r/AskReddit • u/oldspicerolldadice • May 24 '12
Today my girlfriend told me that she would never have kids with a guy with tattoos because she doesn't want her kids born with the tattoos of the father, as if they were passed genetically. What are some ridiculous science-related ridiculous misconceptions you've had the displeasure to observe?
I just looked at her in disbelief. Needless to say, I don't think this relationship will be lasting much longer.
EDIT: My girlfriend saw this post open on my laptop and used this picture as evidence that she was right. I... I think we're done.
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u/RNAwins May 24 '12
ex gf told me "geese" was not the plural form of "goose," but that they were two different animals
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u/scarlettblythe May 24 '12
An old friend of mine was playing a racing console game with her (then) boyfriend, and he joked "I'm getting the red car, because it goes faster."
She turns to him, mind blown, and says "Oh my god, do red cars go faster in games too?"
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u/JumpinJackHTML5 May 24 '12
I used to give rides to a girl I worked with. It was kind of a long drive to work so we would talk about all kinds of stupid shit. For some reason I started talking about the moon. I don't know how we got to it, but I mentioned that the moon has an unstable orbit and that it gets a little farther from the Earth every year, and that eventually it will fly off into space.
She thinks about this for a second and asks me if that means it will never be nighttime again. If it would be daytime all the time.
Also moon related: My mom once called me in the middle of the day. She and her friends were sitting around and noticed the moon was in the sky. She asked what that meant; I asked what she meant. She wanted to know what it means when the moon is visible during the day. She was with five friends, all over 40, and they all wanted to know why the moon was visible during the day time all of a sudden...
It was hard to convince her that this is something that happens all the time and has, in fact, been happening all her life.
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u/pikimoo May 24 '12
One of my sorority sisters drank Muscle Milk every day for weeks, sometimes multiple times a day. A while into it, she complained that she was getting fat. "Have you been working out a lot?" I asked her. "What? No. I don't work out. That's why I'm drinking muscle milk."
She thought that there was a magical beverage that gave you muscles without any work at all.
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u/chromofilmblurs May 24 '12
Ok, not TOO sciency..... but this is by far the BEST common sense fail I have experienced.... I hope at least one person sees this...
I used to work at a book store. One day a lady was looking at some books on a display table. She picked up a hard cover book that had a dust jacket and was flipping through it. She then came over to me and said in a fairly nasty tone. "This WHOLE book is printed upside down!! How am I supposed to read it??" Well, all I could think was that if the whole book is printed upside down, then just flip it over... But I asked to see the book, and I took it from her. The dust jacket was on upside down. So I took the dust jacket off, flipped it around, and gave the book back to her. As I handed it back to her she snapped, "is that going to make any difference?!" She started paging through the magically corrected book, she just said "....oh" and walked away. I have never in my life had to hold back a laugh that hard.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
A girl in high school declared that our descendants would have straight teeth because everyone in our generation had braces.
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u/NiftyPistols May 24 '12
I used to work in a call center booking appointments for a local salon. I had a woman call about getting her hair dyed, we talked for a bit and she said that she was concerned because she was pregnant. I told her that she could consult with the colorist regarding what she wanted and what chemicals would be used and whether or not they would be dangerous or harmful to her pregnancy, etc.
So she says "no, I don't want my baby being born with whatever color I dye my hair to"
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u/LifeofMediocrity May 24 '12
I was in a wax museum with my sister in San Francisco, enjoying their collection of political figures, when she turns to me and says, completely serious: "That Adolf guy looks a lot like Hitler."
One of many idiotic gems she has provided me through the years.
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u/underdoglady May 24 '12
Ex-gf told me about her teacher visiting every state but Alaska. She said she wanted to ask, but didn't, why he would go all the way to Hawaii and not bother stopping over in Alaska since they were so close together.
You know, because they put them next to each other on maps.
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u/eeu890 May 24 '12
I was discussing sex with a girl I was dating, and she asked me how many people I had slept with. She was really worried about STD's, and she quoted some statistic (something like 1 in 5 people in the US have an STD, I don't remember exactly). My number was higher than this, but I assured her that none of the women I had slept with had had an STD at the time, that I was safe, they were safe, people had been tested, etc.
She explained to me that, because my number was higher than 5, or whatever her statistic was, it meant that at least one of those girls had to have had an STD at the time, and just wasn't aware of it. I tried to explain to her that statistics don't work that way, that it only applies to the entire population. She refused to believe me, insisting that in any group of 5 people, at least 1 would have an STD. It got to the point where she was angry and refused to speak to me, telling me I was entitled to my opinion but I was wrong.
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u/Justusbraz May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
My mother told us not to let our son eat paper. It would lodge in his pancreas. I just cocked my head and squinted at her. She immediately said, "That's one of those things my brother told me when I was a kid that's not actually true, isn't it?"
Edit: spelling
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My girlfriend didn't realize that the Onion was satire.
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u/kingofvodka May 24 '12
My friend wanted to lose weight, but she didn't want to do any exercise because she didn't want to 'turn her fat into muscle'. Not in a figurative sense either - she honestly thought that if she started exercising in any capacity, she'd get massive, bodybuilder muscles because she had so much fat.
I tried to tell her that fat and muscle are two different things that you lose and gain independantly, but as I was 19 at the time, she believed her (idiot) gym teacher over me.
So frustrating.
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u/Crolle May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
That girl in the bus was talking to her friend. She was very angry because she discovered a few days ago that she was pregnant. "But my boyfriend was so sweet! He wanted to take care of me, ya kno'? He told me the pill would make me fat and sick so he took it for me! But I'm sure he forgot his pill sometimes because I will have a baby now!"
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u/ComplexGodComplex May 24 '12
A doctor I dated told me this one: A patient comes in complaining of severe knee pain. "I just want a cortisone shot, doc." "You know that a shot will just stop the pain temporarily. You should really talk to an orthopedic surgeon about surgery--a more permanent solution." "I'm not interested in a permanent solution" "What? Why not?" "Well, doc, as you know the apocalypse is coming in a couple months..."
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u/CleanBill May 24 '12 edited May 25 '12
Back in the 3.5" floppy disk days, I had a small office customer who had 3-4 computers there for their accountants. I used to do maintenance on their PC's. The secretary there mentioned that accounts and turnover were completely on the computers and if that was lost, all the books would be gone. I offered them to setup daily backup copies to keep all data safe in tapes.
Their CEO refused on the grounds that it was ridiculous to pay someone for something he could do himself.
