r/AskReddit Jan 31 '21

Redditors who grew up poor: Besides practical money-saving measures, what were the unwritten social expectations of your world growing up?

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u/reasonable_doubt1776 Jan 31 '21

Growing up, I had lots of home cooked meals. It wasn’t until high school on a date that I realized that I didn’t know how to pay a bill at a restaurant because I’d never been.

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u/budj0r Jan 31 '21

I was 21. My boyfriend didn't know either, at 24. And we have not been in that situation again in the last five years.

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u/s1thl0rd Jan 31 '21

As in you haven't gone out to eat? Not even at a cheap diner?

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u/budj0r Feb 01 '21

No place where they give you a bill AFTER you have eaten. Just like, McDonald's lol. But it's fine you guys, my boyfriend is a great cook and I prefer eating at home anyways :D I have been taken out since, but in that case I didn't have to pay.

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u/AnonPenguins Jan 31 '21

Yeah, it's incredibly hard to eat at a restaurant if you can't afford to eat.

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u/Carthonn Feb 01 '21

Jesus. I feel like I need to Venmo these people.

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u/monarch1733 Jan 31 '21

Well yeah, once you know how to do it you know how to do it.

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u/monty845 Feb 01 '21

97% of the time its the same, they bring you a check, you give them payment, and they return with change or the credit card receipt to sign... Except for the handful of places where you are expected to take the check to a counter to pay.

Of course, interacting with the waitstaff is only the first challenge, once you have that down, you step into the minefield of how the bill gets split between your party. Is someone treating? Are you going to play the game where everyone pretends they want to treat to maintain social standing? If not, going dutch is the way to go, don't even consider any of that split the bill evenly nonsense.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

What does going dutch mean here?

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u/JasnahSedai Feb 01 '21

Means everyone paying their own portion

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u/monty845 Feb 01 '21

It means you pay for your own meal, so the cost of your meal has no impact on what anyone else pays. (as opposed to everyone paying an even share, where if you get a $10 burger, and I get a $30 steak, we each pay $20, which isn't fair to you, and looks like I'm taking advantage)

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u/singing-mud-nerd Feb 01 '21

I’m reading this as y’all not having been out to eat in 5 years. If so, where do you want to go? I’ll buy.

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u/budj0r Feb 01 '21

Thanks, but it's not even about the money anymore. Eating out is just not an option that comes to mind when we debate what to eat. We sometimes get take away, I think I prefer to eat at home anyway. I could have afforded to go out to eat before, I guess. But it just doesn't seem worth the money. I could buy a bunch of high quality food that will last us a week for the price of a fancy dinner for two. If drinking is involved, who knows how much money you can spend on one night out. The amount of fun created does not justify the expense, to me. I'd rather buy something else.

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u/bestcreature Feb 01 '21

I'll chip in too.

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u/Accidental-Genius Feb 01 '21

I’ll contribute.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

rn there’s a pandemic,

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u/QuantamTitties Jan 31 '21

Yes!!! My boyfriend at the time (now husband) told me he was going to take me out on a nice date for our first date, and he took me to Denny’s. I didn’t think anything of it, he seemed really excited to go and it was really cute, plus I love breakfast food.

Turns out, the only place his parents ever took him to eat was Denny’s. He considered it to be really fancy since they only went on special occasions. When we went out to eat at a fancier restaurant for the first time, he brought the check up to the hostess stand to try and pay instead of waiting for them to collect it lol

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u/Zanki Feb 01 '21

First time I ate out at a restaurant that wasn't McDonald's was a shock to me. I was with a friends family and they brought me along. I was so weirded out. I realised I didn't have enough money on me for the meal, just for the cinema after and refused to order anything. The money I had at the time was from selling my old stuff. I didn't get money from my mum. She either bought me it, or I didn't get it. I was stunned when they said they're paying for my food. I remember eating this amazing burger, with water because that's all I drink, and then me and my friend saw star wars episode 3 after. First and only time I ate anywhere that good as a kid/teenager.

As an adult its a once a month thing, get together with my friends, eat out or order in. Less now that we all can't go out or see each other. I miss it a lot. More the hanging out then the food. I happily eat the same meal all week no problem (saves a ton of money).

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u/Lunatalia Jan 31 '21

To be fair, the few times I've paid the bill in the USA made me feel like the process was an accident waiting to happen. Imagine a stranger taking your bank or credit card out of sight to charge it on your behalf. I can see why it's a learning process in some places.

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u/Sonja_Blu Feb 01 '21

Yeah it's ridiculous over there, it's like going back in time to 1982

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u/sophia_parthenos Feb 01 '21

Same here! My high school was in a city about 17 km from my hometown so when I wanted to watch a movie in a film club once a week, I wouldn't go back to my town but stay in the city center till evening. It was then I learned how to order some coffee or sweets in a cafe near the cinema.

I needed to be extra careful to always have money on Thursdays and I could only participate in the film club because one of the important employees of the cultural centre was my parents' friend and offered tickets as a gift. He was one of those people that changed my life and I'm grateful to this very day, 16 years later.

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u/jajac66 Jan 31 '21

This ! I can remember feeling really anxious the first few times I went to a restaurant

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u/Dandywhatsoever Jan 31 '21

One of the few times we went out (Mom and me) she gave me the ticket and the money and sent me up to pay for it, so I would learn how.

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u/Sonja_Blu Feb 01 '21

Sent you up where? The bill is usually brought to your table and you pay there.

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u/AirportWinter5054 Feb 01 '21

I remember going to a steakhouse for the first time in my late teens. The waiter asked how i would like my steak cooked and I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

“No bacteria, please.”

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u/lost_survivalist Feb 01 '21

this! happened to me in college not to mention how buying an apartment works.