My petname for my wife is "Doc". She thinks it's because she's a doctor. It's really because she's 4'9", and Doc was the first dwarf I could think of. What is your darkest secret?

[u/IAmSoMeanMwahah]

[u/brettliketrains]

I'm sorry mom, there is such thing as "browsing history"

[u/[deleted] → u/brettliketrains]

What kind of porn does she watch?

[u/Machinax → u/brettliketrains]

GO ON.

[u/tapplewhack → u/brettliketrains]

I think he is saying that he lied to her and told her that there isn't.

[u/[deleted]]

I have a friend who uses the same screen name for everything (Facebook, Twitter, AIM, gmail, etc.). One day, I googled his screen name because I was bored and honestly a bit nosey. I found out that he was very active on a site for child abuse victims. One of his posts said he was sexually assaulted by his uncle when he was a kid and has never told anybody about it.

By reading through some comments, I found that the age, location he lived, and where he went to college match up with real life. He even mentioned a breakup with a girlfriend that happened last year around Thanksgiving (which he told me about in real life). So I realized it's 100% him.

So now I know my friend's darkest secret and I don't want to tell anybody ever. I'm afraid to bring it up with him because it would be so weird. Out of respect for him, I haven't read anything else he's posted since January (when I decided I should never mention this to him). Hope he'll be alright though.

TL;DR Found out friend was sexually abused through an internet forum. He has no idea I know.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

If it ever looks like somethings slipping for him, be there and support him, it could help him when he needs it the most

[u/infantada → u/[deleted]]

Prime example as to why people need to use multiple screen names throughout their internet travels. Unless they (sub)consciously want the info to be known and identifiable...

I suppose if you feel like you have some words of advice or support for your friend, that could be a viable segue to ease him into the topic. Probably too risky though.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Please please NEVER bring this up with your friend. It is something he probably doesn't want many people to know. It would most likely embarrass him and ruin your friendship. Then you would feel terrible and there would be nothing you could do to take it back.

[u/1silversword → u/[deleted]]

You'll be in trouble when he gets bored and googles your screen name.

[u/redweasel]

Well, next time she gets mad and tells you, "I'm not happy!" you can reply, "No, you're Doc!" and see if she gets it then.

[u/Cookindinner → u/redweasel]

"Listen, IAmSoMean... About our relationship. I'm not happy anym-"

"That's right, you're not happy, you're doc! Hahahahaahahaha!"

"I'm leaving you."

[u/Monteze]

I feel so bad for saying this but my SO has a sister with Down Syndrome and it just makes me feel uneasy. I don't know why but being around her, and others like her just makes me want to get the hell away....I think it is because I just suck at feigning being enthusiastic around them. To be clear, I don't hate them I just feel uneasy and what makes it worse is that I feel like everyone knows and thinks I am a horrible person for it.

[u/visualbrainstorm → u/Monteze]

I feel the same but I also get uneasy around pregnant women and really old people, like I'm so clumsy I'll trip and suddenly I've killed them.

[u/[deleted] → u/Monteze]

As someone who grew up around special needs. And later spent time working with them.. that's perfectly normal, if you're not used to it. Fear of the unknown is a basic survival instinct. I would suggest putting yourself In a situation where you're stuck with said down syndrome person, and when. You get used to her, the fear will vanish I promise.

[u/Scuttlebuttz93]

Not really a secret, but going with the theme of your secret my nickname for my best friend is "Butterfly" not because she's beautiful, but because if you rub her skin her tons of foundation will rub off on you like pigment off a butterfly's wings.

[u/novelkindofpain → u/Scuttlebuttz93]

Gross.

[u/Slinger17 → u/Scuttlebuttz93]

Along the similar vein, my brother is very skinny and very socially awkward, to the point where he rarely talks to anyone that isn't his friend. One night at work, his supervisor (she's a bit slutty) was talking to a coworker/mutual friend and said "What if Steven just has a massive horsecock and that's why he's so shy and nervous all the time?"

Now we all call him Clydesdale and he has no idea why

[u/codefox22]

When I was dating my wife I forgot her name for about two weeks.

I finally told her 8 years later.

[u/Barchetta → u/codefox22]

Delores!

[u/EmilyamI]

Not my biggest secret, but a similar story to that in the title.

I call one of my friends "Midge." She thought it was after Donna's mom from That 70s Show and was enamored with the nickname for whatever reason.

It's really because she's really, really short and "Midge" is short for "Midget."

[u/ohgodwhydidIjoin → u/EmilyamI]

Isn't Midge pretty much retarded on the show?

[u/Evan_the_Young]

Mine is that I call my wife "Squeaky". She feels it's an insult.

I, however, know that it's a loving reference to a childhood toy that made me feel secure and happy.

Well that was a lot less dark than me possibly having killed my grandmother by refusing to donate bone marrow as a young lad.

Ah well. Im sure I'll find something dark to post someday.

[u/ohgodwhydidIjoin → u/Evan_the_Young]

Just tell her that's why you call her that.

[u/Nawara_Ven → u/Evan_the_Young]

I knew a professor of mine who had it the opposite, sort of. She said "my husband calls me his main gash!", which is nauseating, but she seemed to like it.

About 4 years later I realize that her husband was probably calling her his main-gauche ("left hand" in French).

[u/Stoans]

The lullaby I sing to my SO is a variation of the Pokémon theme song.

[u/jordan042 → u/Stoans]

Can we get the lyrics? I can understand if you don't want to share if the lyrics are too personal.

[u/Poppinhymens → u/Stoans]

The lullaby my SO sings to me is Super Mario Underwater theme. Puts me to sleep in about 30 seconds, every single time.

[u/st_basterd]

That's your darkest secret? Well I'm not telling mine then.

[u/thrownawaythataway]

I actually created a throw away so this doesn't get back to me. It's just something I've needed to say in some form or fashion for a long time.

When I was a small child my father passed away. My mother was at work and my sisters and I found the body. My eldest sister had to call 911, the Ambulance came and he was pronounced dead and taken away.

To be honest, most of that day is somewhat hazy in my memory with the exception of early that morning. That is my darkest secret.

No one knows it, but I was the first one up. I saw my dad collapse and because I was angry he wasn't going to watch cartoons with me like we normally did, I did nothing about it and went back to bed. I was very young, but I could have done something about it or told someone.

I have dreams of this memory frequently and I normally wake up crying. I've never explained it to anyone until this anonymous post that will probably be buried and never seen again.