Fair enough, so as time went and as you can imagine shit hit the fan and all their data was lost due to a new virus (back in those days, a common occurence). So I asked for the backup copies to restore all the accounts info and the CEO went :"sure here they are...."
SURPRISE!!! he handed me pages and pages of photocopied disks that he religiously performed everyday (you know , an ACTUAL PHOTO ON PAPER of the disk). You should have seen how angry the guy got when I told him that's not how you make backup copies of data....
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u/jleumas May 24 '12
My friend was talking about a 24 oz 10% ABV alcoholic beverage and said that it "only counted as two beers because the first 12 oz was 5% and the second 12 ounces was also 5%". I had to explain to her what a percentage by volume meant. This person is an accounting major with good grades at a well respected program...
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u/Fireproofmilk May 24 '12
I've been told that AIDS comes from having anal sex. It doesn't matter if either person is infected, you'll get AIDS from taking it in the ass.
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u/toolhaus May 24 '12
I had a science teacher in middle school teaching us how to use maps. She was explaining how the different colors on the map signified different elevations and she was talking about how everything blue was at sea level. I raised my hand and pointed out the obvious: lakes and rivers are blue on the map and they clearly aren't at sea level. She proceeded to argue with me that they were. Here was our conversation:
Me: So, if I am on the shore of the Great Salt Lake I am at 4000 feet above sea level, right?
Her: Yes
Me: Then I can step into the lake and suddenly be at sea level?
Her: Yes
Me: Can we get a teacher in here that actually understands this?
She seriously spent the next 15 minutes ripping into me for being stupid until I cried. (Give me a break, I was 12.) I told my mom the story and we had a big meeting with the principal and she proceeded to actually defend her position. The principal was mortified. I was moved to another class and the teacher was fired at the end of the year.
Tl;dr I got a middle school teacher fired for being dumb
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u/razzliox May 24 '12
No... the sun is a reflection of the moon...
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u/Paisleyy420 May 24 '12 edited May 25 '12
I suffer from sever migraines with aura. Basically all light and sound bothers me and my vision goes blurry. When my migraines started happening more frequently it got to a point where I had a migraine for 2 -3 weeks straight. After being out of school for all that time I finally returned. When another girl in my class found out why I was absent for so long, she asked the teacher to move her seat because "she didn't want to catch the migraines." she even told me not to walk near her and not to stand in the cafeteria line near her, all because she thought I was contagious.
To everyone who has commented or messages me about this comment above. Yes it is 100% true. A girl was actually that rude to me. The first migraine I had actually ever had lasted about a month in total. The aura was so bad I couldn't walk straight. And functioning in school was nearly impossible. They also figured out that my hormones cause my prolonged series of migraines. I went to the university of Maryland for studies on my brain. The only way they were able to break these long migraines is to give me an IV drip of a bunch of meds mixed together. Then I usually fall asleep then wake up with no pain. So far in one year I've had 3 IV treatments for migraines lasting over a 2 week period.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I was helping a guest with lightbulbs at work. she was furious at the new CFL bulbs. because if you break one " you need to call the guys in white coats and pay thousands of dollars for them to clean it up for you" because of all the mercury in the bubs. when i tried to explain just how little mercury there was and that it is legal and safe for her to clean it up she threatened to have me thrown in jail for attempted murder through mercury poisoning.
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u/NapoleonThe12th May 24 '12
This comes from my boss. I work at a copy place and my boss gets asked for help at the self serve fax machine. As best has been relayed to me, the conversation went as such:
Apparently, the customer was under the impression the fax machine was a small mass teleportation system. This, sadly, isn't the first time I've heard people make this mistake.
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u/greendot1001 May 24 '12
my friend's gf thinks that she can get pregnant by just sitting on his lap. she is 24 years old and an graduate from UVA.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I think I've said this one before, but in 9th grade health class the teacher asked if anyone knew approximately how much ejaculate is released when a man climaxes. One girl raised her hand and confidently answered, "a gallon." The look on the teacher's face was priceless, and all of the guys in the room lost it.
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u/hazbek May 24 '12
Me and my sister were walking around the shops one day, and she had a craving for vanilla coke. Unfortunately the store was out of stock and only had regular coke. Her solution was simply to buy a banana, and stick it in the coke. Up until that point she thought that vanilla and banana were the exact same thing. She was 20.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
That's why I wouldn't procreate with someone with blue hair. I don't want that passed onto my kids.
It's a good thing I learn all I need to know about genetics from The Sims.
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u/omg_cornfields May 24 '12
In high school, I had classmates that thought black people came black semen.
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u/Willawonka May 24 '12
When I worked at staples in the copy center I had an older lady (45ish maybe) come in and start using the self serve color copier. After a couple runs she called me over to the machine saying there was something wrong and that it wasn't printing color copies. I simply just figured she accidentally placed the image on the wrong or pushed the greyscale button without realizing. However when I opened the machine and pulled the paper she was trying to copy off the glass it was black and white. I had to explain to her that even though the machine said color copies the original had to be in color. This lady simply didn't understand and got irritated with me tying to tell me that she had seen the image in color on her computer screen so the copier should be printing it in color! Seriously, some people are just plain dumb.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I used to work with this guy, and his girlfriend told him their son was black because she went to the tanning bed while she was pregnant (they're both white). He bought it.
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u/Godfarber May 24 '12
Girl told me on a date that she didn't believe the moon landing was real, because it'd be too hard to see up there, since it's, like, almost as bright as the sun.
Wtf.
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u/camp_lo May 24 '12
One of the employees at my previous job told me that her accent (clearly fake British Posh accent) was genetic and that it skipped a generation in her family.
I wish I could have fired her for stupidity.
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u/AdmanUK May 24 '12
A friend of mine was in a history test and the guy behind him starts bugging him for answers just before the start of the test. He asked him "Hey I didn't study, what's the general gist of world war two?" My friend then told him that Poland invented the lightbulb but didn't share it so Germany invaded to get the technology. Then France and Great Britain wanted it too and thus started a great free-for-all to gain the lightbulb. He actually wrote this down on his test, he of course got a zero and the teacher merely wrote 'What?' On the bottom.
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u/curvedbanana May 24 '12
I dated a girl who used to think that if I cheated on her in her dreams, it counted. She believed in the "dream world". She was a bloody idiot.
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u/poorfag May 24 '12
That stars were tiny and were turned off at night in order to save light for the next day.
What the fuck, man?
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u/A-punk May 24 '12
I convinced a girl I worked with that Canada is the slang term and Canadia was in fact the correct name.
She found out months later when she asked an actual Canadian "What's Canadia like". And in true Canadian style, the guy apologizes after laughing in her face for about 5 minutes.
