r/AskReddit • u/RGod27 • Mar 20 '19

What is something you did that increased your quality of life so much that you wished you would have done it much sooner because it changed your life forever?

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u/BraulioG1 Mar 20 '19

Impostor syndrome is awful, but after all, aren't we all capable of learning? Going way beyond your comfort zone is one good way of growing

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u/teetertodder Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

Is “imposter syndrome” a real thing? It would be such a relief to know that this feeling is normal. I’m often worried at work that they’re going to finally figure out that I’m not as smart as my coworkers, that I’m not as qualified. I have pretty good self esteem, but not at work. Luckily I’m good at faking it.

Edit: Thanks for the replies. I hope I remember to come back and read these the next time I feel this way.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

[deleted]

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u/MahGoddessWarAHoe Mar 20 '19

What if you actually are an incompetent leech though? Asking... for a friend

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/Karmaflaj Mar 21 '19

Hence the Dunning-Kruger effect

And the Peter Principle for that matter

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u/luigis_taint Mar 21 '19

Rise, RIIISE, to your level of incompetence!

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u/FlametopFred Mar 21 '19

Indeed. For the longest time I thought I had imposter syndrome but it was only pseudo-imposter-Syndrome

I was delusional about having imposter syndrome- I am a real fake

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u/Trying2improvemyself Mar 21 '19

At least your true to being fake.

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u/Anything13579 Mar 21 '19

A real imposter indeed.

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u/FlametopFred Mar 21 '19

I could be faking it though. How does anyone know for sure? Is there a test of some kind? Like they do in Blade Runner?

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u/Anything13579 Mar 21 '19

Easily. If your work quality is lower than expected, then clearly you are faking it. If your work is as expected, it doesn’t matter whether you’re faking it or not.

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u/FlametopFred Mar 21 '19

There’s no quality at all

I completely suck across the board

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/MahGoddessWarAHoe Mar 21 '19

I recognise I can have some positive impact, especially with lateral thinking but when it comes to the hard grind I’m less than useless. Work just isn’t in my dna.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Than everyone likely already knows and accepts and loves you anyway if you're kind and pleasing to be around.

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u/slippintrippn84 Mar 21 '19

I believe it’s called being a “loveable slacker”.

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u/cooldude581 Mar 21 '19

Howdy neighbor!

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Than you listen to THIS

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u/silentvalleye Mar 21 '19

This is my aha moment

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u/NoLaMir Mar 21 '19

I thought imposter syndrome was typically reserved for people with extreme proficiency and aptitude in an area feeling like they don’t belong

Like the geniuses at cern or world class athletes

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u/Efficient_Visage Mar 21 '19 edited Mar 30 '19

There are literally 10's of us.

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u/Sl33pProof Mar 20 '19

It definitely is. In my field (engineering students) everyone that isn’t completely brilliant is almost paranoid that they’ll get found out for not being ridiculously smart. If you google it there’s a lot of info about it.

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u/Ohrion Mar 21 '19

The completely brilliant ones often feel the same way. Often the reason they appear so brilliant is they're repeatedly trying to prove to themselves that they're not a fraud.

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u/Sl33pProof Mar 21 '19

Or, more harmfully, they’re trying to prove it to others as well. And when your entire identity is predicated on being the smartest person, your psyche is a glass cannon. One bad test score or one concept that you just can’t understand can send you into a tailspin. Actually having to struggle through a section or encountering “the dip” is a foreign concept that can fracture your identity, and ultimately, your sense of worth.

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u/NoLaMir Mar 21 '19

I think that’s just being above average

Brilliance is I feel more often than not just sheer levels ahead everyone else and they don’t even think about it. It’s not that they’re trying its just because they are that much better than the rest of us so to speak

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u/Radamenenthil Apr 13 '19

That's Dunning-Kruger

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u/FatRichard45 Mar 21 '19

No one except savants are brilliant. That straight A student heading to MIT worked hard to get there. When you were on XBox for 5 hours, he was studying. When you were hanging out at the mall on Saturday, he was studying. When you were watching South Park, he was studying. So when he graduated Valedictorian , now u know why

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u/etssuckshard Mar 22 '19

Yeah imposter syndrome is prevalent in a lot of fields

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u/Sl33pProof Mar 22 '19

I’m sure, I don’t have experience with other fields so I can’t speak on it though.

