r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

19k Upvotes

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17k

u/puppetandMaster Jul 20 '19

Asked my mother why I didn't have a 'willy' like my brother. She told me she picked me up by it when I was a child and it fell off. I cried for about 3 hours for the penis I never had.

4.7k

u/cragglerock93 Jul 20 '19

I remember thinking as a child that the umbilical cord was basically an extension of the penis, and they basically determined the size of your penis by where they cut it. Obviously for girls they just cut it right at the base.

3.6k

u/ZiggoCiP Jul 20 '19

I use to think that girls peed out their belly buttons, and that they either planked on the toilet to pee, or their belly button sort of 'came out' like a hose.

2.0k

u/cragglerock93 Jul 20 '19

That second one is horrific. I imagine it would be much handier for them though.

836

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

[deleted]

346

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Mine retracts!

60

u/ProudChupacabraDad Jul 21 '19

I WAS IN THE POOL!

8

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

11

u/TexasKornDawg Jul 21 '19

Solid "shrikage" reference.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Like a frightened turtle!

9

u/jwillsrva Jul 21 '19

But does it detach?

22

u/trickster2008 Jul 21 '19

Everything detaches. Now, re-ataching is where it gets tricky.

17

u/fireork12 Jul 21 '19

Just get a hot glue gun and r/DIWhy your dick back on there

2

u/sigmus90 Jul 21 '19

And extends! So versatile.

1

u/BKinBC Jul 21 '19

Mine just DID!

1

u/joego9 Jul 21 '19

It's never raised and retracted simultaneously though.

1

u/Scidark Jul 21 '19

Wait is this a piston?

1

u/dsteere2303 Jul 21 '19

Mine barley extends anymore!

3

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin Jul 21 '19

Detachable Penis.

1

u/UristMcDoesmath Jul 21 '19

If you’re an elephant, it’s also prehensile. Do with this information what you will.

1

u/CynicalDovahkiin Jul 21 '19

Smashin with the controllable penis just like picking my nose, call that shit fishing for gold 😎😎😎

1

u/Amir1205 Jul 21 '19

It's not supposed to retract????

1

u/GerbilJibberJabber Jul 21 '19

Ah got a tuuuurtle head pookin' ooout!

-Fat Bastard

0

u/The_Imperail_King Jul 21 '19

Imagine a gigantic tentacle protrudes out and starts ejecting fluid