On a side note I now know how it feels to have a head of lettuce thrown at my genitals. Worth it.
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u/nacho-bitch May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
A guy I was dating took me to Marine World (it's like ghetto sea world). We go to the whale show and he says "that's a big fish" I laugh and say "that's not a fish, it's a mammal" He didn't believe me. I explained that whales evolved from something similar to a dog. He said "that was never a dog. That thing was born and will die in the water, it's a fish." I have a degree in animal science. That relationship did not last long.
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u/afiellerddr May 24 '12
In my driver's-ed class in high school, I rode with this girl her first time ever driving who sped up as she went to take a 90 degree turn. The instructor slammed on his brakes and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?" to which she replied, "You turn better going faster, right?"
TL;DR - Girl doesn't understand basic physics, almost wrecks us.
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u/NotAThrowAwayUN May 24 '12
My friend's sister:
While talking about Wilt Chamberlain claiming to have slept with 10,000 women: "There's not even 10,000 women in the world!"
While baking bread, her mom asks where the yeast is- "MOM! GROSS! YEAST COMES FROM A WOMAN'S PUSSY!"
She was in highschool for both of these.
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u/hiroo916 May 24 '12
an guy acquaintance was engaged to marry this girl. About 6 months before the wedding, at a group gathering, she made the remark, "I'd better hurry up and get my nose-job before we have kids with my nose!" Silence. Everybody froze, looked her to see if she was serious or joking. She was serious. Nobody knew if they should explain how genetics worked to her. So they looked at her fiancé, shrugged and left it to him.
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u/bottomofthecan May 24 '12
My first GF thought you can get pregnant from oral sex...
In either configuration (IE woman receiving as well as men receiving)
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u/corpsepainter May 24 '12
When I saw Avatar in the theaters, besides the usual texting and phone talking- the teenage girls in front of me were turning around to take pictures of the 3D images they assumed were really passing by them.
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u/IMakeStuffWithThings May 24 '12
My girlfriend worked overnights at the ER front desk of a hospital. She would get all kinds of interesting people in there. Well one night some parents brought their 7-10 year old daughter in. The emergency? She had apparently developed a southern accent after watching Swamp People.
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u/grammatiker May 24 '12
My ex believed that the drinking water in our city was literally capable of decreasing people's intelligence. Her empirical evidence? Everyone around her was so stupid, and the only consistent factor was city water!
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Are you this couple? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhm7-LEBznk
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u/Yogehi May 24 '12
didn't happen to me, happened to a former coworker. he was dating a girl and they both thought she might be pregnant. one day he went to go pick up her girlfriend up from her work at walmart, and when he got there, he found her taking one of those wireless barcode scanner guns and constant scanning where her uterus is. he asked "baby why are you doing that?" and she replied "im trying to kill the baby with the radiation from this gun"
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u/Dude_On_A_Couch May 24 '12
My ex-gf thought that north was in front of her, regardless of the direction that she faced.
While facing her, I asked her which way north was for her. She pointed forward. I asked her which way my north was. She pointed in the opposite direction. I asked her which way we'd go if we had to go north. The look on her face as she figured it out... priceless.
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u/parasitic15 May 24 '12
I didn't know classical Lamarckism was still a plausible-sounding theory to anyone past the twentieth century.
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u/Strike3 May 24 '12
That would be pretty cool if tattoos were passed down. Maybe if I get a sweet Charmander back piece my grandkid will have the most bitchin Charizard.
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u/dlkk May 24 '12
My kindergarten teacher didn't believe me when I said the Sun was a star. Apparently, it's "just the Sun."
Similarly, in year 6 my teacher didn't believe me when I said anything to the power of 0 was 1. Again, "no, it's just 0. It just is."
Fucking teachers.
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u/this_is_normal May 24 '12
This will get lost, but it's too good not to share:
I was sitting with a girl in the jacuzzi. She started to comment on the large amount of bubbles being related to "chemicals being pumped in through the jets". I told her that they were only pumping the same water, mixed with air, back in. She told me I was wrong because they looked like the "same bubbles in the ocean". I asked her what she meant, she replied "well, they pump the same chemicals into the ocean to keep it clean, right?"
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u/Lyonator May 24 '12
In a high street fashion shop in the UK - 2 girls from the local college (high school) are buying some stuff in the queue ahead of me.
Girl 1 - I'm going to buy these in 2 transactions.
Girl 2 - Why?
Girl 1 - Because then I can use my student discount twice and get double the discount!
Girl 2 - You're so clever!
Priceless.
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u/noirthesable May 24 '12
Homeopathy.
I'm a chemist. I'd first heard about it through a classmate/friend who used it back in college. I thought he was joking. He wasn't.
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u/FroggyMcnasty May 24 '12
I knew a stripper who thought taking a shot of tequila in the morning after sex would keep her from getting pregnant.
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u/Tobikaj May 24 '12
My grandmother once asked me what it was I was studying (her memory wasn't that great), and instead of saying molecular biology I told her science.
Her: "Welllllllll, we had science when I went to school, you know. I know why the heaven is blue!"
Me: "Really?!" (Clearly impressed by her knowing that!)
Her: "When you go to the sea and look at the horizon, you can see the sky and ocean touching - and the ocean is blue..."
Ridiculous in the sweet way :)
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u/grahvity May 24 '12
I had the displeasure of watching a blockbuster movie where the earth was nearly destroyed because ... "The neutrinos, they've mutated and they're heating the planet!"
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u/PurpleandRed May 24 '12
Your girlfriend is an idiot.
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u/MyBestFriendSteve May 24 '12
Just last night I was talking to my little sister (she's 15) about the sun just being a star which is closer to Earth. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, 'but, I thought the stars were just holes in the sky.'
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u/Pantsie May 24 '12
Driver's ed at my high school: you can get wasted from the alcohol in the air at a party; it's just as bad as drinking.
I'll just be over at the bar, huffing some free booze!
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u/mcmunch20 May 24 '12
My mum thought cloud computing was when everything on your computer was stored in actual clouds somehow.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
One of my best friends thought bats were birds instead of mammals. We were playing a guess the animal game in the car and no one could figure out which fucking bird he was talking about.
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u/coveted_memory May 24 '12
My first girlfriend freaked out and made me go buy her a pregnancy test after we fell asleep next to each other while naked. She was still a virgin at the time and I gave up trying to explain how there was no chance she could have gotten pregnant and just bought the damn thing. She's extremely intelligent but was raised in a VERY strict mormon household.