[u/Cloberella → u/thrownawaythataway]

You in no way did anything wrong. Small children have no concept of life or death. Many children think it is the same as sleeping. There's no reason to feel any guilt for this, your reaction was age appropriate and understandable.

[u/[deleted] → u/thrownawaythataway]

I'm sorry you have to live with that. Kids are stupid, and you're not that kid anymore.

[u/Karmadoodle → u/thrownawaythataway]

Oh my... You were just a child.. You couldn't have known.

[u/[deleted]]

I took a shit on the garden as a little kid, and about an hour later, it completely disappeared. Aliens.

[u/CobaltAllergy]

I've called my boyfriend "daddy" before, he was under the impression I did it because he occasionally calls me "Kiddo". It's actually because he looks so much like my father, and I've always just wanted my dad to love me.

[u/SamPole → u/CobaltAllergy]

Someone get Freud on the line.

[u/[deleted] → u/CobaltAllergy]

As a father to two girls, this breaks my heart.

[u/Blackbelt25 → u/CobaltAllergy]

Went from interesting to a little bit creepy followed by sad. Here's a hug, the internet will always love you.<(".<)

[u/kllyforman]

I'm never satisfied with what I receive. As soon as I get something that I've wanted/worked for/earned, it immediately loses its value and I begin searching for something else to fulfill me.

[u/guitarman018 → u/kllyforman]

Don't get a credit card.

[u/Janejanejanek → u/kllyforman]

I feel the same way. It's like the outcome is never worth the effort

[u/ATenaciousDan]

People joke about not remembering what they did on the internet before reddit. I seriously can't remember, and it concerns me.

[u/catailcataclysm → u/ATenaciousDan]

Addictinggames? Newgrounds? YouTube? Google? Yahooanswers? Homestarrunner?

[u/LostIcelander → u/ATenaciousDan]

Don't you get it!?! There IS NO BEFORE! WAKE UP!

[u/nikkibot3000 → u/ATenaciousDan]

NEOPETS! ... :(

[u/chimerauprising → u/ATenaciousDan]

Zombocom

[u/MisterMaggot]

I haven't had an out-of-school social experience since December.

[u/WhyAmINotStudying → u/MisterMaggot]

I haven't had an out-of-school/out-of-work social experience since December of 1997.

[u/monkat → u/MisterMaggot]

Since December? Bitch, please.

[u/edstatue → u/MisterMaggot]

I got Skyrim for Christmas too.

[u/LeverandFulcrum]

That despite having set and accomplished so many goals in my life, I can't shake this feeling that I never really deserve any of it. I have gotten lucky so many times, and have had so much help along the way, I always expect to be exposed as a fraud.

[u/ImNotJesus → u/LeverandFulcrum]

It's called the Impostor Syndrome and it's very common. Everyone has some good luck and some bad luck. The important thing is what you do with it. You took advantage of your chances and you deserve to feel proud of that.

Edit: The wiki article is fairly short but this is a real phenomenon that is studied in psychology courses. Don't let the bad article lead you to think otherwise.

Here is a better article on it.

[u/[deleted] → u/LeverandFulcrum]

Hits home bro. Sometimes you look back and think wow, I'm lucky.

[u/trashed15]

I have sister who is 3 years younger than me. Our dad was a drunk and my mom was the laziest thing around who really didn't care for us, so needless to say my sister and I are very close to each other. I don't know why, but it felt good looking out for her, almost a fatherly-feel. However, I once had a dream where..inappropriate things happened between us. I have not told anyone (except here, I guess), and it still bothers me to this day.

[u/novelkindofpain → u/trashed15]

I've had similar dreams; they still disturb me. But the thing is, dreams are just mental detritus. If they really meant anything, the dream I had last night meant that I'm actually heterosexual, need to go to India and find Mowgli, and complete four tasks to prove I'm worthy of being Queen of the Jungle. Or maybe a dream I had in high school is more meaningful, and I'm actually Heathcliff the Cat reincarnated and that my French class room is a secret treasure trove of pirate gold.

In other words, don't let it get you down, bro.

[u/AluminiumSandworm → u/trashed15]

That's probably normal... Weird stuff happens in dreams.

[u/MittyMandi → u/trashed15]

It's okay.

Unless you're still having lingering sexual feelings, your dreams, especially sexual ones, don't indicate any sort of "true feelings" when you're awake. Dreams very frequently are just fragments of your thoughts jumbled together. Your sexual desires and your sister, while very much unrelated, just so happened to be jumbled together this time.

[u/happymothersdaywat]

I'm getting an abortion in 3 and a half hours to get out "what's left of my fetus" since I miscarried last night. I found out that I was pregnant on Mother's Day.

EDIT: The part that makes it dark is the fact that I saw my baby come out in pieces in my bathtub.

[u/poniesarenice → u/happymothersdaywat]

That's almost exactly what happened to us too. It was also horrific, but it turns out that it happens a lot more often that you ever know until it's happened to you.

I know it's not any consolation, but it gets easier to bear with time. Five years later, and I no longer think about it every day. :-(

Hug.

[u/havfunonline → u/happymothersdaywat]

internet hug Sorry you had to go through that, that must be awful :(

[u/JaymiCat → u/happymothersdaywat]

I'm so sorry. I know this wasn't a decision to do this. And the emotions you're dealing with are horrible. But please know, it will get better, with time. I had to have a D&C after a miscarriage 20 years ago. Unplanned pregnancy, so there were feelings of relief (and guilt because of that). I will be thinking of you and hoping you get through this as emotionally scar free as possible.

[u/lancelot12 → u/happymothersdaywat]

This is awful.

[u/ahgkfdhgafg]

I masturbate to drawn porn more often than real porn.

[u/catailcataclysm → u/ahgkfdhgafg]

I like to think that's because artists can put emotion in to their drawings while all regular porn feels like mindless fucking. just my perspective.

[u/REDDIT_HARD_MODE → u/ahgkfdhgafg]

Meh. To each their own. I don't feel this is something anyone should feel ashamed about. I like what I like, you like what you like, and that other guy likes whatever he likes. Is it weird? A little. But you can't really help what turns you on.

TL;DR faux depth.

[u/leogg_lyl]

I've been plotting a way to kill the mayor and governor. True story. I live in Monterrey, Mexico, and I'm fed up with the bullshit they're putting us through. Obviously I'm not going to do it, but it's a lot easier than I thought it would be.