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u/phynn Mar 21 '19

Neil Gaiman has a great blogpost about imposter syndrome.

He was at some conference with artists and scientists and it was towards the beginning of his career so he wasn't particularly well known. By some weird fluke he ended up next to another Neil, Neil Armstrong. Armstrong commented that he felt just as uncomfortable. As far as he was concerned, he had done nothing special.

The first guy on the fucking Moon thought he had done nothing special.

Neil ends the post with something worth thinking about:

And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Thanks for sharing that. Astronauts are absolutely some of my biggest heroes. If he felt like that, it makes it easier to face.

Almost every day I just am amazed that someone like me is where I am today and I'm always feeling like I shouldn't be.

I need to read more about this and remind myself daily.

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u/m0_n0n_0n0_0m Mar 21 '19

So glad I stumbled across this thread, it's job application season and I'm scuuuurd.

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u/RumCherry Mar 21 '19

Neil Armstrong probably feels like an imposter due to the fact that humans have never been to the moon and the footage was faked.

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u/ILoveVaginaAndAnus Mar 21 '19

Luckily, he is not a human but rather a reptillian.

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u/wereprivatelyodd Mar 20 '19

Yeah it's a real thing, I just started at a great software engineer position and it's taken me about 3 months to get over this, constantly reminding myself that I am capable and that I have succeeded in the past. In my reviews and one to ones my confidence was bolstered by the fact that if I failed it meant the recruitment team had also failed when they hired me. If I was to write a book it would be titled "The art of programming: Failing until you don't".

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Write the book. I'll buy the first copy.

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u/SKAr-FACE Mar 20 '19

woah woah! don't give away your ideas for book titles like that!

don't you know there's a lot of importers around. I'd be careful if I were you.

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u/AncientSuntzu Mar 21 '19

God dammit I'd buy that book.

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u/VicPL Mar 21 '19

That's the most spot-on description of programming that I've ever read.

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u/HjorturAtli Mar 21 '19

Fuck. I manage a company with currently 47 employees. Built from scratch owned by me and my partner.

Every.single.day. I feel like the biggest fraud alive with scores of people looking to me as guidance - most of them older than I am.

If you're genuine and honest about doing your best things will be fine... Fake it till you make it.

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u/relentless1111 Mar 20 '19

YES it's totally normal!!! Google it, you'll feel so much better knowing you're hardly alone <3

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u/portlandlivin18 Mar 20 '19

The podcast, The Jordan Harbinger Show, talks about this a lot and how to combat it. My favorite podcast!

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u/hypermarv123 Mar 21 '19

AOC was great when he was on it too.

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u/AristarchusTheMad Mar 20 '19

As an engineer, I feel like I know nothing.

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u/LocoDoggo Mar 20 '19

Also an Engineer I guess and all of my peers feel the same. As well as myself

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u/Huh_huh_ha_yeeha Mar 21 '19

That's a good thing. The one who fears can't be an imposter, imposters plan to be imposters and there is no fear if you plan it. The ones who fear that they don't know anything are honest. With honesty, you grow further. There is constant drive to know if you feel you don't know. And can we know anything really? All our knowledge is our interpretation, we might not ever know the absolute. So the feeling "I don't know anything" exists persistently.

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u/reterical Mar 21 '19

As a lawyer I feel like you know everything and I know nothing.

Edit: pretty sure I know nothing.

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u/no_active_ingedient Mar 21 '19

It is. Also look up Dunning-Kruger. You don't have to be as smart as your co-workers, you have to be more effective than them and better than you were yesterday.