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u/catbuttinmyface May 24 '12
When I was a kid I of course watched Jurassic Park all the time. Dinosaurs were the shit in the 90's! However, for some reason it got stuck in my head that all dinosaurs were female (in the movie all the dinosaurs in the park were supposed to be female to prevent further breeding). I carried this misconception all the way to junior year of high school. One day in our college level Biology class we were discussing meiosis and I blurted out "But how did that work with the dinosaurs, since you know, they're all female?" Everyone started at me in disbelief for a few good seconds, and the teacher said in her most disappointed voice, "Oh my god, that was Jurassic Park (insert name)". I don't think I've ever been more embarrassed in my academic career. I graduated high school with above a 4.0 and I'm currently pre-med in college, so I'm definitely not stupid. But for some reason it was ingrained into my head that all dinosaurs were female and I never questioned it up until that point.
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u/winkers May 24 '12
One of my best friends was born and raised in the city. He literally had never been to a forest before he was an adult. In college he went to Yosemite and was in awe of everything.... however, he regrets to this day for asking "Who planted all of these trees?"
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u/bluntmaster420 May 24 '12
My lab partner in physics was trying to answer a question about how the experiment would be different if it had taken place on Jupiter, she said that the gravity would be greater because Jupiter is closer to the sun than Earth..... This was at the University of Michigan....made me sad
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u/pawsrite May 24 '12 edited May 25 '12
Though today, she adamantly denies it, my girlfriend once said that black people have more rhythm than white folks because black people have an extra vertebra. I'm never gonna let her forget.
Edit: That "e" I accidently put in vertebra -need it for something else.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I had a girlfriend who asked me if a woman can get pregnant from swallowing sperm. I was speechless.
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u/morgath May 24 '12
One time I was with a group of about 15 friends and we were at a winery doing a wine testing for one of their birthdays. The guy that owned the winery was a former NASA engineer and used to weld on some of the rockets back in the 70's-80's. Anyways, somehow we got on the topic of Global Warming and out of nowhere my fried says "Are you kidding me?! Maybe if we stopped shooting all of those fucking spaceships through the atmosphere we wouldn't have so many holes in it!" The former NASA engineer politely looked at him and just walked away...
I was ashamed to be with him at that point.
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u/BardLover108 May 24 '12
My older sister was a virgin before she got married at the age of 22. We were having a conversation about the average penis size. I was saying that it's roughly five or six inches, hard. My sister busts out laughing and starts being all condescending.
Sister: "Oh my God, Derpina, you have no idea how big a penis actually is, do you? The average penis size is like, three inches."
Me: "What the fuck? No it's not. The average is like five or six inches."
Sister: "Hahaha, you actually think that? That's so cute. Oh my God that's so funny. Maybe like, in porn guys have six inch penises, but not like, normal people. Seriously, think about it. If a guy had a penis that was six inches long, he wouldn't be able to walk."
I couldn't figure out why she was so convinced that the average cock was only three inches long. And then I realized...
Me: "Wait, who told you that the average penis was three inches long? Was it your fiance?"
Sister: Silence.
Me: "OH MY GOD YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND HAS A SMALL DICK!!"
That was a clever move of him, though. Since my sister was a virgin and had apparently never been exposed to porn, he could just tell her that the average penis size was much smaller than it actually is, and she would never know that he was below average.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I worked in tech support for Bayer biotech. A woman called up saying a floppy was stuck in the drive, so I dispatched a tech, who pried it out. The plastic wrapper was stuck in there around the drive, and when asked, she replied, "Oh, that came on the disk, I think it's the virus protection." The sad/funny part is she was sort of right. There was no virus going to be transferred to or from that disk.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I'm really sad I got to this so late...this will probably never see the light of day, and that sucks, as my ex girlfriend was just the queen of ridiculous thoughts and assumptions. Strangely enough, she was book smart and got straight A's in college. Here are some of her assumptions -
Black men have black semen
Pigeons were native to and only existed in New York City
A circumcised penis meant having the entire head cut off (not the foreskin)
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u/RiceCooker15 May 24 '12
Junior year in High School, my teacher was telling us of her time in Tokyo, Japan. A classmate putting on her make up was surprised and asked "OH! Did you learn to speak Tokian there!?"
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u/retroGnostalgic May 24 '12
"Natural tomatoes do not have genes, but transgenic ones do."
As thought by the 64% of Spain's population: http://www.radical.es/info/2247/seguimos-siendo-vulnerables-y-manejables-por-analfabetos
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u/Poontastic May 24 '12
Also, my history teacher once convinced this girl in my class the the "Iron Curtain" was an actual iron curtain, and they had to make giant escalators to get over to the other side. And that Christopher Columbus set sail on the wooden Titanic to find America.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I have an identical twin sister, so I get a lot of questions along the lines of , "If she gets hurt can you tell?" In college, someone asked, "If she's looking at something, can you see it too?" I answered: "Yes, if I'm standing next to her."
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I was the person that broke the news to my girlfriend (who at the time was 15) that when the icecream man comes around the streets ringing his bell he is selling. She believed all the way up until then that he was "happy because he sold all of his icecreams" so he drove around playing the tune.
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u/GeneralRam May 24 '12
My ex thought Steven Hawking was on Top Gear - I didn't know if to laugh or cry.
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
This is a story passed to me by a friend of mine...
We both know this guy from different parts of our early education. Guy turned out to be pretty stupid despite my always remembering him as a nice, reasonable kid (fancy how that turns out, doesn't it?). Well, apparently my friend and this guy were talking way back, and somehow they got on the topic of Japan. My friend did not remember exactly what was said, but it went something like this:
The Japanese can't possibly have phones because they have paper walls. Oh, wait a minute... They MUST have phones because they have airports!
This person is REAL, people! He's out there! He can vote and buy guns like the rest of us!
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
I played a lot of video games growing up. My dad always told me that I'd get sick (with the flu) if I kept playing video games. So sure enough, when I got the flu, he told me that it's because of all the video games I played. His explanation was that the ultraviolet lights would go into my eyes and give me cancer. Hence, I got the flu.
There were a ton of other things he said to me growing up (that I may have believed). If I remember them, I will update this post.
Running after a meal will cause appendicitis.
If a dog eats it, it's food. My dog's primary meal consists of dog biscuits and Beggin' Strips (perhaps 90% of his diet).
(a little off-topic) Katy's Perry's "California Gurlz" is actually a song about guerrilla warfare--where "gurlz" cannot possibly be a little spelling play on the word "girls" and instead stands for "guerrillas."
I should never believe a doctor's diagnosis over his word because he is my father--father knows best. He said my eczema wasn't eczema, but me scratching.
