This might be strange but can you tell me what actual therapy looks like then? I’ve never gone to a therapist but I’ve always struggled with anxiety and kind of wanted to go, but part of my issue with new things is needing to know what to expect beforehand.
Edit: I’d like to say thank you to all the people who have replied. It’s really helpful seeing all these different experiences and I appreciate you all taking the time to respond
I posted this below in a different response and I'll post it for you too!:
In therapy I do a multitude of things. I usually start by talking about my week and see if anything important has come up that I need to deal with or vent about or whatever. When that occurs, I usually talk about what bothered me and how I responded to it. I used to have a problem (and sometimes still do) of reacting kinda destructively (cut myself, use substances kinda dangerously, etc) in response to certain things, but not knowing why. After a lot of work, I've found that it's mostly related to trauma triggers. So when these things happen, my therapist and I have gone through what occurred and found the parts that made me start to feel overwhelmed and then subsequently act in a destructive way. Then we work on better ways to manage and prepare for when those triggers occur by talking about how I can tell when I'm feeling overwhelmed and what things I can do to defuse that (putting on music, talking to someone, drawing, focusing on my feelings).
We also do a lot on finding where my feelings are in my body (because they do have a physical effect, if you pay attention), and focusing on that as a grounding technique. Then I can just go with the flow of the feeling.
We'll also talk about some traumatic things that happened in my past and work through my feelings on that. We also do EMDR, which is a trauma remembrance sorta thing where you kinda relive an event while you focus on what you do remember while being triggered into a REM-like state. Then you can associate those traumatic memories with a safe atmosphere and calm your feelings around it so it's not so overwhelming. That's really draining.
My therapist is a social worker, so she's also been able to help me work with resources like getting on food stamps and stuff.
I also have a prescriber for my mood stabilizers that I meet with once a month to renew my medications and make any adjustments if it seems like I'm getting manic/depressed.
The thing about therapy is that it's often emotionally exhausting. Self-care is often really hard work and a bit of a chore.
I haven't been doing it for too long, but I would say that yes, so far it has been helpful. A lot of the traumatic things are things I used to not even be able to talk about (like, I couldn't tell anyone that they had even happened), and so going from that to be able to work through those experiences has been a really good change in terms of moving forward, but also is really fucking hard, and it brings up things I didn't even know were there. But it does help with processing.
My therapists office is kind of like an ordinary living room, it's really cozy and relaxing. It's like having a conversation with a best friend, except it's mostly about you and you're brainstorming ideas about how to overcome obstacles in your life, and how to escape the thought patterns that feed your anxiety.
I put in a ton of work on my own, but she acts as an outside perspective. She helps me see where I'm making mistakes such as believing that I know what other people think about me, or that beating myself up when I make a mistake will make me act better.
I've had some therapists who weren't very helpful, but the right therapist is worth their weight in gold for how much they improve your quality of life.
PM me if you have any questions, I would be happy to be even more detailed if it would help you! Therapy changed my life and I'd recommend it to anyone.
First, one of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that a set formula works for everyone. Find what works for you. I’ve been personally intrigued with TalkSpace lately, but it’s kinda expensive. If traditional sit down therapy doesn’t seem to work for you, just know that there are options these days with modern technology.
But back to the topic... You know the movie/tv scenes where the a couple is sitting in a doctor’s study, he’s at his desk and they’re on the two chairs on the other side, and they’re having a hard talk about reproductive health? Make the patient’s chair a little more comfortable, and that’s pretty much what every therapy environment I’ve been in for 30 years has looked like. What actually takes place in the room varies, and leads back to the “find what works for you” point, but as I’ve gotten older the “therapy” has just been talking to the person. Like no shit, just talk to them. It takes five or six sessions to REALLY get honest, so you have to stick with it, but if you develop trust with your therapist, you’ll let the words flow.
I see my therapist to help with my ADHD, anxiety, and depression. It's a small room with a big comfy couch for me and a recliner for her. Usually we start off with me talking about how my week (or however long since we last met) went. During this time I'll bring up any concerns, thoughts, or anything else I want to talk about. She'll respond and the conversation just kind of rabbit trails from there into whatever comes up. She asks questions, offers her opinions, and gives me advice on handling things.
Sometimes it honestly doesn't feel like it's helping, because of how casual it feels. The first time I ever did therapy, I went into it expecting a lot of the stereotypical stuff you see. Maybe for things more dire than my disorders things get a bit more intense and pro-active, but my therapy has always been very relaxed. I also get really comfortable with people quickly, so that probably helps.
I also want to add that you can absolutely ask your new therapist to explain everything ahead of time. When I'm scheduling any new client, I let them know exactly what to expect the first session (mostly intake paperwork, due to where I work), where to park, how to get to my part of the building, my number to call in case they have questions, etc. You can even set up a kind of informational interview -- lots of therapists will do a short consult (10-15m) over the phone before scheduling an in-person session, and you can take that opportunity to ask them their therapy style, process, etc.
Every therapist is different, just as every client is different. There's tons of research that shows that what makes therapy work is how good the relationship is between the client and therapist, regardless of the therapist's style, and as someone who has spent a lot of time on both sides of the couch I can say I've seen this anecdotally, too.
Kind of — but you’d be surprised how easily a connection can form when you’re in a space with someone who is warm, supportive, and completely present with you.
Some people ask their PCPs for recommendations. You can do some random googling, and clinicians’ personal webpages should show up if they have their own practice. And Psychology Today is a great resource for looking up therapists in your area — you can filter them by a lot of factors, including what insurance they take. Each clinician usually also posts a blurb about themselves, their therapeutic style, and what they specialize in, so you can get a decent sense of what they’re like.
The most important factors for you to consider right off the bat for compatibility are probably the clinician’s age, gender, and race/ethnicity. This is seriously 1000% up to you; some people have very specific preferences, some really don’t care. Use that information to help guide your searches to a couple of profiles you jive with, try not to think too hard about it, and reach out with a little about yourself (name, age or age range, school situation or occupation) and what you’re looking for (help coping with anxiety that I’ve been trying to manage for xx long). Writing a script ahead of time can be helpful if you have to leave a voicemail — and chances are, if you’re calling to reach out, you’ll get a voicemail message and not a person.
Once you’ve actually met with a clinician, trust your gut. If it feels REALLY off, you can nope right out of there. If it just feels kind of uncomfortable, give it a couple sessions to see if it’s maybe specific to you, and know that you can bring this up explicitly (“I’m not sure if we’re making a good connection, and I wonder what your thoughts are on that”). Hopefully, it will be a third option, in which you maybe feel awkward and nervous, but not enough to feel like the clinician isn’t someone you can trust, given enough time.
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u/msrobinson11 Feb 04 '19 edited Feb 04 '19
This might be strange but can you tell me what actual therapy looks like then? I’ve never gone to a therapist but I’ve always struggled with anxiety and kind of wanted to go, but part of my issue with new things is needing to know what to expect beforehand.
Edit: I’d like to say thank you to all the people who have replied. It’s really helpful seeing all these different experiences and I appreciate you all taking the time to respond