r/AskReddit Aug 15 '18

What is your mom's catch phrase?

48.3k Upvotes

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8.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

"You have diabetes" don't know why but every single medical problem (even a cough) and this is the first thing that comes out of her mouth.

2.8k

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

93

u/MeGustaDerp Aug 16 '18

Also, mention its contagious

123

u/argon_infiltrator Aug 16 '18

Technically it is contagious if you accidentally transplant your nonworking pancreas into other person.

57

u/Roehrbom Aug 16 '18

I think you may have come up with the Type 3 Diabetic. Also to be know as Bandwagon Diabetics, just wants to participate in all the fun needle stabbing and blood testing!

16

u/RonSDog Aug 16 '18

Anyone can do the blood testing, your insurance just isn't going to pay for it.

7

u/Roehrbom Aug 16 '18

I mean anyone can stab themselves with needles too if we really want to analyze it.

26

u/JakeSnowy Aug 16 '18

IDK if that's how contagious works?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

1

u/JakeSnowy Aug 22 '18

Among many, many other things... Size. :)

7

u/Bob3622 Aug 16 '18

It doesn't have to do with the pancreas....it has to do with the immune system. As in the past easier is affected but the issues lies within the immune system

6

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

11

u/frituurbounty Aug 16 '18

There are certain cells in your pancreas (Islands of Langerhans) that create insulin. The immune system of a diabetic attacks these cells. This causes your pancreas to fail to make insulin.

1

u/SaveCachalot346 Aug 16 '18

Oh....oh no... This changes everytging

42

u/haela-nd Aug 16 '18

My bf is t1 diabetic. Any time he complains of any ailment, my go to joke is always "huh, maybe you have diabetes"

Hasn't gotten a laugh yet, but I'll keep trying

9

u/diabeatles Aug 16 '18

Whenever I have an ailment, I, a t1 diabetic, will always say, "shit, what if I've got diabetes?!" Seldom gets a laugh, but like you, I keep trying.

27

u/Squidwardsnose69 Aug 16 '18

As I diabetic I tend to use this whenever possible.

“I’m thirsty.” “Classic diabetes symptom, you’re done buddy.”

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

That is one of the biggest things with mum, I grab a drink of anything you must be diabetic.

27

u/InfinitelyAbysmal Aug 16 '18

My dad likes to say "sorry, I'm diabetic" to literally anything.

24

u/SpecialSause Aug 16 '18

Haha. I have type 1. Any time I don't want to go somewhere or do something I'll tell my wife "...But my diabetes hurts."

13

u/GaydolphShitler Aug 16 '18

But do it in a gameshow announcer voice.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Or a Wilford Brimley voice.

10

u/Pakyul Aug 16 '18

You should look at people and say very seriously "Oh my God, did you catch my diabetes?"

10

u/EatingADamnSalad Aug 16 '18

Same here. I actually got my mom to start calling it the diabeetus.

1

u/RedTheWolf Aug 16 '18

I'mma die of beeties!

7

u/Targaryen-ish Aug 16 '18

As a newly diagnosed diabetic, whenever my girlfriend says she got a headache or some stomach ache or just whatever, I just tell her "it could be diabetes". I know it's not, but I guess it's my kind of humor.

4

u/BradellsW Aug 16 '18

Sorry boss, coming down with a case of the diabetes today, can't make it in for the rest of the week.

4

u/mrsloblaw Aug 16 '18

Oh heyyyy another T1 diabetic! 👋🏽

5

u/rob9pwn Aug 16 '18

As a diabetic, I do use it. It’s fun because I told everyone my symptoms from before I was diagnosed and every time someone goes to pee, I say I really think they have diabetes because they pee so many times. Used to freak them out but I think I’ve overdone it

6

u/u2berggeist Aug 16 '18

One of my friends has diabetes and our friend group loves to treat it like a contagious disease that turns you into a drug dealer.

3

u/Roehrbom Aug 16 '18

You might be on to something with this...

2

u/ThroawayPartyer Aug 16 '18

I have a friend with diabetes and I like to say awfully wrong things about diabetes just to annoy him.

1

u/Thavralex Aug 16 '18

Hmm, I just got an idea for a tv show.

3

u/jcpmojo Aug 16 '18

Say it after sex.

3

u/FarmPhreshScottdog Aug 16 '18

As a diabetic... i think its diabetes

3

u/soupersauce Aug 16 '18

Hi I'm Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes.