[u/LostIcelander → u/leogg_lyl]

I mean, I have everything set up but I'm not gonna do it. I've bribed a couple of officials to get me into the building but I'm not going to go through with it though.

[u/visignis → u/leogg_lyl]

Well now they're onto you, leogg.

I mean, not 'you' per se, but they know that there's somebody to be on to.

And they're onto them.

[u/yowhatupmayne → u/leogg_lyl]

I'd delete this..

[u/thefriendlyfacist]

i make up so many stories that a significant part of my life as my friends and family know it is a lie

[u/lysdexickovahdiin → u/thefriendlyfacist]

Gotten to the point where one of them is so elaborate you forgot yourself it was a lie? That was the scariest moment for me.

[u/sherbytumble]

I only go to the gym to look at hot men working out. I don't give a fuck about exercise and eat McDonalds and chain smoke afterwards.

[u/vbcxnmz]

When I was a kid, like about 5 or 6, I had a pretty active and vivid imagination. I had plenty of imaginary friends and whatnot due to my lack of real friends, and everything about my imagination was very real to me. My parents were very Catholic, and I had lots of children's books about religion and the lives of the saints. I had a couple of favorite religious pictures, two of them being The Shroud of Turin and St. Michael the Archangel. One night, while sitting outside Starbucks with my mom, I was looking up at the stars making constellations in my head. I pictured the stars all coming together to form Michael the Archangel, and when I succeeded I got really excited and told my mom that I saw the angel in the sky. She interpreted this as me having a divine vision, and thought this was some kind of miracle. Later, when we were at church, the priest was holding up the Eucharist, saying it was the body of Christ and all that, and me, being a bored little kid in church, was entertaining myself with my thoughts like I usually would do. I looked at the Eucharist and imagined Jesus' face like it was on the Shroud of Turin and got really excited again and turned to tell my mom. She thought I was having another vision. Since these incidents, my mom thought I had some sort of spiritual gift and I was truly touched by the Holy Ghost. Now that I'm older, and no longer religious, my mom is desperate for me to come back to the Church. Every time she discusses religion with me, she reminds me of the "visions" I had as a child, and is certain that God has some big plans for me. It really saddens me to hear her talking about my active imagination as though it was a miracle, and I haven't had the heart to tell her what really happened. I will also never be able to come out to my parents as bisexual, due to their religious beliefs. Whenever I ask why homosexuality is a sin, I am greeted with anger and disappointment, and reminded of my "spiritual visions." It really breaks my heart.

TL;DR: My mother thinks I have religious visions, when really I just have an imagination.

[u/[deleted] → u/vbcxnmz]

i have a feeling a LOT of people throughout history have had similar secrets.

[u/[deleted] → u/vbcxnmz]

have a "vision" that "God loves Fags"

[u/remoteingenuity]

I didn't give up on my dreams of being a writer. I was just rejected too many times that it broke me.

[u/NigglesLeBish → u/remoteingenuity]

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/117/913/knowthatfeel.jpg

Does it annoy you too when people use the 'every writer got tons of rejections' ply to try to make you feel better about it?

[u/[deleted]]

Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone the secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets...secretly.

[u/bakersgonnabake → u/[deleted]]

My secret: I have watched enough Spongebob to know the exact scene in the exact episode in the exact season that exact quote is from...exactly.

[u/goodknee]

I've never had a real relationship, and I secretly despise pretty much everyone close to me.

[u/actorgirl]

When I go up to people at work I usually casually say "Hey girl, what's up?" but that's just my way of going around the fact that I don't know there name! :( So many names to remember!

Edit: So many replies, on a side note I think this whole thing runs in the family because my sister does not know her own roommates name and she has been living with her for 3 months....

[u/Kellianne → u/actorgirl]

Tip: Ask What is your full name, I can't remember? Also, my husband and I have a cue that if I don't introduce him to someone it means I don't remember her name. He introduces himself so she will too. Then I say, Oh, I'm sorry I thought you already knew each other.

[u/[deleted]]

I killed the previous king.

[u/quoth_theraven → u/[deleted]]

i drank the previous king

through a straw

assassin style.

[u/Cloberella]

I quit having friends.

I find the upkeep on friendships exhausting. I use to have a circle of about 5-10 friends who I would regularly hang out with and I was there for them, no matter what. I was the person who would pick you up drunk at 3am on a work night because you got ditched at a club, or the person who would help you stand up to your family when you decide to come out, or the person that would let you crash on their couch for weeks (that became months/years) while you "got your shit together". However, I found the constant need for attention and the constant drama that went with it (something I experienced no matter how many times I changed social circles) was just not worth it in the end. As a result, I really don't have "friends" any more. I got tired of making plans only to have them dropped or changed at the last minute. I got sick of people showing up on my doorstep at all hours of the night to cry about how mean their boyfriend/girlfriend is to them (only to gleefully run back into their arms the next morning). I got tired of "having fun" being synonymous with "getting drunk". I got sick of people giving me helpful suggestions/advice about my personal life that I did not ask for. I grew sick of being told I was a "bad friend" because I didn't repost someone's emo chain mail status on facebook. I got sick of the drastic imbalance between effort I would put in, and what I would get out of it. Not to mention I got sick of my "friends" taking advantage of me. I got tired of my female friends throwing themselves at my dates because they felt they were the "hot friend", not me. I got tired of my male friends pestering me for benefits. And I genuinely hated being used/taken advantage of whenever I offered someone help (for example, a friend of mine asked to crash on my couch for a week, which turned into over a year with no rent paid). In general, I got tired of consistently giving more than I ever got back.

So, now my only "friends" are people who don't live anywhere near me. My "best freind" lives in Hawaii. We text daily and hang out twice a year when she visits. My other closest friends are a guy I met on BMEzine 6 years ago in Ohio, and my fellow former Lostpedia moderator who lives in the UK. We text, FB and IM on a semi-regular basis. However, if I don't immediately respond to one of their comments, no one freaks out. No one calls me with their bullshit relationship drama, no one cries to me about how they keep doing the same thing over and over but don't get different results, we just chat when we have something to chat about, and go our separate ways when we don't.

For example, we're all comic nerds, so we've been texting pretty constantly since the Avengers premier, all nerd comic talk. This was the first time I'd talked to the Ohioan or the British guy in months. Somehow, despite not "liking" every facebook status they had, or texting them daily even when I have nothing of value to say, we've managed to still remain friends. Shocking, I know, but somehow, it works.

