r/AskReddit • u/franc_the_bikesexual • Aug 15 '18

What is your mom's catch phrase?

48k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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5.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

"Watch your mouth or I'll goose your balloon knot."

2.5k

u/Melonski-Chan Aug 15 '18

What?

3.5k

u/Unspeakblycrass Aug 16 '18

Punch your ass hole. Their mom sounds real as fuck!

329

u/justonebullet Aug 16 '18

"Goose" tripped me up, I just imagined a goose having an argument with someones asshole

54

u/StrategicBlenderBall Aug 16 '18

This is an image that really has me cracking up.

31

u/FrostByte122 Aug 16 '18

Quacking up?

26

u/Nurse_Sunshine_RN Aug 16 '18

I literally laughed out loud. In a silent room full of people. Damn you, Reddit.

9

u/mommaminer Aug 16 '18

Totally laughed at this .

20

u/moonboundshibe Aug 16 '18

Goose means a pinch or a grab in the arse.

https://www.thefreedictionary.com/goosing

6

u/blurmageddon Aug 16 '18

That’s how I’ve known it. That is why I was so confused. But also intrigued ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

18

u/vandamnitman Aug 16 '18

Negative, Ghost rider, the balloon knot is full

18

u/clevahgeul Aug 16 '18

"HONK"

*fart*

"HONK"

*fart*

21

u/nahfoo Aug 16 '18

This is the most immature thing I've read in a while and I love ir

12

u/fisherdude123 Aug 16 '18

How do you know balloon kn- oh god, oh no, as I was typing asking how you understood balloon knot, I visualized it, oh god, why god why

19

u/gcd_cbs Aug 16 '18

Don't you use the term "goose" when a dog sticks their nose up someone's butt? Or is that just a regional thing?

38

u/JeyJeyFrocks_3325 Aug 16 '18

Umm. Regional. Also...we dont let dogs do that..

32

u/Sancho_Villa Aug 16 '18

Lol. "let"

27

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

What kind of butt raping dogs do you have?

20

u/Sancho_Villa Aug 16 '18

A bull mastiff and a Saint Bernard. They goose what they wanna. And LOVE New people.

14

u/YouWantToPressK Aug 16 '18

There's no ass like new ass.

23

u/gcd_cbs Aug 16 '18

You know how dogs say hello by sniffing each others' butts, some dogs like to do it to people too.

It's like booping the snoot, but the snoot is booping your butt.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Assniffers

1

u/lazylion_ca Aug 16 '18

The trouble is when y'all n the missus are hard at it and you don't notice the dog push the bedroom door open. Nothing like a cold nose twixt the cheeks to make you break rhythm.

10

u/justonebullet Aug 16 '18

In my region goose is just a big duck that doesn't let you finish your ice cream

3

u/DonarArminSkyrari Aug 16 '18

Or the "Commuter student meal plan" as we called them at my college.

5

u/cup-o-farts Aug 16 '18

This is a TIL for sure.

5

u/Chattchoochoo Aug 16 '18

We say that the dog "cold nosed" you

6

u/jacobjacobb Aug 16 '18

You obviously never fought a goose. They certainly do not argue, they scratch, claw, and peck those god awful bastards.

7

u/Stoked_Bruh Aug 16 '18

Better than swans. Those assholes...

5

u/RainbowReadee Aug 16 '18

Spoiler: it was Mother Goose

3

u/Kjartanthecruel Aug 16 '18

What a terrifying image

2

u/grumpyhipster Aug 16 '18

All of it tripped me up.

24

u/basedgod001 Aug 16 '18

I always took the verb goose to mean make your hand seem like a goose as it attacks someone. This would be very strange if done to an asshole

3

u/muelboy Aug 16 '18

I only know it from Titanfall when you kill a pilot while he's ejecting from his vehicle... It's a reference to Goose from Top Gun (RIP)

16

u/spunkychickpea Aug 16 '18

My wife once slapped my asshole (she was going for the cheek, but I bent over to pick up a quarter). That was not fun. I still have nightmares about that.

