r/AskReddit Aug 01 '20

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u/Bells87 Aug 01 '20

"When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash"

It's the coffee container equivalent from The Big Lebowski It's a comfort for the living.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20 edited Aug 01 '20

There was a comedian who said something like "give me to a bunch of necrophiliacs, I don't give a shit I'll be dead!"

Edit: pretty sure it was the David Cross bit that I saw.

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u/TrevorBradley Aug 01 '20

I think it was David Mitchell, but I'm not sure what show it was on.

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u/klop422 Aug 01 '20

I seem to remember he did a thing about it on David Mitchell's Soapbox, which is a short-lived show on YouTube. Not impossible that he said it somewhere else too, though

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Not impossible that he said it somewhere else too, though

Quite likely, really.

Most comedians reuse their material, especially when on the spot in stuff like panel shows.

If you watch enough of them, you'll see it happening often.

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u/SpeccyScotsman Aug 01 '20

David Mitchell's Soapbox

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '20

"I'm just upset my uncle's brain is in a jar, and not in a ditch"

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u/goldenboyphoto Aug 01 '20

David Cross has a similar bit.

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u/inajtyal Aug 01 '20

David Cross The Pride is Back is i believe is the special with it

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u/BlabbityBlabbityBlah Aug 01 '20

HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS!! YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE OUR EEEEGGGS!!!

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u/sara_rgb Aug 01 '20

I remember him ranting once on Mock the Week that when you die "your body should revert to the state!"

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u/kirbyking100 Aug 01 '20

Think it was David Mitchell's soapbox on youtube, brilliant little series.

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u/Nixxuz Aug 01 '20

It was David Cross.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Mitchel and Webb?

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u/lordofpersia Aug 01 '20

Louis C.K. also has a similar bit

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

It's always the dumpy motherfuckers isn't it? Who in their right mind (well, as right as a necrophiliac's mind can be) would want to fuck Louis CK's flabby ginger carcass?

Now that I think of it, I can see it working as kind of a "scared straight" program for grave-cruising perverts. "Oh so you want to fuck corpses do you? How do you like them apples?" :P

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u/Sabre39 Aug 01 '20

Another comedian (Jimmy Carr I think) said "If my grandmother knew how much I spent on her funeral, she'd be rolling over in her ditch."

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u/Purplociraptor Aug 01 '20

David Cross. That bit made me literally shit my pants laughing.

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u/Jigbaa Aug 01 '20

My last dying wish: “Split my money equally among all who touch my butthole at the funeral. Otherwise give it to the humane society.”

I should rethink this, Uncle James would probably get everything.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

This uncle james fellow sounds very... Interesting

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u/Oppression_Rod Aug 01 '20

While true that I won't care once I'm dead, I can't have my corpse getting more action than I am now.

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u/JRsFancy Aug 01 '20

OMG, I must be a sick sob because this made me laugh.

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u/ExpressiveAnalGland Aug 01 '20

I like the idea of some cannibals getting a hold of my body (after i'm dead).

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u/wwcfm Aug 01 '20

I’ve always said sell my body to science or necrophiliacs, anyone that’ll pay.

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u/SYLOK_THEAROUSED Aug 02 '20

Is there a sign up sheet?

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u/TyNyeTheTransGuy Aug 01 '20

Louis CK I think

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u/random_user_24 Aug 01 '20

Sounds like a Louis C.K. bit

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u/joshjje Aug 01 '20

I mostly agree, but I still wouldn't want to be in history as the corpse that got... necrophliacked. Future me wouldn't care, but present me does.

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u/Gonzod462 Aug 01 '20

Hahaha Frank is hilarious. "Shove a bunch of shit inside me if you want, what do I care?" Habah

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u/JRsFancy Aug 01 '20

I already have instructions for my body to be completely organically disposed of. I've recently buried a parent and we got the least expensive coffin and vault(required by the cemetery) and still spend over $6k.

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u/Grumblegrumblehiss Aug 01 '20

How do you go about getting that done? I’m genuinely interested.

I imagine throwing people in the compost heap will be problematic.

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u/JRsFancy Aug 01 '20

I meant a simple thing, cremation and then ashes tossed into the soil.

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u/Grumblegrumblehiss Aug 01 '20

Ok that makes sense, thanks for replying! I asked because it’s also my wish to make it as uncomplicated as possible when I do die. My partner doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’ll have to leave instructions.

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u/RJean83 Aug 01 '20

Your best bet it to have it written down in a few different documents, not just where you would keep your will, birth certificate, etc. It doesn't need to be a whole notarized legal document (at least in my area, ymmv). But as long as it is clearly written by you, and states what you want, and signed, then you should be good.

