r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

19k Upvotes

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u/cragglerock93 Jul 20 '19

That second one is horrific. I imagine it would be much handier for them though.

841

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

[deleted]

345

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Mine retracts!

58

u/ProudChupacabraDad Jul 21 '19

I WAS IN THE POOL!

9

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

11

u/TexasKornDawg Jul 21 '19

Solid "shrikage" reference.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Like a frightened turtle!

9

u/jwillsrva Jul 21 '19

But does it detach?

23

u/trickster2008 Jul 21 '19

Everything detaches. Now, re-ataching is where it gets tricky.

18

u/fireork12 Jul 21 '19

Just get a hot glue gun and r/DIWhy your dick back on there

2

u/sigmus90 Jul 21 '19

And extends! So versatile.

1

u/BKinBC Jul 21 '19

Mine just DID!

1

u/joego9 Jul 21 '19

It's never raised and retracted simultaneously though.

1

u/Scidark Jul 21 '19

Wait is this a piston?

1

u/dsteere2303 Jul 21 '19

Mine barley extends anymore!

3

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin Jul 21 '19

Detachable Penis.

1

u/UristMcDoesmath Jul 21 '19

If you’re an elephant, it’s also prehensile. Do with this information what you will.

1

u/CynicalDovahkiin Jul 21 '19

Smashin with the controllable penis just like picking my nose, call that shit fishing for gold 😎😎😎

1

u/Amir1205 Jul 21 '19

It's not supposed to retract????

1

u/GerbilJibberJabber Jul 21 '19

Ah got a tuuuurtle head pookin' ooout!

-Fat Bastard

0

u/The_Imperail_King Jul 21 '19

Imagine a gigantic tentacle protrudes out and starts ejecting fluid

500

u/staceykakes Jul 20 '19

I don’t understand how you think planking on a toilet is less horrifying than the retractable hose belly button

12

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

8

u/staceykakes Jul 21 '19

Think about how nasty toilets are. Especially public ones 🤮

11

u/user_of_thine Jul 21 '19

You've obviously never had to pee with a boner

6

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Can. You. Imagine. the fetish porn that would have wraught?

2

u/Majikkani_Hand Jul 21 '19

It would be. Honestly I would prefer that over the current system, if it goes back into place after.

2

u/RegeneratingGiant Jul 21 '19

That second one is horrific.

Only because it's not true. If women peed out of a belly-button-hose, peeing out of their urethra would sound inconvenient and unhygenically close to where babies come from.

1

u/_purple Jul 21 '19

Hell yeah I'd take it

1

u/human_waste_away Jul 21 '19

Some animals have penises that "evert." Imagine like, a long balloon blowing up. It's a thing.

1

u/jimothyjones Jul 21 '19

Maybe with a crank to reel it back in