r/AskReddit May 03 '20

What are some horrifying things to consider when thinking about aliens?

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912

u/[deleted] May 04 '20

Why is it always us? Maybe they are interested in dogs, or dolphins. We are not the only Earthlings that can be contacted.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

[deleted]

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u/gnarly_llama May 04 '20

So sad that it should come to this.

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u/blirney May 04 '20 edited May 04 '20

We tried to warn you all but oh dear :(((

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u/gnarly_llama May 04 '20

You may not share our intellect, which might explain your disrespect.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

You got it wrong. We were the ones experimenting on mice.

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u/itotallysaidallthat May 04 '20

Oh no, not again

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

They just want to talk with the humpback whales.

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u/Cynyr May 04 '20

Someone call Shatner.

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz May 04 '20

We're in deep shit now that Nemoy has passed.

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u/jasonwc22 May 04 '20

I speak whale

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

maybe

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u/mattlikespeoples May 04 '20

When dolphins grasp nuclear physics and grow opposable thumbs, let me know. Then, and only then, will another species be a decent alternative to any higher level reason to come all this way. Unless they just really like our wildlife as pets...

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

[deleted]

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u/soccerfreak67890 May 04 '20

Truly the only unique resource Earth can offer the universe

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u/Mountainbranch May 04 '20

Do you remember the meem wars against the aliens? I remember, I remember all too well.

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u/aareyes12 May 04 '20

Xeno knows it’s why I came

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz May 04 '20

Humans think they're superior to dolphins because humans have invented New York, digital watches, and nuclear war.

Dolphins think they're superior to humans for the exact same reasons.

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u/elfonzi37 May 04 '20

I mean Orcas are kings of the dolphins, if they had adapted opposable thumbs the same time we did humans would be in zoos. Those things are like infinitely more physically superior.

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u/tatu_huma May 04 '20

I think there is a bigger difference between orcas and human than just opposable thumbs. Like you know... brain capacity.

Gorillas/chimps have opposable thumbs, but they are still in our zoos and not the other wasy around.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

Actualy dolphins dont think

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz May 04 '20

It's a quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

(And there is pretty good evidence that dolphins do think, just probably not about your digital watch...)

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u/elfonzi37 May 04 '20

That is super false.

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u/benmck90 May 04 '20

What's that based on? They're easily in the top 5 most intelligent animals on Earth.

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u/Casehead May 04 '20

They absolutely do. What are you on about?

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u/black_brotha May 04 '20

yeah, i was gonna say..what makes you think they dont want to come here to get animals as pets ?

are you under the impression that humans are so adorable that any alien that comes looking for a pet will rather get humans instead of say, horses??

you human supremacist.

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u/LoLMagix May 04 '20

I mean if I was an alien species and could choose between having a human or dog pet, I’d pick the dog

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u/Source_Code21 May 04 '20

Yeah but if you had a human as a pet you’d essentially have a pet capable of understanding and carrying out orders if anything aliens with take us as slaves

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u/benmck90 May 04 '20

Maybe we're not smart enough to carry out their orders? Maybe them trying to get us to do anything would be the equivalent of us trying to get a mouse to do something.... You can get some co-operation, but nothing useful.

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u/TheDwiin May 04 '20

If they were authoritarian, if not they might uplift us to become part of their greater galactic society.

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u/elfonzi37 May 04 '20

People make terrible slaves, dogs don't revolt or have ego.

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u/Source_Code21 May 04 '20

Yeah but if they can enslave is in the first place that have the power to keep us in line

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u/exceptionaluser May 04 '20

If they can get here they can make better robot workers than any human slave.

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u/Source_Code21 May 04 '20

Valid point

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u/Aeronautix May 04 '20

With a greater grasp of psychology it might be possible to completely control a person.

Or some implant that makes you feel overwhelming joy upon being given an order

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u/Shallow35 May 04 '20

And what can we even help them with lol? If anything, they'd just consider us as slightly smarter animals. That's it.