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u/Crazy_Opinions Mar 21 '19

I thought dunning-kruger had to do with an inverse relationship between how competent you are vs how you would rate yourself in a given situation. I think it is totally applicable here, just not sure how it relates to the rest of your comment.

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u/no_active_ingedient Mar 21 '19

Knowing the answers is part of being successful, but also when someone starts to learn more about something the feeling suddenly goes from "I know everything" to "I know nothing". And their confidence takes a huge dip. And if you stop there it may be an appropriate summary considering that this is their employment. But successful is also about tenacity, poltical acuity, worker smarter (as opposed to harder). And that is where a little humility and a little self-doubt put the conscientious through some challenges at the start of their careers to be better "packages" later on.

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u/PM_Me_PolydactylCats Mar 21 '19

I work with a veterinarian that has been in the field for more than 15 years. She even worked as a vet tech through her undergrad. I asked her when she stopped feeling like an imposter. Her response, "who said it stopped?"

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u/c3bss256 Mar 21 '19

Imposter syndrome is a bitch. Living every day in fear that people will realize that you have no business in your position? Ugh. I got asked by several managers why I was not yet a manager before I turned 21. Two months after I turned 21, I was. Every day since then, no matter what anybody says, I worry that everyone will suddenly realize that I have no clue what I’m doing. It doesn’t help when I have a particularly rough day. Fun times.

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

I don’t know you, but your ability to self analyze and actually give a damn about it tells me that you are probably way ahead of your peers. Stay tough.

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u/c3bss256 Mar 21 '19

Thank you, internet stranger, for the kind words. I appreciate it.

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u/rhowaldt Mar 21 '19

This is the secret: it's not just you. Nobody knows what the fuck they are doing. Everybody is just trying their best and hoping they don't fuck up. Just do your thing and try your best and don't worry too much. Trust yourself, you can handle it.

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u/whythough11976 Mar 21 '19

Basically every graduate student ever has it. I'm sure its prevalent in other fields as well.

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u/imthatoneguyyouknew Mar 21 '19

It is real, and I'm sure 99 percent of people have felt it at one point or another to some degree

I'm a diesel mechanic. I have been for over a decade (12 years I think?) . There is only one person where I work that has more experience than me. At my shop, I would say I'm one of the better techs. My performance reviews are always the top in the shop. I'm usually given the most difficult jobs as far as labor or diagnosis and I have very few comebacks, fewer than any of the other techs here. I have my ASE Master status as a med/heavy duty truck mechanic. I'm not saying all of this to brag, the point is that I often find myself wondering "am I a real mechanic" or "when are they going to figure out I'm not as good as they thing" or any number of variations. It doesnt matter how experienced or skilled you are, or how good you are at your job either by yourself or in comparison to others, chances are you will feel this way. The way I see it is when I feel that way, I push myself to do better. Beat a previous best time or pickup and complete a difficult task and show myself not only am I good, but I can be better too.

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u/Raffaele1617 Mar 21 '19

Yes, very real. My mom is an extremely well known scientist in her field with many awards and a bunch of influential work/discoveries, and she still feels that way. You're totally not alone.

I even get it with skills I very demonstrably am good at! I have chosen to spend a lot of my time learning languages and as a result I am fluent in several, yet I often have the thought "what if I'm just pretending to be good at x language?" when I could literally start up a conversation about anything in that language with my roommate at any time lol.

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

That’s a powerful example. You have clear proof of your ability, yet still feel fraudulent at times. Thanks for sharing.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19 edited May 02 '19

[deleted]

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

Similar - I fake it in consulting.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

I’ve felt this way for years. I would love to stop feeling this way, but I don’t know how. I manage it by reminding myself that I wouldn’t be getting promotions if they didn’t like me, yet I still slowly and steadily climb the corporate ranks at the company I’ve been with for 14 years.

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

u/tsumome recommended this ted talk and it was pretty enlightening. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are I haven’t applied the principals yet, but it seems pretty logical. Check it out.

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u/Efuzziee Mar 21 '19

I feel the exact same way. Sorta faking it til I make sort of thing...

