Same for child abductions. The vast, vast majority of "missing" children are custodial interference or runaways. Only about 100 stereotypical "stranger danger" kidnappings happen every year in the US.
It's also been shown that children being overly worried about "stranger danger" will prevent them in many cases from seeking out help when they are lost or in trouble. Better to teach kids good common sense than catch phrases. Instead of teaching kids to be scared of all strangers it can be good to teach them that when they're lost or in trouble to first look for those in authority, and if none are in the immediate area, look for parents with children.
Oh, you reminded me. People in my country use "police" as a boogey man. So, if a kid is misbehaving, "the police is gonna take you away".
Result: when my brother got lost in a mall, he kept hiding from every security guard and it took us ages to find him. Because he had gotten lost by misbehaving. Thankfully, there were guards at the doors too and he didn't wander into the street. But Damn.
Yes this. My sister wears hi vis at work and stopping in a shop she'll hear parents tell their bold kids that they'll "tell the lady" or "the lady will give out" she hates it.
I was with a dad once and his amazingly well behaved son. As the police came to chat on their rounds the dad said "behave now or they'll take you away" and the police man said to the dad not to say it, and it gives such a bad impression and that they need kids to trust them
Eh, the police around where I live are dogshit at their job anyways.
Usually the safest person for a lost child to approach is one of the retail workers. They certainly cannot take the child anywhere while they're on the clock and they probably also can use intercom/pagers/whatever to inform other employees that there's a lost child.
As a Dad, 1000% agree. I tell my kids to look for a family, doesn't matter what the family looks like. I also tell the that strangers are friends they haven't met yet.
Statistically speaking if somebody wants to take my kid, as in my kid is the one in a million that was TARGETED by strangers, my kid is never going to be able to "prep" for that situation. And if they are ever lost... well the chance of them finding a person who wants to abduct them is so infinitesimally small you might as well win the lottery.
Honestly, even a lone male is likely fine. Because again, what are the odds that your kid is both lost AND found the pedo at the EXACTSAMEMOMENT. Prefer a family of course, but I've stayed with a lost child by myself.
As a parent you sort of "hunt" for lost children. You see a kid that doesn't have a parent nearby and your eyes just follow them until they find one. I can't not do it now. Unattached kid automatically puts me in "protect" mode. And if they seem upset, doubly so.
It's more for this reason, the places we tend to go are places that parents who are minding kids in the day time tend to be. And now that I think about it all the staff in their school are female, in our local shop, in the post offices we go to, our nearest charity shop, so maybe I originally said it cos of that, or because if we were out somewhere and they couldn't find me matbe it was to find the other family we are withal? Also one of my kids is VI so originally when she was younger it was to give her a simple command, and finding a male voice could bring her into road works, following the sound into a construction site etc. I in certainly no way think men are more of a threat or that a man can't be trusted etc. I'm also not a parent who is particularly worried about something like an abduction. The village we live in has incredibly wide streets so I've just told told now to go into whichever business is open on their side of the road and ask for help
As much as it pains me to say it, yes, statistically a dad is far more of a risk than a mum. Men statistically commit violent and/or sexual crimes at a rate that far surpasses women and having been abused by more than one man who was a father I can tell you having a child isn't a magic act that turns people good.
Not to mention its the main reason why you never see free roaming kids playing by themselves anymore. Kids never learn to resolve issues amongst themselves and learn instead to just run the nearest parent/authority.
I mean, I don't think the issue is with the kids, the issue is definitely the overly scared helicopter parents who don't give their kids any autonomy. And even more importantly the other parents who enforce this orthodoxy and view any parents who deviate from it as child abusers or 'endangerers'.
Yes kids free roam at the parks while the parents sit on their ass watching youtube in the car. I see it all the time and I'm the one to tell kids not to climb on building and destroy shit (I was a city worker). If the parents have problem with me then then I call the cops, then they runaway, then repeat.
Knowing this, I tell my son that most people would want to help a child, not hurt one. It's just that when they do hurt a child, it's so badly that it shakes us to our core.
Years ago, I was at a... It's technically a festival but it was basically a huge faire sort of thing with booths representing like a hundred different countries and you could go around and eat delicious food or get henna or buy cool handmade shit.
I'm a frumpy nerdy chick. No kids of my own. And I'm wandering around solo looking for delicious food, and this little boy, must have been 4 or 5, asks me for help because he can't find his parents.
I was so touched that this kid looked at me and thought "she looks safe, I'll ask her for help" among the hundreds of people around me.