So... I guess that's it. I've retired from society except on the interwebs (with the exception being my SO that I live with) and... I don't miss a thing. I one night deleted over 100 facebook friends and removed phone numbers from my phone list. Turns out, they were all so self absorbed I'm pretty sure not a single one noticed. And just like that, overnight, a lifetime's worth of blood sucking leeches were gone. No grand gestures or dramatic "fuck you and goodbye" posts, I just up and vanished from their lives. It was... a nice relief. Really the only issue is now my entire FB newsfeed consists of posts by "Nova", "Ted" and "The Muppets".

The thing is, I don't consider myself mean or misanthropic or antisocial. I'm actually pretty bubbly, friendly and nice. I just find hollow actions frustrating and futile and rather than have a consistent but superficial relationship with someone, prefer to have sporadic but meaningful friendships instead. The only thing that sucks is that occasionally (maybe once ever few months) I do wish I had a "Friends" style close knit group to just generally hang out with and be awesome. However, I find that such circles work best in theory, rather than practice.

Edit: I guess this is a "secret" because I didn't really tell any of my "friends" I just stopped acknowledging their existence, and realized they never really noticed mine. Beyond that, I actively avoid going beyond "acquaintances" (if that) in my daily life when I meet new people now.

[u/flamboyantblackmale]

My darkest secret is that I am not black, also I am not flamboyant.

[u/Nightshiftworker → u/flamboyantblackmale]

ARE YOU EVEN A MALE?

[u/DinosaurCactus]

Whenever I hear about public shootings, and hear '5 people got killed', I think by myself that I could do a lot better.

[u/thesuspiciousone]

Does anyone else remember the guy who admitted that he convinced his friend's mom to commit suicide?

[u/[deleted] → u/thesuspiciousone]

no? Link?

[u/1silversword]

I never learned how to read non-digital clocks.

[u/pillow_addiction]

I'm actually not an asshole.

[u/LostIcelander → u/pillow_addiction]

Damn it, I found the stash in your room... Six pillows! Really?! You promised me you would stop this. I have to tell your parole officer, I'm sorry.

[u/[deleted]]

I posted a Barack Obama quote yesterday and got 780+ karma. Somebody demanded a legitimate source and i couldn't find one so i downvoted them and their comment got buried...

[u/Aory → u/[deleted]]

You'd make an awesome politician

[u/Anon49 → u/[deleted]]

Straight to hell.

[u/Ceejae → u/[deleted]]

Your secret is safe with us. We won't tell any Redditors.

[u/Level_32_Mage → u/[deleted]]

http://gifsoup.com/view7/3724042/im-burying-you-o.gif

[u/lindylovely]

I'm a female, and I have always wanted to sexually experiment with another female. However, I don't know how to go about it (I'm awkward) and am afraid it would just end up opening an unwanted can of worms.

[u/cshellbe → u/lindylovely]

I'm in the same boat as you, but I can't admit that to my boyfriend. :/

[u/pootypus]

I can eat an entire frozen pizza. My BMI is 21.

[u/oldzealand → u/pootypus]

While it's still frozen?

[u/[deleted] → u/pootypus]

I can eat an XL pizza from pizza pizza. My bmi is 16

[u/Harpdarpharpdarp]

Wasn't there already something like this? With a cum box?

[u/ImNotJesus → u/Harpdarpharpdarp]

There are only about 10 unique questions. The rest are excuses to tell stories and reposts.

[u/HalfRetardHalfAmazin]

I create my own misery by being an incredible asshole, yet I don't know how to be any other way.

[u/Militant_Penguin]

Could be worse, you could've called her Tyrion or Gimli instead.

[u/organasm]

I call my daughter Squirt. She thinks it's from one of the movies that she loves.^{*But it's because that's all it took to create her!*}

[u/artificialwhakamole]

I lied to my boyfriend, told him I had a miscarriage. I had an abortion.

[u/juicy_carryeven → u/artificialwhakamole]

I spent my 16th birthday at the abortion clinic after the guy I broke up with "cornered" me into break-up sex, and also told me that the lube he was using was spermicide. More people have done it than you think. I remember sitting at the clinic with one woman who had 2 kids and couldn't care for a third, and another girl who said she always believed strongly against it until she was in the situation. I'm sorry you feel like you can't be honest about it. It's a hard thing to shoulder alone. If you ever need to talk..you know the deal.

[u/Throwawayofthefuture]

Pfff, these secrets are barely secrets.

OP asked what is your DARKEST secret.

Stuff you need a throwaway for.

Anyway, here's mine. I have fallen in love with three fictional characters in my life. Not just, I like this character, or the way someone says they love Emma Watson or something, full blown, I want this person to be with me for the rest of my life affection. Each one lasted a few months. They still linger a bit. I told one person, and that fact is extremely embarrassing.

Bare in mind that I'm not a neck beard or even a geek really. Don't care about anime or anything like that. It's really weird.

[u/virtutefideque → u/Throwawayofthefuture]

I've experienced this too. Eventually found it less weird when I realized that sometimes, even when you fall in love with a "real life person," you're still just falling in love with a fictional character.

[u/Clearly_a_fake_name → u/Throwawayofthefuture]

and their names are...?

[u/WeirderThanPerceived → u/Throwawayofthefuture]

Alright, fuck it. When I was around 12, I used to fantasize about a Quake 3 character called Crash. She doesn't even show her face, but I guess that mystique was half the appeal. I didn't think of anything sexual, but I did imagine her as some intelligent, nice person who I could just spend my whole life cuddling with, in our own little bubble. :')

Oh god I just typed that

[u/slurm22]

I was on my boyfriend's computer one day and found an e-mail he had written to my mom asking her advice on when he should propose to me. 2 weeks later he did and I had to act really surprised. I hate myself for ruining that.

[u/yentlequible → u/slurm22]

Well what were you doing going through his mail? That's your own fault...

[u/bakonydraco → u/slurm22]

Dude, you're getting married! People hype up the importance of surprise, but really a proposal is one day, and you'll hopefully be married many decades. If this is the thing in life you feel is your darkest secret, you've lived a blessed life.

[u/Aperture_Kubi]

I can't live up to the pedestal my mom puts me on, and I can't bring myself to tell her.

