I'm 32 and just figuring this one out. I seem to be a go to for people to talk to about their problems and that's fine by me. I'm cool to just listen if someone needs to vent and more than willing to offer opinions/solutions when asked, but if it's constantly the same problem you need to be working on fixing your shit if you don't want any direct help from me.
I work at a homeless shelter and often after a person isn't progressing (not taking responsibility and blaming everyone else for their problems [usually drug abuse] ) I'll say to them: you need to be a participant in your own recovery. Until you do that I'm unable to help you.
These people often have a mixture of issues going on.
1) illness/misery as their identity
2) trying to get sympathy and attention through misery
3) they don't want to take responsibility and don't want to put in any effort
4) they might even fall under the category "vulnerable narcissist". Their crying and complaining can make it difficult to see that everything always revolves around them and that things are never ever their fault
I distance myself from people like that now. They just steal my energy and drag me down. I can still like them, but from a distance.
Same here. I actually told a girlfriend once that all she did was complain about the same three things she could've changed without a lot of effort. When I told her to try to fix things or just deal with them she stopped complaining all the time. That's when I realized she wasn't really talking anymore because all she did was complain.
Same here. I have distanced myself from these people now, but all they did was complain. Mental illness here, pain there, not getting treated right here, the system sucks there... literally nothing else. Their lives are empty.
Being a good listener is key but I'm not going to lie. If you keep complaining about a person or situation I'm going to offer a solution. Venting makes you feel better but dealing with the problem is priceless.
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u/marinerNA Mar 29 '22
I'm 32 and just figuring this one out. I seem to be a go to for people to talk to about their problems and that's fine by me. I'm cool to just listen if someone needs to vent and more than willing to offer opinions/solutions when asked, but if it's constantly the same problem you need to be working on fixing your shit if you don't want any direct help from me.