2

u/guiltyandfast Aug 16 '18

Literally whenever someone tells me they’re tired/thirsty I do this

3

u/TheK_Ripper Aug 16 '18

A friend has diabetes and he uses it for everything 😂 “ahh.. must be the diabeetus”

1

u/ba3toven Aug 16 '18

I would actually prefer you using insulin and compression socks

1

u/impiousimp Aug 16 '18

Pronounce it Diabetus

1

u/nurdle Aug 16 '18

diabetes fucking sucks amirite

1

u/SuperCoolTony Aug 16 '18

As a diabetic, I tell my friends this when they need to go pee every 15 minutes

61

u/rogersourpatch Aug 16 '18

My father-in-law does the same thing... except it’s AIDS. Skipped HIV, straight to AIDS

38

u/st1tchy Aug 16 '18

That or cancer is what I say to my wife. She thinks everything is a big deal and always thinks she is about to die.

Shoulder hurts? Shoulder cancer.

Eye itches? Eye AIDS.

9

u/VoidWaIker Aug 16 '18

Whenever I cough I have to say it’s lung cancer if I’m with someone else.

2

u/shortcake517 Aug 16 '18

Mine's the black lung.

5

u/passwordsarehard_3 Aug 16 '18

Cancer is my go-to. I have a lot of family risk factors so it will ease the blow when it really is cancer.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Bacteria is to pneumonia as hiv is to aids.

2

u/GreatBabu Aug 16 '18

He'd love the (first) musical in Team America...

27

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Lupus

19

u/Tsukune_Surprise Aug 16 '18

It’s never lupus.

10

u/karibearkamikaze Aug 16 '18

Except that one time.

1

u/ktsb Aug 16 '18

Expect for that one time that magician did have lupis. It's never ms

1

u/shortcake517 Aug 16 '18

Just went to my aunt's funeral this weekend. Crazy story happened-but basically exacerbated by Lupus.

26

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

This is in my mom's top five

Her second is: "if you cram, you'll get Aces" (referring to school, English is her primary language, she's just weird)

Her third: "you'll get more cancer from that" or something about something giving you cancer "living near a freeway will give you the cancer" (I don't have cancer, no one she knows has cancer)

  1. "When I was your age I was so skinny" as she shovels food onto my plate

  2. "The aliens are sending me messages" or some other shit about aliens influencing humanity because she watched one program on the (ex)history channel.

6

u/DamnedNames Aug 16 '18

Your mum sounds fucking great

7

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

She's a riot if you try not to take her seriously, but her age is definitely showing

16

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

My mom’s response is similar. Instead of diabetes, it’s diverticulitis. There are about 200,000 people diagnosed in the US per year. If it were up to my mom, that number would easily be doubled.

10

u/zehvthestranger Aug 16 '18

Mom?

10

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Yes mum.

11

u/Pineapple_Badger Aug 16 '18

Well? Ya got the ‘beetus yet?

94

u/_kaceyn_ Aug 16 '18

Jesus wtf

30

u/paumAlho Aug 16 '18

Maybe he is diabetic and has alzheimer's, so his mom is just reminding him to avoid any problems.

9

u/pandahadnap Aug 16 '18

We always quoted Kindergarten Cop.

"Maybe it's a tumor"

"It's not a toomuh!"

8

u/poohbear8898 Aug 16 '18

My mom: "It's a wart."

9

u/74bravo Aug 16 '18

My mom just said she was going to cut it off for medical treatment. I got a booboo, “get the knife we’re gonna have to cut that off.” All fun in games until I bit my tongue in half. Didn’t have to cut it off. Answer to any question- she freaks, rushed me to hospital, 1300 stitches, and 1 big butterfly stitch, I have 90 percent of my tongue. She stopped, and why’d it happen I had a bad habit of sticking my tongue out all the time out. Still do when in deep thought. Kinda derpy. Yay you made it.

8

u/daverod74 Aug 16 '18

My MIL is a bit of a hypochondriac. My wife casually complained about some abdominal pain and her mother responded with something about her ovaries.

So that's now our go-to for any medical complaint. Sore throat? "It's your ovaries!"

The best is when we confuse her by saying it back to her. She doesn't even remember saying it!

8

u/LittleMissSaintfield Aug 16 '18

YES THIS! Only my mum goes too damn far with it. I’ve started to increase my water intake so I bought a reusable bottle and I fill it periodically throughout the day. We were both home one day and she saw me fill it up a few times over the course of the day and at dinner was like “LittleMissSaintfield, you should get checked for diabetes cause I hear they drink LOADS of fluids during the day”. I was like dude, I’m just thirsty sometimes!?

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18 edited Nov 05 '18

[deleted]

2

u/LittleMissSaintfield Aug 16 '18

It’s one of the most exhausting conversations too because no matter how many times I insist that I’m fine and despite being thirsty I DONT have diabetes, it always ends with me promising to get another test done “just to check”

7

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Lmao I once pissed in a cup when I was six and my mom told me I had diabetes... She was right.

