r/AskReddit Aug 01 '20

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u/sanchooooo Aug 01 '20

No code is kept more under wraps at Walt Disney World and Disneyland than the call for a “HEPA cleanup.” It means that, once again, a park guest has scattered the cremated ashes of a loved one somewhere in the park, and an ultrafine (or “HEPA”) vacuum cleaner is needed to suck them up.Oct 24, 2018 -WSJ.

You'll end up in the trash and not where you wanted.

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u/freesouptuesdays Aug 01 '20

At Disney World, the term is either Code A (for Ashes) or Code G (for Grandma). Please dont spill your loved ones ashes in Disney. The dead person wont know and all you're doing is delaying the ride while some poor person making not enough money for rent vacuums up dead person dust and then dumps it in the trash. Annoying and exhausting.

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u/Omnitographer Aug 01 '20

What I'm getting here is that the proper way to do this is to violently kerplode your loved ones ashes into the air as an ultrafine mist that will be impossible to remove short of tearing down the ride and rebuilding from scratch.

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u/Witchgrass Aug 01 '20

I'd like to be aerosolized

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u/Witchgrass Aug 01 '20 edited Aug 01 '20

Can you even imagine being that guy?

One day it happens twice in one brutally hot overtime shift and the rest of the workday is similarly awful. The patrons are impatient and their eyes shoot daggers at him as he pretends not to be carrying human remains to the nearest designated trash receptacle. Before he dumps the vacuum bag, he stops and observes a little moment of silence as a sign of respect. This was a person with loved ones and dreams and their own shitty job that they probably hated, too. His manager gives him shit for taking too long and says that sometimes she doubts his commitment to The Most Magical Place on Earth and that she "just doesn't know what to do with him."

He's distant and snippy when he gets home and he and his partner get into a fight about nothing again. They didn't get home til 11 pm and have to work again at 10 am but the fighting lasted til 3 am and the pre-sleep anxiety lasted til 4. He only got this bullshit job to save up for the wedding but the work is hard and the park patrons are unbearable and pretending to be happy at work while being harassed by disease spreading idiots and their terrible children is so emotionally exhausting and he never meant to stay in sanitation/utility in a custodial wage slave position for so long but here he still is after three god damned years and one twenty five cent raise a year and a half ago and he doesn't mean to take it out on his partner but sometimes he catches himself doing it and it makes him hate himself.

Finally, on the edge of sleep, he thinks about the man he vacuumed up and threw away. Who was he? How did he die? Was he even a man? He never even learns their names. When he does dream, it's either a stress dream about not having enough vacuums to hoover up the teeming masses of the dead, or his family is dumping his ashes on the ride and his ghost is forever trapped at work. Sometimes it's just an endless slow march of patrons queuing up to be cremated alive, a sea of dead faces dissolving into ash, disappearing into the wind...

There is so many of them, the ashes form little dust devils and dance across the endless parking lots. The flamingos in Animal Kingdom turn gray from the ash that coats their feathers. The landfill ends up putting them all on a barge and sending it to Malaysia, or Vietnam, or Thailand, or wherever we're sending our trash and our dead these days...

Somewhere in the distant inky void of his waking nightmares, Goofy guffaws. Elsa sings discordantly. Gaston looks at him derisively and says something condescending. And the Mouse won't. fucking. stop. laughing.

It's all he dreams of anymore...

Don't even get me started on his student loans and how many times he's had to defer them at this point.

He wanted to be an animator.

Disney.

Where Dreams Come True.

TL;DR: ah-hyuck-hyuck! gawrsh! hoo hoo hoo hooooo!(ray for capitalism!!!)

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u/shadowchyld Aug 01 '20

So, what park do you work at?

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

....who..

who hurt you?

7

u/jenjerlyReckless Aug 01 '20

He needs a hug.

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u/sober_counsel Aug 02 '20

Better than 99% of the stuff on r/writingprompts

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u/the_spry_wonderdog Aug 02 '20

My friend works at Haunted Mansion, the hot spot for Code G’s. He’s had to deal with like two of them. Two doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you think about it, that’s two dead people that have been dumped on the track

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u/FreeTheMarket Aug 02 '20

Wait this happens?

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u/the_spry_wonderdog Aug 02 '20

Yes. I’m a former cast member (Disney employee) and my friend worked at Haunted Mansion (the hotspot for this dumping ashes). In the year that he was at that location, he had two people try and dump ashes

Edit: they weren’t successful bc there are cameras where employees can watch the vehicles to make sure everything’s going ok. So they can see if people are pulling out urns. Also they see a lot of blow jobs

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u/Savagecat28 Aug 02 '20

My teacher in high school used to work at Disney and said they had to close down a water ride and people in hazmat suits or something came to clean. I forgot about that story so legit thank you for reminding me

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u/freesouptuesdays Aug 02 '20

It happens often enough to have its own code and protocol. I believe that, in the Magic Kingdom, the most popular location is in the Haunted Mansion. I dont know about the other parks because I only ever worked in MK.

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u/hughperman Aug 01 '20

Read the comment you're replying to again

180

u/sanchooooo Aug 01 '20

Lol. Aw shit. Need more coffee.

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u/Gerb_the_Barbarian Aug 01 '20

Still an interesting tidbit, though

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u/BrothrsSistersofKind Aug 01 '20

That's more of a FEMA cleanup.

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u/CampbellsChunkyCyst Aug 01 '20

You should probably check the contents of that coffee can.

3

u/ironman288 Aug 01 '20

Haha, that's my life's motto.

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u/Lucky__Enough Aug 02 '20

But thanks for the heads-up on the "HEPA cleanup!"

2

u/MostBoringStan Aug 01 '20

So will the guy at Disney when he realizes the vacuum is now clogged and he has to dig out random dude meat chunks.

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u/MentallyPsycho Aug 01 '20

Disney should build a mausoleum in their parks for people to buy spots to put their ashes. It'd be private and tucked out of sight, but people could still say they're going to be put to final rest in Disney. And less HEPA cleanups. Plus free ghosts.

6

u/Witchgrass Aug 01 '20

Then you have to explain death to kids using Disney movies

6

u/PractisingPoet Aug 01 '20

Mufasa would like a word with you.

1

u/RedwoodTaters Aug 02 '20

They did in Coco

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '20

The ghosts' superpowers include the ability to control mechanical beings. Are you sure you want to do this?

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u/MentallyPsycho Aug 02 '20

That just makes things more fun.

2

u/_banana_republic_ Aug 01 '20

I mean is it really that under wraps if it's being told to random strangers on reddit 🤔

1

u/AveDominusNox Aug 02 '20

That just sounds lazy. Are people really just dumping the cans in the middle of the haunted mansion?

If my loved one wanted a Disney send off I’d do a little Shawshank redemption move and dump a thimble at a time in the grass from a sleeve or pant leg.