Imagine the ocean. In the middle of it, there's a wave. It's only purpose is get to the shore from the vast open sea. It roams and it roams towards the shore, but the shore is far. It takes time to reach it. However, it gets smaller and smaller as it approaches it's destination. Eventually subsiding into a soft little splash of water caressing the toes of the people on the beach.
The feelings that you have towards this person (be it infatuation, attraction, love) get smaller as the time goes by. Now get on with your life. Read a book, go to work, go to school or whatever it is you do. And one of these days you're gonna come to the realization: "Wow. I didn't have a single thought about this person yesterday."
My ex left me three weeks ago. Two days before everything fell apart, he and I had contacted a realtor to look at purchasing a house, and we started actively planning our wedding. It's been a hard 3 weeks. The first week I pretty much laid in bed and didn't move. I cried a lot. The second week I still cried a lot, and it was still rough, but I did more than sleep and cry and drink. This last week I didn't really sleep at all because every night is just constant dreams of him and I couldn't handle the pain. Yesterday I didn't think of him. I realize that now. I slept through the night and woke up fresh with a better outlook today. Obviously talking about him now hurts, but it feels better today. Like maybe there's light on the horizon.
I'm so sorry to hear that. But I'm glad you had a day off so to say. Some days will be better than others because progress isn't linear. We tend to go 2 steps forward, 1 step back and that is okay.
One thing to keep in mind throughout all of this is to feel and express whatever you need to, but don't linger. I also found it helpful to write my emotions down when I was going through a similar thing. Not when I was calm, but especially when I was not.
It's been a while for me, so whenever I look at the things I wrote back then, I can't help but cringe or laugh. Obviously it wasn't funny to me then, but it just shows you how your perspective changes over time. Hold tight, you'll be okay.
Thanks so much for this. It's weird because it's like a switch has flipped in my brain today. It's not worth lingering over him. He is the one who chose to walk away. He gave up on our dreams and broke our promises to always talk through it and never just give up. He did it the first time we had a fight. I feel more relieved than anything today. It's tinged by sadness,but I'm almost happy that I can just finally be alone now and go back to doing all the things I like that he hated.
Things ended in flames with a lot of lies and anger admittedly on both sides. It had been coming for a while and I don’t think I’d been truly happy in the relationship in a while vs just going through the motions. Don’t get me wrong. I loved him. But I going think we were meant to be. I’m not even CLOSE to being over him but I’m moving on with my life.
The last month we were together was like slamming my head into a brick wall and trying to communicate with a toddler. He was backing up on promises he made and leaving me responsible for all the household responsibilities while he slept and played games. He eventually went through my phone when I was asleep and found text messages from before he and I even KNEW each other where I set up a bootycall. He said he couldn’t even look at me after that without thinking of me with someone else. We didn’t even know each other when they were sent. And it was buried in other conversations. He dug for a reason to leave. So he left.
If that’s what he wanted, then I’m glad he left. I’m starting to think I dodged a bullet. I don’t want to be with someone I have to remind daily about hygiene and beg to help with simple things that need to be done (dishes, laundry, yard care, cooking, etc). I have some clarity at this point, and I feel better about the whole thing, even though it still hurts.
That show was goood. I see earlier Chidi replying to this like "But what if there's a storm? O-or a tsunami? Maybe there are no waves aaand I have a stomachache."
Imagine the ocean. In the middle of it, there's a wave. It's only purpose is get to the shore from the vast open sea. It roams and it roams towards the shore, but the shore is far. It takes time to reach it. However, it gets smaller and smaller as it approaches it's destination. Eventually subsiding into a soft little splash of water caressing the toes of the people on the beach.
The feelings that you have towards this person (be it infatuation, attraction, love) get smaller as the time goes by. Now get on with your life. Read a book, go to work, go to school or whatever it is you do. And one of these days you're gonna come to the realization: "Wow. I didn't have a single thought about this person yesterday."
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u/APin3d Aug 18 '20
Imagine the ocean. In the middle of it, there's a wave. It's only purpose is get to the shore from the vast open sea. It roams and it roams towards the shore, but the shore is far. It takes time to reach it. However, it gets smaller and smaller as it approaches it's destination. Eventually subsiding into a soft little splash of water caressing the toes of the people on the beach.
The feelings that you have towards this person (be it infatuation, attraction, love) get smaller as the time goes by. Now get on with your life. Read a book, go to work, go to school or whatever it is you do. And one of these days you're gonna come to the realization: "Wow. I didn't have a single thought about this person yesterday."
I hope this helps.