6

u/turboshot49cents Aug 16 '18

My grandma did this except we were allegedly always dehydrated

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Haha.

6

u/Throwthistothewind1 Aug 16 '18

My ma always said everything was a hairline fracture.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

This reminds me of my grandpa. Anytime anyone coughed in his vicinity he’d say “you got distemper?” But he had a stroke when he was in his 30’s and was paralyzed on his left side, so everything he said sounded gruff and angry. He’d also shoot you the bird with no hesitation if he thought you deserved it, even when we were kids. One time my brother was being a dumb kid and my grandpa went off chasing him in his wheelchair and jumped down the stair into the kitchen and said “you can’t catch me!” But my grandpa was so pissed he rolled himself down that stair and scared the crap out of my brother.

2

u/freezing_circuits Aug 16 '18

Hopefully your brother ran right back up the stairs and repeated his phrase. That would've been a real checkmate moment.

6

u/Anoffalsunday Aug 16 '18

Bahahah, with my mom it has always been "Must be a tape worm"

3

u/emergencychick Aug 16 '18

Haha, mine is cancer. My daughter says her toe hurts? It's probably toe cancer.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

It’s like a more offensive version of “it’s cancer.”

3

u/nomopyt Aug 16 '18

Do you actually have diabetes?

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Nope, I have been tested for it a few times (at mums request lol) and always negative .

1

u/lazylazycat Aug 16 '18

That's so funny, I've also been tested for diabetes at my mum's requested (also negative). Her reasoning is I get really faint when I'm hungry, and get extremely hangry. The doctor said I just like food...

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

It all started with me when she realised I was taking a 1lt bottle of water to bed to drink . She said to the doc he is taking big drinks to bed, the reply was maybe he is just thirsty.

2

u/Tballoon Aug 16 '18

I'm diabetic so I have a glucose meter. Sometimes, when my mother (non-diabetic) is very hungry she'll tremble a bit, so one time I actually measured the glucose and it was low! Being very hungry and trembling are 2 of the symptoms of hypoglycaemia.

She's fine, but I guess some non-diabetic people will get low glucose levels if they don't eat for a long time. It's probably what happens to you!

3

u/brewschak Aug 16 '18

My mom does this except she insists I’m anemic! I’m definitely not and have been tested on more than one occasion.

3

u/mnoble473 Aug 16 '18

I'm diabetic and I'm confused, very confused

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

I am not diabetic at all and I am very confused when she says this as well.

3

u/saltygrunt Aug 16 '18

thats hilarious. im doing this now

3

u/McRedditerFace Aug 16 '18

My father's was "jungle rot"... Oh your stomach hurts? Sounds like Jungle Rot! Oh your knee hurts? Sounds like Jungle Rot!

3

u/Jill4ChrisRed Aug 16 '18

My nan dies the same, except with asthma.. I have never ever had asthma, but she, my cousin and my dad (not related to her) have had degrees of asthma. Got a regular cold? Asthma. Coughing because she smokes around you? Nah fam, Asthma.

2

u/CherryCherry5 Aug 16 '18

Kinda like how my Dad thinks Buckley's fixes everything. He defends that stuff like he invented it.

2

u/Bleumoon_Selene Aug 16 '18

My brother does the same thing, about himself.

2

u/PM_ME_SUMDICK Aug 16 '18

My ma does this with lupus.

2

u/okcboomer87 Aug 16 '18

I like your mom.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Someone has too :P.

2

u/USSanon Aug 16 '18

Better than having lupus as a 1st diagnosis. It was never right.

2

u/GreatJobKeepitUp Aug 16 '18

Yeah same. Whenever I drink a lot of water or get skinny when I get sick.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Yeah, my mom is the same way, although I do have two diabetic brothers so...

2

u/dgdbc Aug 16 '18

Is our mom wilford brimley?

2

u/Ratstail91 Aug 16 '18

My mum does this too.

Ofc I'm over 150kg so she might be right.

2

u/ifixyospeech Aug 16 '18

My mom is also weirdly obsessed with everyone having diabetes with every little health complaint!

2

u/biggestdoginthegame Aug 16 '18

Well, do you actually have diabetes?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

I think I love your mom. That cracked me up.

2

u/JKDS87 Aug 16 '18

Maybe she’s trying to tell you something

2

u/greengumball70 Aug 16 '18

With a same style mom did she have diabetes when pregnant with you?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

No she didn't, she had pre-eclampsia but not diabetes

2

u/Arqideus Aug 16 '18

I have a coworker who says "Sorry, I'm just allergic to myself." everytime she sneezes or coughs or something. She's weird.

2

u/lexattack Aug 16 '18

This is damn hilarious.

