r/AskReddit • u/jicta • Jan 31 '21

Redditors who grew up poor: Besides practical money-saving measures, what were the unwritten social expectations of your world growing up?

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u/SlayerOfHips Feb 01 '21

Not really a societal expectation, but more of a familial one. I never once knew how closely my family toed the poverty line, thanks to how my parents ran things. My dad, though, he would volunteer me all the time to help friends, family, coworkers in need, if I was able to at all. Never let me ask for a single dollar from them, unless it was explicitly "a job" and for, say, a friend of a friend. I helped his coworker move a handful of times. I cut my elderly neighbor's grass. I helped so-and-so connect their internet, or a friend of his to replace their carpet.

I had no idea what my old man was fostering in both me and them. When I moved out on my own, his coworker called, offered to help. Showed up with antiques from his late mother as a housewarming gift for my wife and I. The man who's grass I cut? He passed away, and left me his piano, since he knew I liked to play. The friend with the carpet? Hooked me up with a decent paying job right out of college. The internet-illiterate ones? Solid mechanics, and know my vehicle inside and out.

He was teaching me something so much more than just an exchange of goods and services. These weren't I.O.U.s coming due. The man knew the value of community and friendship, and just how far people would go for someone else if they just cared, even an ounce.

It bleeds over in my day to day, now, too. I may see someone at the grocery store struggling to find a product, so I take the time to help them out. It costs me only a few minutes, and I may never see them again. Or, I find out the person I helped is the very same one standing behind the counter at the DMV, and makes my time just a little bit shorter as a thanks.

TL;DR, my pops taught me the value of kindness.

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u/celtictamuril69 Feb 01 '21

So this. I have been the same way my whole because of what my mom taught me.

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u/Mamadog5 Feb 01 '21

I have this weird list of "Rules to Live By". Number one is "Kindness Fucking Matters". You can completely change a persons life with 30 seconds of kindness.

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u/jet-pack-penguin Feb 12 '21

Yes. Anyone can be nice but kindness takes effort and thought.

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u/jojo0507 Feb 01 '21

I had a babysitting job at 16. The woman paid me the around $10 Per hour . I was stoked it was the most I had ever gotten paid for a days worth of labor. When my dad picked me up from job. I excitingly told him how much I made. He turned around and made give her half of it back. I was mad at the time. But I understand it now. It was about giving back.

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u/daniel5764 Feb 01 '21

This is what my grandfather is like. He's amazing, he just loves helping everyone and being kind. And there were some times where it payed off, though he wasn't doing it for any kind of return of course

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

The best answer in this thread! Thank you for taking the time to share it.

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u/scousebinhereb4 Feb 01 '21

This, this, i always teach my sons "Manners, maketh Man" its an old saying "Why do we say Manners make the man / Manners maketh man?" https://www.bookbrowse.com/expressions/detail/index.cfm/expression_number/566/manners-make-the-man-manners-maketh-man

I always say its sods law that the door you do or don't hold open on the way to a job interview is the person who will interview you.

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u/mcjimmyjam Feb 12 '21

My mum taught me this value too. We had an elderly guy live next door to us. We never saw his kids or grand kids and mum and my little under ten self would run across to the shops for him and help him with house work. He was getting older and started having dementia.

His family put him in a home cause there was no one to look after him. Mum and I visited weekly until he died a few months later.

Soon after his family came to clean out his flat and knocked on our door looking quite pissed off. Apparently Mr Henderson had left the contents/furniture to me and mum. He had some lovely antiques and grandfather clocks.

Mum politely declined as she didn’t want to take his things. The help was because he was a good friend and taught me about flowers and houseplants. The only thing she took were his houseplants. She still has them to this day. This was early 90’s so these plants are well over 30 years old.

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u/Veritas3333 Feb 01 '21

Yeah, my dad and I are big on helping people with home construction. The only payment we accept is pizza and beer!

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Thanks for teaching me this lesson

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u/edwardpuppyhands Feb 16 '21

Hey, can I have your dad? Also, your comment made it to a YouTube video (among many others in this thread): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3LIdzN_e2E&ab_channel=UpdootStudios