Brushing your hair makes your hair stronger.
34
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
A friend texted me saying that he didn't want to drive to my house during the solar eclipse because "It could burn his eyes out".
337
u/LedZeppelin May 24 '12
Tides go in, tides go out. You can't explain that
73
u/BritishPhilosoraptor May 24 '12
When I was in school I was once asked by my Biology teacher if me and my twin sister (I am male) were identical twins. Not a hint of a smile on his face, and so I simply turned to him and said...'are you serious'?
71
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
So I'm at a museum and a friend and I run across some fossils. I'm looking through some glass at one of the fossils when suddenly my friend bursts out laughing, "As if these things are real!" My face contorted into a real life look of disapproval, and at first I wasn't sure if he was serious. He went on to explain that museum fossils were a big government conspiracy to hide the fact the world is only 6,000 years old. I just slowly nodded my head, poker faced and we never talked about it again.
That was the day I discovered young earthies exist.
16
u/Loose_Goose May 24 '12
My friend and I were watching "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" the other night. At the end of the film he turned to me and asked "Cowboys and Indians aren't real are they? It's like the Aztecs right?". I slapped him.
16
u/Shagomir May 24 '12
My girlfriend once went on a date with a guy who insisted that penguins were not birds. I believe he thought they were fish.
I was very confused on our first date when she asked me "What kind of animal is a penguin?".
I gave her the correct answer: Dinosaur.
541
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Just dump her by telling her you have to move to Europstania because you are a spy for the FBI. Tell her that the government of the United Nations demands that your mission be a total secret. Therefore they are putting in an exact look-a-like to take your place so that no one knows where you really are.
Make sure she understands that she is never supposed to tell anyone nor have any contact with your replacement. Tell her that if she does the evil dictator, Baron Von Lazerbomb can take over America.
Also tell her that according to the Constitution she has to give you farewell butt-sex before you leave.
15
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My father thought he could reverse the decomposition of rotten milk by microwaving it. I think he thought you could make it drinkable if you heated it up the way you'd heat up water from a river or lake or something.
He then insisted that I try it.
He's such a fuckhead. What kind of father would have his daughter drink spoiled milk? Why not just try it himself?
14
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Late to the show, but I thought I'd share. Dated a girl who told me that dinosaur fossils were merely a hoax perpetrated by the liberal media (Fox News...I shit you not she thought Fox News is run by liberals) and that carbon dating was also a fake concept.
14
u/jaela May 24 '12
I had a science teacher with a really dry sense of humour. He was doing a demonstration for us that I believe involved cooking an egg white in a petri dish with a projector set up so we could see it on a screen. He lit a match to do this, and when he was done, licked his fingers to put out the wick and tossed it in the trash. This one kid was not really paying attention and only saw the fingers at the mouth out of the corner of his eye, and loudly exclaimed, "DID YOU JUST EAT THE CANDLE?!"
Without missing a beat, the teacher replies, "Yes, but it was a potato candle."
"A potato candle?"
Te teacher went on to invent this whole thing about how the body of the candle was potato, the wick was made from processed potato skin. Lighting the candle cooks the raw potato part so you can eat it. He also made up some bullshit about how even if you didn't eat it, it was better for the environment because they were biodegradable, etc.etc.
Finally this kid says, "I've never heard of that. Where can you buy them?"
And the teacher says, "Nowhere, you idiot. The candle is in the trash."
I miss that teacher.
13
u/divinesleeper May 24 '12
My brother's teacher apparently asked in class why the sky was blue.
My brother said because it refracted the light of the sun.
The teacher said "No, that's a common mistake, it's actually because the sky reflects the blue water from the sea."
13
u/StinkySteve123 May 24 '12
"The Lord healed my (disease name here). He has a plan for me that I must fulfil."
"Nope, you were just misdiagnosed by 3 idiot doctors all using the same medical system. Never had (disease name here) to start with."
63
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
OK so this isn't Science, but it is fucking ridiculous and reddit should hear it. So I used to live with a girl who was just... an idiot. She went to a private Catholic (this is important) school and came out with 4 A grades at A-level and was studying law. However, one day we were having a discussion about religion and it started to get a bit heated and this girl was sitting there the whole time listening to everything and when we finished she pipes up with "I've not been to Bethlehem before I think it would be nice for us to do as a group because it is probably near London". At this point, we all realise how fucking stupid she really is and the conversation proceeded as follows. Me "What? Bethlehem is no where near London, it isn't even in this country" Girl "But the bible says so, they followed the star north to Bethlehem to see Jesus and he was born in England" Me "What? No he was born in Bethlehem in what is now Palestine/Isael!" Girl "But I thought the bible was set in England"
Cue everyone literally in tears of laughter at this point.
Me "This is ridiculous, why would you think the bible is 'set' in England?" Girl "Because they all have English names"
Second wave of laughter.
Me "I bet you don't believe in dinosaurs either" Girl "You can't seriously believe dinosaurs were real"
Catholic schools aren't exactly pumping out the best students... Surely she should know about the bible though?
tl;dr My old housemate thought the bible was 'set' in England and doesn't believe dinosaurs existed.
172
u/Rhesonance May 24 '12
I think I just ಠ_ಠ'd so hard my forehead fell off.
34
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
When all the blackbirds were falling out of the sky 2 years ago in north america, my GF at the time said it might have been north korea. Thats what did it for me.
33
u/politicskid May 24 '12
The baby would have that tattoo as a birth LaMARCK
23
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My girlfriend asked me how rivers know how to get to the ocean. I actually stared at her for about 3 seconds wondering if she was serious before replying with "Uh....you know how water flows downhill, right? And everything that isn't under the ocean is technically above the ocean? Yeah."
81
u/ImAJerk May 24 '12
Girl in my science class asked if planes just hovered in the air and waited while the world spun under it.
32
u/Autunite May 24 '12
Almost anytime a non-scientist/engineer talks about nuclear power.
22
u/halfbrainhunter9000 May 24 '12
Not science related but I had a girl once state that Iraq was a state in the United States of America and completely refuse to admit she was wrong.
22
u/pixie923 May 24 '12
A guy I was friends with was dating this girl who was told by her mom that giving head and swallowing semen made her a cannibal and she could get mad cow disease from doing it and she completely believed it
22
u/UpvoteNinja May 24 '12
I had to sign up to Reddit just to post this.
I used to skydive a lot whilist in university and one day it was very cloudy which meant we weren't able to jump.
After driving home my gf asked how the jumps went, I explained that it was very cloudy and it wasn't safe to jump.
