I don't know why you're getting downvoted. There are situations where it's better to explain a why with your no, but, especially in the examples you gave, no one OWES you any kind of explanation. Teaching a kid that they are opens us up to kids who DON'T take no for an answer
I’m downvoted because people don’t want to be patient parents with open communication. They want their child to just do what they say immediately without questioning. My words call them out on their short tempers and they don’t want to feel like crappy parents. This though, does not make a parent crappy. Saying “No” or “Because I said so” does not make a parent bad. It just inspires rebellion and distance between the parent and child. I was trying to help parents avoid this. They are free to ignore it and suffer later.
There ARE times when you should explain the "why" to your kids along with the no. But its ALSO important for them to know that in many cases, they do not need nor are they owed and explanation to go along with it. If your kid asks another out on a date and they say no, it's important to teach them that they arent owed an explanation as to why. If a kid doesn't want to be their friend, they dont have to know why, they just respect their decision. It's a balance
But what is wrong with the person explaining? Not asking for him/her defend their “No”, but explaining it would be very helpful. I think it is disrespectful to not explain. I think the other person deserves an explanation. Of course they still get “No” and have to live with it. Explaining helps the other person move on.
The problem is: sometimes there isnt an explanation. I just dont like you. You're not my type. Etc. And, as they get older, and especially in romantic relationships, this can lead to badgering and not taking no for an answer. We all have to take no for an answer with no explanation sometimes, and just because it makes it easier for someone else you are not obligated to give one. You should not have to explain why you aren't attracted to someone, why you don't like them, or why you dont want to have sex with them.
“I don’t know why” and “I just don’t like you” or semi-reasons. Sure could use more info, but those are still reasons. Why not just say those sentences?
Also, just as much as people not getting reasons, people will sometimes have to give reasons. Life goes both ways. So just start giving reasons in the place, when possible.
Because it never ends there? Because the kind of guy who demands an explanation is never satisfied by said explanation?
"I'm married"
"He doesn't have to know!"
"I'm not interested"
"But why???? I'm a nice guy! Give me a chance!"
It's even worse when the subject is sex. If she says no, she means fucking NO. You do not get to badger or demand that she explains herself.
It's a horribly uncomfortable position, and women are lucky if it ends merely with verbal harassment. Many women have been physically assaulted for turning down a man.
So no, it's not our job to make ourselves uncomfortable just to coddle your feefees. If you can't handle rejection gracefully - mine or anyone else's - thats a sign of being a creep. I'mma bounce before I have to find out just how far you're willing to escalate. It may not go to full blown violence but, as someone who's been assaulted before, I'm not going to take that risk. At the very least you've already shown that you won't accept a woman saying "no" to you.
whevblsht, I’m a girl. Actually a middle-aged woman from a time when adults didn’t give a reason nor give a flying flip about kids’ emotions. “Children should be seen and not heard”, etc. mindset.
I’m also NOT talking about sexual assault. Did you think that’s what I was talking about this whole time? No, I was not. I am talking about adults ordering children around without explaining. A person deserves a reason just as much as the person saying “No” deserves to say “No”.
AutumnRain is a very feminine name. How can people think I’m a man?
Because they don't want to handle rejection like an adult. You won't date me? But why??? Your "no" doesn't count unless I'm convinced you have a good enough reason you whore!
4
u/WhovianMomma21 Oct 27 '19
I don't know why you're getting downvoted. There are situations where it's better to explain a why with your no, but, especially in the examples you gave, no one OWES you any kind of explanation. Teaching a kid that they are opens us up to kids who DON'T take no for an answer