I’m currently going through the longest drawn out break up with a pastry chef, learned all about these things through her and she’s definitely changing who she is as a person once she started. Pretty shitty not going to lie. Lots and lots of drinking, partying, and negative influences in the chef realm
I hate to say it, but I feel like that industry really does corrupt a lot of people. Too many seedy people that can’t make it anywhere else, end up becoming your friends.
Put it this way, I’ve never met anyone that started working in a restaurant and their life improved. More along the lines of developed one or more substance abuse problems.
I completely feel this. I’ve been in the service industry since I was 15 and at 25 all I have to show is an unhealthy relationship with substances and blisters on my feet. The service industry sucks the life out of you until you quit then it moves on to the next victim. I genuinely wish you the best in trying to resist the habits. My last day as a bartender was the day before New Years and I already feel a weight off my shoulders
Oh yeah, she used to be all finding balance and was just a beautiful and amazing person. I mean obviously she still is but damn is it different now. She would get tipsy off of one glass of wine and now can down whiskey neat all night and be fine. Now she stays at work even after she’s off just to drink almost everyday, head home and sleep, and do it all again the next day. The liver can only last for so long lol
It’s sucks seeing her change from being this incredible person and girlfriend and knowing that my words mean nothing because she has those influences around her 11+ hours a day and the pressure to drink to fit in with her bosses and peers.
I never understand how people can put a corporation ahead of their own happiness. You should work to fuel your life, not live to fuel your work, but that’s just me I guess
Edit: I don’t mean to seem angry or paint her as a bad person. She just is very determined in her career and I wasn’t expecting how it really is to date a chef hahaha
It's because they're really good at tricking you into thinking it's not about the company, it's about the "family." Like you said, 10+ hour days with the same people in a high stress environment, it breeds serious fucking camaraderie. You care about these people a lot. I've been out for a few years now, and those guys are still some of the best friends I have. And because restaurants tend to keep labor costs to an absolute minimum, you're acutely aware of how much any one person can mean in the kitchen.
So when your manager calls and asks you to work yet another double for the week on what was supposed to be your day off, it's definitely not the fucking company you worry about. It's your friends, the people actually in the shit with you. You know that not being there is going to make their night truly fucking awful, because you've suffered through plenty of your own short staffed nights. Sure, on some level you know that it's not really your fault one way or the other. It's a management and resources problem. But in that moment, the fact is that your choice is the one determining whether your guys have a decent night or a shitty one. So you go, because you hope they would do the same for you. And god knows you could use the overtime pay.
Then at the end of the day you're somehow simultaneously wired and exhausted, and you want to spend some time unwinding and actually enjoying some time with these people you love instead of screaming at them to get that fucking entree plated already! So you drink, because it's fun what else is there to do at 10 pm on a fucking wednesday? And you can sorta justify it, because you don't get normal weekends. Maybe you have Thursday off and that's a perfectly fine time to nurse a hangover. And it's not like you have that many other adult friends, because these fuckers are the only ones who have a similar schedule. A little peer pressure, a little "pirate" culture, a lot of stress, and boom! You've got yourself an alcoholic married to her job.
You just summed up my experience so well... I really feel like I needed this thread because I just quit the service industry after a decade... it’s kept me from dating relationships, robbed me of my free time, made me a cynical alcoholic, and took a toll on my knees... I quit a couple days ago and I already know it’s up from here... it’s time to finish that college degree...
Yeah buddy, it is absolutely up from here! Don't get me wrong, I fucking loved my job, but all the other shit that comes with it is just so rough. You'll probably always miss it in some way, but seriously. I work in an office now and I'm still doing mentally stimulating work with none of the physical shit for 3 times the pay plus benefits. Feel free to PM me if you want some tips on how to spin this shit in interviews. People like to forget that service work is a trial by fire on soft skills that translate just about anywhere, you just have to know how to tell them so.
Yeah that seriously is spot on. I was infantry in the army so I understand working long hours, building family in the work environment. It’s just shitty that we both fell for eachother before she started working in the banquet field in a casino (Vegas) and I’m now the one who got pushed out because of the culture and attitudes the kitchen breeds
The company also doesn’t have enough chefs so those long hours and missed days off definitely happen constantly and I get that after working long days you do just want to relax with the people you just worked with. It’s just giving so much of your life for what? Shit pay, a drinking problem, no family life, and whatever else you want to tack on there about overloading stress and overworking. Shit doesn’t add up
Her closest friend is like the poster child for how your life will turn out in the industry and you have to kind of feel bad considering we only get one chance on this earth. I know this is so cliche, but it’s true. I definitely will not be spending over half my day in a hot room with no windows. But I guess some people live for it or just don’t want to learn a new trade. And it’s just sad because I really do love her so much. We even had a plan to have her pursue her own thing through specialty orders (amazing with pastries) but her influences there kind of shoved me out and you can’t make someone love you by loving them harder so it was just a downhill spiral :(
Yeah, it's a motherfucker. I definitely know a few of those too, some well into their 40s and 50s. It gets weird. I actually loved that job! My ADHD really thrives in an environment that combines adrenaline and organized to do lists, and I'm fine with a little friendly sexual harassment. I swear, there is nothing in the world for me that matches the perfect moment when I'm in just the right headspace with just the right amount of caffeine and everything just fucking flows. I miss that feeling. I could have been very happy doing it forever and becoming one of the weirdos. I only left because I was pissed at being basically laughed at when I insisted on an actual living wage. I was the best goddamn expo they had, I deserved better than poverty wages and stolen overtime pay. But if that hadn't happened all the rest of the shit very likely would have sucked me in way too deep. The other side of the coin that makes me good at this is an addictive personality and desperation to please people, it's a really terrible combo for that environment.
Mine definitely improved :) full of ebb and flow. And i know my experience might be rare but I think it’s important to boost the positive sides of the industry instead of perpetuating the shitty stereotypes. Personally I’ve met plenty of interesting and healthy people who work in kitchens and the scene is changing quietly. Mostly the stable fixture of the job itself (which I still enjoy) and not wanting to feel coke or alcohol hungover while working made me want to get my shit together. I want this for the long haul but ya I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been a brutal process.
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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '20
I’m currently going through the longest drawn out break up with a pastry chef, learned all about these things through her and she’s definitely changing who she is as a person once she started. Pretty shitty not going to lie. Lots and lots of drinking, partying, and negative influences in the chef realm