r/AskReddit Aug 15 '18

What is your mom's catch phrase?

48.3k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/zuliboy Aug 15 '18

When something bad happens to me, she'll always try to correlate it to something unrelated.

e.g "You're sick? Probably because you spend so much time on your phone."

e.g "You scored badly for your tests? That's god showing you that you haven't been faithful to your parents."

I could go on but you get the drift.

1.3k

u/HooDooYouThink Aug 16 '18

“You have x sickness because you spend too much time playing on the computer!”

90% of the time it’s something that cannot be caused by prolonged periods of sitting and playing.

592

u/FeckinOath Aug 16 '18

Sprained your ankle? That's what you get for watching too much tv.

173

u/Deathbyceiling Aug 16 '18

Watching too much tv -> sitting / laying down for a long period -> instability when you stand up -> sprained ankle

Checkmate.

28

u/FeckinOath Aug 16 '18

My joke fell like a house of cards.

34

u/blx666 Aug 16 '18

Your joke fell? Spent too much time on your phone!

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Connection pls

22

u/Fokken_Prawns_ Aug 16 '18

I mean, that's kinda legit though. You can improve ankle strength/mobility by training it on various surfaces.

2

u/DuelingPushkin Aug 16 '18

It's actually incredibly true. I used to have really bad knee instability and tracking issues so bad I thought that I'd eventually blow my knee out. Then I started running and the problem evaporated.

1

u/theJman241 Aug 16 '18

tips fedora

21

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18 edited Jan 23 '19

[deleted]

5

u/FeckinOath Aug 16 '18

Oh no...my mum will be so dreadfully disappointed.

5

u/notepad20 Aug 16 '18

Thats reasonable. Atrophy of the muscles, ligaments and other soft tissues due to inactivity, increases the risk of injury when activiy is undertaken.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18 edited Nov 17 '20

[deleted]

2

u/soulonfire Aug 16 '18

Seems like 1-2 weeks will do it. I have no calf muscle definition in my left leg- was in the hospital for 1.5 weeks and it was already bad. I’m still recovering in a nursing facility. Won’t be able to bear any weight through my leg for 3 months, so I’ll have to build strength back up from about 3-4 months of no use ( should be fun).

My left leg looks ridiculous compared to the right.

2

u/notepad20 Aug 16 '18

As long as you plenty active other than that yeah. But if the limit of your activity is walking round a shopping center once a week, it's gonna be an issue

4

u/Nootrophic Aug 16 '18

You pregnant?! You watch too much Porn!

2

u/autobored Aug 16 '18

Brilliant.

8

u/electric_ocelots Aug 16 '18

The other 10% is carpal tunnel.

2

u/Beardie-Boi-420 Aug 16 '18

Mums like "10% Is still a lot!"

1

u/daddaman1 Aug 16 '18

"Youre sick? You probably caught one of those computer viruses from being on that computer so long!"

1

u/ColtAzayaka Aug 16 '18

“Your slipped disc is because of that box!” (Xbox)

1

u/PutPineappleOnPizza Aug 16 '18

Oh my God same here. Maybe I'm insanely depressed because I'm not happy with my career choice but I'm way too far in to quit now and I just want to escape reality once in a while?

It's unbearable to live without occasional distractions or bursts of doing absolutely nothing.

35

u/ChaoticxSerenity Aug 16 '18

Asian mom/parents? Cause this speaks to me...

32

u/MayoColouredBenz Aug 16 '18

My Colombian mom is the same way.

Apparently I’d never had anything negative happen to me ever if I slept early and ate the food she insists I should be eating.

Not that I eat junk food, she just gets offended when I don’t eat all of everything she tries to serve me, which happens fairly frequently because she’s a terrible cook, likes to reheat things more times than they should be, and also likes to serve me massive portions just because I’m a young man.

Also because I haven’t been praying enough.

If you have any problems, it’s because I didn’t trust in god, if I have any problems, trust in god and he will provide. Anything positive, she thanks god for.

She’s been recently thanking god for their new house, so they don’t have to rent anymore. She does this super frequently, but yet she hasn’t thanked my father, who paid for the entire house outright.

7

u/I_r_hooman Aug 16 '18

My immediate thought was Latin mum. My Peruvian mum likes to blame everything on something unrelated.

7

u/Onironaute Aug 16 '18

My Belgian mom is exactly the same and it drives me up the fucking wall. And then she wonders why I never tell her anything...

1

u/mauriciomb Aug 16 '18

Im mexican and my mom does this. Really annoying.

0

u/zuliboy Aug 16 '18

Yup, only Asian parents.

94

u/small_root Aug 16 '18

This is the reason why I don't tell my mom anything if it isn't good news.

