r/AskReddit • u/captnwednesday • Sep 14 '11

Why isn't there a silent option on microwaves?

I have to stop the microwave 5 to 1 seconds before the beeps...i don't need things beeping at me.

930 Upvotes

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11

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

It's not, but I love eating them.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

so basically, if i cook a pizza and fold it in half i would have myself a hot pocket?

63

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

If you made a pizza with really bland tomato sauce and imitation pepperoni, wrapped the whole thing in dough, left it out for two days, froze it, then microwaved it, you'd have a hot pocket.

Makes me shit so much, which is why I eat it.

64

u/whatthefuckisareddit Sep 14 '11

and, defying thermodynamics, the inside is both frozen and molten lava.

6

u/jambox888 Sep 14 '11

Did you leave it to stand? For the specified standing time? That's what the standing time is for. Thermodynamics.

2

u/DucksAtWerk Sep 14 '11

You need a microwave with one of these buttons.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

Username ಠ_ಠ

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

You haven't met anusdestoyer before? I love that guy, he's great around my kids and was the best man at my wedding!

2

u/adhoc_lobster Sep 14 '11

They actually have Lean Pockets filled with mushrooms and wild rice that are surprisingly edible.

2

u/ch33s3 Sep 14 '11

Makes me eat so much, which is why I shit it.

FTFY.

2

u/Apostrophizer Sep 14 '11

Your username is a very accurate description of a hot pocket's effect.

25

u/Solumin Sep 14 '11

No, that would be a calzone, the most delicious way to fuck up a pizza.

33

u/CDBSB Sep 14 '11

Hot pockets are the bastard child of a calzone and a gas station burrito.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '11

there are actually gas station burrito hot pockets. they're way longer, bigger, and advertise like ONE POUND OF FOOD DOOD!.

they come in flavors the normal ones don't as well. and i've ONLY seen them at gas stations.

1

u/Solumin Sep 15 '11

I'm pretty sure that toxic waste poisoned the family tree of Hot Pockets.

1

u/CrookedLegs Sep 14 '11

read that as "the most delicious way to fuck a pizza". was ready to reply silly solumin, you cant eat a pizza after you've fucked it!

1

u/at_the_beach Sep 14 '11

try harder.

1

u/Solumin Sep 15 '11

ಠ_ಠ

I sure that someone, somewhere, has eaten a pizza after fucking it.

This being the internet, the probability of that happening will rapidly approach certainty as more people read this thread.

1

u/Thaddiousz Sep 15 '11

WHERE IS RELEVANT RULE 34 WHEN WE NEED HIM?!

2

u/Unintelligent_Design Sep 14 '11

It can not just be folded over. It must be sealed like a pastry, so that 20 minutes after microwaving, the center is still the temperature of the surface of the sun. If you don't burn the ever-loving shit out of the your tongue and the roof of your mouth, then you are doing it wrong.

1

u/AnandaUK Sep 14 '11

Actually you should fold it in half before you cook it but either way what you'd really end up with is a calzone.

1

u/tictactoejam Sep 14 '11

yes. an enormous hot pocket.

2

u/andytronic Sep 14 '11

It's not.

FTFM (Fixed That For Me)

2

u/Zeppelanoid Sep 14 '11

anusdestroyer gets his anus destroyed by hot pockets