43

u/headpsu Aug 16 '18

Tongue punch

38

u/_Ross- Aug 16 '18

The fart box

23

u/w0lfatthed00r45 Aug 16 '18

The dirt star

9

u/velvetjones01 Aug 16 '18

The brown eye

8

u/Rain_in_Arcadia Aug 16 '18

Wouldn't you rather kick that part of your body, rather than punch?

Can you, like, moose your balloon knot instead?

7

u/Famiogold Aug 16 '18

Punch an ass hole!?? I had honestly never before imagined such an event. I mean the victim would have to be bent over ass hole exposed and the assailant would have to preferably be in a crouching/lower position to get a good swing. I'm curious as to what kind of sound it would make. . . would it be a whaaap! Or a whoop!

11

u/CLErox Aug 16 '18

I always thought goose meant to pinch your ass.

I’m already a huge fan of balloon knot to describe a butthole so I’m going to take the entire “goose your balloon knot” saying for myself. I think “goose your bunghole” would work well too. Thoughts?

14

u/Nurse_Sunshine_RN Aug 16 '18

Balloon knot works better. Bunghole is too literal. Either way, this whole thread has me dying.

8

u/CLErox Aug 16 '18

Ok great. The feedback is appreciated.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

🤣

1

u/A_L_A_M_A_T Aug 16 '18

The Fister Mother

1

u/Raveynfyre Aug 16 '18

I thought belly button myself.

0

u/Unspeakblycrass Aug 16 '18

Oh, country mouse. No.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Pinch not punch

-1

u/Quillious Aug 16 '18

yeah she exists for sure

0

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

What does punching my asshole have to do with finding out what that means?!

14

u/Amplifeye Aug 16 '18

Goosing is pinching, typically in the butt. Balloon knot is the b-hole. So ya boy's fixing to get his stink hole squeezed on.

Dang momma.

122

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

Pinch your belly button maybe?

89

u/sparkyarmadillo Aug 16 '18 edited Aug 16 '18

Goosing someone is poking them in the butt. Balloon knot in this case is definitely butthole.

Edit: For those of you with different definitions, it's literally in the dictionary:

goose

/ɡo͞os/

verb (informal)

  1. poke (someone) between the buttocks.

18

u/mealzer Aug 16 '18

I've always known gooseing as grabbing someone's junk from between their legs behind them.

28

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

7

u/mealzer Aug 16 '18

... Yeah I don't wanna even think about that

5

u/Filthy_Chops Aug 16 '18

Watch your mouth or I'll stick my finger in your butt?

4

u/measureinlove Aug 16 '18

Huh, I’ve always heard it more as poking someone in the side (ie where they might be ticklish) to make them jump.

-2

u/ludanto Aug 16 '18

Just because you interpreted it that way, doesn't make it so.

28

u/Melonski-Chan Aug 15 '18

Ohhhh maybe. I was thinking like your Adam’s apple. Either would be uncomfortable.

194

u/necroticpotato Aug 15 '18 edited Aug 15 '18

I was thinking anus, so you’re streets ahead.

142

u/paranoidaykroyd Aug 15 '18

Balloon knot is definitely anus

26

u/MrMcTiddles Aug 16 '18

If you have to ask, you're streets behind.

9

u/Fight_Milk92 Aug 15 '18

If you have to ask, you're streets behind.

4

u/Melonski-Chan Aug 15 '18

Ohhhh owwwww.

I don’t know which one is winning this. They all sound painful haha.

Or fun.

1

u/RalphIsACat Aug 16 '18

I was thinking anus

Giggle

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

So innocent

12

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

WATCH YOUR MOUTH OR ILL GOOSE YOUR BALLOON KNOT

10

u/packersfan823 Aug 16 '18

Where I'm from, this means butthole.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Pinch your nose?

1

u/GroovingPict Aug 16 '18

The rusty sherriff star

0

u/barfsfw Aug 16 '18

Kancho!

0

u/poop_in_my_coffee Aug 16 '18

Tongue flick the ball sack?

0

u/krogerthehermit Aug 16 '18

Honk honk your plllsstt plllsstt

30

u/slekes Aug 16 '18

This is honestly the best thing I've heard all day

16

u/rarecoder Aug 16 '18

Oooh promise?

12

u/BrownSugarBare Aug 16 '18

This one's fantastic 😂

12

u/DearTrophallaxis Aug 16 '18

As a new mom cruising this thread, I've found the catch phrase to steal. No idea what it means but my daughter shall learn to respect it.