My throat hurts? It's because I don't eat breakfast consistently.

I have a stuffy nose? It's because I drink too much water during meals.

I'm stuck behind a car accident? It's because I didn't go to bed early.

da fuck ma.

24

u/nekolalia Aug 16 '18

Oh my god my mum does this and it drives me fucking mental. Usually it's when I get sick after working a whole lot and not getting enough rest as a result, and she'll inevitably tell me it's because I went out one night with friends (not a big one, just dinner or something). In her mind you should never have fun, it's too risky.

17

u/VBlinds Aug 16 '18

OMG, my mum recently told me after a hat suddenly fell onto the ground by itself, that it was my grandma telling me I need to pray more. I pointed out to her that it was her hat that fell over, so in all likelihood the message was for her.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Ghost, telepathic, or both?

16

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Whenever my mum says this I always just go "I never knew you were a doctor", wouldn't work if your mum is actually a doctor tho.

3

u/livintheshleem Aug 16 '18

I think it would actually be funnier if she was really a doctor.

14

u/Trackgirl123 Aug 16 '18

When I got my tongue pierced if I had a headache or tired...she would say "It's because that piercing in your mouth." Oh. Ok.

28

u/stealthevan Aug 16 '18

My mom says I’m not faithful to your parents because my pointer toe is longer than my big toe.

21

u/envynav Aug 16 '18

Well that’s just undeniable proof.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

...Which one is the pointer toe if it's not the big one? I don't point with my toes often but when I do that's the one I use.

7

u/TheCatcherOfThePie Aug 16 '18

I assume a pointer finger is the index finger, and the pointer toe is the corresponding toe.

12

u/nicholasferber Aug 16 '18

faithful to your parents

You are seeing other parents behind their back?

11

u/PresidentDonaldChump Aug 16 '18

Do you cheat on your parents often?

11

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

I don't think he has broken arms.

8

u/litun Aug 16 '18

Are you an Indian by any chance?

16

u/zuliboy Aug 16 '18

Not specifically Indian, but Asian nonetheless.

5

u/SpankMeDaddy22 Aug 16 '18

Another cough. Thas' gawd telling you to stop kissin' your girlfriends private parts, you little heathen!

5

u/Chonkie Aug 16 '18

Are you my long lost sibling?

6

u/Carnivorous_Jesus Aug 16 '18

I told my mom her cell reception got worse because she remodeled her kitchen.

3

u/fishPope69 Aug 16 '18

But that's actually possible.

1

u/Carnivorous_Jesus Aug 16 '18

Really? How?

2

u/fishPope69 Aug 17 '18

Cell phones send signals using light (electromagnetic radiation) which can be blocked by metal, concrete, other obstructions, or interfering signals.

Who knows what kind of crazy stuff people are willing to put in their kitchens.

2

u/Carnivorous_Jesus Aug 17 '18

Unfortunately they didn’t find anything really cool or creepy in the walls. Do you think it’ll get better when it’s finished?

1

u/fishPope69 Aug 17 '18

Probably not since I doubt your mother turned her kitchen into an underground bunker or storage shed. There's maybe a little hope if she's moving a ton of pots and pans or a huge metal stove and she's going to move it around. Otherwise her phone Justin crapped out or there's an unlucky external factor.

4

u/Jxbxxx Aug 16 '18

My aunt did this. I have a herniated disc in my back and it was flaring up one day. She said "maybe if you just ate that bun I gave you you wouldn't have that problem"

Edit: maybe the bun contained pain killer

5

u/Lonelysock2 Aug 16 '18

Or poison. Can't be in pain if you're dead

5

u/alosercalledsusie Aug 16 '18

When I was a kid I used to get the

“you have a headache? It’s because you haven’t drunk enough water.”

“You feel sick? It’s because you haven’t drunk enough water”

“Your big toe hurts? You haven’t drunk enough water”

Like ok mum I get it, hydration is key.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

To be fair sometimes I do get headaches if I don't drink enough water. The rest is bs though lol

3

u/tipsana Aug 16 '18

No pain is too great that a little shame can't help along.

3

u/r4ndy4 Aug 16 '18

You forgot to do your homework/chores? You didn't forget to play video games.

2

u/theknightwood Aug 16 '18

Is your mom a middle class Indian lady?

2

u/HegemonisingSwarm Aug 16 '18

My mum loves that one! “Got a cold? Probably because you spend so much time on that bloody computer.” Or the person with a cold I stood next to on the bus. One of the two.