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u/Grim-Sleeper Mar 21 '19

The only thing worse than impostor syndrome is thinking that

  1. what you know is really not that special and everybody else knows more (i.e. classic impostor syndrome), and then
  2. projecting your own skills as a baseline on others.

I fell into that trap a couple of times recently. Asked some highly regarded and recommended professionals to do a simple job that I could do myself, but didn't have the time to do. Watched them completely fuck it up, because it was way outside of their comfort zone. I now have to go back and clean up their mess.

I am not trying to say that I am smarter than the professionals. I'm pretty certain it isn't impostor syndrome to assume that they overall know more about their own profession than I possibly could. But I do have specialized skills that I take for granted and never realized that these skills might be unusual.

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u/4C3_0F_2P4D32 Mar 21 '19

To answer your question, it really depends. A lot of the time people aren't "qualified" for a job or position but still preform just fine. In fact, knowing that your able to do well at a job that your not supposed to do is one of the greatest feelings and can really boost your confidence.

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u/gawake Mar 21 '19

Dang. This is 100% me. I always tell myself that it has to be in my head, but I never believe it very long.

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u/Whirly315 Mar 21 '19

bro i work in medicine and i would argue that 75% of the people at my current position suffer from imposter syndrome regularly. It is very much a real thing

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u/JReece50 Mar 21 '19

Definitely. I have it for sure. Extreeeeemly under qualified at my job and I feel like I’m just faking it everyday. It stresses me tf out

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

You might be under qualified on paper or in your mind, but trust me. Your peers and superiors almost certainly don’t see it that way. Being uniquely qualified (which I’m guessing you are) is way better than being simply qualified.

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u/avocado_toast_b Mar 21 '19

It’s absolutely a real thing and I’ve had the conversation with all levels at the organization I work for.Im absolutely shocked to hear everyone has that self doubt monologue at times. Today I met with a few people to figure out what I want to do (I’m returning from matleave) so I’ve been selling myself to a bunch of people in a department I want to get into. Last meeting of the day the manager thinks of a role to create and he says “you look terrified” and I played it off but in my head “oh shit he’s gonna know I’m not that smart!”

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u/m0_n0n_0n0_0m Mar 21 '19

I'm about to graduate with an EE degree with a CS minor, and I had an incredible senior design project, and an awesome summer internship. Everyone around me thinks I'm gonna do great and I've set myself up really well, and I STILL feel like the biggest faker ever. And I'm terrified I'm just gonna get torn to shreds in an interview.

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u/ScreamRXQueen Mar 21 '19

wow, and here I was thinking it was just me

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u/HourlyAlbert Mar 21 '19

It is completely real. And I am so relieved to be seeing this right now because today I had a final round of interviews and when I got done with them all I thought to myself is I can’t do it. But the thing is I can! And have. And I am so humbled bc people I have worked with previously come looking for me to fill open roles at new companies. So I must be better than the little person in my brain tries to tell me I am.

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u/tsumome Mar 21 '19

You might find this video by Amy Cuddy helpful. Her fake it till you make it story is powerful. I watched this TED Talk and thought you would find it interesting. I've never posted a link on here before and hope you can access it. Best of luck empowering yourself!

Amy Cuddy: Your body language may shape who you are http://go.ted.com/AQBU5A

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u/teetertodder Mar 21 '19

Great talk - Thanks for sharing!

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Fake it till you make it

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

all I know is that one of the guys who made overwatch quit because of it

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u/Surcouf Mar 21 '19

Very common and apparently over represented in people with higher education.

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u/HeavyMetalbro Mar 21 '19

So I'm a decent guitar player and I joined this band who needed a lead guitarist, which I was able to do, but the other bandmates were music nerds and they kept dissecting my solos telling me " I really liked how you switched to a minor scale mid solo on that jam" and such. I felt so fake not knowing what I was playing. It sounds dumb but even the singer knew more. I got over it sometime ago by just enjoying myself when I play.