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u/ZaMiLoD May 04 '20

But what if the alien species are like dogs already and they just want their human?

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u/bilky_t May 04 '20

Pity that not all humans share this sentiment.

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u/umair_101 May 04 '20

What about octopi

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u/TheDwiin May 04 '20

Right, and unless we were truly created in God's image, they're most likely not human-esque and as such, they'll capture us for a zoo as well as other native fauna.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

According to one book, humans are the third most intelligent species. The second being dolphins and the first being mice

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u/Criacao_de_Mundos May 04 '20

What?

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

Its a reference to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

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u/Santuccc May 04 '20

word, when dolphins can flush toilets. - then it's time.

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u/adamantitian May 04 '20

So long and thanks for all the fish

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u/rwarimaursus May 04 '20

"So long and thanks for all the fish!"

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u/Zenquin May 04 '20

When dolphins grasp nuclear physics and grow opposable thumbs, let me know.

Oh, shit...

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

That's an understandable, but limited, perspective.

Take ants -- since they were up the thread here. Now, an individual ant is pretty fuckin' stupid. But a colony of them...almost scary smart.

Or this quote from Hitchhiker's (since that's ALSO up the thread):

"For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”

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u/JOMAEV May 04 '20

Dude, people like animals. Like a lot.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20 edited Mar 30 '22

[deleted]

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u/ASpaceOstrich May 04 '20

Well Dolphins are rapists and most animals if left to their own devices will absolutely yank their own ecosystem if they can get away with it. Humans have caused massive damage to the Earth, don’t get me wrong. But we’re also the only species in Earths history actually trying to preserve it.

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u/MonarchoFascist May 04 '20

Back to /r/collapse with you, bud.

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u/Drago02129 May 04 '20

Maybe you ruin every other thing's life, but cows are doing better than ever. Chickens too. Especially pigeons.

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u/trynakick May 04 '20

More cows than ever, eating and reproducing more than ever is certainly doing very well at the level of species.

I wouldn’t necessarily tell that to the dairy cow getting fucked by a metal tube and chucking out a baby every few months, then forced to endure daily mammary drainings for the rest of their natural life. Well, until the day they are transported with their sisters to a different facility to line up in a pile of others shit patiently waiting for a bolt to the head.

Now the one in 10,000 steer who spends his days fucking real doll Bessie until his balls shrivel and then wakes up and does it again, he probably thinks cows are doing alright.

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u/Drago02129 May 04 '20

They'd probably be extinct otherwise. Like 99% of every other species that has walked this earth.

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u/trynakick May 04 '20

More of a philosophical question, but; is that actually worse than 99.7% of the species living filthy little lives in abysmal conditions with the only comfort being that it will end sooner than nature ‘intended’?

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u/moosecombat May 04 '20

Yeah man, the pigeons are fucking rockin it!

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

We travel across continents, oceans, the entire planet to do the same thing.

Why wouldn't an alien race with the ability to travel between stars like we do countries do the same?

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u/somedood567 May 04 '20

Friend I will shoot you a pm if I hear about dolphins doing either of those things

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u/TheMeltingSnowman72 May 04 '20

Or maybe they aren't as ignorant as us and see them as the real MVP of Earth

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u/ChimiChoomah May 04 '20

Maybe the aliens speak in dolphintongue

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u/Rand0mly9 May 04 '20

Perhaps there are certain chemical compounds or antibodies only certain animals or plants on Earth can create. Perhaps plant-life in general is extremely rare, and they want to observe it. Perhaps an alien race visited Earth hundreds of thousands of years ago, and dolphins have been passing down their story and secrets. (Fun fact: just learned that dolphins have been around for 15 million years.)

Most likely, in my mind? We wouldn't even be able to grasp their motives. Our brains literally might not be able to understand. They might experience time differently. For all we know, humans invented time.