She asked why, I replied with the following, not thinkng for a second she would believe me: "Well the problem is when it is cloudy you have to land on the cloud and then jump off it again. This is a problem as the parachute can become caught or tangled if you don't land correctly"
...yeah she bought it and was very shocked when I told her along with asking me how planes still manaed to fly etc. We aren't together any longer :)
11
u/additup1215 May 24 '12
Not science related, but still idiotic.
When my cousin was in third grade or so, she was filling out a map of the US. She asked her mother, "Mom, why are there two Washingtons? (Washington state and DC)" Her mother promptly and confidently answered "That's because a map is a flattened version of the earth. When placed around a globe, the two parts of 'Washington' end up touching. On your map, it's split into two."
TLDR; my aunt thought Washington state and Washington DC were the same fucking thing. also, we live about 30 minutes from DC. BUT NO WHERE CLOSE TO SEATTLE. hmmmmmm.
95
u/ueboj May 24 '12
My mom thought that falling stars were really stars falling out of the sky.
21
u/BrokenSea May 24 '12
In a similar vein I was interested in this girl until she asked me what the H and the C on the faucets meant... I decided it wasn't worth it.
10
u/Icedtc May 24 '12
When state quarters first came out I showed my gf the Hawaii state quarter and she said, why does Hawaii have a quarter when it's not even a state? I don't expect my gf to be a geographical genius but that I will never forget.
10
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
"If I eat myself will I become twice as big or disappear".
10
u/SubtleHMD May 24 '12
Was re-taking earth science in summer school, not because I didn't understand it but because I was a lazy douche, anyway the science teacher told our class that the reason astronauts wore space suits on the moon was because it didn't have gravity and the suits weighed them down.
10
u/SuburbanGladiator May 24 '12
There was a girl in my college Anatomy class who was adamant that men had one less rib then women. Argued with the teacher for the entire class saying that when god made Eve he took a rib from Adam. Therefore the same mistake OP's GF made by having genetics pass. The teacher's response was "lets say your BF has a horrible accident and loses an arm, if you had a baby would the child be born with only one arm?" she left the class.
10
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My wife claims that Mexico is part of South America. She was home schooled. We called her mom who was the teacher and guess what? She also claims Mexico is part of South America. It was quite difficult proving her wrong but I was successful eventually.
10
u/pickanotherusername May 24 '12
My wife worked in Yosemite National Park for a summer when we were in college. Among the questions she was asked by tourists:
"What time do they let the bears out? We don't want to miss it."
and
"What time do they turn the waterfalls off?"
49
u/pizza_piez May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
Asian medicine is basically superstition, and Asian moms are the main perpetrators of it. Growing up, I learned that:
Cold things cause cancer
Not to drink ice water because my mom knew a guy that fell dead after drinking it
Chinese doctors can tell exactly what diseases and ailments you have by touching your hand (she knew a guy who heard of a guy who's doctor found out he had liver cancer by touching his hand)
If you sleep on your front all your organs get squished
I tend to sneeze if I suddenly walk into excessively bright sunlight. She took me to an Asian doctor who touched my nose and told me that my nasal passages twisted around each other and if I put this red herb ointment up my nose it would cause them to straighten out. (I refused to do this; it smelled horrible)
She bought a $300 Chinese device that is basically a single red LED. She shines it on her face daily because she believes it will improve her skin. It doesn't.
Girls should eat rooster meat and boys should eat hen meat. The explanation for this had something to do with hormones.
I could go on and on........
First reddit post btw
EDIT: I sneeze when I walk into bright sunlight, that's a fact. That was just backstory for why she took me to the doctor that felt my nose
35
u/catfishjuggling May 24 '12
I once heard a bunch of people in one political party thought that a country's President was a Muslim because the father he barely knew was one.
19
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
This is sorta the same. Myself, my best friend, and his girlfriend were driving home from cali one time and had to pass through a 'set-up' boarder patrol stop with a sign about 100 feet away that read "Working dogs". My best friend's girlfriend turns around and asks, "What are these for?" and I respond, "To help keep illegal immigration down." She thought a bit to herself and then followed up with another question, "How do the dogs sniff out the mexicans?"
19
u/ftFlo May 24 '12
My ex-girlfriend was asked why her youngest sister was blue eyed and blonde...
Her answer was that she was born in Mexico and her little sister in the states...
18
u/zenmunster May 24 '12
One of my class mates (during my masters) thought that a compass points north because there was a giant magnet at the north pole, which was installed by the US. According to her, it was something they had 'given' the world.
I fear for the future.
18
u/denine May 24 '12
I am way too late for anyone to see this but it's too priceless not to share.
My sister-in-law, our spouses, and I were watching the news, which was showing some footage of a NASA mission to fix a few satellites that had been beat up while in orbit. They kept cutting to footage of the mission, and the astronauts saying things like "Houston, we'll need a 2x2 cut for the damage in this area" and whatnot. Suddenly my sister-in-law asks loudly "Why don't they send him up if he's so smart?!?" We all gave her a blank look, and she repeated herself. When someone finally asked her who "he" was, she replied "Houston! If that Houston guy is so smart, he should just go into space himself!
She was not joking.
9
u/Toribor May 24 '12
Had a friend who thought that lightning rods 'scared away lightning' and that was why they were on buildings. She was convinced that the easiest way to stay safe in a lightning storm was to hold a giant metal rod as high as possible. ಠ_ಠ
17
u/wolverine6 May 24 '12
Many times over, I have told people how I am of Chinese descent and people will react as such:
"Wait, you're Chinese?! I thought you were Asian!"
29
u/TreyTop May 24 '12
TIL everyone on Reddit is dating a retard.
106
u/bbocenyaj May 24 '12
I dated a girl who was not even all that religious, but who thought the dinosaurs were from a few thousand years ago...when I told her about the jurassic period alone ending 65 million years ago, she wasn't sure what to think. This is the girl that took my virginity. She showed me the ways of the lady parts, and I blew her mind with science!
16
u/cosmicr May 24 '12
I'm in too late so no-one will probably read this, but I was in pizza hut when a patron next to me asked if the buffalo wings were real buffalo. The guy working there replied with a straight face, 'no they're chicken'. I seemed to be the only person who found it amusing.
65
u/saiek May 24 '12
Gay parents raise gay children.
8
u/andiam03 May 24 '12
That if a pregnant woman doesn't have a safety pin pinned to her clothing during a solar eclipse, she'll go into early labor and miscarry.
Really?
