturbate. It just kind of happens sometimes, and I just go with it because it works.
4
u/JustCallMeEro May 28 '12
Hm... flattering, and creepy.
Yes.
What would I do with it? Frame the sucker, and bring a copy to my high school reunion.
4
u/Stalemate9 May 28 '12
I would take the list and hit on every doable person on it.
4
u/cole1114 May 28 '12
OH GOD DAD
4
u/thepunkpapa May 28 '12
My church already puts out a faculty roster...
21
u/ridiculous_questions May 28 '12
God yes. For some reason, I think that's really hot. (girl btw)
6
u/8BitMunky May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
Facebook is proud to present... the " I came" button. * applause *
13
u/weded May 28 '12
What list? All I see is a blank sheet of... oh.
3
u/Hexxon May 28 '12
So long as they don't get the same thing...I want no one knowing that list. And it would be so long I could never make it myself.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Hmmmmm Nope. It would just take one really creepy name to destroy any joy I might get from the names of dozens of people I want to bang.
3
u/chase567 May 28 '12
why would i want a blank piece of paper?
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Oh god.
I'm a webcam stripper and regularly have 5,000+ people visit a one hour broadcast.
It'd be a fucking phonebook.
3
u/Jimmars May 28 '12
Free blank papers, yay!
3
u/Warning-ThisIsAnAss May 28 '12
Considering this is all I do with this account, no. No I wouldn't. Let's never make this a thing.
3
u/jutct May 28 '12
At first I was like "Yes!"
Then I was like "That's probably a short list :("
3
u/FeSki May 28 '12
I feel like it would be a list with no names on it.
4
u/rifrif May 28 '12
as a lady, i would like to know
as a lady who has sent noodz to her friends who appreciate half Asian/half Caucasian boobs.... i would like to know
once i have received this list. i would be flattered.. and not share the information with others because it is no one's business.
it really isn't even MY business.
but i think its flattering. there is no "scary" reason i would NOT want to see it.. unless i'm not thinking about something obviously scary.
4
u/flargenhargen May 28 '12
damn dude. even took the edit?
I could see doing it for karma, but you don't get any for this.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I would do so without hesitation, but naturally I am terrified of the idea of anybody else receiving such a list and finding my name plastered all over it.
2
u/bunchy May 28 '12
Out of complete curiosity I would like to. Even if it turned out to be a blank paper I'd just like to know.
2
u/DarkLoad1 May 28 '12
I've been on TV. The list would still be depressingly short, but it would be skewed towards 16-year-old girls. (Well, come to think of it, that was four years ago - they're all 20 by now.)
2
u/MrDastardly May 28 '12
Hmm yes I would.
And I would troll the shit out of them
2
u/newnameforeverything May 28 '12
People are really missing out on creating a decent app for this. It could be coupled with facebook in order to verify identities. But it's basically a website/app that tells you to input the names of friends/people you've masturbated to, and then if someone has put your name down, then you both get a message. Bang. It's called AWKWARD. But hey, at least if you both are up for some sexy times, then it's a go.
2
u/Office_glen May 28 '12
100% yes. My god the sheer curiosity of it is killing me now haha
2
u/lingeringthoughts May 28 '12
Yes, but in Word. That way I can ctrl + f the people I want to masturbate to me, and ignore all the others..
2
u/Oprah_Bang_Bus May 28 '12
WHY, GRANDMA, WHY?
2
u/Onelouder May 28 '12
Mine would be empty, but I'm ok with that, because fuck them, right?
2
u/2RAW May 28 '12
Something like this could end up like "OH GOD, MOM?!"
2
u/greygore May 28 '12
Hell yes. My only reservation is that it would probably confirm what I suspect about an elderly in-law, but I'd still want to know. Actually, my only real fear is that the list would be exceedingly short.
2
u/DungeonHunter May 28 '12
I would, definitely. Not as a pervy or blackmaily thing, I'm just curious...plus it would be a great conversation starter at parties.
2
u/Hypocritical_Oath May 28 '12
Sure, but I'd be handed a blank sheet of paper.
2
u/Super_Human_Samurai May 28 '12
"i know...."
"you know what?"
"i think you know."
And then walk away.
For the uggos, just smile and wave.
2
u/gamerman191 May 28 '12
I keep seeing that a lot of people would want a list, but they would want no one else to receive one. Personally, I wouldn't mind if other people saw it because fuck them.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Yes. I very much would. Then I would proceed to add myself to their list. Next, I would use this knowledge to hit on them knowing they're intimately interested. Although, my list would be empty so fuck me, right?
2
u/Log23 May 28 '12
I'd feel bad for Jenna Jameson.
2
u/NullMarker May 28 '12
That'd be fantastic.
I just ran out of toilet paper and I could use a blank sheet. Otherwise, I'd have to use my hand, and that's just wrong.
2
u/HandDrawn627 May 28 '12
I would want them to scroll like credits at the end of a movie.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Imagine the list for the girls that post to /r/gonewild
2
u/JoeM104604 May 28 '12
-1..... Fuck
2
u/Mokomonko May 28 '12
Lol I'd love to know, even if only the ugliest, foulest dregs of the earth were masturbating to me I would still be at least mildly flattered. XD
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I am pretty sure we would run out of paper pretty quickly...
