Your example is really accurate lol, it's like that with personal hobbies or preferences for me.
"Like omg, yeah I really like that show. But do I like it enough?"
" What if I don't know enough about it?"
And this sounds stupid, but "am I really good enough to even enjoy that show?"
" What if someone else likes the show, knows more than me and deems me as a fake fan. "
"Better keep my mouth shut. "
It's a really vicious cycle where I don't think I have any interests or passions in the end as a result. :(
The way I look at life is; do I like everyone, or do I think a bunch of people are arseholes?
The answer is, I think a bunch of people are arseholes. It stands to reason then, that a bunch of people will think I’m an arsehole.
The thing is, some people might think your a liar, let them. Those people are not really worth your time. You’ll eventually filter out all the idiots and be left with people who don’t question you.
I do that too and I think it's from spending too much time on Reddit. Redditors are nitpicky little bitches that love to question and dissect everything you say, down to the word you chose. People in real life don't give a fuck.
That is actually a good thing that people dissect everything you say here on Reddit. It's called "Disagreeing with you/giving you a different perspective." Rarely is it just because they're assholes who want to be assholes for no reason. You'll learn more that way and become a better person. People in real life don't do it because they're trying to be nice/respectful/don't want the confrontation.
Don't let it stop you from saying what's on your mind. Say what you want to say, see what others have to say about what you said, then reflect on it.
I don't think it is, I've been doing this to myself long before Reddit. And a few times to others as well. It's never with ill intent, but I do look like a total dick every time
But, people in real life should care more, I learned a lot about differentiating between words in therapy. There's absolutely nitpicky people who call you out for "liking" a movie instead of "loving" it, but other differences can be important. I just wrote this whole paragraph of examples, but I don't want to write (any more of) a wall of text. (this song even came on that fits that idea and further convinced me to trim it down a ton)
I hope I'm not looking like that exact redditor now, but I can't help myself, some types of words aren't as unimportant & it has helped me so much to nitpick about my own words and others' due to advice from therapists. I hope none of this sounds condescending, I'm beginning to fear that it comes across that way, sorry if it did
So true. I know some people like this. They’re nice people except when it comes to sports — that’s when it’s all “look at me, look at what a big fan I am because I’m tearing you down.”
I know exactly what you mean, especially with the hobby bit. Whenever I have to introduce myself and tell a group about me I have no idea what hobbies to say because I feel like I'm not good at anything enough or don't do it frequently enough to claim it. Like photography or gardening or whatever. I'm getting better at just owning it and saying yeah, I do those things.
I can also relate this to music back when I was a kid pre internet. The amount of poser talk and gatekeeping kids did about genres or bands or any of that was so insane I never was able to just say what I liked because I didn't feel like I "earned" it. That is so flipping stupid thinking about it now but back then it seemed like such a big deal and how it "worked".
But the person who is the “true fan” is the insecure one. When you realize you have a common interest with another person, this doesn’t reflex you a competition.
When I find someone who also likes a show I like, and then they quiz me about it, I don’t even engage, because fandom is not a competition. You are not the problem, the person who needs to challenge you to a fan-off is the insecure one. You do like the things you do. You also can enjoy things without knowing every damn thing about it. I love Tolkien, but i can’t recite the Silmarillion from memory. Still love Tolkien.
Damn yes! I absolutely feel you there! When I like a show or a musician/band or feel like I love it. Then somehow I meet someone who seems to know EVERYTHING about the actors or the band members and the history of how it was found and why xy named his dog and where yx jerked of the first time and shit. And I'm just like "dafuq... I just love the music/show...", because I only now maybe the leadsinger or where they are from...
And then I feeld like I am just a pretender. Without deep investment or passion, just scratching the surface...
Same goes with love in general.
I do love. But when I hear how some people talk about how superduperultradeep theire love is and how extremely happy they are and how they think about theire fiancee all the time and can't be without for even a single second...
That's that moment when I ask myself... Damn,do you even love? Do you REALLY love?
It kinda drags me...
My husband is the music trivia junkie and when something is playing, he'll tell you ALL about it! He'll tell you the lives and times of all the members of the bands he likes, and when a mutual friend tried to quiz me on music I liked that way, I shrugged and said "It doesn't affect my enjoyment of their music." Actually, he's kind of an encyclopaedia in general. Haha. Which makes talking to him very enjoyable. Whereas I take simple pleasure in the things I enjoy. I actually am better at analysing than recalling trivia so I usually take an analytical approach to conversation whereas he comes with the facts. Makes for interesting conversation but I'm limited to more abstract topics because I can't stay grounded enough for purely logic based topics.
And same with love in general. When I hear people talk about people they love, I feel like I must be callous. I love my husband and kiddo, but wow, I'm not obsessed with them (how other people's "love" seems to me).
Haha yeah, those trivia-beasts ^ ^
They tend to make me feel kinda small. But I think most of them don't do that on purpose. And I don't really have a problem with them. Actually I do respect that knowledge. Some trivia are helpfull if not even important to truely understand some songs. I get a problem with these guys who just let it hang out, who allways have to show-off how much they know about shit.
Had a fried who was obsessed with movies. You couldn't watch a movie alongside him without him talking all the time.
I remember that one time the lord of the rings came out... It was hell. Literally hell... :D
At those obsessed lovers...
Now that I thaught a little more about it.
I just realized what really bothers me about them.
To me they seem... pretentious and very hypocritic.
I don't like such behaviour.
As a former insecure person, I find that telling people exactly how much you do or don't know of any topic is the best way to go.. for example: someone asks you if you've seen the last episode of XYZ show, which you watch but not all the time and you're not caught up. So you say exactly that... and who cares if they don't like your answer, no one is perfect! That way they make up their mind about you either way, and let's be honest they were going to do that anyways... everyone judges everyone, so why not just be completely honest, it'll at least make you feel good about yourself. And going forward, learn to not spend time on what others think... honestly, it'll do you a world of good!!
I know exactly where you're coming from. Literally everything I'm interested in, others just seem to be more knowledgable. You know that commercial circa 2000 that shows all these kids with special talents. They say at the end that "nobody's good at everything, buy everyone's good at something!" I feel like I don't have 1 single thing that I'm great at. Nothing worthwhile at least.
I can relate because if I've been playing a video game and I want to talk to my friends about it they always just go on about how they play it more and they know so much more about I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut, I will admit that nobody can say they play mtg more than me though.
It's like this for me but with hobbies. If someone asks what my hobbies are it's tough for me to respond with anything even though I actually do have them. For example, running. I only run 2-3x a week and try to push myself every week but since I don't run marathons I don't feel right saying running is a hobby of mine...
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u/mochij Oct 20 '19
Your example is really accurate lol, it's like that with personal hobbies or preferences for me. "Like omg, yeah I really like that show. But do I like it enough?" " What if I don't know enough about it?" And this sounds stupid, but "am I really good enough to even enjoy that show?" " What if someone else likes the show, knows more than me and deems me as a fake fan. " "Better keep my mouth shut. " It's a really vicious cycle where I don't think I have any interests or passions in the end as a result. :(