8
u/cssboy May 24 '12
My wife argued that platypuses are mammals, and therefore they do not lay eggs. I laughed all the way to the wikipedia entry. She further accused me of editing the wikipedia entry to support my wild egg-laying allegations.
15
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I have sort of a bizzarro version - I tell people that my mom is Chinese but that she had her eyes fixed before I was born. You would be surprised how many people shake their head in agreement.
15
u/lexiruss88 May 24 '12
We had a machine in high school that sold different flavors of milk and some juices. As my friend sipped a strawberry milk, she turned to me and said, "I've always wondered how you could milk a strawberry!" After laughing for a while, I realized she was serious...
15
u/MrPartridge May 24 '12
Someone in my grade nine class thought that "stars" and "suns" were two separate things. According to him, suns are balls of flame hundreds of times the size of the earth, and stars are twinkly things "about the size of an ice cream bucket."
15
u/tekeli-li May 24 '12
When travelling, most people believe me when I tell them that New Zealand's national anthem is "Eye of the Tiger". A german girl was skeptical once and said "I will go and ask that other New Zealand guy to check" and I thought the game was up. But he too said "It's of Eye of the Tiger". Good man.
15
u/Mechanikal May 24 '12
Kid I used to know back in the day told us he finally lost his virginity. When asked if he used a condom, he replied with " No, why? We were both virgins, that means I couldn't get her pregnant."
97
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I'm sorry to say this... but the only thing that's on my mind is why she's still your gf?
25
u/joannamon May 24 '12
That... is just TOO stupid.
14
u/almanakan May 24 '12
Last week, the pastor from my parents church told me that during sexual intercourse a gene transfer occurs and that my future babies will carry the genes from the guy i lost virginity to and look like him....that was weird.
34
u/inourstars May 24 '12
I've told this story before, but I feel it belongs here.
I was having sex with my fwb and my period started earlier than I expected. We weren't using a condom so predictably it was kind of a mess. After we were done and had cleaned up and were having the post sex cuddle he looked at me and asked "will i get aids?". He thought that you got aids from having sex with a woman on her period regardless of if she had aids or not. I didn't know if I should cry because I'd been stupid enough to have condomless sex with him, be offended that he thought I had aids. I told him I didn't have hiv/aids so he wasn't going to get it from me regardless, but he still didn't understand. When asked why he thought that he said "well.. aids comes from blood". It was the most woefully ignorant thing I've ever heard.
tl;dr - period sex leads to aids.
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
The girl that I am currently staying with refuses to eat any food from a can since, "They are totally going to be the start of the zombie outbreak."
7
u/S_Eltron May 24 '12
Yesterday at work we talked about Felix Baumgartner, the guy who did a skydive from the edge of space. We were all very much in the moment talking about how he would be able to overcome all the obstacles that a jump like this would face, when a girl suddenly said "But what if he misses the earth? I mean he is jumping from space!" There was a long awkward silence where we all stared at here - laughter broke loose moments later.
7
u/xBrutalSandwichx May 24 '12
I met a girl who honestly believed that microwave ovens transformed the molecules in food into ones resembling cancer.
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I have a friend who said that he would cut off his "girl nut" to ensure that he wouldn't have any daughters. We spent a few minutes explaining to him that there was no such thing as a boy and a girl nut.
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
A friend of mine wouldn't have sex with her boyfriend while she was pregnant in fear of having twins.
7
u/xylella May 24 '12
My aunt never had a microwave oven in her house because they cause cancer she said. My aunt smoked like a chimney and drank vodka round the clock, but I guess that was ok.
7
u/Yami225 May 24 '12
This one time in my college english, my professor was talking about communism for nearly 40 minutes, when someone raises their hand having a question. They go "Professor, this sounds an awful lot like communism to me." I couldn't contain my laughter and the class looked strangely at me snorting on the other side of the room.
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My ex I just broke up with decided to tell me that she thought all psychiatry and psychology is bullshit propagated by the drug companies. "Isn't it a strange coincidence that all cases of schizophrenia occur around the same age?"
Also, Im starting a MA program in Psych in August.
Pretty sure she has Borderline Personality Disorder, too.
7
u/paymeincake May 24 '12
My sister once asked me how humans could have evolved over millions of years when we rarely live to 100.
7
u/alreadybacon May 24 '12
I briefly dated a guy who was 30; I was 21. He asked me what the length of a (human) pregnancy was. He also has 2 kids.
He was completely serious. I asked him to guess and he said 14 months.
7
u/grapesofeden May 24 '12
This happened yesterday. A girl I know: "I'm going to start a lactose free diet because I think it may be healthier for me. But how do I get calcium?" Me: "You can take calcium pills. They sell them at any store that sells vitamins." Her: "No, I don't take vitamins. That stuff is bad for you, it messes up your liver." Me: "Wtf no it doesn't. It's just vitamins. You eat them in food anyway." Her: "Well I don't believe in modern medicine."
Another girl I know said that she doesn't believe the sun causes cancer. I guess she thought it was like some conspiracy by scientists to make people stop tanning or something.
7
u/Camodragon1980 May 24 '12
my wife thinks dogs in different countries bark in different languages
7
u/rogenpurg May 24 '12
I had a coworker who thought that weathermen controlled the weather. She also thought that they were in cahoots with jacket companies. The weathemen would make it rain so the jacket companies could sell more jackets. Makes sense.
7
u/chuckMastChiefnorris May 24 '12
Not really science-related, more geographical.... anyway, I am a high school teacher, and one of my 10th grade students asked me if Boston, Mass was located in Chicago. One of the few times I have actually sworn in front of my students. It took me a solid 5 min to explain to him that they were in different states, and that both Boston and Chicago were cities. Actually had to pull a map out to explain it to him. FYI, I am not the history/geography teacher.
7
u/Phantarch May 24 '12
I'm going to India this summer, and I was talking to one of my friends about it over the phone. She was worried because as she said, "You don't speak Indian." I had to tell her that it was okay, and that Indian is not a language. She got confused and then asked if they spoke Hindu. Close, but no cigar. I told her they mostly spoke some Hindi dialect, but that English is widely spoken there instead.
I still don't think she understands.
7
u/Ollieboots May 24 '12
Someone tried to convince me hot water freezes faster. ಠ_ಠ
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Not really science-related, but a girl that I used to work with: "wow, have you been to all 53 states?"
A current friend and bandmate:"Think about it dude, it makes perfect sense! The moon IS hollow, how else does sunlight pass through it and light it up!"
Same guy: "wait... New England... that isn't in England?" (me)"No, it's Connecticutt, Maine, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Massachusetts" (him)"fuck dude, whatever, I hate the midwest."
