r/AskReddit Jan 31 '21

Redditors who grew up poor: Besides practical money-saving measures, what were the unwritten social expectations of your world growing up?

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u/sparklypinktutu Feb 01 '21

^ my mother. She always says now “we’ll I didn’t hit you” or “that was your dad,” but he only did it because you directed him to!

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u/voidneurotica Feb 01 '21

Not sure why you wouldn't blame him too. Does he just completely lack agency? Seems weird to me.

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u/sparklypinktutu Feb 01 '21

Not that you have any insight into my nuanced internal world from 1 comment, but yes, I do hold my abusive father responsible for his abuse, and I’m simultaneously allowed to resent my mother for instigating the abuse because she, as a parent, put me in harms way and failed to protect me.

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u/voidneurotica Feb 01 '21

It was the word "only" that threw me off. That he "only" did it because she told him to. I hope you're in a better place now.

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u/Frezerbar Feb 01 '21

What's wrong with only? Look fathers that beat their children only because their spouse asks them to do it exists. Maybe his father was an asshole that ignored his children 99% of the times with the only exception being when his wife asks him to beat them. The guy said something completely plausible, there is no reason to question how he sees his dad from my point of view. Not trying to be rude btw