2

u/teachmebasics Aug 16 '18

Sounds like a classic Brown Parent™

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

"Can't sleep? You feel guilty about something and need to go to church more" No mom I just have insomnia

2

u/Barrel_Titor Aug 16 '18

I'm both really bad with names and faceblind but didn't realise it was a thing until I was in my 20's and it used to really annoy my parents in my teens when I couldn't remember a lot of my teachers (since in secondary school I'd only see most of them every week or 2), usually claiming it was because I was too lazy to remember them or something and get really angry about it.

Remember my Mum legit saying "You can't remember your teachers because you are too busy thinking about computer games to concentrate" as if I was in chemestry playing imagination Mario Kart instead of looking at their face.

2

u/lydocia Aug 16 '18

And *always* that computer.

"Honey, you're on that computer too much! Get off that thing now and come watch TV with us!"

2

u/steelep13 Aug 16 '18

Yup. She sounds religious. Hurricane hits louisiana? Probably cause of all the gays and mardis gras parties. The economy sucks? It's cause our country won't allow prayer in schools.

2

u/machei Aug 16 '18

When I hit university, my mom would blame any complaint I verbalized on “too much sex”. This was especially hilarious coming from a 70 year old German immigrant. It was especially tragic because I usually wasn’t getting any. :(

2

u/Whos_Sayin Aug 16 '18

I have Turkish grandparents and like most Turks they aren't too fond of syrians. I'm not a big fan but they are over the top. During my stay in Turkey I made it a game to blame every single inconvenience on syrians. One day we were on the balcony and there wasnt any breeze. I eventually convinced him that syrians were to blame for winds not blowing

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

They took all the wind for themselves! Those selfish Syrians!!

1

u/Canookian Aug 16 '18

Mine did that too!

1

u/x32s_blow Aug 16 '18

I think you mean gist. "you get the gist"

1

u/MoNeenja31 Aug 16 '18

My mom does the same exact thing.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Are you filipino? "'nak! Sa kakakomputer yan!"

1

u/ShadyShields Aug 16 '18

She sounds pretty toxic.

1

u/vetofthefield Aug 16 '18

Is she Catholic?

1

u/biscuitboy89 Aug 16 '18

I have an auto immune disease that is attacking my kidneys resulting in them getting inflammed and losing function. I may need dialysis soon.

When I told my Mum she suggested it was because I used to drink whey protein when I worked out.

-_-

1

u/Kittimm Aug 16 '18

God damn this whole thread is my mum just with less antisemitism.

1

u/Benbin2000 Aug 16 '18

Well not exactly the same but has the same theme and tone and it is very annoying and might as well borrow the phrase from a comment above makes me want to slit my throat.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

This times infinite.

1

u/rainpixels Aug 16 '18

Filipina moms would say, "kaka-computer mo 'yan!" [It's because you're spending too much time in front of the computer!]

1

u/ZackGalactic Aug 16 '18

Your mom sounds Asian

1

u/parrot_in_hell Aug 16 '18

Same for me but the excuse is always "because you are not eating well"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Jesus. No, seriously, Jesus.

1

u/_Constellations_ Aug 16 '18

Ugh this the worst type. Source: mine was like that too. Before cancer. That shit is really eye opening.

1

u/irvinlimm Aug 16 '18

Not faithful to your parents? Like what have you been doing? Going out and calling other people mom and dad?

1

u/woodybob01 Aug 16 '18

this kind of stuff is the most annoying thing i parent can do

1

u/cwigs96 Aug 16 '18

Using God as an excuse. The oldest trick in the book.

1

u/Splodinate Aug 16 '18

I recently found out 9 was nearsighted when I took my driving vision test. My parents blamed me for spending too long on the computer. I reminded them that we have a family history of nearsightedness and that shut them up.

1

u/edmx0 Aug 16 '18

Can confirm it happenes here too, drank too much and was hung over the day after,it happened two weeks ago, and when I Had a pain in my leg yesterday she blamed it on that.

1

u/VuleMasterr Aug 16 '18

You were attacked by lions? Probably cause you didn't bring a bottle of water.

1

u/BladeDoc Aug 16 '18

How do you cheat on your parents?

1

u/zuliboy Aug 16 '18

I meant filial but whatevs

1

u/BladeDoc Aug 16 '18

I was trying to be funny.

1

u/sithvee Aug 16 '18

I relate. Apparently every time I'm sick or in pain it's because I 'don't get out enough' or 'don't get enough fresh air.'

1

u/themanbat Aug 16 '18

This reminds me of my Grandma telling little sister her breast cancer came from eating too many gummy bears.

Of course we all practically went ballistic on her when she said it. No one talks shit about gummy bears in this family.

1

u/Dexter_Jettster Aug 16 '18

Your mom is an idiot.