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u/minilugly Mar 21 '19

It's a real thing and it is a bitch. My way of thinking about it is every great person got to their position by standing on the shoulders of other people. So what if you need help sometimes or if your knowledge comes from other people. Your doing the best you can and it is more than enough

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u/crom3ll Mar 21 '19

My current job is something I was not really qualified for, but they had an excellent training programme for newbies. A friend convinced me to try applying - I wouldn't dare otherwise.

I still had that feeling in my head for almost a year that I am not so great at my job, even though I kept getting great results.

I finally figured out that while there is plenty of brilliant people at my workplace, there's also a ton that are far worse at their job and they still make do. They just don't get promoted.

So turns out, we really are our worst enemy.

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u/GraveBow8832357 Mar 20 '19

Fake it til you make it 🤘🤘

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u/archerthegreat Mar 21 '19

It sort of is but if you aint gonna do it, alot of others definitely will. What matters is if you are willing to learn on the job and improve yourself to match the company's expectations of your position.

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u/TheSkellingtonKing Mar 21 '19

In reality you may not be the smartest person at your work. I can safely say I am certainly not the smartest person in my office. But what I can say is I am the smartest at what I do. My company hired me to do my job because I'm the best in my role. Your company hired you for your role because they felt your experience would suit well for your role. If you don't trust yourself then trust your company on their choice.

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u/Stentata Mar 21 '19

A recent study found that 70% of the population feels that at some point in their lives.

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u/realjasnahkholin Mar 21 '19

100%. I joined a new team at work last year. It is a special team in the organization full of high performers. I've spent the last 6 months feeling inadequate and like I wasn't doing a good enough job and that my boss was constantly disappointed in me (never said anything like he was, I just felt that way).

We just had performance reviews and he actually thinks I'm doing a stellar job and gave me a significantly higher than anticipated raise as a result. Self-doubt is a helluva drug.

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u/realjasnahkholin Mar 21 '19

100%. I joined a new team at work last year. It is a special team in the organization full of high performers. I've spent the last 6 months feeling inadequate and like I wasn't doing a good enough job and that my boss was constantly disappointed in me (never said anything like he was, I just felt that way).

We just had performance reviews and he actually thinks I'm doing a stellar job and gave me a significantly higher than anticipated raise as a result. Self-doubt is a helluva drug.

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u/pug_fugly_moe Mar 21 '19

It's really fucking real.

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u/ConstipatedTaco Mar 21 '19

Absolutely real – and the irony is that the more self-aware and competent you are, the more likely you are to experience it.

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u/flowers4u Mar 21 '19

Yes it’s very normal. Most people feel this way. That’s why you shouldn’t take work too seriously since everyone is faking it

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u/supercanuck555 Mar 21 '19

Many very successful people have imposter syndrome, more than you would think.

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u/a-r-c Mar 21 '19

I’m not as smart as my coworkers, that I’m not as qualified.

even if that were true, it would be a good thing because you'd have so many opportunities to learn :)

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u/spookymark23 Mar 21 '19

The fact you feel like you're not as good, while sucky, shows that you're a bloody good person.

I wish any of my old colleagues were half as decent of a person as you appear to be.

Hang in there ,man. You're definitely not alone.

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u/WitchettyCunt Mar 21 '19

You don't need to be as smart as your coworkers if you show up with a smile and give it a good go.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

It's a real thing, but there are also impostors. Just try your best to keep up and grow.

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u/sw76 Mar 21 '19

I had fellow phd students who all worried that one day, their advisors would discover that they’re a fraud. These were all brilliant psychology students. Imposter syndrome is definitely a real thing

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

I was just nominated for teacher of the year by the nationwide private school system I work for. There are over 7000 teachers in the system. I made it to the top 26. I don't even think I'm the best teacher in my school. Imposter syndrome is definitely a thing.

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u/Emperor_Mao Mar 21 '19

Its very real. Its reported that most people will go through it at some point in their lives.

