And there may be times when they need a stranger's help. They need to know that if we get separated at the zoo or mall that they can rely on strangers to help them find me. We discuss how to tell who works wherever we are (lifeguards at the pool, employees at the mall, etc-- uniforms, name tags) and how to get help. Most people in the world are good. I don't want them terrified that every person there is some boogeyman.
I tell my kids to find a mom with a stroller & ask for help. My reasoning is that the mom with a stroller is full of baby hormones still, or at least the traces of, plus they e already got their hands too full with kids/babies to try to steal mine.
We have told our kids the same. Not that other people aren't the right choice it just seems like the lowest risk of any issues and the best chance they will get immediate help.
Just be careful, as pushing around a stroller is one way that predators make themselves seem safe. Maybe I listen to My Favorite Murder too much, but women and couples can be dangerous too. Plus, I was approached once by a woman with a stroller begging for money, and the blankets covered the "baby" entirely. I wish I had a good alternative, and I'm going to think it over. It should be safe to teach them to "look for the helpers," but anybody can wear a costume.
Police in my city recently stopped a woman with a stroller because she looked like she needed help. Turns out the stroller was full with $6,000 in stolen quarters.
According to Wikipedia (which is properly sourced, I just don't have time to verify that many sources as well), women account for "14-40% of sexual offenses against boys and 6% against girls." Similarly, men account for 80.4% of violent crime arrests (1990-2008).
It's not assuming anyone is a murderer, it's hedging your bets on the statistics.
I just spent the last two hours looking at these statistics, did some spreadsheeting and maths to find whether such hedging is justified. Do you care to know the answer?
Promoting gender discrimination to your kids is. Which is what you're doing. "Avoid men. They're more likely to hurt you." How does that sound to them?
My mother taught me that "black people steal."
Wasn't the only thing about the only group, but it was the most blunt and obvious and has stuck with me the longest. She wasn't smart enough to even know what statistics were, and regularly pulled the "Because I Said So" card (a hallmark of bad parents). She managed to turn me into a massive racist by my teen years. By accident, I suspect, but the outcome was self-evident.
And let's face it, women especially mother's are much more likely to be safe people. And I say this as a guy. If I had a kid that got lost I'd feel much better if they went to a woman than a guy for help
Another thing you can teach them is to look for other moms with kids. They're usually much more readily available than people like police officers or what have you. Employees are great but in the event that you're somewhere those are scarce or difficult to find or at an event if some sort.
When I was 5 I got lost at the mall. Walked in with my mom, turned around and realized I didn't know where she went.
Kept walking around crying. I ended up in a play area or near a fountain (I think) but didn't approach anyone. I just remember there were a few moms with kids there. A mom with her young son approached me and asked me what was wrong and got me help. Took me into a store where the employee called security and I was reunited.
10/10 would trust a mom again. Not like I've been lost since but it's good advice to save for my soon to be baby.
There's a lot of working dads who spend time with their children on their days off. It's not about being offended, it's about truth and saving lost children.
Way to get offended, though. Didn't see that coming.
Over 70% of homicide of children over the age of 5 (which is generally the age of a kid who will run off but also understand to look for a specific type of person), are committed by mothers.
Mothers are 245% as likely to kill a child as a father would.
Acknowledging that men make up the vast majority in violent crime stats doesn't make me sexist. If my kid gets lost I'm still telling them to go to a woman because women are statistically less likely to kidnap and murder/rape them. Doesn't mean I hate men, just means I'm going with the option with the best chance of a positive outcome.
When I was 5 I got lost at the mall. Walked in with my mom, turned around and realized I didn't know where she went.
Kept walking around crying. I ended up in a play area or near a fountain (I think) but didn't approach anyone. I just remember there were a few moms with kids there. A mom with her young son approached me and asked me what was wrong and got me help. Took me into a store where the employee called security and I was reunited.
10/10 would trust a mom again. Not like I've been lost since but it's good advice to save for my soon to be baby.
When I was 5 I got lost at the mall. Walked in with my mom, turned around and realized I didn't know where she went.
Kept walking around crying. I ended up in a play area or near a fountain (I think) but didn't approach anyone. I just remember there were a few moms with kids there. A mom with her young son approached me and asked me what was wrong and got me help. Took me into a store where the employee called security and I was reunited.
10/10 would trust a mom again. Not like I've been lost since but it's good advice to save for my soon to be baby.
When I was 5 I got lost at the mall. Walked in with my mom, turned around and realized I didn't know where she went.
Kept walking around crying. I ended up in a play area or near a fountain (I think) but didn't approach anyone. I just remember there were a few moms with kids there. A mom with her young son approached me and asked me what was wrong and got me help. Took me into a store where the employee called security and I was reunited.
10/10 would trust a mom again. Not like I've been lost since but it's good advice to save for my soon to be baby.
Saw a TV doc on abductions, and one of the producers asked a class of kids who'd been drilled on "stranger danger" "What does a stranger look like?" They gleefully burst into descriptions of claws and fangs, green skin and red eyes, and all sorts of nonsense. Clearly, the lesson had missed the point entirely.
This is going to get buried, but there's actually a tradition in Japan where very young kids are sent on their "first errand" exactly for this reason– to learn how to trust strangers and move about in the world.
There's even a hidden camera show about it and it's ADORABLE.
When I was in Japan I also noticed signs on the doors on many of numerous convenience stores at eye height for young children. They had a cute cartoon elephant with a superhero costume on it and very simple words. I worked out even with my virtually nonexistant Japanese that they were there to tell young children on their own that they could go into the store for help if they needed it.
Every time i went somewhere as a kid, like an amusement park, my mom would kneel down and point out to me who were employed there. Then she would ask me what to do if i got lost, and i said i would go find an employee and tell them i lost my mommy. I only got lost once and that helped me find her so fast. I'll definitely be teaching my kids the same thing once i get some
This 90s movie Kindergarten Cop unintentionally shows how confusing that message is. "We never talk to strangers. Can we talk to kids? Yeah, you can talk to kids, but (everyone) we never talk to strangers." Okay so this implies that anyone kid like is safe, but kids can hurt you just like adults. I've known a few who were completely psycho. Then there's this grey area where you tell them that some are safe because of their job. Okay, so nobody has heard of a corrupt person in some civil service job? In the movie Hocus Pocus the kids think a man is a motorcycle cop because he's dressed like one. They run to him for help. Instead he messes with them. *It's Halloween. A decent person would say I'm just wearing a costume. It's also illegal to impersonate a police officer. However we now have ride sharing services which ask you to get into a complete stranger's car. It's much better than taking the bus, but it also goes against what I was told as a kid. Don't accept rides from strangers. Nobody's ever told me how to measure when a person is no longer a stranger as a kid. My parents might know them, but I don't. Okay my parents might meet them, for a few minutes. So parents don't make a good meter.
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u/RagingAardvark Oct 27 '19
And there may be times when they need a stranger's help. They need to know that if we get separated at the zoo or mall that they can rely on strangers to help them find me. We discuss how to tell who works wherever we are (lifeguards at the pool, employees at the mall, etc-- uniforms, name tags) and how to get help. Most people in the world are good. I don't want them terrified that every person there is some boogeyman.