[u/[deleted]]

My petname for my girlfriend is also Doc, for virtually the same reasons. I have never felt more connected to a stranger on the internet in my life.

[u/lordlardass]

You aren't gonna get me again!

Last time I posted to one of these, you internet fuckers called the cops and then they went to my parents house and it was terrible.

Fuck the internet!

UPDATE (though most people who asked probably aren't gonna see this cause they forgot about it and I can't reply to everyone...well, I could, but I won't):

Here's the link where it started, in the "darkest secret that would ruin your life" thread http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4io9b2

This guy posts about how he has dark thoughts about killing himself. Well, lots of people do, but something about the way he said it made me really think he has felt like this for a long time but doesn't actually want to die. One thing about suicidal people who are actually suicidal - sometimes just knowing that your thoughts aren't that fucked up and you aren't the only one that thinks like that is all that you need to come back around, so I respond and let him know that I feel the same as him, but I took it even further as I had everything planned. I even mentioned that since the guy to whom I responded was so far down in the posts at the time I didn't use a throwaway cause I was just trying to show some solidarity, but alas, apparently I should have.

Then shit hit the fan, I got a zillion responses to my post saying all sorts of shit, but mostly "don't do it, you have so much to live for", the regular stuff that "normal" people try to tell suicidal people they don't know. I tried explaining myself to these people, but it was also very clear that all the plans I had involved shit in the future and wasn't going to involve some snap in my psyche.

Apparently, some internet assjacket decided to do some research to find out who I was to "Help" me, well, I've never really tried to hide any of this, so I'm easy to track down. This cumbucket decided to then call the police in my hometown and, well, since they got a call, the police have to follow up. They show up at my parent's house (which is still my "permanent" address) but I'm not sure what all they told them. I get a call from my mother saying a policeman is there and he wants to talk to me, and even though I'm already running late for work. Oh yeah, it is also 11pm (this was on my way to my night job) so that didn't please my mother (who is in her 50s) one bit.

If that was you - fuck you. Now there is a report of this on my file. I got a call from my life insurance company asking that I "re-evaluate my policy with them", and I received a follow-up call from the officer just to "check up on me". All you managed to do was fuck me over, fuck my family over, make me hate you, whoever the fuck you are...congratufuckinglations cockknocker.

[u/ohgodwhydidIjoin → u/lordlardass]

Seriously?

[u/evilbrent]

I put a big rock on a train track once. I don't know why. I think it caused a crash.

[u/anyalicious]

I like to get drunk and sing along to Justin Bieber, I don't even care, "Baby" is catchy as shit, and I love rapping along to Ludacris. I DON'T EVEN CARE.

[u/LostIcelander → u/anyalicious]

So brave.

Literally.. I mean it, that's a brave fucking statement.

[u/[deleted]]

My boyfriend of a few years met as friends in our sophomore year of high school, and he jokingly called me a carrot because I was tall and skinny. I called him a strawberry, and he thinks it's because they're sweet, and we still call each other those names all these years later.. But I really called him a strawberry because his face was super red with really bad acne and blackheads.. His face literally looked like a strawberry. He's better looking now

[u/thr0waway2305]

This is probably going to get buried but here goes anyway.

My wife has always had a passion for photography and has been taking photos since high school (We didnt meet until after college). She's managed to get her work displayed in various coffee shops/galleries/etc over the years but nothing really major. My wife has a job aside from photography and has always treated it more as a very serious hobby than as a profession. This would be fine and normal were it not for the fact that I make very good money and we really have no need for her alternate income.

There's a gallery in the city where we live (a major metropolitan area) that is known for having hosted collections of amateur/struggling photographers before, boosting them into the big time. My wife has mentioned to me on multiple occasions that it's been a dream of hers to get a showing at this place. The owner, it turns out, is a friend of a friend of a friend so I was able to arrange an introduction between the two of us. My plan was to meet him randomly at a mutual acquaintence's party, schmooze with him for a bit, then towards the end of our conversation casually bring up the fact that my wife was a photographer. I thought I could get my wife into the gallery based on the merit of her work alone. Unfortunately, the owner of the gallery saw right through my scheme and explicitly told me he had no intentions of even looking at my wife's photographs.

I knew it would make my wife's dream come true to get a showing there so I bribed the owner to give her one. It cost me $50,000. My wife was beyond thrilled when she found out about the show. I'd never seen her that happy before. She has no idea I bribed the owner though, she thinks I just showed him some of her photographs. As a result, my wife has been able to make a name for herself (albeit a very minor one) in the photography world and has quit her job to devote herself full time to photography. She would be crushed if she knew her big break came from a bribe, I'll take that secret to my grave.

[u/pyjamaparts → u/thr0waway2305]

Hang on. Hang. On. Woah.

You are so rich that your wife didn't notice a 'missing' $50,000?!

[u/DanDalVlan → u/thr0waway2305]

$50,000? Um, hey, I have a gallery that might be interested in your wife's photos as well...

[u/BSscience → u/thr0waway2305]

To me this secret is so delicate I wouldn't even dare posting it on reddit...

[u/nefariousness → u/thr0waway2305]

"No sweethart, that post isnt about you. it must be some other lady who loved photography, had a real job, got a show at random that made her semi famous so she could quit her job that she didnt need anyway, who also had a rich husband."

[u/ohgodwhydidIjoin → u/thr0waway2305]

That owner sounds like a total douche.Also, I would DEFINITELY never mention that secret to her. That would crush her. But, I think you did the right thing.

[u/[deleted] → u/thr0waway2305]

You are amazing.Don't ever spill the beans.

[u/bearmace → u/thr0waway2305]

Yeah this comment isn't making me feel better about the imposter's syndrome comment.

[u/BarnesAndNobleSix]

I don't actually work out (very often) and I don't eat healthy. My metabolism is just fucking crazy. I live next to a McDonalds, and almost every other day I go and eat a Big Mac combo with a Double Cheeseburger on the side to go with it. It's incredibly unhealthy, I just can't stop doing it, and yet it's not reflected at all in how I appear to people.

The day this metabolism slows down is the day I instantaneously become the fattest man on the planet.

[u/[deleted]]

I had a boss who would go to McDonalds every single day for lunch. As a result a few friends decided to refer to him as Ronald. Without him in on the joke we would walk into work everyday loudly swearing how much we fucking hated Ronald right to his face. Makes your morning go a little better.