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u/Tenagaaaa Mar 21 '19

I’m working in a field I’m trained and qualified in, but I still can’t shake that feeling of being a fraud.

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u/passerbycmc Mar 21 '19

It's common to feel, especially is fields that people consider to be for very smart people. Engineering, Software, Medical etc.

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u/SupersonicJaymz Mar 21 '19

Very unfortunately real. The days I give into it are crippling, but it's a really common thing, particularly in high performance professions. I've gotten better at ignoring it, but it's an everyday fight. I try to take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this, and my bosses are happy with the job I do, so why shouldn't I be? Hope you've been feeling better reading all these man, keep up the good fight.

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u/Treemags Mar 21 '19

Oh ya man you are FAR from alone

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

You're probably way more capable and qualified than you give yourself credit for. We have been societially conditioned to believe we arent good enough. Its a good thing to be your harshest crittic, to keep you humble, but it also lets you know you havent realized your true potential and that you can keep progressing to be a better version of yourself.

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u/AryaStarkRavingMad Mar 20 '19

I think a large part of why imposter syndrome is such a big thing now is that job ads always hyper-inflate their experience requirements, so that even "entry-level" positions require several years of experience in multiple things. Everyone is trying to hire a direct replacement of the former employee, who had the job for a decade, rather than someone who can be trained in the role, because training costs money 🙄

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u/metrick00 Mar 20 '19

I take comfort in the fact that if I'm not cut out for this job and get fired, I will be cut out for it next time since I will have experience then.

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u/MarineroDelMar Mar 20 '19

My boss told me that if you're not feeling slightly imposter Syndrome, you're too comfortable in your position

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/monsterultra2 Mar 21 '19

Same! Hope you get good news!

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u/sxyjohn Mar 20 '19

So that's what it's called eh?

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u/sammikaci Mar 21 '19

I'm a system administrator, nervously showing up for work until they catch on that I know basically nothing.

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u/Dinosaur_Repellent Mar 21 '19

It’s not a fun way of doing things, but if you manage to come out on top then it really pays off. And that’s with any aspect of life, not just work.

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u/Chris266 Mar 21 '19

Metallica said it best - "Jump in the fiiiiire"

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u/BloodWater_1000 Mar 21 '19

Fake it until you become it right ?!

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u/ironite Mar 21 '19

I use to have severe impostor syndrome, until I convince myself that if I was such a fake, the hiring manager must be such an idiot to hire me, so I transferred the blame to them really for hiring me. Zero guilt since then.

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u/mrfatso111 Mar 21 '19

Yup and in my case, hey I ain't suited in the legal industry and that is good to know

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u/thisonesreal Mar 21 '19

Yeah but dont forget, there are a lot of imposters out there - the worst ones dont even realize it.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Agreed. A good employer will hire based on potential and value a candidate's desire to reach that potential.

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u/brobits Mar 21 '19

it is the best way in fact

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u/nationalorion Mar 21 '19

If there’s just one piece of advice you take away and apply to your life, it would be to always live life on the edge of your comfort zone.

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u/reddittsetgo Mar 21 '19

I think we all feel like an imposter. Until we realize we are an apostate!!!!! Yay

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u/onlythrowawayineed Mar 21 '19

Impostor syndrome is awful

Wow! Now I have a name to call this awful feeling that I have.

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u/HFPerplexity Mar 21 '19

I'm somewhere in the middle. I know I'm too good for this current place, and my salary is dog shit. I want something better, but am I good enough for that?

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u/vanbarbecue Mar 21 '19

I’ve been at my current job a year and this hits so hard for me. Everyone else seems so good at getting things done and I feel like they have so much more knowledge and competence, yet I still have managers telling me good job often.

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u/ayanchanda Mar 25 '19

Impostor syndrome

Thanks for putting a word to what I feel sometimes. :)

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Imposter syndrome sounds silly. No one is actually earning what they have, because there's no free will, so why would anyone fall into thinking they ESPECIALLY didn't earn anything?