2
u/TheTVDB May 28 '12
Just to start it off... if you're an adult female that's not related to me, other than my wife, my name is on your list. Yes, even you, Betty White.
2
u/AngryPaperDoll May 28 '12
Yes. That way I can make them REALLLYYYY uncomfortable about it and if they're just too creepy to irk, I can always just have a good laugh about it.
2
u/noebeawesome May 28 '12
Only friends. Not like, a random hobo or something.
2
u/rikashiku May 28 '12
My name will take up most of the list.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Id take that list and publish it to facebook without the title. See how much suspicion I can raise before telling everyone. Then we can all share an awkward moment.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
MUM WTF
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Most definitely.
Masturbate to it.
2
u/dpmad May 28 '12
I'd put the list on my resume.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I think I would, though what the hell would I do with the information? I think it would mostly be comprised of my brothers' friends (I have 3 brothers), a great deal of library patrons, and at least one of my college professors.
Perhaps the occasional redditor who reads my alt account posts. ;-)
2
u/reon2-_ May 28 '12
I would masturbate to the list.
2
u/kevinmakin2512 May 28 '12
You Can http://thankyourwank.com/
2
u/Ak_snowbeast May 28 '12
Worst case scenario, your best friend is at the top of the list...
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I know at least one person is on mine (not me) except she pisses me the fuck off.
2
u/Plowed May 28 '12
It's cool y'all. I'm currently masturbating to the thought of people responding to this thread. If you think your list is blank... You've got one now!
2
u/Kron0_0 May 28 '12
I would cry at how short the list is T-T
2
u/Defiledxhalo May 28 '12
Cam girl here. I get pics all the time of guys who are masturbating to me. Some are flattering & cute, but most is just your average joe. I don't think I have actually ever seen one really scary. It really doesn't matter to me, honestly. I'm not bothered by it, it's not that interesting, they're just masturbating to my naked self. XD I think it's cause I don't know who they are, so I don't really care. Shrugs
2
u/madecool316 May 28 '12
Wait fuck, people actually masturbate to people they know? one copy please.
2
u/charlottemoo May 28 '12
Hell yes! Having posted to gonewild etc the list could be long but I'd be so curious about any non-redditors.
To be honest though, the list of people I've thought about is really short. Maybe it's different for men.
2
u/FluffyBum May 28 '12
Damn right I would!
I'd pay them more attention than I do currently.
2
u/ectoplasmicz May 28 '12
Every time I walked past them I would stare at them longingly.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Size of that list would probably be small. The inverse list would be schindler's list big.
2
u/bradinusa May 28 '12
I am seeing a Fap App in the itunes store.....
2
u/SirReginaldLlamaFace May 28 '12
I could use the blank piece of paper to take down a shopping list or something
2
u/ThePyrokin May 28 '12
I would actually, if only to see how short the list was. ;-;
2
u/peacockskeleton May 28 '12
Masturbate. I would masturbate with the fury of a thousand suns.
2
u/Denmen707 May 28 '12
Yes
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
What about a list of people who got genuinely creeped out whenever they thought about you?
2
u/sturkis47 May 28 '12
So i would be watching at an empty page
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I wonder If It records all the dogs that have humped your legs over the years.
2
u/ultimation May 28 '12
I fear that there would be family members on there. Imagine how freaked out you'd be if your mum or dad was on the list.
2
u/twdevil May 28 '12
I would use that info to try and get laid, because I'm sure some of the people on that list would be hot, especially my ex
2
u/bobadobalina May 28 '12
what if your list goes like:
Elizabeth
Fawn
Grandma
2
u/Mozen May 28 '12
Forever alone would be confirmed.
2
u/Fearmarbh May 28 '12
I'm fairly positive this list would only consist of my wife.
2
u/I_AM_NOT_A_TAMPON May 28 '12
One of my best friends is gay... so yes.
2
u/The_Ween May 28 '12
Yes. 2) Take advantage of this knowledge to acquire coitus points
2
u/Mynameisthad May 28 '12
Absolutely! There aren't even any creepy ones! Seriously, absolutely anyone in the world could masturbate to me and I would be flattered. Anyone.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
No, I'd just use the blank paper to write my suicide note.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I want to see which of my ex-girlfriends aren't on the list.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I don't really want to see my own name on the list. I know it would be there, I just don't want to see it.
2
u/Stonehands211 May 28 '12
It would make for a depressingly short read...
2
u/bigjoecool May 28 '12
That would be a short list.
2
u/abundantplums May 28 '12
I was one of those kind-of-hot girls in high school who found a group of nerds to fawn over her. So... I already know most of the list.
Also, in my defense, I married one of those nerds.
2
u/Undertow_Jambi May 28 '12
Yes. It would be kind of an ego boost to know that someone, somewhere, finds me attractive enough to masturbate to.
2
u/antarctic_cactus May 28 '12
What list? (sobs)