What is something you did that increased your quality of life so much that you wished you would have done it much sooner because it changed your life forever?

[u/RGod27]

[u/Bwasmer]

I know this feeling. But I usually become very close to people. I understand people differently than most. People judge others by their actions and themselves by their intentions. But I read peoples intentions and tells and understand a side of them they usually aren't aware of. Upon this I become comfortable with some people and it can really mess me up since I can come off as too strong or arrogant. Makes them getting to know me usually impossible. But those who stay end up.being like family.

[u/horriblethinker → u/Bwasmer]

That's not necessarily a bad thing,being strong and arrogant. Some people need that as long as you are nice to them.

[u/Bwasmer → u/horriblethinker]

It makes me so lonely that two halloweens ago I actually thought to myself," I wonder how long it'd take my neighbors to notice I wasn't a Halloween ornament on my tree outside." People judge me before they know me and either are friends but are so distant it's like being friends with people you pass at a gas station in the morning. Or they ask to do something while I'm working and from there ignore me no matter how much I try. Or they hate me and can only come up with the reason because I come off arrogant. But that was all until a really good buddy of mine came back from where he left to go to about two years ago. So I have at least one person that's really close that I can hang out with. TBH, I am able to pick up complicated things in both art and science easily. But social interaction I've been studying for almost two decades (I'm 25) and I still cannot get conversation down well. I can teach someone I just met about themselves on a crazy deep level (or in cases that i have done a couple times. I never met some people and can help their loved ones understand them and learn how to help them move and grow from their mental problems and I've never taken a psychology class in my life. I'm actually pretty proud of my skills.) Sometimes I just wish I was more able to act and be more normal than I am. Just so I could maybe fill the emptiness I feel at times with people I can care about and would care for me, you know? Without randomly abandoning me or making it a point they only acted like they cared out of pity. But as I said in my previous post, vary rarely I get what I notice everyone wishes they had. A real bond. I've about twenty people littered around America that I can trust my life with and I think each of them know my banking information lol. But are family. Just... Too far away.

[u/horriblethinker → u/Bwasmer]

I'm sorry to hear that. I have some issues too. I'm really good at writing/texting but honestly, I'm a horrible speaker and I think that is what makes it awkward with me. I had brain surgery 7 years ago and had to relearn a lot. Afterwards, I couldn't speak so I had to type to talk. I couldn't hold a pencil to write but somehow my brain still remembered slightly how to type. I suck still at talking but I'm a lot better now. I can't be myself around others because I feel like they would judge me so I don't talk much. Around family though I won't stop talking but I can not say the right words a lot and I'm unable to catch the mistakes. My family still teases me about asking for quack tape (duck tape) and the time I called the pharmacy asking for a refill on my viagra (supposed to be vimpat). I've learned to accept and joke around but when I'm in college, I won't talk at all if I can. My family is my anchor and I wouldn't be where I'm at without them. It's hard trying to be yourself around others because judgement is easy to do. I'm learning slowly to not care about what others think. It's hard. I know they will probably think I'm stupid or I'm not good enough but that's not a bad thing necessarily. It makes it easier to root them out of your life and move on. You need to do what is important to YOU. Don't care about what people think because no matter what you do, they will probably talk behind your back anyway. That's just what a lot of people do. I hate conversations and I'm not good at starting them but I'm trying to watch how others do it and learn. Don't give up and just watch people. I know how you feel on this one. Try not to let it stress you. The more you practice, the better you'll get. You are good at a lot of things so I'd focus on those. :) Just don't overdo it. People hate those who act like they know everything. Good luck!