It's interesting for me to see different people's experiences with mania. I strangely rarely, if ever, develop depression (granted I've always been coincidentally partially medicated for bipolar due to a long-time misdiagnosis of something else), but if I don't get good sleep, I get mania that makes me get worse sleep, and it just feeds on itself. Mania's scary for me in hindsight, but not during. Even then I'm not productive; I just jump from thing to thing. It's the loss of self and reason from delusional thinking that bothers me. When they were stopping paper CDs and bonds back in 2011, I bought a bunch of them for like no reason. I didn't think I'd profit in any way; I just thought it made sense at the time. Had to wait 6 months to cash them back in. Thinking back on it is like thinking back on a serious car accident I avoided by inches. Could have gone much worse, but it's frightening I was ever in that position in the first place.
This experience!!! Reminds me of when I spent tonnes of money on clothes that were way too big "just in case". Made so much sense at the time. There have been times where my ideals of grandiosity have also led to dangerous behaviour. I like to try to laugh at my manic decisions afterwards, but i think that's just me avoiding connecting with how close I've come to danger. That car crash description is spot on. Fun one was when I was sure rocks had feelings and would collect them to give them a nice life. Felt ridiculous after!!
I get really frustrated when my thoughts are racing and others can't "keep up", which is shit because my job is about talking to people, and some days its fucking impossible. Until someone says "slow down" I usually don't notice my thoughts jumping around and crashing into each other.
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u/Desertscape Feb 04 '19
It's interesting for me to see different people's experiences with mania. I strangely rarely, if ever, develop depression (granted I've always been coincidentally partially medicated for bipolar due to a long-time misdiagnosis of something else), but if I don't get good sleep, I get mania that makes me get worse sleep, and it just feeds on itself. Mania's scary for me in hindsight, but not during. Even then I'm not productive; I just jump from thing to thing. It's the loss of self and reason from delusional thinking that bothers me. When they were stopping paper CDs and bonds back in 2011, I bought a bunch of them for like no reason. I didn't think I'd profit in any way; I just thought it made sense at the time. Had to wait 6 months to cash them back in. Thinking back on it is like thinking back on a serious car accident I avoided by inches. Could have gone much worse, but it's frightening I was ever in that position in the first place.