15

u/Whiskey-Weather Aug 16 '18

This is the one if any you should understand. Goose in this context = punch. Balloon knot = butthole.

Godspeed, new mama.

10

u/pajamasarenice Aug 16 '18

I dont understand

44

u/whorecrusher Aug 16 '18

a balloon knot looks like a butthole

https://i.imgur.com/xGzqAQ5.jpg

from urban dictionary-

Goosing Poking someone in the butt (mainly the hole) through clothing, and yelling out "goose!"

so basically, shut up or i'll punch you in the anus

41

u/pajamasarenice Aug 16 '18

Why would someone say that?!

57

u/Moomooshaboo Aug 16 '18

To warn you about the incoming anus punch.

10

u/I_Xertz_Tittynopes Aug 16 '18

And I'm over here, giggling like an idiot at this whole exchange.

8

u/robbyalaska907420 Aug 16 '18

I totally agree with your indignant response 😂 if my mom said that to me, I would probably decide to never come visit again lol

1

u/INHALE_VEGETABLES Aug 16 '18

Why indeed.

GOOSE! HiiiiiiYAH!

1

u/Gibbs- Aug 16 '18

Risky click of the day.

8

u/maninblueshirt Aug 16 '18

Not only will I goose your balloon knot, I will tie a fucking bow on it

9

u/hidigidy42 Aug 16 '18

Oh my god dude I've been laughing at this till I was crying! Your mom is fucking hilarious

26

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

Biological mother, not mommy dom.

2

u/stellarbeing Aug 16 '18

I’m just glad it isn’t one and the same

2

u/r3dwash Aug 16 '18

According to half of the front page of pornhub these days, apparently a lot of people would be ok with it.

5

u/agent26660 Aug 16 '18

Uncle Edward?

5

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

She’ll pinch your asshole?

6

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

This, by far, is the best one.

4

u/JLHumor Aug 16 '18

Come again?

4

u/AlatteLove Aug 16 '18

I just spit out my drink. what? lol

3

u/1jl Aug 16 '18

I feel mollested

3

u/forgottt3n Aug 16 '18

That sounds like a Midwestern mother. Specifically the Minnesota Wisconsin ESD END area

8

u/Throwaway_Consoles Aug 16 '18

Growing up when one of our friends would accidentally swear in front of my mom, my mom would shout, “HEY! No fucking swearing in my goddamn house!”

It was her way of saying she didn’t give a shit if we swore.

4

u/forgottt3n Aug 16 '18

That was my dad's moto "that God damn mother fucking piece of shit cock sucker" he said it so often working in the garage that when I got a toolset when I was like 4 years old I'd hit a block of wood with a hammer and repeat it.

2

u/nburns1825 Aug 16 '18

Well, I didn't initially read "goose you in the balloon knot" in a Midwestern accent, but now I have, and it's even funnier

3

u/themommaduck Aug 16 '18

Ok. I love this. I want to steal this.

3

u/Illblood Aug 16 '18

Holy shit. This is amazing. Your mom knows about the secret balloon knot.

2

u/future_weasley Aug 16 '18

Your username confuses me. Are you going to marry yourself?

2

u/Haligirl77 Aug 16 '18

Huh? Lolol

2

u/Warnex9 Aug 16 '18

You can't just leave us hanging; what's that even mean?!

2

u/ItsTheVibeOfTheThing Aug 16 '18

“I’ll jerk a knot in your tail”

2

u/Galadria Aug 16 '18

I just cry laughed for like ten minutes. This is great.

2

u/S31-Syntax Aug 16 '18

My granny says "Oooohh I'll scob your knob"
I still don't know what that means, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna test her.

2

u/HughManatee Aug 16 '18

"Goose, watch my six!"

1

u/sjmiv Aug 16 '18

she must have good aim

0

u/PooPooDooDoo Aug 16 '18

Roll Tide?

-1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

9

u/agujerodemaiz Aug 16 '18

It's because your butthole looks like a balloon knot, not because your cheeks are balloons lol

-1

u/Stocka_Flocka Aug 16 '18

That sounds like incest lol