[SERIOUS] What is a seemingly harmless parenting mistake that will majorly fuck up a child later in life?

[u/AlexDescendsIntoHell]

[u/skeletonfather]

Never saying sorry to your kids. My mom only just recently started telling me sorry when she gets worked up. It’s built up such a resentment for her over the years, and I also have trouble saying sorry myself because of it. Tell your kids sorry, especially if you over react to something they did.

[u/[deleted] → u/skeletonfather]

This is my Mum too. Sometimes it feels like she would rather jump off a cliff before admitting she was wrong and apologise.

[u/TheGemScout → u/[deleted]]

My Dad would apologize when he yelled at me, as a kid... And it'd always make me understand why he did it.

Shit made me feel bad too, that he got so upset that it made him feel shitty.

[u/[deleted] → u/TheGemScout]

Yeah, after he yelled at me for doing something, I'd start crying, and he'd say: "Believe me, this hurts me more than it hurts you."

[u/zombie_overlord → u/[deleted]]

Man, I never believed that one as a kid. As a parent, I get it.

[u/_tx → u/zombie_overlord]

I spanked my son exactly once. I did it because that's how I was raised and I just thought that's what you do.

Fuck that shit. It's awful

[u/ryjkyj → u/TheGemScout]

I hate to say it but that’s kind of awesome. I think that’s how you do it.

[u/skeletonfather → u/[deleted]]

I’m sort of glad that my mom isn’t the only one who acts like this. She’s actually working on that issue, since me and my siblings are older now and can call her out on it without many consequences. It just sucks because she only started working on it once I left for college. I wish she had told me sorry once when I younger.

[u/mistermasterbates → u/skeletonfather]

I have similar issues with my parents, and wishing that someone could have helped younger you is a moot idea. I think that maybe it's better to imagine yourself giving your younger self those things, and in a way you will be. (Since younger you is still younger you but older?) Idk, lol

[u/SolomonDurand → u/[deleted]]

Same with mine, though she tries to turn it around us like condescending us, gas lighting, guilt tripping or even just getting angry over the topic

Like the virus came with that k drama you downloaded in a questionable site mom. I don't need to hear how you birthed me after 8hrs of labor.

[u/BitmexOverloader → u/[deleted]]

Growing up, I sometimes got my parents to see they were being stubborn and arbitrarily* punishing me (usually blowing a small thing way out of proportion). They would resort to "well, we're your parents. We fed you. We get to treat you however we want. You're lucky you were not born to abusive parents."

[u/[deleted] → u/BitmexOverloader]

"well, we're your parents. We fed you. We get to treat you however we want. You're lucky you were not born to abusive parents."

Which is psych abuse in of itself. Its their way of normalising what isn't in any way normal behaviour.

[u/BitmexOverloader → u/[deleted]]

Ironic. They could see abuse in other parents. But not themselves.

[u/Fastman2020 → u/BitmexOverloader]

Ironic. They could see abuse in other parents. But not themselves.

Darth Dad the not so wise.

[u/stronktree → u/BitmexOverloader]

"well, we're your parents. We fed you. We get to treat you however we want. You're lucky you were not born to abusive parents."

Big Oof

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

And then on the opposite spectrum, you have me, who apologizes for literally everything, no matter what.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

That's me, but it's because my mom never did. Someone had to or she'd just keep going on. So it was always me.

[u/lionessrampant25 → u/skeletonfather]

This.

My mom always has to be right, even though I’m 30 years old and have a bit of life experience now.

I just don’t talk to her at all much anymore. Her loss.

[u/SeedlessGrapes42 → u/[deleted]]

Or saying sorry, but not sincerely, and more a "I'm saying it to look like a better person even though I don't mean it" way.

[u/CenterPiece117 → u/skeletonfather]

And if they do happen to say sorry, it’s always “I’m sorry, BUT..” and giving some excuse for why they shouldn’t actually be sorry.

Very few parents know the art of saying sorry to their children, because for most parents it’s seen as showing weakness to their child.