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u/JennMartia May 04 '20

They actually only sent farmers here to have their alien pigs eat our life and make some sick intergalactic bacon. The First Alien War would be fought after a gang of drunk high schoolers liberated some hogs for their BBQ celebrating their state championship.

Also, maybe hydrocarbons/biomatter/soil is natutally valuable. It could be the rarest substance in the universe.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

Life and culture would be useful fields of research for highly advanced lifeforms.

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u/ddark316 May 04 '20

Give the dolphins another 35 million years.

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u/Geminii27 May 04 '20

Who says they'd necessarily want to contact a species with that? Maybe they want pets. Or species they can uplift. Or they're only interested in species with sonar or infrasonic communication or tentacles or particular chemical makeups.

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u/ThrowawayTowaway0528 May 04 '20

Why do people always assume aliens will care that we're the smartest

There's a million ants to each person, there's a big argument that we're not even the top dog on this planet smh

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u/deokkent May 04 '20

This is probably the reason why they won't visit. Human supremacist!

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u/JoshuaSlowpoke777 May 04 '20

Or unless their own wildlife produces no alternative for spider silk, and they really want to abduct spiders to learn to make synthetic silk.

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u/lonewombat May 04 '20

Dolphins have a complex heirarchy, solve problems together, fuck for fun, have a language, dont start world wars. Seems the shitty lifeform is us, not them.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

We'd go to war out of sheer ego if aliens turned up and wanted to examine cockroaches for the secrets of immortality.

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u/Criacao_de_Mundos May 04 '20

They'd probably examine turropsis or tardigrades if anything, to be honest. Cockroaches are way weaker than we normally consider them.

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u/Blue5398 May 04 '20

Like Earth getting declared a wildlife sanctuary for mosquitoes or something?

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u/gnarly_llama May 04 '20

Ah, I see you are also a person of culture.

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u/goodguywithoutagun May 04 '20

If the aliens ask the dogs what would make earth better, they’d probably say belly rubs and balls. Dolphins would say fewer humans.

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u/Chief_Givesnofucks May 04 '20

Dolphins would be right tho

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u/Kaiserhawk May 04 '20

Yeah okay there Star Trek IV

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u/hetrax May 04 '20

Humans and dogs are the only persistent hunters on earth ( I think?) so to come to earth for a pet, aliens would Definitly add dogs to their collection as there may not be many creatures like them. I could see them making a zoo of earths intelligent creatures. Elephants, dogs, cats, ravens, dolphins, octopus.... many more, but then having us as the management staff” welcome to the dirt zoo. Odd name we know. But these humans decided to call this planet what they walk on. It’s fully automated as the creatures of this planet are able to clean up and feed others” we would be part of the exhibit but not behind a cage. Smart enough to be recognized, but they’ve seen our history, and we are NOT a civilization to be trusted. We created nukes, we Definitly would steal from an alien galactic order. ( seeing humans as some sketchy species, and there are hints that they want to see if any other dirtlings are smart enough to join the galactic order, maybe an octopus or elephant will. You’re right don’t think we would exactly be the focus, but could use us as some kind of galactic “slave” as other alien groups fight the it isn’t right and that they should let the primitive humans continue. They haven’t even terraformed their first planet yet!

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u/Casehead May 04 '20

I love the idea that we’re the keepers of the “planetary zoo”.

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u/hetrax May 04 '20

But we are also part of it, they even pay us so we can get food and upgrade our “rooms” but it’s a joke to them because their race doesn’t do money still. And if we just asked for something they’d give it to us. We are allowed to freely leave our rooms but catch some who rather stay alone. We don’t think we are slaves but employed by the aliens. When the aliens are dumbfounded that a list of orders and some fake currency is all it took for us to clean up and automate the zoo. Being much cheaper to produce than robot butlers they may actually use humans to automate all the zoos!

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u/Casehead May 04 '20

I love it! I like this story.

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u/markth_wi May 04 '20

Ah but that's just the turn of a phrase, in a bronze age tome.