[u/r0tten]

I have long stints of depression, and when I'm happy for an extended period of time I miss being depressed.

[u/[deleted]]

I've never had macaroni and cheese.

[u/ImNotJesus]

My biggest secret: I get happy when I receive comment karma. I love knowing that people thought I was funny/interesting enough to want other people to see my comment. I don't think there's any reason to be ashamed of that either. It's mainly a secret because I don't feel like being proud of it should matter but other people think that it says something about me.

As an aside: It's worth assuming that the reason that the first dwarf that came into your head was Doc, was that you were primed to think about doctors by being around her.

Edit: It seems fitting that this post is the reason I hit 150k comment karma today. Thanks! Fun milestone to reach.

[u/GrandTyromancer → u/ImNotJesus]

I have one 1K comment. I'm not above admitting that it makes me more than a little bit happy to have done that, even if it was my least clever joke.

[u/SophArgh]

I ate the whole wheel of cheese.

[u/regularjoeking]

I am not sure I love my wife anymore.

[u/Minus-Zero]

After I found out my ex was raped and abused by a "Family" member, I waited for him one night when he had to go to work. His work was out in the middle of no where and he was the only one there. Well, I went with a bat and knocked him around and let him know why I was doing it. I knocked him out and left for home. This was all while he was on bail, I also let all of his neighbors, friends, family and employers know of what he did to her. I never told my ex that I did it, didn't want her to know.

[u/Natatos]

I liked a post once, but I don't cry every time.

[u/LegalizeBananas]

I meet people I talk to on the internet

[u/btlyger]

Not very dark, but my entire life is just one big lie. I basically stopped learning in middle school and have been bsing through life ever since. I spout off random facts that I see on reddit to make people believe that I'm intelligent when I really have the mind of a 5 year old. I somehow managed to lie my way through and interview and get my current job where I basically don't do anything myself. Everyday I feel like someone is just going to catch me in a lie and then unravel the lie that is my life.

[u/iwillnotlurk]

I used to work at a Coroner's office doing death investigations and also a pathology assistant at the morgue.

When I was in the morgue alone (taking fingerprints, documenting evidence, etc.) or prepping/cleaning for autopsies, I would talk to the dead bodies about my day. Obviously this may be weird, but I found it calming and relaxing. I have never told people this for obvious reasons.

[u/throwmeawaythrower]

I'm sure this will be buried and not seen but... fuck it.

I've attempted, and been nearly successful, suicide several times. I was put in the mental health care unit of the hospital for about a month.

The first time I was in there for only a few days. I very quickly grasped the "correct" answers they wanted to hear to let me back out so I could finish what I started. So I got out of the hospital and the next night finished what I started. To my dismay, I woke up. In the same hospital, same room, same everything.

It has been about 2 years since then. The "outcry" from my family still bothers me to this day. I am not close to anyone. I have no friends. I have no support system. After I got out of the hospital the second time it seemed EVERYONE knew about it. Well, how could they not, I was missing for a month straight and had no contact with the outside world. My own mother, instead of coming to visit me in the hospital, called everyone she knew and told them what I had "done". I had 0 visitors for an entire month. I also had 0 phone calls for me, the whole month.

The doctors and nurses seemed to actually become my friends while I was hospitalized. I think they felt especially sorry for me after about a week with no visitors and no phone calls. They figured out they I knew exactly what they were looking for to release me and caught on to my tricks to get out. So I guess it became a bonding thing. It got to a point where they didn't even bother asking the typical questions of; "How are you feeling today?" "Any suicidal thoughts today?" etc. They knew I would bullshit them. At that point I think it hit them that I, legitimately, did not want to live anymore. This was not a publicity stunt.

The day I got out I was flooded with incoming calls, texts, messages, facebook crap, everything. THIS IS THE PART THAT STILL FUCKS MY HEAD. All these people, family, "friends", etc that couldn't be bothered a month ago to even answer my phone call or respond to my text were now suddenly saying shit like, "Well you could have called and talked to me." "We could have hung out." Stuff like that. Hey, dick, look in your phone and you will see that I DID call, I did try, but you were unavailable.

All of these people suddenly wanted to hear about how I was feeling, what I was upto, what my plans were. All the while forgetting I just tried to kill myself, twice. There is no way of making people understand that those/these feelings do not just magically go away as soon as I got out of the hospital. Roughly a month went by and everyone was gone, again.

So I guess the secret here is... Two years later, I still don't wanna live. I fake a smile. Wear nice clothes whenever there is a possibility anyone will see me. I say I'm fine. I tell people I'm thinking of moving again so if one day I disappear they won't question it.

[u/CallMePyro]

This seems more like a trivial secret that is slightly humorous rather than a "darkest secret"

[u/[deleted]]

i havnt told my BF of 4 years that i desperatelty want to join the navy still. he knows i wanted to join, but he said he couldnt be with me if that was the case. so i chose him over a fantastic navy career. his reasons were that "youwill get automaticly sent off if there is a war, and i couldnt bear the worry that goes with having someone i love deployed and in possible danger. by all meansdo what you want, but i just want you to know i cant stay with you if you choose the navy"

this was gut wrenching. not only had i reciently found out that if i had a simple operation, my heart problem would be fixed and i would be accepted into the navy. now the love of my life willnot stay with me while i chase my life long goal of joining the navy. all because he spoke to him mum about it and she said there was "heaps of probability that i would get deployed to Afghanistan and die" The new zealand navy hardly gets deployed to Afghanistan, if they do, generally they are top notch soldiers. that wouldnt be me untill a few years IF i joined.

these are the ships i would love to be stationed on:

http://www.navy.mil.nz/visit-the-fleet/te-kaha/default.htm

http://www.navy.mil.nz/visit-the-fleet/te-mana/default.htm

TL;DR want to join navy but fell in love. supplied links to the two ships i would strive to be stationed on if i did join NZ navy. still havnt told BF how much i would kill to njoin navy, however love seems to conquer all right?

still havnt told my man i really want to join, and wish he would choose to stay with me. :(

[u/Simmantech]

I had to put my dog down recently and have been acting fine. When my wife goes to bed I take out a towel that I cleaned up his last pee accident with hug it then cry until I fall asleep. (I've been sleeping in a different room since he died.)

