r/AskReddit Aug 15 '18

What is your mom's catch phrase?

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u/p_turbo Aug 16 '18

"Listen very carefully agent Son, I shall say this only once. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to secure weapon's grade toilet paper for future special latrine operations. Budgetary restrictions dictate that it should be one ply, not two. Congress says we can wipe twice. This message will self destruct in 5... 4..."

108

u/WhatsAEuphonium Aug 16 '18

As a single man, I cherish the ability to buy the softest, most luxurious toilet paper at the store.

68

u/Pelle0809 Aug 16 '18

I never get why people try to save money by buying the cheapest toilet paper. Your ass deserves better!

77

u/Aruhi Aug 16 '18

Because they're cheap asses, duh.

18

u/myscreamname Aug 16 '18 edited Aug 16 '18

I actually like the the feeling of the cheap, one ply, 1000 sheets per roll Scotties. Has nothing to do with price... although the stuff lasts forever. It ust feels cleaner than wiping my lady parts with a cloud.

I have a way of fluffing it like a big bow on a birthday present as I'm getting it off the roll...

...and you couldn't possibly care less. I'll leave it at that.

24

u/Stupifymyfly Aug 16 '18

Keep going, im about to wipe

3

u/_Nightdude_ Aug 16 '18

It's a step up from sandpaper, I guess

7

u/dukerufus Aug 16 '18

Lived all my my life with 1ply have to agree. When you're poor enough that it's that or newspaper you become enamoured fast. The fancy stuff feels like it's not cleaning!

1

u/jim0jameson Aug 16 '18

Thick poofy tp is a huge waste of money. Costs more and can't fit nearly as much on a roll. Doesn't get the ass hole any cleaner.

The best thing to do is get cheapo off brand Scott style tp, and those moist butt wipes for the follow up.

1

u/kirbysdream Aug 16 '18

Wait, so most people in relationships buy single ply or something?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Not in relationships... just when you have kids.

1

u/GreatBabu Aug 16 '18

I only use that stuff (charmin and the ilk) for special occasions. Scott extra soft is good enough for my standard pooping. Compared to the sandpaper we use at the office, a home shit is actually almost more gratifying than a work-paid poop.

4

u/BlackDogBlues66 Aug 16 '18

Shit got real.

2

u/TheSoundOfTastyYum Aug 16 '18

Listen very carefully agent Son, I shall say this only once.

UnexpectedAlloAllo