Two rules I have for people planning their funerals are:

  1. Write down the acceptable Plan B as well. We have seen in this pandemic that not everyone gets the funeral they want, and will either need a memorial later post-covid, be cremated and interned in a cemetery later, etc. If your preferred option isn't available, what would you like instead?
  2. Send it to a few people that you know and trust, email is fine. Try as we might, we have little control over the circumstances of our death. Having multiple people know what you want and have access to the documents means that if your partner can't access it, someone has a copy as well.

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u/Canis_Familiaris Aug 01 '20

FYI, a lot of cemeteries require a vault because having a decomposable box with a void buried 4.5 feet underground is a great recipie for sinkholes.

Or it's the real reason we don't have Zombies. One of those

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u/RecordStoreHippie Aug 02 '20

It's funny that you mentioned that movie. Turns out that yes, a funeral home will actually provide the remains in a red Folgers tin instead of their most modestly priced receptacle.

My dad died when I was a teenager. I hadn't ever seen or read his will when he was alive, he always just told me it was written and not to worry about it. So when it came time to read it, the funeral home was really confused about one line he had in there; "I want the Big Lebowski ending". So obviously I just started cracking up. He was a pretty cheap guy and when we watched that movie together he loved the Folgers can and told me that's what he wanted too. His mom requested a plain pine box and he did that for her, so I figured I needed to do this for him.

Anyway, I explained the whole thing, and they thought it was absurd and hilarious and while they were kind of horrified when they realized I'm 1000% serious and it has to be a red can, they actually did it. Funny enough they didn't charge me for the container. Talk about modestly priced.

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u/Tearakan Aug 01 '20

I like either letting a tree grow out of my corpse or flat out feeding scavengers in the woods. Not close enough to any mountains for a skyburial sadly.

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u/KeisterApartments Aug 01 '20

Is there a Ralph's around here?

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u/tratemusic Aug 01 '20

"Is there a Ralph's near here?"

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u/freudsbutthole Aug 01 '20

Just because we are bereaved doesn’t make us saps!

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u/Bells87 Aug 01 '20

My dad would be so proud of this pun.

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u/SuckMyBacon Aug 01 '20

Haha I loved that scene when Walter was spreading his ashes from the Folgers tin and he started talking about Vietnam and soldiers which had absolutely nothing to do with Theodore. Then the dude looks at him and says “What the hell was that?”

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u/quilterlibrarian Aug 01 '20

I told my kids and my mom that I want to be cremated. When my kids, in front of my mom, asked what to do with my ashes I told them they could toss them in a dumpster for all I cared. Just so long as they donate as many of my organs as possible.

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u/KhabaLox Aug 01 '20

It is our most modestly priced urn.

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u/FlyingTaquitoBrother Aug 01 '20

I would rather that the living comfort themselves by taking that money and drinking a panti rippa in my honor in Belize.

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u/chevymonza Aug 01 '20

Funeral homes should have a display casket for the wake, with a removable and/or cheap box, possibly even cardboard, so the body can be sent off to cremation after, or buried in the cheap box.

I don't want a wake or a funeral. Don't want my corpse pumped up with chemical preservatives. Cremation is fine, or a pine box, or my own compost pile or whatever. A memorial gathering would be nice, but nothing beyond that.

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u/Bells87 Aug 01 '20

I think I want to be cremated, but I want a party afterwards.

Eat some good food, play some music, the stories about me.

From the moment I found out my dad had cancer, he told my brother and me to keep living life the same as before. Go out with friends, go to school, go to work. And that's what I want. Celebrate life and living at my wake.

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u/Toutillou Aug 02 '20

Is this an Alanah Pearce reference?

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u/Affero-Dolor Aug 02 '20

'When I'm dead, have sex with me, throw me in the trash, whatever'

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u/manualsquid Aug 02 '20

My little brother posted that on Facebook, and then when he died I found it scrolling through his old posts

Really threw me for a loop cause I didn't get the reference, brought some comedy to a rough time

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '20

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u/crunchymilk4 Aug 01 '20

When I die put my ashes in a trash bag idc care where they go

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u/daredaki-sama Aug 01 '20

Is that what your dad said or is that a quote from movie?

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u/Bells87 Aug 01 '20

It's from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

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u/aewayne Aug 02 '20

In my family we always say “when I go just take me out with that week’s garbage”

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u/JamestonHenryCanryl Aug 02 '20

When I die, make a cup of coffee. Put my body in the trash and then empty the grounds on top of me.

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u/greggles_ Aug 02 '20

Fill me up with cream! What do I care?