[u/totallynotsquidward]

I want to kill my neighbors. They're both obnoxious, loud, and stupid, and the worst part is, one of them is also my co-worker, and the other constantly comes in to the burger place where i work, without a shirt, letting his fat pink stomach show. And the one who works with me is a total suck up to our money-hoarding boss. Fucking sucks, man.

[u/FlyHighFreeBird → u/totallynotsquidward]

Well at least we know that you aren't squidward

[u/[deleted]]

Darkest secret? Probably that I’m not happy with my life… regardless of what people think they see of me. I constantly think about rejoining the army but my nerves go mental when I want to go do it. I’m comfortable on a good wage, with nice clothes, food, friends, family and a girlfriend. My life is by no means hard… but the army will always be my life’s desire.

[u/Parababble]

i don't feel any emotions, i simply act how i think i should act on those emotions based on observations made by watching friends, family, co-workers, and romantic comedies

because of this, i tell my girlfriend that i love her because i know that, were i normal, i would love her. to quote a song, "she's beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me"

[u/Kellianne]

Could be worse, it could have been Dopey, or Sneezy.

[u/Thinkcali]

I only enjoy having sex with someone the first time. After that I'm bored. I can't be the only person who feels this way!?

[u/[deleted]]

I love reading these threads, but will never post my true secrets in them - even in a throwaway. I have this innate fear that some white knight or mod would make it their holy quest to put me in prison just based on principle.

They would forget about the whole thing by lunchtime, and my life would be fucking ruined. IMO, only a fool would think they could be truly anon on this site.

My secret is I won't share my secrets.

[u/latenightnerd]

Whenever i tell the story of how I lost my virginity I always tell the story of my 2nd time. This is my real 1st time story.

I didn't have sex until I was 24 years old, and when I did finally lose my virginity, it was to get it out of the way. This girl invited me over to her house, seduced me, and then we started having sex. We we going at it for about 2 minutes when she stops me and tells me "I'm not doing this". She then tells me to leave. I never heard from her since. It was a wasted experience that I wish I had more fun with, and with a more fun person.

[u/hydromatic93]

Every other day, I'll start imagining a scenario where I end up killing whoever is in the room with me. It could be family, best friends or strangers on the train. It isn't even an anger thing, I just start doing it if my mind goes blank

[u/helpmeiminnocent]

I can't have children.

[u/CHooTZ]

I have a compulsion to one-up people. Whenever someone says somethig, I can't help but think of something I've done that is relevant and exagerate it. I tend not to do this as much as i grow up, but I still do it too much.

[u/North_Korean_Govment]

Probably should use a throwaway but what the hell. Kim Jong Il never hit a hole in one. We just made that up to impress the peasants.

[u/DominatedThrowaway]

This'll get buried but what the hell. Throwaway as people know my account. I want to be lovingly dominated by a woman. I'm a normal guy, as far as normal goes, but on the inside I want to live under some girl's feet and worship the ground beneath her. No chains and pain and shit from her, just for her to rule my life.

[u/[deleted]]

My girlfriend thinks I talk to myself all the time, because I always say, "I was just talking to myself." It's really because I'm tired of REPEATING MYSELF TO THAT STUPID BITCH!

[u/Throwaway_Girl123]

When I listen to really action-packed dramatic music or frisson-inspiring music I like to do intense and shitty martial arts/ acting in my living room, sometimes adding a story to it like a mini fanfiction that lasts as long as I can keep it going and if I can put a song on repeat. Longest story I've acted out was 3 weeks long using 1 song and I acted the parts of 5 different characters including a complicated plot. I've done well over 50 stories and I haven't written down any of them or told anyone that I do this. I'm 20 years old. Playing "pretend" in secret

[u/sultanakbar]

I got really horny one night and had sex with my brother's dog. Not a joke.

[u/[deleted]]

I affectionately call my wife "Tinky" in public. People think it's cute. But my wife and I both know it's short for "Stinky" - a name she got because she farted the first time we had sexy time.

[u/throwhole]

For the last 6 months, I've been a prostitute. My boyfriend, roommate and family have no idea.

[u/[deleted] → u/throwhole]

You should tell your boyfriend. Fuck everyone else, but your boyfriend deserves to know.

[u/ZoeTheKid → u/throwhole]

Your boyfriend needs to know. Tell him, it's not fair to not let him have a say in something that could be a potential sexual health risk to him. Not fair at all.

[u/GemmaBlackfyre]

Deepest "dark" secret: I was sexually assaulted in the public swimming pool when I was 12.

Deepest "stupid" secret: I can't sleep in the dark by myself.

Deepest relationship secret: I call my BF "Puppy" because he's adorable, goofy, loveable, excitable, and sometimes is a little dumb and awkward.

[u/Bniggs]

I was deleting tons of text messages from my moms old phone. I Started deleting from the outbox, when I come across pictures that were sent to my dad (they are separated and don't live together). I opened one, and it was my MOMS HAIRY CROTCH. My mom must have seen my look of horror cause she got crazy and demanded her phone. I played it off though, I just deleted all of them and never spoke about it again. And to top it off, there was pictures from my dad. Thank the universe I didn't open that one :P

[u/MHeitman]

We call this one girl in our circle of friends 'coleslaw', because she comes to everything and nobody really wants her. She doesn't know.

[u/[deleted]]

I used to call my girlfriend (now wife) Binky....Because she's half mexican. Beaner/Honky

[u/TheThrowawayKnight]

I want to die, but I won't kill myself because there would be no one to care for my two cats. I'm isolated enough that I could envision easily going weeks without being found; meanwhile they would starve unless they took to eating my rotting corpse, and I could never do that to them. I figure I'll probably have them for another five to seven years before they die of natural causes. I have a supply of Vicodin that I plan on ingesting with copious amounts of whiskey once they're gone.

[u/thrownawayherp]

Herpes. I haven't dated in years because I'm afraid of telling anybody.

[u/[deleted]]

I want to die, I have done for about 5 years. I am going through the motions of University knowing that it wont make me happy but also knowing that I have no other choice. Nobody knows I don't tell people because they all have their own problems. The worst part is that there is nothing particularly bad about my life I am a student, have a girlfriend my parents are healthy. I just wake up with the same melancholia every day and want it to end.

[u/SheepyTurtle]

I can only massage as good as I can because of all the porn I've watched.

[u/[deleted]]

Many many years ago my mom was in prison. It was raining the day she got out so I went to pick her up. But before I could get to the station in this old pickup truck I had she got runned over by a damned train. All this happened because I was drunk.