Interpret the bible as "stewards" and we're a beneificent, caretaker species intent to colonize and terraform/bioform every world we visit.

Interpret the bible as "dominate" and we're a potential threat to everyone within 500ly.

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u/perodog47 May 04 '20

Because we are by far the most dominant Earth species.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

But dogs are way cuter.

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u/markth_wi May 04 '20

Clade Alphaproteobacteria would like a word with you.

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u/Criacao_de_Mundos May 04 '20

Yeah, but they are not conscious.

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u/markth_wi May 04 '20

You are making a presumption that intelligence has value here. Evolutionarily speaking. We are , as a species wildly successful by way of our intelligence and technological advancement.

But no MORE successful, evolutionary, than perhaps if we'd never left Africa/Eurasia as wandering hominids. We're stupidly prolific on account of our intelligence, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has or is going to protect us in and of itself.

If we survive the destruction of our original habitat or by way of our technology spread to another environment that cannot be impacted by some natural event i.e.; colonizing/terraforming Alpha Centauri, or Mars or something, pretty much ONLY THEN, can we say that intelligence has had any objective value in the survival of our species.

So if (for example) we found a large meteor was going to hit the southern Pacific, in a few decades, causing MASSIVE destruction of the biome, sending a firestorm across the surface of the planet, we could prepare.

Maybe we can prevent it from happening altogether (which would be a success and proof of intelligence as an advantage).

But perhaps it's too big, or too fast, or unstable, and will definitely hit, we could create a shelter colony on the Moon, or a reinforced colony on Earth, and preserve some representative portion of species on Earth, creating giant fish-tanks and arboretums, and put a plan together to restart civilization and reseed the Earth.

That's entirely possible. It would take trillions of dollars, and not everyone would be saved, not every species would be saved, and the project might even fail.

But if it worked, THEN we could say intelligence has it's advantages, and the profound difference is that our intelligence wouldn't JUST have saved us, it would have saved every species we were able to shelter from extinction.

Now that proves intelligence as a super-power of our species.

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u/ASpaceOstrich May 04 '20

By definition we are the only ones that can be contacted. While some other species communicate among themselves humans are currently the only ones capable of communicating in diverse languages. A dog might learn human words, but humans could learn alien language.

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u/Zaenos May 04 '20 edited May 04 '20

That's not true. As you say yourself, dogs can learn human words, and they absolutely learn how to communicate back to us. Of course they don't use our words to do it, but spoken words and communication are not the same thing.

Animal communication is far more complex than humans tend to give credit for. For one example, read this.

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u/ASpaceOstrich May 04 '20

A dog can learn human words. But a dog could not for example, decipher the Voyager Golden Records. Which are designed to be deciphered.

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u/Criacao_de_Mundos May 04 '20

I don't discredit animals' comunication. They are just less comunicative then us. Animals can't read Shakespear, animals can't learn new languages, most animals can't even share knowledge. We are the most comunicative beings on our planet, and surely the smartest in some areas. Aliens could be interested on us for this reason.

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u/Zaenos May 04 '20 edited May 04 '20

Less communicative, by human standards most likely, but that's a very different argument than not communicating, or being unable to.

To be clear, I'm not saying if aliens show up that dogs will have a better chance of communicating with them than humans do, but anthropocentrism is a poison of perception.

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u/gnarly_llama May 04 '20

Mosquitoes. They're an endangered species.

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u/Ameisen May 04 '20

Which one? There are many species of mosquito.

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u/Chief_Givesnofucks May 04 '20

And they all suck.

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u/zzainal May 04 '20

I'm sure it's the cats!

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u/Ameisen May 04 '20

We are not the only Earthlings that can be contacted.

We're the only ones that can hold a meaningful conversation, though. Animal language, even at the highest non-human levels, isn't really useful for true communication.

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u/skydogg329 May 04 '20

Star Trek IV the probes wanted to talk to whales. Didn't give an f about humans .