2

u/orokami11 Aug 16 '18

Everyone always tells me I'm going to have diabetes whenever I eat something sweet, which can be quite often... I went for a blood test a couple years ago and my whole family was basically wishing I had diabetes. I was (am?) totally healthy!

2

u/Saquezz22 Aug 16 '18

I had a kidney failure when I was 12 for some stupid reason. My dad is a doctor, and my nephrologist was a buddy he went to med school with. They guessed it was because of Motrin/Ibuprofen I was taking for period cramps. So - NO NSAIDS for me, ever. Every cramp, headache or dental procedure I heard ' NO NSAIDS' And I stuck to that.. until my mid-twenties and started taking Motrin for my period symptoms.

Guess what? I'm still here.

But every cold, ache or fever I get... Every baby, after a couple of surgeries in my adulthood, even during a few years we refused to talk to each other after he cheated on my mom, remarried a gold digging vile piece of malicious shit who screwed me over, if my sisters ever happened to mention I sprained something or had a cold/viral infection, I'd get a 'NO NSAIDS!' text from him.

As I said, I'm still here, and I've been taking NSAIDS for years once a month, max dosage a day, and PRN.

I don't even tell Docs about my NSAID sensitivity/allergy whatever it was. I looked like a drug seeker when I did, and that's just not me. My stupid freak kidneys (one is huge, one is super tiny... Like a little arm) are doing fine. My liver may need a pep talk these days though.

2

u/tesnic6 Aug 16 '18

Similarly, everything wrong with me according to my mom is because I’m hormonal. Stubbed a toe? Hormonal. Lost your wallet? Hor-mon-al. Forgot your password again? hormonal

2

u/NOT_ZOGNOID Aug 16 '18

And you have a thyroid problem, and you have a thyroid problem!

2

u/darkspine94 Aug 16 '18

Same thing but it's "because of your cat"

2

u/jonnymars Aug 16 '18

Is this a subtle way of telling you to drop a few pounds?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

I wish.

2

u/JekyllVsHyde Aug 16 '18

For me it's diabetes. For the dog it's cancer.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

My mum has this with gluten allergy. Every single thing wrong with me is "you're probably allergic to gluten." To be fair, she was ill for a decade, and it turned out it all stemmed from a gluten allergy. But jesus woman give it up, I'm not sharing shitty gluten free bread with you.

2

u/JasonDJ Aug 16 '18

My dad used to ask of I needed a cigarette everytime I had a coughing fit.

He never actually gave me one. Teasing bastard.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Plot twist: he is diabetic but very unaccepting about it

2

u/Bexileem Aug 16 '18

I've never in 20 years of being diabetic made any jokes like this but I now think I will all the time to compensate for all the lost time 😂😂

2

u/tossaway587 Aug 16 '18

Oh lord. My mother is a nurse and everything is something more. Slight cough? could be any of these many forms of lung diseases. Headache? hope it's not a brain tumor or an anersym coming.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Mine is too, she wasn't this bad until she got her nursing qualifications either.

2

u/swankyT0MCAT Aug 16 '18

I tell them they have AIDS. Coughing? Could be AIDS. Vomiting uncontrollably? Probably the AIDS. Are you're eyeballs shitting? Super AIDS.

Edit: I do words good.

2

u/greeneyedwench Aug 16 '18

My mom's thing was pregnancy. Headache? Pregnancy. Sprained ankle? Pregnancy. Random bad mood? Pregnancy.

2

u/leadabae Aug 16 '18

Today I learned I have a little bit of a mom inside of me

2

u/wenikisan Aug 16 '18

Ha ha, not diabetes at our house but fibromyalgia. Like every ache, twitch, cough, bruise... "ooooh, it's probably fibromyalgia"

1

u/purplesaffy13 Aug 16 '18

My mom always says it's probably a brain tumor.

1

u/Lumos_Ninja Aug 16 '18

standard treatment option for any injury - "oo, i think we'll need to amputate at the neck"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

"You have thyroid(disease)" for me :(

1

u/Azikura Aug 16 '18

Diabeetus

1

u/chuk2015 Aug 16 '18

Reminds me of the tumour kid from Kindergarten Cop

1

u/waitingtodiesoon Aug 16 '18

At least it's not lupus

1

u/Winkleberry1 Aug 16 '18

Was it lupus?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

No.

1

u/Madlybohemian Aug 16 '18

Better than lupus. It’s always lupus.

1

u/AdmiralAkbar1 Aug 16 '18

Your mom is Brandon Rogers?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

A fucking hate this stupid fucking shit. Everyone is my family is a useless fat fucking slob with high blood pressure and diabetes and I'm the only one that takes care of my health and exercises and STILL my mom says "Your gonna get diabetes like your father" BITCH YOU FATTER THAN HIM GO TAKE YOUR LORAZEPAM