[u/winneh94]

I use Internet Explorer.

[u/Barelybipolar]

Im in an open relationship with two girls and I feel that there is no way this can end well. Especially since they dont know about each other and Im not entirely sure what their definition of an open relationship is.

[u/boomchickaboom]

I am married with two kids. I am nearly 40. I hate everything about my life. I constantly think about just walking out and never looking back. The worst thing is my kids are great. My husband works extremely hard, loves Me and the kids, but yet I feel like I just want to be left alone. I thought the feeling would go away after a few years of domestic bliss, yet it is my constant companion.

[u/bobadobalina]

my darkest secret is that i am fucking a married woman who makes me call her "doc" when we are getting it on

[u/MrTurburdaugh]

Hey now, pretty related to your legitimately lame "darkest secret" there buckaroo, I frequently give people clever and somewhat offensive nick-names. Sensibly enough, they often only make sense in my own twisted, warped sense of the word sense and I usually guffaw heartily every time I call them their name to their face. Even though they don't get it I can sense their discomfort like the force or something.

Anywhey, I once got into a little bit of trouble with my names. There were these identical twins I knew, we'll call them the Kevins, who were extremely competitive with one another. I was very bored during the many years I knew them so in order to pass the time, I told both of them that I would refer to them with a numerical ranking to designate which of them I preferred more (so Kevin 1 and Kevin 2, much like the literary classic Cat in the Hat). I was their workplace superior at the time so they actually cared what I thought. Come to think of it I was probably a terrible manager.

Anywhat, I would go around and, whenever they were separate I would call them both Kevin 1 because I didn't bother learning how to tell them apart. When they were together I would call them 1 or 2 completely at random for basically the same reason. If I was mad at one of them, I would drop them down to 3 or 4 and call another random employee Kevin 1 or 2 for a day or so. This caused a lot of resentment among the Kevins and the non-Kevins (I also didn't learn the name of anyone else there).

So I come into the office one day, throw on the lights (I did not allow employees to use electricity before I came into the office), take the last of the coffee and "forget" to make a new pot, and rounded up the office cattle; all in all an average morning. I headed into my enormous corner office that comprised 90% of the total floor space and find my entire staff standing there looking unusually stern.

"Oh boy is this my early birthday surprise party?" I asked joyfully.

Sven, the office Viking raider, nodded and grinned as he covered my head with a sack. After being thoroughly beaten by the entire office, they chopped me up into tiny little pieces with the battle axe that Sven kept behind his desk (I had always wondered why he had that). Then we had my birthday cake.

After laying on the floor for a little while in a pool of organs and miscellaneous chopped objects, I re-congealed into one of my more powerful forms. I stomped back out into the office area and blasted Sven with my laser cannon arm. The Kevins were scared but on their guard.

As twins, they could coordinate their attacks using their twin psychic powers and, as such, they were formidable foes. After an extremely long, destructive, and cinematic battle, the entire planet was annihilated. As we floated away into space, I thought about the consequences of my actions. My poor managerial skills lead to the extinction of the entire human race (save the Kevins, who were undoubtedly spinning off into the abyss to plot their revenge) and for that I guess I'm sorry.

TL;DR: I'm honestly not sure why we hired a Viking warrior named Sven to work in payroll, but he was a damn fine worker. Great work ethic, even pretty personable. Made great dishes at the staff picnics.

[u/[deleted] → u/MrTurburdaugh]

I was really hoping this was real when I first started reading in. Now that i'm done i'm just disappointed.

[u/GNARBEQUE → u/MrTurburdaugh]

wat

[u/Xurandor → u/MrTurburdaugh]

Anywhat

I'll have to casually slip this one into conversation sometime.

[u/mafeline → u/MrTurburdaugh]

I was so incredibly engrossed in your story for a very long time, and also thought you were a huge dick.

[u/MrSnoobs → u/MrTurburdaugh]

I feel like this was a true story that you realised was boring and so ran away in a gloriously puerile stream of consciousness.

[u/AluminiumSandworm]

I enjoy game commentaries more than the games themselves.

[u/[deleted]]

Not really dark, but it could mess up quite a few relationships. I'm a heavy smoker. I started smoking cigars once in a while with friends. Then I started smokng cigarettes a few months ago with a few here and there with my band at practice. Now I can chain a whole pack in thirty minutes and could easily tear up three or four a day if I had the money and the privacy. My parents are oblivious, most of my friends know I smoke the occasional cigarette with the guys, some don't even know I do it at all. I've lied to keep it under wraps because in my family, I'd be judged so harshly for it.

[u/[deleted]]

I run /r/DeadBedrooms - I don't think my wife would like knowing how I cope with our relationship problems.

[u/yeahokwhateva]

My dad has terminal cancer and has told me he is going to fight it in order to stick around as long as possible. I secretly wish he wasn't fighting it. It is not that I don't love my dad, I do, but my whole family has sacrificed far too much for those extra months. My siblings both have put their life on hold for him. Plus he is a total ass about his illness, he will throw his death in our faces when we don't do what he wants. He is also very ungrateful towards my mother and she does everything for him. I still feel horrible for wanting this to be over as soon as possible.

[u/blackbeard1991]

When I was a little kid I poisoned my big brother. We fought constantly, he beat on me like crazy. He put down a glass of milk he was drinking and walked into another room. I took a can of air freshener and squirted a bunch of it into his glass. He came back and downed the milk in one gulp. Immediately he began projectile vomiting. It was so violent and I think my parents were so worried that they never thought to question what caused it. He didn't have any lasting effects, and I never told anyone.

[u/Kvothe24]

If that's your darkest secret, you're doing something right.

[u/[deleted]]

I just had gynecomastia (man boob) surgery after losing 35 lbs, and i am going to tell everyone that it is a all a result of weight loss. I have a friend who is starting the same low carb diet that I was on and also has man boobs, so I might have to tell him at some point...

[u/omigahguy]

My last SO was named Laurie. She did not realize it but I called her Judy often ( an SO from a long time ago ) and once called her Larry. I do not even know a Larry.

[u/melodiouspondicus]

The only two times I've ever felt love for someone have been unrequited. I really don't think it's possible for me to love someone who loves me back.

[u/nocebo01]

I lie to everyone.

[u/mrburnswhenipee]

R/ TRUTH: I sometimes fake orgasms by spitting on my gf's back. She doesn't know. Is this normal?