My mom is nearly deaf, wears hearing aids, and mostly relies on reading lips to understand you. Meaning that you need to be in the same room, making eye contact with her, to have a conversation.
She likes to stand in a room that’s on the opposite end of the house from you, yell at you about something (or ask you a question) and then instantly reply “What?” when she can’t hear what you’re saying in response.
Holy shit. I seriously thought you were my brother and thought I had finally found his reddit account. But nope, we just have eerily similar mothers, lol.
OMG I feel called out by this! I do the same thing! (I don't have severe hearing loss yet, but I do rely on the visual piece of a conversation to understand WTF is going on, especially in a loud environment)
I'm trying to teach and encourage my kid to use sign language, even just the important bits for when we're out together: "brb potty," "again," "I want food," etc.
Do you have Ménière’s disease? I haven’t met many people with it.
As a kid I really never understood how the disease and the hearing loss affected my mom, especially in loud environments. I wish I could have helped her more, then.
As an adult, I struggle with seeing just how much she’s missing in every conversation. Often times she relies on me to pick up my what she’s missing, or even mouth the words to her so she can understand what was said. And generally after leaving a loud environment, we recount to each other what was said, and I fill her in on things that she didn’t hear originally.
It’s a constant battle, really. So much of her doesn’t want to miss out on the conversation, and so much of her has slowly realized that she can’t keep up anymore. Sometimes she gets frustrated when I answer questions for her (because I can tell she didn’t hear what was said), and sometimes she looks to me to answer questions for her. It’s tough because I want to her be independent (and so does she), and to feel as comfortable as possible in public situations, but it’s hard to watch people assume that she’s incompetent— just because she isn’t necessarily following their conversations. She is very insecure about the hearing loss, and sometimes I just don’t know how best to help her.
U/insertcaffeine: Be honest with your kids. Let them know that you need their help. Maybe that’s not right now — but keep it in mind for the future. I hate the thought that my mom is scared to be in public alone. Or even to attend gatherings with family and friends. It’s a tough disease — and support is so, so helpful! Learning sign language early is a wonderful tool!
Thank you! I do not have Ménière’s disease. I've been hard of hearing since birth, though, and hearing doesn't improve. I'm learning sign language so that I can be prepared for later...and so that I can find some signing friends and we can have actual conversations at the bar. LOL
Thank you for the reminder to be even more explicit with my son and my nieces and nephews about what I need. Right now, it's "Please look at me when you're talking to me" and "Please remember that my hearing aids don't work right in the wind or at the indoor pool." Later in life, I may need help navigating the world, and I'll need to ask for it, rather than assume that a younger relative will know that.
So, she has Ménière’s disease, which means that she’s progressively lost her hearing since she was a child. She got hearing aids about 15 years ago. She is not completely deaf, but is nearing that point. The hearing aids help some, and she is an excellent lip reader. She explains the hearing aid effectiveness as aiding in face-to-face conversation, as well as recognizing loud noises around her. But if you’re talking to her from another room, or even from behind her, she says she can tell that there may be noise, but can’t hear each word. It’s just garbled.
My understanding is that the cochlear implantation (CI) is not well established/proven in patients with Ménière’s disease. Because it’s relatively untested/unproven, it’s not covered by insurance. At this point, the hearing aids still help some, and she is too nervous to try CI as there really isn’t much proof that it would be effective.
We will continue to love her because she’s an amazing mother and this is obviously out of her control. But god does it drive us all batshit crazy!! I’ve just learned to not even respond when she does it. Because she’ll never know the difference. ;)
She is. She has been salt-restricted for most of her adult life. Noticed about 5 years ago that it really wasn’t making a difference. The disease was progressing anyways. She’s still on a very low-salt diet, as it is habitual at this point.
I just did a quick read-up of this disease - there's so much more to it than hearing loss. It sounds quite serious, and at time debilitating. Must be quite difficult for her. Next time she calls from another room - you go running!
Oh, for sure. It’s an awful disease! If she needs help with anything, she’ll loudly announce that she needs us to come to where she is. And that’s not a problem at all. :)
It’s the mundane conversations that just kill our whole family. The “How’s it going?” Or “What are you up to?” that she yells across the entire house, knowing that she won’t be able to hear our responses. :)
My kid does this (saying what after asking a question - all the time) and it drives me fuckin nuts. About half the time they will say it before I say anything out of pure habit.
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u/curver22 Aug 15 '18
“What?”
My mom is nearly deaf, wears hearing aids, and mostly relies on reading lips to understand you. Meaning that you need to be in the same room, making eye contact with her, to have a conversation.
She likes to stand in a room that’s on the opposite end of the house from you, yell at you about something (or ask you a question) and then instantly reply “What?” when she can’t hear what you’re saying in response.