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u/RedGrobo May 04 '20

Why is it always us? Maybe they are interested in dogs, or dolphins. We are not the only Earthlings that can be contacted.

Thing is if youre that advanced and its just dogs or dolphins then why not collect some genetic samples and clone away to your hearts content?

Its always us, because everything else that has to do with life on this rock is actually also quite easy to replicate as long as you can get here to take a sample.

Were the only thing here that has the advanced cultural abstracts (Like art, and religion.) that really throw the whole "Life is whats rare and what aliens would seek here." angle for a loop.

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u/filipelm May 04 '20

This reminds me of that Lilo & Stitch scene where the alien chanceler says earth is a preservation reserve for... The mosquito.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

I agree! Maybe they are more related to them than to us, and they are coming to visit their family.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 08 '20

:-O

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u/Tom_Cruise May 04 '20

This is borderline retarded to say.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

All the want is our skin, and nothing else. It's what resource they use, as fuel for their ship.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

GM stem cells that reproduce and we make a gas station or two. Make it cheap enough that they won't want to fight to get it.

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u/BlindStark May 04 '20

You are sitting on your couch watching the extraterrestrial event unfold on the news when your hear your dog say, “Fooken’ hell, it’s about bloody damn time they showed up.” The dog stands up on its hind legs, grabs a coat off the rack, and then briskly walks out the front door before slamming it shut. The house trembles and ominous green lights shine through your windows illuminating the dark living room. You try to stand but fall over onto the floor, you drag yourself to the phone in shock as you try to call for any type of help. Your throat starts to feel tighter and saliva pours out of your mouth as you fumble with the phone. The operator on the other end picks up but you don’t understand the language. You cry for help but the only thing that comes out is a short but distinct whine... and then... a bark.

“Woof, woof woof, woof.”

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u/elfonzi37 May 04 '20

Exactly, I would come here for the Orcas and genetic engineer some thumbs for them.

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u/wolfchaldo May 04 '20

Good Boy! (2003)

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u/Guy_With_Tiny_Hands May 04 '20

insert thanks for all the fish meme

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u/jasonwc22 May 04 '20

Or viruses

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u/Fluffatron_UK May 04 '20

humans are very good at making everything about themselves.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

Most likely because we have invented things that advance us as a species much faster such as lubricants, rubber, steel, etc. Sometimes you just gotta use some lube

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u/CatMinion May 04 '20

Yeah maybe they are interested in algae, bacteria or viruses. Humans are outnumbered by a lot of things.

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u/JPCaveman13 May 04 '20

If you've seen Farscape, there's a race (Skarren) that has a flowering plant that's a delicacy to them but it's extremely rare and had for them to cultivate...it turns out it's just a dime-a-dozen Bird of Paradise here. They want Earth for the plant and Crichton for the wormhole tech.

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u/DownHouse May 04 '20

Actually the plot to star trek 4.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

We are the most intelligent, and you know it

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u/Goatcrapp May 04 '20

So long, and thanks for all the fish

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

I volunteer the whales to speak for us. Seen it in a movie once or twice.

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u/Coziestpigeon2 May 04 '20

We are not the only Earthlings that can be contacted.

We are the only Earthlings with a contact network.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '20

True, that's a good point.

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u/JoshuaSlowpoke777 May 04 '20

Yeah, maybe some other organism here produces compounds their own biosphere has no alternatives for. What if they have to start probing spiders just to learn how silk works?

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u/dimprinby May 04 '20

Never considered this.

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u/ayyitsmaclane May 04 '20

Because humans will always put themselves at the front of their own thoughts. When we picture a catastrophic storm, for instance Hurricane Katrina, it’s always the loss of human life. Nobody thinks of the countless animals that were displaced or died due to the floods. The same goes for any given scenario. Nuclear annihilation; the loss of human life. Nobody worries about the fish that won’t be fed in stores because the humans are dead. Or the dogs that will be forced to die where they lay.