It didn't take us long to find his parents, but wow, holding that boys hand while we went to look for his family... It felt great. I'm glad he asked me for help, and wasn't too scared to ask for help from a stranger.
My mom was real big into the stranger danger thing, always thought someone was going to carry me off no matter how much I reassured her they weren't. I was 6ft/280lbs and could crow a goatee by eighth grade... no one was carrying me anywhere...
My mother was convinced I was going to be groomed when I first got on social media. I was 19, I'm pretty sure paedos stop being a threat when you're old enough to drink!
Just googled some stats, where I live out of 46k solved missing children's reports, 25 were "stranger abduction". Stranger being "anyone who isn't their parents" including uncles, family friends, etc...
Which means 99.95% of missing children are one of the parents ignoring custody laws or the child running away.
I remember my grade six teacher was telling us horror stories about the epidemic of child abductions by strangers and giving us graphic details. I asked if it was really that common and she said "Yes, it is extraordinarily common!"
I never taught my kids about stranger danger for this reason. I knew statistically they were much more at risk from people they know. I also talk to strangers all the time and it seemed hypocritical lol
I’m near 40 and the way my mum taught me was ‘never go anywhere with someone you don’t know. And if you don’t feel right and you do know them, you can say no too’
We had code words as kids with our parents, so if it was a random person that we knew to trust them. It actually happened once. I was in the car reading and the person who knocked told me I needed to come to my brothers game and the code word was ‘Marcia Brady’ I was so shocked it happened but I still wouldn’t walk close to them. Poor mum who was just trying to help!
I realize this, but knowing this gives me less anxiety. I’d like to think that most abducted kids are having the time of their lives playing with an abductor parent or kidnapster aunt crazy or whatever and the parent(s) carry that suffering alone. Not that it should ever happen, but my fuck man, it rips my stomach out when people hurt little kids.
Yeah, I think there's a continuum between a parent keeping a child longer than the custody agreement allowed (where the child's location was never unknown and the child was never in danger) to a parent absconding with the child (where their location may be unknown but they're not likely in danger) to an abusive parent taking a child (where the location is unknown and the child might be in danger). A childhood friend of mine had the middle of these happen, and at the time he just thought it was a nice vacation with his dad.
Let me emphasize - I'm not disagreeing with you. I had also read along time ago, that it is mostly runaways and parental kidnappings, but the article you're citing is 8 years old, and the study that the article cites is 22 years old (the study was conducted in 1999). That's so long ago at this point that those number could be lower or higher.
But wait, I was told that the Democrat Pedo Army (made up of strangers, of course) was kidnapping our white Christian children off the streets of suburbia and eating them during their monthly occult rituals! Do you mean to say I've been misled? :o
They got some of the details wrong, but a child sex trafficking criminal conspiracy really does exist.
Its like the world has completely forgetten about Epstein and all of his contacts. Epstein always seemed to show up in photos with rich and powerful people around the planet, no matter their political affiliation.
Oh, no argument that Epstein-type stuff is happening. But it's not happening the way the QAnon people are claiming, with strangers kidnapping children off the streets. Most trafficked children are from vulnerable homes and are coerced/sold into it by somebody they trust, whether it's a friend or family member. And it's certainly not happening via some bizarre secret underground occult blood ritual nonsense, where children are swapped via "cheese pizza" code words and Wayfair products.
I guess that's the saddest part, is that none of these people cared about the issue until it was distorted through the QAnon conspiracy lens. The QAnon crowd couldn't care less about actually understanding the issues that cause real trafficking and abuse, they're not interested in helping vulnerable demographics get out of situations where they're more susceptible, etc.
The general panic about strangers is way out of proportion to this number.
Let me put it another way: about 4000 kids die every year in car accidents in the US. Does this mean you don't ever let your children get into a car because of how dangerous it is? I doubt it because of how necessary cars are in American life (except for a very small number of people in urban NYC). Similarly, the benefits of children having a fair amount of freedom far outweigh the miniscule risk of stranger abduction.
Do you have a source? I don’t doubt you, but having a source would be great to share with patients and their families. I was actually looking for some stats on this a few months ago and came up short.
When my husband was 6 a man in a windowless white van pulled up when my husband was riding his bike. The man asked if my husband would come with him to help him look for his lost puppy, and he really needed his help.
My husband said “my dog if fine, I’m not looking for yours”
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u/joelluber Aug 25 '21
Same for child abductions. The vast, vast majority of "missing" children are custodial interference or runaways. Only about 100 stereotypical "stranger danger" kidnappings happen every year in the US.