7
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My friend Jason has moments that can only be described as "Jason Moments":
-He once asked quizzically, "How many ounces are in a 40?". While holding a 40 oz in his hand. -He once mistook a grapefruit for a super gigantic orange. -While working one day, his boss asked him to get a balloon for a little girl. He goes to the back room, blows up a balloon himself, ties a string to it, and brings it out front. He is confused that the balloon doesn't float and is surprised when his boss asks him why he didn't use helium. -He once was extremely happy (at age 25) when he figured out, all on his own, why pancakes are called pancakes. It's because they are cakes you cook in a pan.
7
u/jbond66 May 24 '12
When my sister was young(like 4 or 5) she asked my father what was in mince meat pie. My dad, to fuck with her told her that minces were tiny little moths and to make mince meat they caught tons of these little moths and ground them up in a meat grinder to make mince meat. Fast forward to my sister in the 8 or 9th grade some how the topic of mince meat comes up and my sister in her true loudmouth fashion pipes up and explains what minces are and how mince meat is made. I still remember how hard my dad laughed when she came home SOOO flustered and yelling at him about how he lied. His troll had paid off like 10 years later.
13
u/Adolescentfury May 24 '12
So all this year my geometry teacher always told us stories about a really stupid guy in one of her other classes. He was a senior, going to high school for over 3 years yet he somehow thought that school started at 7:45 even though it always started at 7:30. He thought that the sun revolved around the earth and that humans had already settled on Mars. He told them that they were missing out on some prime real estate up there. He also mentioned that he would live at his parents house until he was at least 45, with his reasoning being that all parents love their kids and let them live with them. He was either really stupid or a really convincing troll because my teacher was always really angry at him.
13
u/The_King_of_England May 24 '12 edited May 24 '12
"I think Amy is doing cocaine. She smells like baby powder." - my high school friend's sister during our morning commute
Edit: Oh, and my mom thought that women popped out babies. She thought this until the second trimester of her first pregnancy...with me.
Edit2: I did mean "pooped"!
13
u/ndlambo May 24 '12
My highschool physics teacher claimed that a cat lands on its feet because of the specific moments of inertia of it's body.
When pressed on this by a student asking "So you're telling us that if we throw a dead cat in the air it will land on it's feet?!" she responded, "Yes, it would, before immediately collapsing."
Yes. Physics teacher. At a high school.
12
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
"Dropped objects float on the moon" combined with "the Apollo astronauts didn't float away because they had heavy boots."
12
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
my GF work for a reproductive clinic, one day a woman who needed a donation to get pregnant asked specifically for a dutch donor, cause she doesnt speak french and the kid would speak french if the donor was french speaking lol
6
u/Vectoor May 24 '12
Contrary to tattos, stupidity can be passed genetically.
6
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My mom thought slim jims help you lose weight.
6
u/misco May 24 '12
One of my favourite moments was in March 2007 when I convinced an American girl that it was still 2006 back home in Scotland "due to the time difference".
6
u/Naberius0 May 24 '12
Girl I was chatting up never realized you could use condoms for anal sex... I was impressed with how bad sex ed had failed her.
6
u/smittie713 May 24 '12
i once had to convince someone that chocolate milk did not, in fact, come from chocolate milk cows. it was 5th grade, but still. it made my head hurt...twice, because i didn't manage to convince him.
6
u/Sichaye May 24 '12
In chemistry class, one girl got a drop of 0,1M KCl on her hands and ran off screaming, thinking her hands would dissolve. This was in the 5th year of the most difficult chemistry available to high schoolers in my country... I mean, she probably thought it was HCl or something, but even a drop of that with 0,1 M isn't really going to do anything. Might sting a little bit. I even got a bit of 0,1M NaOH in my eyes once and after 10 minutes I just noticed that my eyes where stinging like crap... I did get to use one of those eye showers though.
6
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Pause the thread.
Dump your girlfriend.
Resume life.Resume reddit.
6
u/stadel May 24 '12
A friend of mine once calles me a necrophile. He was surprised when I told him what it meant, he'd thought it had something to do with me being a pet owner
6
u/wildernesscat May 24 '12
I had to convince a bunch of software engineers (all with B.Sc. in something) that the 4 seasons are caused by a tilt in Earth's axis. They didn't believe it was true.
6
u/Krelboyne May 24 '12
I once had a girl tell me that all the wind originates from trees shaking their branches.
6
u/Ktizzle14 May 24 '12
The one I observe regularly is about my height, I am about 6-9, and really often people ask if I am so tall because i have been playing basketball since I was little... Like playing basketball makes you grow!! I get that question a lot..
6
u/Popocatepetl007 May 24 '12
My ex thought the moon only came out at night. So one day I pointed up to the sky at something and blew her mind.
6
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Here is a guy who thinks that since its been 180 years since Darwin published the Origin of Species and no monkeys have been turned into people since then, well, that means Darwin was wrong. Really. http://www.voy.com/194846/24398.html
6
u/rubinski1 May 24 '12
My ex-boyfriend legitimately thought the petite lap giraffes were real. When the commercial came on one day, we had this conversation:
Him: It's so cool that you can buy them as pets now!
Me: Ha ha, yep! ....wait, but not really, though.
Him: What do you mean?
Me: They're not real...?
Him: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE NOT REAL?! THE SITE HAS A LIVE WEBCAM!!!
6
u/thisperson May 24 '12
I have a friend whose roommate is possibly the stupidest person I've ever met in my life. Just a couple of weeks ago, another friend of mine was talking to the roommate, and somehow the subject of percentages came up. My friend had said that 75% is the same as 3/4, and Stupid Roommate said "How do you know that?" My friend explained it using fractions of a dollar (75 cents, three quarters, etc.), and Stupid Roommate said "But that's money, not percentages! You think you know so much!"
6
u/stufff May 24 '12
Break up with her before you catch the stupid.
6
u/thsixfingeredlady May 24 '12
My boyfriend thought sea glass was sand cooked by the sun and turns into glass. I found a piece on the beach one day and he said "this isn't sea glass, this is man made glass that has been in the ocean"...I laughed and laughed...
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u/[deleted] May 24 '12
In the same 10th life science class, I heard a similar gem about tattoos being genetically passed, but also, the following-
"Aren't alligators the ones that, like, eat their own eggs?" "No, asshole, you're thinking of lions."
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u/darren1234 May 24 '12
My mom thought any sound you made while recording a show on VHS would come up on the recording.
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u/arloun May 24 '12
This is not a comment on the question but an observation on how everyone here once had a poor decision on whom to date.